Iwanna

Jul. 7th, 2027 05:33 pm
kittydesade: (to-do list)
For when I have free money, or to save up for these things:

General:
Dreamstime credits
Bullet earrings. Any kind. (Etsy)
Microwave heated slippers (size 6/7)
Look at your Etsy wish list
Look at your Modcloth wish list
Look at your makeup spreadsheet

Specific
These in all colors but the light gray and dark brown.
Black Magic or Mad Science shirt
This goes over a unitard
You need this t-shirt in your life.
Shiny but expensive
Jeans that are not simple Lands End/LL Bean
Gerber Steadfast
Shoe storage

Graphic Novels
Leaving Megalopolis
Secret Six: Friends in Low Places
Hawkeye: My Life As A Weapon
Hawkeye: Little Hits
Hawkeye: LA Woman
kittydesade: Quote "I have a headache, a badge, and a gun. Behave." (headache badge gun)
And we're down to the wire, so my brain is of course tossing things at me that I should have done/haven't yet done/oh my god oh my god you suck why isn't this a thing/etc. I swear, I get about an hour of peace, maybe more if I'm doing something that requires more concentration, and then there's this high pitched "eeeeeeee" of worry that starts again. Fucksake. Anxiety. Fucking quit it. I don't even know if this could be counted as clinical anxiety or nerves, I don't care, go awaaaaaay.

Ugh. What do I have though. I have my two nifty PinupGirl tops and my pairs of pants for Peggy Carter, and my red Peggy Carter blouse, and a hat, and her sunglasses. And Abby's stuff. And America Chavez's stuff. I haven't packed underwear or everyday clothes because I'm wearing them but I'll probably toss in a load of laundry tonight and pack those because then I'll just have to have the clothes I'm wearing Tuesday. And a trash bag in the suitcase for dirty laundry, come to think of it. Maybe a handful of them. I have all my postcards and may order proof copies tonight to have at DragonCon. I have all my notes printed up for all my panels, my Deli Counter books, I have basically everything except the food in the fridge and the clothes printed up so, yeah. And I'm about as prepped as I'm going to get for panels. So screaming fire engine in my head can suck it. Seriously, the only thing I'm doing last minute this time is sewing. Well, and I need to get up a Helix post tonight so I can get 1x04 on Monday and be vaguely on time for the rest of them. But eh.

And trim my nails. I definitely need to trim my nails.

Oof. Maybe the thing of the day is to just work on cleaning off my workstation, do exercises every so often, and work on the next projects to do writingwise. Naturally, now that I've taken the time to do things properly and find a tutorial and all, the books look better as a result, which means I'm much more exciting about finishing a thing and putting it out there. I think at this point, well, ugh, okay, I know why I do this. It doesn't irritate me any less that I have to go through this process? Fear fear fear EXTRA fear because there's a new thing, so much fear that I can't stand it, I have to do the bare minimum and fling it away from me as hard as possible. And then wait for six months to a year before I can try again, or try fixing it so it's not the bare minimum. Repeat.

Although at least as far as the structure of the book goes, I might be done with new things and that cycle of fear for now. As far as promoting things go, that'll always be hard and if I end up doing some other new avenue of promotion I'll do THAT whole cycle of fear but the rest of it should be good. Maybe? I hope? I hope.

Summation: have figured out self-publishing like a grown-up. Have already figured out the write-a-novel part of it with as big leaps as I'm going to get, now it's just the improving slowly over time part, which lasts from now till I drop dead hopefully at a ripe triple digit age while out in my garden or something. Elsewise, have no idea what I'm doing. Also, DragonCon is making my brain into wet moldy apple mush. I'mma go do the thing.

(Is anyone else on my flist coming to DragonCon? Other than the ones I already know I mean. What up, folks?)
kittydesade: A stack of old, slightly tattered cloth-bound hardbacks next to a porcelain cup of tea on a saucer (quiet day of reading)
Oh that was a kick to the head. My ears are still ringing.

For those of you who are faithful or religious or spiritual, or something along those lines, you ever have one of those moments where someone says or does something, or something happens, and it's so immediately relevant to a very specific part of your life that it's like Deity reached down and patted you on the head and said "GET BACK TO WORK YOU'RE DOING GOOD"? (I don't know why Deity is Death right now. It's the gravitas, I expect.) Yeah, that just happened to me.

The very short version is that a Christian friend of mine mentioned being inspired in his prayers to say some words to me and describe an image he had. And the image was so very close to a character and even specifically a scene I have in my upcoming book that all I could do for several minutes was stare and flail. And. I have no idea what to do with this, well, no, practically I do have an idea what to do with this. But emotionally my head's in somewhat of a state of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Post ritual/ceremony/mass/etc !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also something about the way he talks about his faith makes me want to attend Quaker Meeting again. Go figure.

(It also made me turn into Vash the Stampede all over Twitter. That was kind of fun.)

I'm not sure if it's being down to final edits or the prospect of actually being able to format things properly for Kindle and hard copy that makes me so excited to almost be done with this novel (my second self-published) or even the good sign, but I am. I really am. Which is a bit amazing because usually the fear wins, but today it's the joy and the excitement and I have faith in my writing.

(I think 99% of people get this. You might, might be able to admit that from an objective opinion, this thing you did is actually good, but everything else inside you screams it's terrible and you suck.)

(Not today, brainweedle. Not today.)

Yeah, I don't know. I did toss the box of books into my suitcase yesterday and apart from probably needing to shove it down to the wheel end, it looks like I can pack everything as I want it to. So that's good. I'm still never taking books down to DragonCon again, but good. I keep saying I need to pack but I think tonight I really will just freaking pack everything. Except, obviously, the stuff I need day to day like laptop and phone and so on. I will however pack the extra chargers and all that. So few days left. So much to do. So much flail. Many flail. But it's a good kind of flail. Between yesterday and today, I'm really starting to think I'm going to be okay.

(I still kind of suck at cover design. But there is a visible learning curve, so that's okay, too.)
kittydesade: (occasionally five - sam)
Doing somewhat better today, I'm not 100% sure why but I think partly because I have named the brainweasels and shoving them in their pokeballs is a lot easier when you know what type they are and where they've spawned. Partly because I did sleep hard last night, apparently the only half of Voltron that did, and partly because of reminding myself that even if I don't have finished copies, I can have proof copies and most people are happy to buy proof copies. And if that doesn't work I have postcards. And those are fine too. (Besides, that way I'm not carting books from DragonCon. That was dumb.)

So, yes, calmer. I found a tutorial for formatting for CreateSpace, I started importing Sandborn. It'll be okay. Really.

And, in a timely coincidence, all the furor about the fucking Epipen ridiculousness has reminded me to check all my asthma medication at the local pharmacy, if they have the right prescription, etc. Apparently my prescription for Qvar was denied because I hadn't tried these older more generic ones because of reasons? I don't even know. Which is fine, my doc switched me to one of those, but I need to see if the scrip made it to the pharmacy first. At least the new one, Flovent, is on a cheaper tier. I am sticking with the Qvar through DragonCon though, I have enough for that thank god, and even if I'm reasonably sure I won't have side effects for Flovent since I didn't with Qvar (and don't with most drugs) the fucking last thing I want is a medical distress at DragonCon.

... I think that means I'm pretty much ready. Except for a shitpot of sewing but hey. But that's... more than I expected, somehow. Huh. And the shitpot of sewing should be easier with some degree of assurance that yes, I can sew this, it's fine. Leotards I might not know how to sew. Suit coats? I know how to sew. (Come to that maybe I should go back and resew that one dress with slightly more adroitness and less rush. Though I don't know what I'd use it for. It'd look good over that petticoat though.)

Blergh. I've done somehow more than I expected to do, most things feel finished, I have to fight not to crash now, before DragonCon, so I can get all the other things done like picking up my desk area oops. So people can work here while I'm away. And sewing. I do have all of the sewing. (But I also have all of the gorgeous tops and why can't I wear those and. Oops.) Still. Feeling considerably more optimistic about things today. Because of solutions, self, not because you're having a bipolar fit, stop that. You've had bipolar fits before, and you know that's not what this feels like. This is calm and in control and cheerful, not mania.

No, I really do feel somewhat better. Or at least, the anxiety brainweedles are gnawing on me less. I woke up at 6 in the morning (30 minutes before I was supposed to get up but not dire) with serious financial panic, and then I got the boy to pay the water bill (usually I do) and found out what the hotel will cost and got it transferred to my credit card and thought about things as they really are not as I was freaking out about and. I feel better. I can do this. I mean, it's not ideal, but I'm a grown-ass adult who can run up her credit card doing questionable things with 60k strangers if I choose. Nyah.

Allons-y!
kittydesade: (bad day)
Having another moment of what the fuck happened last night, how and why am I making friends with published authors, what's going on. And with that comes the inevitable resentment, how can I make friends with published authors and it's not getting me anywhere? (Hint: Because you're not asking or submitting, dumbass. Because you're working on self-publication, because you're afraid of rejection and not asking or even promoting the stuff you have done, because you're dithering at the edge of the pool sticking a few toes in the water or even hanging out at the shallow end with your legs in the water and shouting to the people happily splashing on the other side.)

ugh.

I ordered proof copies of Black Ice to get here early enough that I can hopefully fix things and then order copies to arrive at the hotel in time to pass them out at DragonCon. I do not actually have a good excuse for not doing this in the months before, I'm just fucking terrified of having to read through a paper copy of my book to make sure it's error free. I think this might be the thing I would be most indebted to a publishing company for today. Reading my own paper copies of things makes me want to throw up from nerves and self-hatred. I still haven't read the Deli Counter anthology for this exact reason.

Oh, there's digital proof copies! Oh, of course it's fucked up. Fuuuuuuuuu

No, breathe self. This is not the end of the world. You can fix this at rapid speed and efficiently now, tonight, or if absolutely necessary you can just hand out postcards at DragonCon and fix it when you get home. It's fine. Breathe.

(I really just want to cry now. My entire writing non-career is a scrambled mess of nerves and half-assing things.)

Anyway.

The good news is both my petticoat and tops and the original dress I'd ordered (this DragonCon is a study both in NOT half-assing it and not spending money you don't have to because you half-assed it oy) will be here today, which just leaves the aforementioned postcards to pack and take. And, obviously, day clothes. I think I've also figured out the other thing, which is to say I'll pack the books in my large suitcase with clothes because they squish, pack my daybag in a carry-on that I can take onto the bus with me hopefully and all the fragile stuff I don't want squished by books, which, since I'm not taking any fragile costume parts this year, shouldn't be very much. And that ought to be fine. I keep saying I'm going to pack things up, and I might tonight if I'm not inducing panic with CreateSpace, but I really do think that'll work.

Hell, most of DragonCon ought to be fun and work well if I can stop utterly panicking over my books. I don't know what it is that makes me do this going haywire in my head. I'm fine because I have a staggering ability to put things off and out of my head until I have to deal with them, and then I'm a sobbing wreck? No, that part I understand, it's the fact that it's at its absolute worst when I'm writing, which I should have learned better by now and I never do. Stressss. So much stress. I need to stop stressing. I need to breathe. All I can think is how I want to be at home with Scrivener right now making this work. Soon, self. In time.

At least the plus side here is, if I get through this, that might break the barrier a bit to publishing anything else novel length either in digital or in dead tree form.

ETA: HAH I FOUND YOU. I FOUND THE FUCKING DIRE BRAINWEASEL CAUSING ALL OF THIS NOW GET IN THE DAMN POKEBALL BEFORE I SQUISH YOU.
kittydesade: (Default)
Done did today:

1. Printed out and revised the Build A Planet worksheet
2. Finished, finally, the list of Troubles
3. Reformatted the Leviathan to be a printout
4. Watched 3 episodes of Supergirl
5. Cut and cooked several pounds of chicken
6. Did Duolingos.
7. Sketched two more Geodudes and wrote up the text for the pokemon felting instructions.
8. Joined a writing comm on Imzy at the behest of a published author what the fuck is my life.
kittydesade: (the anti-WRITE!)
Okay, and now my other, my original dress that I'd wanted for the ball has shipped, so, um. I have two dresses? And a passel of choices of nifty clothes that I wouldn't have had otherwise, so there's that. I have no idea when the dress will get here, but it's coming US post Priority so hopefully soon. The petticoat gets here supposedly Wednesday so I'll be able to try on and take pictures of the dress and petticoat. And makeup. Although my hair won't be done till Saturday so I may have more pictures of the full ensemble then.

Seriously, DragonCon is turning into nerd prom once a year. I just need to not keep buying up dresses I'm only going to wear to nerd prom. Though I suppose that is only one part of DragonCon, and the rest of it is... costumes I only wear once a year. Oops.

Nngh. I'm jittery. I'm jittering and refreshing the tracking is not making anything go faster, and I do not have all the time to do the things I want to do and and and and. Aaand. And I have no focus. I should have focus, but no.

I'm betting at least part of this is the closer I get to being fully prepared, the more I think I'm not at all prepared, if that makes sense. I start questioning everything I've done, do I have this and this, am I going to remember this, and aargh. I need to breathe. And cool down and go over my lists and go back to that. It's not that hard. I'm just nervous. Scared. Something. On the plus side, I have hotel room for next year sorted, who's going where for next year sorted, and have learned my lesson about picking up my membership for next year this year when it's cheaper. Goddammit.

Yeah, pretty much at this point it's all DragonCon all the time right now. Sorry, guys. You get to watch me freak out for a week and a half and then see me go radio silent for a week? ish. Including travel time. What fun!
kittydesade: (Default)
Done did.

1. Got my DragonCon calendar clearly delineated on gcal
2. Put the waistband on the red skirt
3. Went to capoeira.
4. Cut linings for two suit coats.

Eh, good enough for one day, as tired as I am after everything.
kittydesade: (irksome)
CW: Body/weight/food )

Plus side, I will get girly clothes trying on and partying like pretty pretty princesses time at DragonCon. After the last year I'm starting to feel more comfortable with enjoying that, even if my pretty pretty princess still wears pants most of the time (I don't know if I'll ever be that comfortable in skirts), still strides instead of taking delicate steps, still is more Pawter Simms and Leia Organa and Mononoke than, I don't know. Any traditional Disney Princess. The hoop skirts and tiaras and fluffy gowns and glitter everywhere princess. Although I do still long for a tiara. Especially an evil queen one I can stab someone with.

Did I mention I have more in common with the raised by wolves princess? Because I do.

I think almost everything else is done except for the big three: sewing, writing, artwork. But most of those are coming along too, and if I don't have the artwork done in time to bring it to Alexander Siddig to sign at least enough of it should be done that he can see what it is. Which is the main point because yes, I'm showing off. Writing... I should get the writing done today if I can ever get my fucking head out of my body issues.

Panels. I need to catch up on shows, augh! And finish Supergirl. But mostly what I need to do as far as that goes is copy things over to flash drive so I can watch them. I'm not even going to take notes for the crossover panel (gasp! shock! I know, right?) mainly because at no point ever has anyone else shown up with a binder of notes, so as long as I'm refreshed on it I should be fine. And then Killjoys is up to date, and ... what the fuck even was the other one. Haven! I need to update that list of Troubles and print it.

Still not sure if I should namesquat on Imzy. On the other hand I'm still on the waitlist so eeehehhhhhhbglegh. Whatever.

... Or I'm not because I typed this and a few minutes later I checked my email and there was my Imzy thing. Well okay then. Namesquatting is a go. I guess. I haven't gotten any kind of a verification email yet, but whatever.

Most of my things have shipped for DragonCon but of course my petticoat hasn't and my other dress hasn't, which only makes me more convinced that I did the right thing to get that gorgeous butterfly dress. Although a bit of digging suggests Pinup Girl is in LA, which means it's not actually that late in the day for them and I shouldn't worry that they haven't shipped yet. So that's okay I guess. But I'm still going to be paranoid. And then I guess tonight I'm going to do even more packing because I have books to haul, a dress to pack, a hat, um. I don't know, I have to figure out how to get the books on the damn bus in a way that doesn't squish anything else and doesn't mean me packing a whole other suitcase. Which I might do anyway. That was dumb, getting 12 books not shipped to the hotel. Which okay, I suppose I could do now, but see also: paranoid. The tradeoff to paranoia is hauling a box of books on a bus.

And I need to figure out how to pack a tailoring kit and a medkit into everything, and and and. Maybe I SHOULD just ship the damn books to the hotel after all.

ETAs: Firstly, my Imzy verification email finally came in a few hours later, and then invites went out a few minutes after I sent them so, eh. I guess they fixed whatever that was that was going on. And YAY my Pinup Girl package shipped and I have been notified and that is all good. So now I just have to deal with the damn books.
kittydesade: (Default)
Done did today:

1. Put away about a load and a half of laundry
2. Helix 2x03
3. Made shepherd's pie
4. Took a pokewalk to take over a gym and get gas for the lawnmower
5. Cleaned up and changed out the cat boxes

... really, most of that was Helix and Shepherd's pie.
kittydesade: (and so good night)
At this point in the day (6.30 pm) I have absolutely no idea how I'm still upright and moving. It's a Festivus miracle. Or more likely last minute pre-DragonCon adrenaline and I'm going to crash so hard tonight.

Today I have done did:

1. Picked up zippers and buttons for the Peggy Carter outfits right before
2. Capoeira class in which I fucking forgot how to understand English and only vaguely remembered how to speak it thanks to the teacher having relatives over from fucking Germany, so apparently under the assault of equal parts English German and Portuguese my brain retreated into Spanish and, of all fucking things, French. I do not know why.
3. I did regain my English though. And found out that yes, Spanish and French are still fairly reflexive.
4. Went to work and got in almost 3 hours of overtime. Ish.
5. And cut both jackets, Peggy Red and Peggy Blue.
6. Re-coded the tools page for my website
7. Did my Duolingos.
kittydesade: (Default)
Done did:
1. Sewed all but two side seams on the skirt, so tonight all I should have to do is put on a waistband and hem the bottom and then it's ready for a zipper!

2. Made an executive decision on ball dresses for DragonCon which means spending way more money than I intended to and having to curate my autographs list a lot more carefully, but which also means getting a dress I've coveted literally for years. This one. And it looks pretty damn good on me. There may be pictures as soon as I'm not tired from a day at work.

3. Finished out a day of spending horrific amounts of money on Dragon Con outfits and tops that, okay, I might wear outside of DragonCon too. Because I ended up buying a Peggy Carter blouse that is actually fairly decent, a pair of sunglasses that look Peggy Carterish from this look top left, and a petticoat for the dress of amazing.

(So, really, I did my absurd DragonCon spending.... before DragonCon. But it'll be fine.)

4. Cut fabric for Peggy Carter skirt #2, the blue one. And determined that I should just come by the store after capoeira tomorrow and cut the rest of everything.

5. Basted together the fabric for Peggy Carter Skirt #2
6. Finished notes on Killjoys S1 for my panel!
kittydesade: (beautiful day)
I really want some way or another to set up more than one draft post on DW, because inevitably I've forgotten half the shit I've done by the time I finish my check-in post. Although I suppose I could always make a private post and... okay never mind. I just hadn't put enough thought to it yet.

Oogh. Today started out well enough but I strongly suspect I'm shuffling all my writerly anxiety into anxiety about whether or not my chosen ball dress will get here in time. Which, I found out today the company it's coming from is in south Louisiana. Shit. I wouldn't have ordered if I'd known! On the other hand I also think that at the time I placed the order the flooding hadn't happened yet, I'm still fuzzy on the timeline. I'm kind of tempted to email and ask if it will ship in time to get to me, but at the same time that seems like an incredibly rude thing to do even if I surround it with "I'm not mad! I promise! I just want to be able to make arrangements and I will still get the dress because it is gorgeous, I just want all the information." Ugh. Argh. Noises.

I think I'm just too amped up somehow. I'm extremely high energy today for whatever reason, although I don't seem to lack focus as much. Which is good. There's a lot of stuff I need to do and I really have no idea if I'm going to get it all done around day job stuff, but I can at least try.

I don't know what happened, although I did crash pretty hard last night. Something, I feel better about prospects for the next few weeks in general than I have in a few days. Maybe it's the news and the polls now saying there's no way Donald Trump can win (please god) or maybe it's at least having the minimum all set to go for DragonCon, and now I can relax? I... honestly don't know. I'm kind of glad for it. I mean, still terrified because this is a step beyond what I've done in previous years and I don't feel like I'm any more capable than I was last time. But hey.

Let's go. Let's get this thing moving. Let's do this thing.
kittydesade: (under construction (nopejr))
Things I have done did today:
1. Some Duolingo
2. Some more writing in the ends of Sandborn
3. Dealing with unexpected surges of incoming (12 boxes of dragons. what the hell.) (this is about 12 boxes of weaving yarn on cones, boxes weighing 20-50 pounds each. that i have to sling all over the room.)
4. Finished the postcards and ordered them in time.
5. Basted my first Peggy Carter skirt together.
6. Controlled a panic attack about the gun dealer-DragonCon thing
7. And worked towards making me feel safer anyway (including reading a book on Krav Maga, which amused me)
8. Took notes on Killjoys for the panel
9. Mended the second to last bra

Yes, self, even without getting Sandborn completely finished and doing some capoeira exercise, you had a full day. Calm down. (My brain seems to have shifted from yelling at me arbitrarily to adding on one more thing I should have done. my brain can suck it.)
kittydesade: (courtesan in training)
Well, now that that near panic attack is over.

I don't know if anyone in my Dwircle is in the same circles as to hear this, but apparently Wizard World Chicago was going to allow a gun dealer to sell on their vendor's floor. I doubt they intended to sell weapons that fired live ammo but a) you never know and b) that doesn't preclude someone hearing they're there and trying to bring a real gun to sell to them. And also c) that creates a hell of an appearance. Then today on Twitter someone said the same gun dealer intended to sell at DragonCon, and I'm still pumping adrenaline from that. I checked the D*C web page though, and they do not have the company listed as a vendor, so. Maybe not? Or maybe not as themselves, maybe they're just supplying replicas to another booth that sells prop weapons, which I have much less of a problem with because then everyone knows where their towel is.

On the plus side, if you can call it a plus side, that burned off all the imposter syndrome I was feeling this morning! Now I'm just scared and angry. And reading Krav Maga books, and thinking about whether or not collapsible batons are legal in Georgia.

(As I was getting work done and writing this, though, D*C confirmed via Twitter that they do not have a vendor permit nor are allowed to sell things at the con. So that's good.)

(One person did pop up and ask if they were the guys who had informational displays and, you know, I'm fine with gun dealers showing up to give lectures and do informational stuff? Keep them out of the damn vendor's room.)

Ugh. Well, that diverted a good chunk of my day, but I did at least get postcards finalized and ordered, and day jobligations done. And decided that if I order Sandborn books, by some miracle, I'll just have them sent to the fucking hotel. Although now I am of course terrified that I'll order books to sell and they'll just sit there and I'll have to haul them all back with me and tears of shame. Maybe leave them at a bus stop somewhere along the road back. I don't even know. I may be catostrophizing. It doesn't help that I've never actually done this to this extent before. The first year of DragonCon as working I was on a couple panels for Murderboarding. The next year I was on a couple panels, I had business cards. The third year I was on a few panels, I had business cards, I helped out with some workshops. This year I have books, business cards, postcards advertising books, and I wish I could stop adding new things to do every year because it terrifies me. And yet no.

I know the principle of do things that terrify you because they're good for you is meant to be helpful but to an extent also, they fucking scare the everliving crap out of me and after a certain point that's just not helpful. Fortunately I have not yet reached that point yet. For all those of you reading me whine. I'm just. Prone to be scattered and panicked.

IN THE MEANTIME I still have craptons of stuff to do. And the universe has rewarded me for getting the postcards and that much of the essentials sorted by inspiring the boy to get me a cookie. So I will have my cookie, and then I will continue to do my work.
kittydesade: (Default)
Really, really frustrated tonight with having to be a novelist around a day job. Really a lot.

Things I have done did today:

1. Took down a level 7 gym in Pokemon! Victories at having fun are still victories.
2. Got postcard art sorted for all three postcards
3. Got postcard text sorted for Deli Counter
4. Finished two insert scenes in Sandborn
5. Went to capoeira which is why I'm so goddamn tired, self.

Apparently I only did five major things apart from my day job. Blegh. oh.

6. Called mom.
kittydesade: (courtesan in training)
Okay so that was... I'm not sure what that was. Crashed hard at midnight, woke up at a little after 6, stayed in bed because omg tired and I knew I should get some more sleep, but since I ended up staying in bed playing silly phone games it was lapsing in and out of consciousness until showering and getting up at 8 to do the non-exercise portions of my morning routines. Which, the exercise portion is a whole hour, so I didn't miss much. I feel slightly guilty for taking two hours to doze and play phone games, but damn did I need that rest.

So... yeah, I got nothing. Except a faint hope that today is less absurd than yesterday. Not sure how well that's going to go, yesterday I got a phone call that strongly implied that a past debacle (long story, seriously) was about to repeat itself, so we'll see. But. Maybe there will be less running around and hauling of boxes? And less nibbling to death by ducks. Especially geoducks. They don't even nibble properly, it's like being nibbled to death by spoo.

Which is hilarious if you know the Babylon 5 references.

Anyway. Other than that, got up, did a fair amount of Hindi and am slowly improving my comprehension, although it would still help to have all the gloss at the end of the book. Working on things bit by bit. I think today I might revisit my to-do lists and make sure they're up to date, although the bulk of it will, I think, involve finishing edits on Sandborn and Queen and Parliament so those can either be up or almost up by the time I'm at DragonCon. And then the other option is mashing Black Ice into print, which still terrifies me but I should have done that literally months ago. But didnt because it does terrify me. So we'll see how that goes. At the very least I might make up promo postcards to get printed through Vistaprint, I still have time for that I think. Barely.

So. See, self? Things are not terrible. Actually things are pretty fun, I found out one of my capoeira classmates also speaks Russian and enjoys language geeking too, if not necessarily to the same extent I take it I think for not wanting to prioritize it above other things, so there's a strong possibility that I'm going to end up speaking Russian when she gets back from her thing and I get back from DragonCon.

So. Life going somewhat better today than yesterday, no doubt highly motivated by the better sleep.Let's hope the rest of the day follows suit!
kittydesade: Insect wings that could be from fairies, too, with dew and the edges of pink-purple flower petals. (faery wings)
Done did today, oh my god so exhausted.

1. Hindi in the morning
2. Washed my sweaty ass clothes in preparation for capoeira
3. Another metric buttload of shipping what the HELL, [store], you NEVER order this much in one week. And it's within the space of a week!
4. Fixed up my bio page on my website to the new template
5. Went to capoeira despite being exhausted
6. And kind of sort of led a Portuguese class
7. Posted the latest Murderboarding Helix episode

Self, six things is perfectly fucking acceptable on a day when you have both capoeira and a shitton of shipping, calm yourself down brain. Fine, yes, we have added the seventh thing because whatever, are we done freaking out about all the things we didn't get done and how lazy we think we were today? No? Tough, I'm going to bed.

Stupid brains.
kittydesade: (randomity (nopejr))
I can tell I didn't get enough sleep because I'm quietly freaking out in the back of my brain about not being ready for DragonCon in any way shape or form. Ugh. This is going to make for a not fun day.

I forgot to put up my to-done posts over the weekend, mostly because capoeira on Saturday after a week of off was fucking exhausting. But I did get some bras mended, only two more to go now (which is good because two of the three that hadn't popped underwires were stretched all to hell and I can't mend that) and I got a fair chunk of my website home page redone. And once that's done all I need to do is slap the rest of the text into the template and it should be a lot better looking. Still feeling a lot like I have no time to do that or anything else, but hopefully it won't be as bad as it feels right now with no fucking sleep. Ugh.

(It does not help that the boy called three to four times this morning to give me regular updates on one of the ferals which, yes, I'm worried because the last time I saw Bat Cat the silly thing was playing in traffic, I am at work I do not have time for constant updates. Send fucking text messages that's what they're there for. Plus the one uncle who kept trying to interrupt the phone calls that kept interrupting my day job to tell me, five times at least, to ship this thing today. YES. I KNOW. IT IS RIGHT NOW THE ONLY ORDER IN THE QUEUE. GEE I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN FIT IT IN WITH ALL THE SHIPPING I DON'T HAVE TO DO.)

(What's the next stage up from being nibbled to death by ducks, nibbled to death by Psyducks? Goldducks? Geoducks?)

So overwhelmed feeling. Taking my advice from Kate Elliott and just doing one thing at a time. Just one thing. I can do just one thing, I think. Well, two things at once, because the other thing is keeping from feeling swamped and like I have to do everything at once in order to have it all done by DragonCon, self, you have two and a bit weeks. And all you really have to do is finish sewing costumes, do the web page thing, and keep up with the blog. Breathe.

(I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. I have too many balls in the air to handle on this little sleep and I keep reminding myself, up to every five minutes now, that this feeling is mainly because not enough sleep. It's like the first sign of get more sleep dumbass, even before headaches. It sort of helps, the reminding. Ugh.)
kittydesade: (walking on sunshine)
Two! Two gyms I have done took over today, or helped take over. Mua ha ha ha ha. I also committed stats nerdery upon [community profile] pokestop so, you know, go take a look.

I am falling asleep at my desk at work, which is weird and unwelcome. I have shit to do, I can't be having with this. I might do a few minutes of capoeira if this keeps up after drinking some water and nibbling on things, that might wake me up at least. And hopefully won't cause a later crash because goddammit I slept. There is no reason for this bullshit.

I also seem much to my irritation to have lost the note from the part of Sandborn where I lost three or four scenes. Although then I found it again and started writing, despite this whole falling asleep at my desk thing. In general, it's been a somewhat irksome day, although I'm finally getting to the point where I'm in sort of a routine again. Maybe?

(You can tell I'm fairly scattered.)

I did go see the doc for my follow-up, my peak flow (how much breath I can exhale in a sharp burst, I think? it's a thing where they tell you to exhale hard and fast once, and your exhale is supposed to lift a meter) was up by 50% so that's good, and he even thinks I might be able to not have to use the maintenance inhaler all the time for the rest of my life. He also gently malleted me with "you're not defective, you learned this about yourself because you're leading a healthy active lifestyle, it's a good thing." And then we talked about my PHQ9 results which were basically no I'm not depressed, no I'm not having suicidal thoughts, I'm stressed as hell about politics though. He prescribed stop reading the news so damn much and do things that make you happy, with an added here are the things I would put you on if it gets worse but right now, stop reading the news so much dammit. So, um. Well, firstly, I have an awesome doctor who actually listens to me (and apparently who has seen Stranger Things and really really loved it) and secondly, if I start doing several of those posts in a row of "OH MY GOD TRUMP AND EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE" feel free to remind me that, doctors orders, stop reading the news so damn much.

And things are progressing for DragonCon, for other things. I need to get back to checking my to-do lists, but that's only lapsed for maybe a day or so. I really need to get back to making a backlog for the blog and getting ahead on that so I have some breathing room during and after DragonCon. Oops. But overall... I don't know, I feel generally very cheerful about the state of things. Despite being somewhat scattered all day today.

Profile

kittydesade: (Default)
Jaguar

August 2016

S M T W T F S
  1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 1213
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 2627
28 293031   

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags