Warhead On Legs

No Irish today, spent most of the morning and a chunk of last night asleep for a total of about 9 hours' sleep. Feel somewhat less fragile today, but when I'm alternately falling asleep and having horrific sad-making images going through my head during what was otherwise a really good Celtic music concert? I am broken. I need to be fixed/fix myself.

I do feel sort of better today for having gotten a lot of sleep. Still poached egg eyes, but I don't feel as fragile, I guess?

I am weirdly backlogged on writing. And by weirdly I mean White Lightning has gone nowhere and everything else has gone somewhere. I don't get it. So, here, a list of all the things I should have done over the last few days

6 scenes in White Lightning
Shimmerzine edits
Brainstorm ideas for the other thing, Keep going on the other thing which is inexplicably started with the theme of In The Dark Woods.
Design an index page for G&M
Sort out Black Ice index page, work on placeholder art for Black Ice index page.
Blog.
All Haven all the time, for that thing we don't talk about.
Code G&M index page
Outline the rest of G&M.
Fireside short
5 minutes episode time of Person of Interest,
Edits on the 1st chapter of Gods and Monsters.
Draft of the 2nd.

I still don't even know how to feel about the people who aren't my friends who I don't have on my mailing list reading my stuff. Seriously, there is only one person I didn't previously know on there. One of them is my mother, which just enhances the macaroni art feeling. And yet, I don't have the energy to freak out that only people I know what to read my stuff and it's only out of pity and blah blah blah. Don't. Have. The. Energy. And I love this story. And I love my friends. So I will write it, it will go out on my mailing list, and what happens happens. Hopefully all those of you who are signed up for it will enjoy it!

( Gaeilge )

I inherited my grandmother's menorah this weekend. It's been fifteen years this coming June, so it's not a new thing, but my grandfather is finally moving into a smaller place and a lot of his stuff is getting distributed... I probably talked about this before. And among the various things that came to me in this first disbursement of stuff was my grandmother's menorah. We were never exactly observant (ahahahahahha or at all, really) but I grew up with it on the mantel, and the stories, and knowing what things meant even if we didn't say the words or do the rites. And now it's on my mantel. And I don't know how to feel about that. I'm not sure we've ever kept the traditions down from mother to mother, but in a way we've kept the knowledge of it, I think? Maybe the practice of the traditions got lost under the butcher's floorboards a century or so ago. Or more. I think more, by now. It's all fuzzy. Along with my feelings.

ETA: And the penny just dropped that it's a temple menorah, which a) explains why it never saw use and b) ?????

So, yeah. That happened this weekend. Fortunately a fair bit of writing and cleaning also happened, so there's that. Okay, cleaning might be a bit of a stretch, somehow the house didn't get too much cleaner but a bunch more stuff got unpacked and moved out of the garage, plus I finally hauled the damn card table up from the patio after Elf Lord kindly unbent the one hinge that was bent so it would stand upright again. So at least I have a sewing table now.

Still so much stuff to do. Picking up from this weekend, I have smoothies to make before the materials go bad, I have mopping and sweeping to do, I think, and I have at least two major things to write and one smaller thing to write and promote before the end of April. One of those before Wednesday. And. I kind of want to take a day off except no. I also have lyrics to help with, at least one mailing list campaign and a payment thing to set up, plus promotional copy to write, and I have to get rid of this weasel that says I should just publish the stupid serial and shouldn't expect payment for this. (The reasons I should do exactly the opposite of what that weasel is telling me are probably detailed in Scalzi's post on Fuck You, Pay Me. It's just hard trying to believe I deserve money for my time and effort to make an intangible, non-physical thing.)

The operative phrase of the day or week or whatever seems to be that "It's a great life if you don't weaken." Here's hoping this week is better than the last one at least, though I hardly see how it could be worse. No, that's not true, I can totally see how it could be worse, I'm just not dwelling too much on that.

For my own porpoises: To Do
1. Promotional copy for Gods and Monsters.
    a. Potential tweets
    b. couple paragraphs of blog copy
    c. preview/sample/teaser
2. Another chapter in G&M
3. Rewrites for the first chapter of G&M
4. White Lightning
5. Person of Interest
6.

( Русский язык )

Well. I thought today was going to be better. Apparently not so much. I still want to bite people, I still feel worthless and like nothing I do is going to amount to anything, and about the only difference is I have more energy to get the freaking work done anyway. So, that's something? I should name weasels, but I don't even have the energy to do that. CS post this afternoon, though.

And all of this in spite of that tweet the other night. Which was both terrifying and fun/sweet. Still not entirely sure what to make of it, but it amuses me.

Um. Accounting? I started in on another missing scene from Twisted Thread, that's churning along. Haven't started on the day's White Lightning writing yet, but that'll be later today. And then Person of Interest in bits and pieces when I get home, of course. I think that's all I wanted to get done today, although since my backbrain's started organizing every damn novel I've put up on my to-write-through-2015 or later list, I'm also tempted to sit down and start outlining them. No, self. Camp Nano now. The outlines/organization isn't going anywhere. I hope. Or I'm going to be annoyed.

( Gaeilge )

Much many vocab. All the vocab ever.

Oof. Have to email about Nashcon and getting a refund. Which they damn well better give now that they've moved it. Have to work some more on Black Ice Nano today, which has thankfully passed the halfway point with no signs of slowing. And the other stuff. If I can work on writing now, I can do only editing when I get home, which will be nice. Stupid fracking banging things into shape argh. I will say, if I can get these other two things banged out with rough drafts by, say, December? I will be in FUCKING AWESOME SHAPE. And it will be the fastest I have done anything ever. Except maybe the first half of Horror Big Bang. Which I would have also done if I hadn't lost track of deadlines.

I really, really need to actually bash things into shape for publishing in the coming year. I mean really. I have not one, not two, but three things that could be novelized. Three. This means I need to get my lazy, terrified ass in gear. I need to get things edited, I need to get the second drafts done, I need to run them by the beta squad of awesome again and then I need to get them fucking formatted and out the door.

I took a first step that way by sending someone a PDF of one of my Big Bangs so they could more easily read it! It's amazing how terrifying it is. Apparently my scaredy lizard brain differentiates between putting writing out there on my journal where everyone can read it if they want to and actually handing someone a thing that they asked for, of mine, to read. I have no idea why this is ten times scarier, but it is. But I did it. So fucking there. Brainweasels of unusual size? I don't think they exist.

I also need to do some actual factual filing today. And some picking up of my desk. If I'm very lucky, the Elf Lord will get Old and Busted off my damn desk so I have more room today. At which point I have to figure out where and how to get a whole new set of sorting hoppers, because mine's doing a very excellent Pisa impression. Oof, so much to do, so little time to do it in. But at least there's a great deal less stress since my Social Control card has arrived, and now I can beat up more government offices for a ShowMe and then I will present myself to the bank as a real existing person and be done with that. And that will feel immensely good.