kittydesade | Entries tagged with now panic and freak out

No Russian today, on account of I'm trying to still figure out what to do with it. Go back to translating the Gods and Monsters blurb? Start writing 100 word short stories? In Russian? That's a terrifying thought.

Not quite so much as what I'm doing now, though. I'm not quite at the point of vomiting from fear, but there are tears springing up at the most irritating and unhelpful times. I've done a blog post. I'm slowly starting to set up a blog tour, mostly by asking friends. I'm writing up promo copy. I'm starting to compile the damn thing into a word document, and once I start figuring out what else needs to be done over the next couple of days, then I'll have a better idea of how this is going to go? I figure I might even eventually request spare copies and see if Malaprops wants to do something with me. That really will make me vomit with fear, though. Or stage fright. It's not even necessarily the fear of doing publicity, it's that it's all accompanied by the sudden worry that this book sucks and I'm not as good as I think I am and what was I thinking.

Well, I was thinking that if I'm not going to get this done any other way, I might as well do it myself. And when I look at the short list of things I'm doing for publicity, it's not even that bad. I need to code a web page, write some more short promo copy for RFM, and line up a series of blog tours and the podcast thing. That's not that much for promo. Plus finish compiling, and that isn't that much either, right? Of course right.

But dear god, I'm starting to wish I'd never decided to do this. Not seriously, I know that's all the fear talking, but it's a chatty bastard.

Okay. So, I'll do another post later today for practicing my German and giving a status update on how all of this is going, and then ... yeah, I'm not sure how language routines are going to change, or if they're going to change, now that I'm not running at the speed of a freight train. But still, I can't spend too much time on this panic. I have shit to do.

Crossposts: http://kittydesade.livejournal.com/1130277.html

( Russsssssian )

So, okay, that didn't quite work out as planned, on account of most of the afternoon was spent trying to do work and not throw up. But tonight there can be hand sewing and writing Gods and Monsters for next week. And in the meantime I can spend the rest of the afternoon editing stories to, help, put up for sale for 99 cents or so. Maybe 1.99, considering. .99 for 5000 words, 1.99 for 10,000. That seems about right, yes? Ulp. And then if things can get bundled together, periodically releasing anthologies of the short stories. I can't believe I'm even doing this. I need to revamp my fiction section, too, for various and sundry stuff. I think I'll start that, though, after I figure out how this whole Lulu thing works.

And in the meantime I'm going on fun other adventures, like Dragon*Con, and figuring out how to knit cables, and indigo dyeing. And after knitting cables there will be Fair Isle knitting, or at least stranded colorwork, and all kinds of other projects. So many projects do I have, you people! And I'm starting to, thinking of it all, have that feeling of what the hell why am I juggling all this shit how is this even possible. Bit by bit, self. Calm down.

And, you know, make a schedule. I think I need to do scheduling. I think I also need to do batch cooking again, only this weekend it needs to be batch cooking of the kind that can freeze easily, because we can just stick it in the deep freeze and have it there when I recover from Dragon*Con. Quesadillas and things, maybe. Spaghetti sauce. Actually, that sounds like an excellent plan. Note to self: Tell the boy to get more chicken for freezer meat for quesadillas. And. Okay, yes. I can do this. No sweat. Just one task after another.

(Am I starting to panic yet? No, but I am starting to come apart at the organization.)

And for all those of you who get by with a little help from your girlfriends, here's one woman's essay celebrating the ladies in her life. Warning: It does involve child illness/death/impending death, too, so keep that in mind.

Crossposts: http://kittydesade.livejournal.com/1128425.html

( Russian, now just directions )

Which is easier than pasting that giant gob of Russian which I now need to print out and practice at some point. maybe later today. It's not even that much to memorize compared to the plays and things I used to memorize, and in Russian (or German) I'm fluent enough that it makes sense to me, so my brain won't balk and go "IT'S JUST NOISES." Still argh.

So, I'm just speculating right now, but I could totally turn this Nerd Girls thing into a series. Okay, screw speculating, the way this thing is turning out it's likely it will become a series. How quickly and efficiently that happens is another thing entirely. But in the meantime I'm checking to see how much of a series I can make of it. Nerd Girls Save The World is the first one, but after that, then what?

I should actually stop thinking about Nerd Girls and start thinking about Black Ice, since now is the hour on Sprockets when I start pulling edits out of the docs. Eep. After that comes macro edits, if there are any (I think there are), and after that comes formatting, and after that comes print formatting. Though I might just say 'fuckit' and rel... well. If I strip all the edits out and realize that I don't actually have much more in the way of macro edits to do, that means I can just format everything and set it to release at or just after Dragon*Con. And isn't that a terrifying thought. Especially since then I need to get started on ramp-up publicity YESTERDAY. Or actually a month ago.

This is the moment when I tell myself to get the fuck off of Dreamwidth and get back to doing things because you're spending too much time talking about doing things and not enough time doing them, isn't it. Yes? Yes.

Crossposts: http://kittydesade.livejournal.com/1126565.html

( Gaeilge )

And the intensive ramp-up to Dragon*Con of little mends and neurotic freaking out about everything begins. Yaaay. On the other hand I finally went out and got myself a dress form so I don't have to worry about trying to figure out where to sew and pin and sew things while they're on me. So that'll be useful, and I also have boxes for my costumes that include parts that can't be hung up so easily. Like wigs. So once I finish each costume the last few bits of the way I can put them all away and then just bring out the boxes for Dragon*Con! Which is less than three weeks away. Two and a half weeks? Augh.

I've got my schedule worked out though. So, bit by bit, all the tasks will be done? Writing wise I'm not doing too badly, though I really, really need to get Gods and Monsters done by the end of today and get a fucking backlog going on that. Fortunately I also have almost all the blogwork done for this week, and the rest of that can come tonight. Which actually means I may be creeping somewhat ahead in writing work in general, which would be fanTABulous. I also have finally booked time for playing with Scrivener! Only a day late or so? And. And at some point I need to get organized about my online presence, my advertising things, everything else. I just. I don't know, I kind of want to trust that my backbrain has all of this well in hand and at the same time augh so many things to juggle.

I think this is part of... something. Why Scrivener irritates me so. It offers a lot of tools to organize your novel and so on, but I've already learned to do this in my head. I always learned how to do this in my head, I organized it, I developed mental tools while people were developing programs. And trying to do it outside of my head feels weird and wrong. And clunky and clumsy. But I do think I like the formatting tools.

So, um. Today on the schedule it looks like all Gods and Monsters all the time at work, and then various and sundry fiddly tasks tonight. With playing around with Scrivener, and then after the boy leaves for work finishing up Person of Interest. If I'm lucky I can finish it up and do caps and put it all in and have that done and not have to worry about it for the rest of the week!

Crossposts: http://kittydesade.livejournal.com/1125678.html

So, no Russian today on account of I forgot my dictionary at home, but also I need to get the stupid maps so I can give directions in English and Spanish let alone any other language. Which may be more difficult than it sounds. Maybe not. Maybe I can just use Google maps so long as I don't get distracted by the Poop Lions. I am so not kidding.

Need to keep from getting distracted but I am further along on everything than I'd thought. Which is very nice. I also seem to have hit the point in my knitting where I actually know what stitches go where, in what order, which means I'm only a good movie away from having that finished. Which is also nice. Current plan seems to be Emperor's New Groove friday night. Assuming the boy doesn't want to drag us out for a movie, but I think I'm about out of movies I want to see. Unless Pacific Rim is playing at the dollar theatre already.

So, tonight looks to be continuing the writing thing and possibly doing some hand sewing, but at this rate I think I just won't count on getting anything major, maybe hems? done on costumes until Saturday and Sunday. And then I can do a whole big thing of crafting and cleaning. At least I hope I can manage that all in one day, I might have to break it down by task or something. Something to think about tonight. Along with how in the hell am I going to get everything done by Dragon*Con aaaaugh.

No, the panic is down to lower levels by now. Either that or I've lost all energy and will to panic. Wait, tomorrow's Thursday. There it is.

Crossposts: http://kittydesade.livejournal.com/1124699.html

( Russian. )

No, Jag, you will at least do your corrections on your goddamn Russian before you pick up your knitting, your fanfic, or any other such thing. We work before we play.

(Though sometimes it's really tempting to do something else and put off Russian till the end of time.)

The fun thing is, knitting is my day job work today. Most of what can be done for the rest of it has been done, and we have a new yarn in that needs a sample done up of it, and since most of the knitters here are either not here or arthritic, I get to knit the sample! Yay!

Deep breaths, self. Yes, Dragon*Con is in a month or less. Yes, you haven't lost ALL the weight you wanted to. You know what? You lost most of it. And you toned the hell up. And your costumes are almost done. So deep breath, do your morning exercises like you've been doing, start knocking down those little mending and taking in and tailoring tasks one at a time. Keep moving. Keep an eye on your energy levels and keep getting a full night's sleep rather than panicking. You can do this.

Seriously, I've hit the point where my brain is running around shrieking about all the things I haven't done and my costume is going to suck and I'm not Batman Geek enough to be Huntress and what the hell am I even doing. This is unhelpful, brain. Especially when, yes, I do have a list of small costuming tasks I could be doing, and I can do them in pieces when I'm home. Shut the fuck up.

Weasels. Sweartogod.

I don't have anything else for you, I'm sorry. My life for the next month is going to be an endless cycle of routines, writing, and logistics for Dragon*Con. Minor logistics for scheduling and friends time and minor logistics for costumes. And gifts, for that matter. Hopefully there will be further updates as I have further successes. At least, I hope for successes! Still moderately freaking out about how I look in spandex. Fucksake, weasels, go away and leave me alone. I have work to do.