So, I think it's time to admit that my current plan for Inktober isn't working and that I should just draw in ink as my wandering brain becomes inspired for it. I don't know if it would have taken me this long to figure it out if I hadn't had dental fuckery plus a six day work week, but c'est la vie. I have an idea for today's Inktober and I'm going to draw it because I can. So there.
Switching to a smaller needle on the Falling Waters scarf does seem to be helping maybe more my state of mind than my knitting. I'm not used to lace knitting and I keep thinking that the parts that aren't yarnovers should be tighter closed and so on, and I'm pretty sure that's not how it works. Plus I've seen pictures of before and after blocking, and blocking helps. Still. Argh nerves. And the conviction that I suck at this and should stick to cables and colorwork.
Though speaking of knitting frustrations, now the boy says even the superwash merino is too scratchy and aaaaargh. Argh. Argh argh argh we wouldn't have this problem if you would stop throwing all the knitted stuff in the wash and I could make you silk blend and alpaca and so on. No? No. So I'm trying a Unicorn Fiber Rinse that supposedly soften things up, trying that on the superwash merino, and getting an acrylic blend to see if that's
soft enough, and if not I'm out of ideas and does anyone have any recommendations? (This is entirely down to my persistence in hand-knitting him things too, it wouldn't be that bad if I wouldn't insist on that, but my brain works in mysterious ways.)
For your moment of random wtf are bodies and scales, I now weigh ten pounds heavier than I did at my lowest average and yet I pretty much still fit into all my clothes, as far as I can tell my body looks the same, I have no idea what the fuck or ... the obvious answer is I'm gaining muscle prodigiously or at least a fair bit of muscle over time, but how
. How much muscle can I even gain? What the hell is going on here, body? What are you even doing? I'm a little chagrined because ZOMG gaining weight oh no, but at the same time the fact that I can shuck my skinny jeans off (albeit stretched between washings) without undoing them helps my self-esteem and brain loads. I may try pulling on my black skinny jeans tomorrow, since they haven't been worn since they were washed and are therefore the most shrunk and were always the most smallest. If I can fit into those as easily as I could when I was at my lowest I have no idea what the fuck is even going on.
(I also need to stop eating cookie dough, but I've been being a lot more moderate about that and mindful of the sugar/carb highs and crashes than I used to be. So pbbtththth.)
(... also if I really am gaining muscle that's definitely a boost to my self-esteem, even if it makes the cognitive mess a bit worse for a while.)
Working on the Black Ice wiki is definitely giving me words for my word count and doing the useful job of putting words down where I can conveniently find them again, but it's not making me feel
like I've done anything useful, writing wise, in the day. So I think the solution here is to make word count with the Wiki or get close to it, and then find an hour in the day and work on one or two stories and however much I get written there, I get it written. That way I have progress in one area that feels genuine and progress in working up to Nanowrimo. We'll see how that goes! Edits still have been happening, albeit more slowly than I want, but at least they've been happening.
Good things though. I'm learning, I think, the benefits of knitting lace on lace needles (it makes the stitches a bit tighter when it's just plain stitching? I think? I feel incredibly stupid for not automagically knowing this but then I try to remember that in this way I am one of today's lucky 10,000
, and lucky again for discovering this on the first piece of lace I'm really trying to do.) I seem to be making a capoeira friend more conveniently? closely? I don't know, it'd be good to have a local girlfriend! I don't know where it bumps up against the limits of my social, but it'd be good! And. And I don't know. Life's been doing the weird thing of being good in a lot of small ways and then root canal and then more good. So I'm very confused. And I still need knitting icons.