Warhead On Legs

( Маленькая девочка и коробку )

Yeah, apparently the Hyatt for Dragon*Con sold out in 18 minutes. So much for that idea and thank god we have a decent room in a decently close hotel already. With a sofabed for Kiki if she comes!

Today is much, much calmer at work, so I'm going to try to at least get some filing done and some writing. Which will be very nice. Nerd Girls first, and then maybe reading over some White Lightning if there's time.

My Abby cosplay was very impromptu and apparently very successful, as a couple people on the street even recognized it. This amuses me to no end, really. I put on my new arm warmers from SockDreams, with straps and studs, and then decided since I was going to do that and had purple and silver nails, might as well throw on some dark lipstick. And Born in Fire from Geek chic. And purple eyeli-- oh, wait, no, still haven't mastered eyeliner. Need to work on that. And hair in pigtails. And then I was coming down the stairs to head to work and my NCIS cap was right there on the banister railing and why the fuck not. And now I'm Abby. Causing no end of amusement from my co-workers aka my aunts, at least one of whom does watch NCIS and has taken to calling for Abby today.

FYI, Blasted by Sephora doesn't blast quite so well in silver as it does in black, but I think I also blame my own application of it some for that. The places where I applied it liberally look better, still not as blasted, but better. Definitely needs to be applied in thick, smooth coats, no smearing it once it's laid on or it won't shatter properly. So, tricky, but way fun and not hard to master. Still not sure when I became this whole makeup person.

Right. Back to work, I suppose, since i don't have anything else to blither about. Except I do need, maybe when I'm done with Halloween decs and arm warmers, to knit some leg warmers. Because it gets fucking cold in the mornings and I still want to dance, but I don't want my feet to freeze off.

( Маленькая девочка и коробка )

Only about 50 words in Russian today.

So, in random and fascinating things I learned today about my family...

I grew up raised by my mother and her parents. You've probably heard me mention this a lot. There was a father (okay, stepfather, but we left my biodad when I was 3 so I never knew him and don't care to) for a while, till I was about 12-13, then he became much less present. But I was raised by my mother and her family, and remain close with them; when I say "my family" I pretty much mean my mom, grandparents on my mom's side, and all the myriad aunts and uncles therein.

My grandfather worked first for the State Department, then for the World Bank. Somewhere in there was a stint in the Merchant Marines, but I don't know much about that. (I should ask.) I don't know specifically what he did apart from advise people on how to put their country's economy back together, but to me, that's pretty much what he did. In Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Moscow, Kazakhstan, um. Various other countries, several former Soviet Republics. He went to a lot of places. And as a result of all this and the State Department, my mother and her sibs grew up in Spain and in Chile. And in Portugal for a year, which didn't come up until now because my mother wasn't yet a year old when they moved to a castle in Portugal (I'm not even kidding, though it wasn't a grand affair type thing, more like a big house.) and my aunt was seven or so. Old enough to remember things. After Portugal came Spain, then Chile. So...

So, these are the people who raised me. My mother didn't return to the States till she was maybe 14, 16? You wouldn't think that would make a difference, but it does, in odd ways. I keep finding ways in which my instinctive mindset doesn't reflect what seems to be the average American. Anyway, this whole ramble is also by way of explaining that my aunt told me in the car today, when Grandpa was being moved from Portugal to Spain for work, he and my grandma took a holiday between in Rome for a week or two, and she went ahead with the two littlest while Grandpa drove leisurely with the elder three, including the aunt I live/work with now. (Well, for a same-small-town value of live with.) And apparently they went across the Bridge d'Avignon. And if you've ever heard that child's rhyme, or maybe it's just me, Sur le Pont d'Avignon, l'on y danse, l'on y danse. Well, it turns out my grandfather actually stopped at the Bridge d'Avignon and made everyone get out and dance a little dance, because opportunities like that don't come every day. Or something. My grandfather, for all his sobersrs job and his sobersrs work clothes, can be a really whimsical and doofy guy sometimes.

This is my family, y'all. This probably explains a lot about me, assuming it required explanation.

(Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my grandfather spent most of his career cosplaying as a sobersrs adult.)

Right. Gods and Monsters and day jobligations for the rest of the day, and then ... I don't even know what for the rest of the day. It's on my calendar. I'm not doing too badly, except for the fact that I'm frazzled and need rest and am not getting it. At least I'm getting good sleep at night, that's sort of helping keep me on my feet and on an even emotional keel.

( Маленькая девочка и коробка )

Oh, right. Noon is the hour of doing my Russian. Oops.

There. That's that done. This story's coming along much quicker than the other one, although I kind of started it to be a Pandora story and I think it's going to turn into something else. Oops.

I'm saying oops a lot today.

So, in the last couple of hours I have come up with a third dime novel to add to the two I'm attempting (and failing) to work on at the moment, finally come up with a Nerd Girls outline that... may be too dark for a young adult ish novel in that that's who I'm writing about and likely who my target audience is. (Look, it's Nerd Girls, not Nerd Women, yes?), debated going back to White Lightning and finishing or just starting it over again for Nano, leaning towards going back and finishing but argh, and started edits on the last and largest part of Black Ice. My brain is running a thousand miles a minute and it will not fucking stop. I'm pretty sure it will still be like this if I ever get to a point where I can write for a living, but goddamn. My head hurts and I feel dizzy. Where's the flow chart of projects or something.

I think what I'm going to do today is try and work on two dime novels and Black Ice edits during the day, and then Person of Interest blog in the evening, except when I'm watching Miss Fisher. With any luck I can make some progress on something that way without having my head explode from all the things I want to do and all the directions I want to travel in.

Mostly right now I just want to curl up with a bowl of soup and stare at pictures of Clark Gregg. Tomato soup. Definitely.

( 100 слова о торт в подвале. )

Because why not. Even though that's more like ninety six words. This is sort of working well, anyway. Although why everything has to be fairies I don't know. Also, note to self: review everything you can on participles.

Also I need new rude words to call Putin in Russian. Because reasons. And jackassery.

Gods and Monsters is done, Black Ice is being worked on, and I feel vaguely on time at the moment, even if I also feel like hammered shit. But I think I can actually knock out Brownie Mafia and Moose today, which would be very nice. I actually haven't even taken a look at the edits for two of the three remaining main stories. One of them I think was pretty much done the last time, but the other two... argh. I'll have a look at those tonight, I guess, and see how much work they need. And then Haven 1x12 and Haven 4x01 and hopefully Sunday Person of Interest whatever I'm up to, although I suppose I don't need to fully do that one either. Still. As much as I can. It's starting to look much more doable though now that I look at it more in terms of due dates! I can't even imagine what it's going to be like when we're doing Grimm, Haven, and Person of Interest, though. Argh. One thing at a time, self.

Apparently there's some liberal hatred on for Obama and love for Russia and all I have to say is ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH??? This is not a story about how Russia did the noble thing and was redeemed and everything because they brokered the deal we refused to and we wanted to go to war instead. Russia is not the fucking Draco in Leather Pants of the world. Russia is not Loki. Or maybe he is Loki because this seems to be a strong romanticize Russia streak and Russia will beat you and throw you in a gulag if you piss it off. And if you think this whole Syria issue is as simple as Obama wanted to wade in with bombs, Putin sat down and said something reasonable, and Syria caved? You need a serious history lesson in how politics works, friend. What we are seeing is, for once in highly apt metaphor form, the very tip of the iceberg. Many actions have happened that you have not seen. Jesus christ, this is not a game with points you can regain. The deal with Syria, assuming it works out as well as he hopes, does not negate all the shit Putin and the Russian government have heaped down on LGBT people in Russia. I am seriously expecting roundups and gulags next, the way things have been escalating recently. Not that it's ever been friendly, but.

*breath*

So, yeah. That happened, and annoyed me. At least it's not anyone I personally know, or even anyone I vaguely glance at on social media. I just. Really. Politics isn't that simple. Not even people are that simple.

Back to work, I suppose. Tonight I will have me some Phryne Fisher, some whiskey, and probably some good chocolate. I think I have decided in favor of getting some truffles for tonight to celebrate the return of Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries. Seriously, you guys, if you enjoy a fun procedural and the twenties and Australian accents and a bob cut on a fierce woman, this is the show for you.

( Russsssssian )

So, okay, that didn't quite work out as planned, on account of most of the afternoon was spent trying to do work and not throw up. But tonight there can be hand sewing and writing Gods and Monsters for next week. And in the meantime I can spend the rest of the afternoon editing stories to, help, put up for sale for 99 cents or so. Maybe 1.99, considering. .99 for 5000 words, 1.99 for 10,000. That seems about right, yes? Ulp. And then if things can get bundled together, periodically releasing anthologies of the short stories. I can't believe I'm even doing this. I need to revamp my fiction section, too, for various and sundry stuff. I think I'll start that, though, after I figure out how this whole Lulu thing works.

And in the meantime I'm going on fun other adventures, like Dragon*Con, and figuring out how to knit cables, and indigo dyeing. And after knitting cables there will be Fair Isle knitting, or at least stranded colorwork, and all kinds of other projects. So many projects do I have, you people! And I'm starting to, thinking of it all, have that feeling of what the hell why am I juggling all this shit how is this even possible. Bit by bit, self. Calm down.

And, you know, make a schedule. I think I need to do scheduling. I think I also need to do batch cooking again, only this weekend it needs to be batch cooking of the kind that can freeze easily, because we can just stick it in the deep freeze and have it there when I recover from Dragon*Con. Quesadillas and things, maybe. Spaghetti sauce. Actually, that sounds like an excellent plan. Note to self: Tell the boy to get more chicken for freezer meat for quesadillas. And. Okay, yes. I can do this. No sweat. Just one task after another.

(Am I starting to panic yet? No, but I am starting to come apart at the organization.)

And for all those of you who get by with a little help from your girlfriends, here's one woman's essay celebrating the ladies in her life. Warning: It does involve child illness/death/impending death, too, so keep that in mind.

( Russian, now just directions )

Which is easier than pasting that giant gob of Russian which I now need to print out and practice at some point. maybe later today. It's not even that much to memorize compared to the plays and things I used to memorize, and in Russian (or German) I'm fluent enough that it makes sense to me, so my brain won't balk and go "IT'S JUST NOISES." Still argh.

So, I'm just speculating right now, but I could totally turn this Nerd Girls thing into a series. Okay, screw speculating, the way this thing is turning out it's likely it will become a series. How quickly and efficiently that happens is another thing entirely. But in the meantime I'm checking to see how much of a series I can make of it. Nerd Girls Save The World is the first one, but after that, then what?

I should actually stop thinking about Nerd Girls and start thinking about Black Ice, since now is the hour on Sprockets when I start pulling edits out of the docs. Eep. After that comes macro edits, if there are any (I think there are), and after that comes formatting, and after that comes print formatting. Though I might just say 'fuckit' and rel... well. If I strip all the edits out and realize that I don't actually have much more in the way of macro edits to do, that means I can just format everything and set it to release at or just after Dragon*Con. And isn't that a terrifying thought. Especially since then I need to get started on ramp-up publicity YESTERDAY. Or actually a month ago.

This is the moment when I tell myself to get the fuck off of Dreamwidth and get back to doing things because you're spending too much time talking about doing things and not enough time doing them, isn't it. Yes? Yes.

( Russian. This is getting long. (GETTING? you ask.) )

Prepositions will fucking kill me, I swear. So will navigating fucking Dragon*Con. I love the place but it is built around a goddamn maze of hotels with a few satellite hotels, and there is NO GODDAMN MAP. You need a ball of string.

(I kid, of course, but I haven't found the right map I need to get the sentences I might make translating directions into Russian, so I bitch.)

I'm tired already, not sure why. Everything is slowly but steadily making progress, and I don't feel like I want to put anything down just yet or whine because I can't, but I'm really tired. I'm starting to lose track of which thing I need to be working on at any given point if I leave something sit for more than a couple of minutes. It's mildly annoying. But at least I can pick up the threads pretty easily.

So! Okay. I still have to do blog work and re-code my web page for free stories and for-sale stories, plus Gods and Monsters and other blog work this evening. So, that's not so bad. And there's more mending and costuming and things in the next few days, but that seems not so bad for today. I guess the thing to remember, then, is to narrow down my input to one or two data streams at a time right now and just keep plugging away at everything I have to do. One by one, the penguins steal my sanity. Or something.

( Russian! )

Arrrgh I'm having one of those No One Cares days again. ALREADY. I did not need this shit, I have work to do. Seeing "Oh look another episode of Night Vale" on my tumblr dash isn't helping, either. Bye bye, Tumblr. I can't be having with any of this shit today, no pity nor poking, I have work to do.

Okay, so. By the numbers then. Gods and Monsters went out today, I could do more work promoting it so I don't whine so much about how no one cares but I have other shit to do, so, later, maybe. I need to get two chapters of Gods and Monsters written this week so I'm not struggling to keep up after D*C. I need to code this week's chapter, that's pretty easy. I have How To Train Your Dragon tweet-along tonight, that should be good for getting at least the wig finished, maybe the Huntress costume to stitch back down and figure out if/how I can improve that white stripe towards the bottom. Ugh. And I should pin Faye Valentine, though pinning is probably all I'll get done during the movie. After that, for tasks to be fit in whenever I have time, hooks and eyes need to be bought and sewn at least to the Huntress cloak. I thought there was something else I needed to sew it to, but I can't remember now. And... no, there's more to do, but I just need to make sure it's on the list, not do it tonight. I need to make Huntress's belt, remake Silk Spectre and Cheetara's entire costume STILL, that's on the list for this weekend. Actually this weekend should be nothing but writing work and blog work and Cheetara/Silk Spectre.

WRITING WORK. Oh dear god. It's not even a list I have to keep other than in my head right now, it mostly consists of format and read over Black Ice, promo copy for Black Ice, set it up for publication. Kink Bingo and Gods and Monsters and Sandborn and blogwork but there is SO MUCH OF IT. It's actually a minor miracle I haven't gotten tired of either Black Ice or Gods and Monsters by now. I've hit the point of "oh god no one cares about this shit but me," but I haven't gotten tired of it yet. That's a good sign, right?

Head spinning. Too many damn things to do, not enough time. If I could take another week off of work maybe I could get everything done but, no, day job. Which means the next three weeks plus need to be scheduled extra efficiently and argh. Frustrated. Tired. Nowhere to go but to keep moving and fail better.

( Russian: Still with emergency conversations no one wants to have )

In the interests of maintaining routines, Russian, even though I still have a crapton of writing things to do. Even if it's only four lines. Argh. I still need to do corrections, too.

So, okay, the order of operations for this afternoon will be: 1/2 hour or so of RoundUp on the front walk because god knows I don't have time to do much weeding otherwise. Then poking around for dinner. Then sitting down in the office and mainlining through a big chunk of Person of Interest so that's out of the way, and then I may have more of Pope and Falling Skies. Because reasons. And we work before we play.

I did get at least the meta tags fixed on my web page and most of Gods and Monsters coded and up. I did not get the writing done that I wanted to because the internet crapped out on me for a couple of hours, but hey, at least some work got done? Enough to be going on with, at any rate. And I still feel better about my writing and my progress than I did last night, which is a major plus. I'd feel good enough to be going on with writing tonight if I didn't have a pile of blogwork to do. Which, that's okay, too. I need to get back into that analytical habit.

( Russian: Still about potentially traumatizing things )

At some point I'm just going to stick all that in a doc and start over again. That's getting really big almost to the point of being unwieldy.

So, today wasn't that bad at work! Despite the bizarre feeling like I just got out of vacation: No, I went to work Friday, I had a weekend, and now I'm back to work on a Monday like always. It's still weird, though.

There's stuff I keep meaning to talk about, as far as current writing projects go, and I keep running into the wall of don't say anything, be quiet, no one wants to hear it. You're not supposed to be loud. You're not supposed to advertise yourself. Except that makes no sense whatsoever, because how will people know what I'm working on, and how will they know to get excited and share it if I don't tell them? Also, fuck this not supposed to say anything good about myself or not be proud of myself shit. I don't know if this is an internalized misogyny thing or just a low self-esteem thing, but argh. It's frustrating.

Right. I suppose I have work to do, and sitting around trying to figure out what to blog about isn't going to get it done. Email first, and then more writing and things. And possibly spinning and shortbread as a reward when I'm done.