Iwanna

Jul. 7th, 2027 05:33 pm
kittydesade: (to-do list)
For when I have free money, or to save up for these things:

General:
Dreamstime credits
Bullet earrings. Any kind. (Etsy)
Microwave heated slippers (size 6/7)
Look at your Etsy wish list
Look at your Modcloth wish list
Look at your makeup spreadsheet

Specific
These in all colors but the light gray and dark brown.
Black Magic or Mad Science shirt
This goes over a unitard
You need this t-shirt in your life.
Shiny but expensive
Jeans that are not simple Lands End/LL Bean
Gerber Steadfast
Shoe storage

Graphic Novels
Leaving Megalopolis
Secret Six: Friends in Low Places
Hawkeye: My Life As A Weapon
Hawkeye: Little Hits
Hawkeye: LA Woman
kittydesade: A small stack of books tied together with string, a blue book is the top book with a card with a blue heart on top. (always something to be read)
So, I did a thing today. It's not a complete thing, but I did a thing. It's getting easier to do the thing! Less scary.

By which I mean I set up Sandborn to be published on Kindle. Hardcopy will come as soon as I figure out what on earth got widowed or orphaned to create a random blank page in the middle of my book (tomorrow, most likely) and hard copy for Black Ice will come as soon as Editrix determines nothing's been widowed or orphaned there. I was toying around with the idea of making the font smaller and thus the page size and cost less but I am so tired of going through the proof process for that one.

I took my Heartskull Hat off the head I'd blocked it on and oh boy howdy did it loosen up. (Zara Merino Superwash for the record, if anyone wants to know.) So when I get home I'm going to stick it on the boy's head and see if I do need to go up a needle size or not, because it's almost loose on my head now. Which, granted, part of this might be me doing it in a 1/1 rib rather than a 2/2 rib and adding extra stitches (the fuck was I even doing. who knows.) but still.

So. Ooogh. But Sandborn is done! Well, almost done. Cue all the performance anxiety ever now that it's pretty much done and starting to be talked about, but that's how it goes. And tonight or tomorrow I will get out Queen and Parliament, and after that probably a number of shorts will go up on my website having to do with Blasted Lands stuff in order to somewhat publicize Sandborn. Apart from that I have no idea what I'm doing. Does anyone else have any idea what I should be doing?

Watching Luke Cage. This is what I should be doing. And making cupcakes. The cupcakes will have to happen a little later in the week, though; the watching Luke Cage can happen tonight and over the weekend. Yes.
kittydesade: A woman standing on one hand, legs spread and one arm tucked in front of her chest, in mid-kick. (capoeira girl)
I have now finished and blocked the Heartskull hat, which might be a record for me because I never block anythign within a day or two of finishing it. Ever. It just doesn't happen. I hate washing and blocking, I am lazy, I want things to be done when they're done and not have the extra final step. But I did. So it's now drying on the head form at work. Along with (on towels, not the head form) a couple samples that I finished but never brought in and blocked oooops. Anyway, now I can hang them in the store. And my kerchief that I finished a few days ago. Look at me going and being productive! I blame the braintwin.

Slowly but steadily churning my way through drafts and edits. Trying to, since I still haven't found the good cover art for Queen and Parliament and at this point I might just give up and go for something more abstract, figure out what a good release schedule is. Sandborn is supposed to drop tomorrow (AUGH) and will, in Kindle at least, possibly also in hardcopy but who the fuck knows. And then Queen and Parliament, I have another free story to release on my site, and I have no idea what all else I have to finish and post.

Have abruptly been reminded at work that we have both a fiber festival coming up and a craft guild show down the street, eeek. That's going to be, um. Interesting. I'm going to be making all of the kits tomorrow, I guess. And then we'll see how much of that we actually sell, but you never know. We don't know what various crafts have been touted throughout the community lately.

Capoeira is getting increasingly hand-standy. Which means improving my upper body strength (see icon for life goals), argh, and getting over the fear of falling wrong off a hand/headstand and breaking my own neck, ugh. Telling stories about an idiot who got drunk and actually did did not help thanks teachers although at least in that case the guy was partying drunk, which is not ever a thing that will happen to me. Still, though. I have some idea of homework moves to do, so that's something.

That's about all the news that's fit to type, I guess. Still fighting with my urge to Knit All The Things in order to get any writing work done oops. But I am happy with it, and getting better about balancing the two.
kittydesade: (walking on sunshine)
I finished the colorwork portion of the heartskull hat! And. And not only that, but I also managed to drop a stitch in the solid color rows following that and then to ladder it back up again four rows or so. And. AND. As if that weren't enough fiber art brilliance, I am learning to crochet! Take that, Bembridge Scholars!

(Look, I'm easily amused, the US is going to hell in a handbasket, and I take my pleasures where I can find them.)

I don't have much for you guys today, thankfully because I just don't have much and not because I'm down in a deep hole of ugh. I didn't manage to finish the anthology of African Folk Tales before I have to bring it back, but it'll be there if I need to take it out again and it might be worth investing in. When I have money, because right now is the last aftermath of post Dragon*Con short paychecks and I'm trying not to spend anything so I can dump it all either at my credit card or into savings for next year's tax bill yay. Maybe I should just pre-pay that. Maybe I should dig around and find where I pre-pay that.

Pokemon is going weirdly better, the 'mons aer starting to migrate up to my house, which is not a thing that has happened before. And thanks to people I've gotten better at pinpointing where things are so if there's a lull in work I really can just run out and grab something.

I do need to get back on track with writing stuff. I'm having the usual issues with getting to bed on time and getting adequate sleep for winter, which results in things like sitting and getting a bunch of writing done not happening as much as I'd like. Still. I think Sandborn may even come out on time, dear god, and then Turing Shrugged and other things are coming along to completion, so. Bit by bit. ... I think Sandborn was the only fast-approaching deadline I'd set myself anyway. Well then! That's... not so bad. I can work with this. I still need to contact the damn artist aarrrrgh. And post Queen and Parliament. That's what it is, it's the fiddly things falling through the cracks in my poor broken brain. Poop.

Oh well. Getting back up and trying again. Only in this case it's less because I've been knocked down and more because i've been distracted by knitting.
kittydesade: (morning ugh)
I got eight hours of sleep last night and I'm still exhausted. And I think I know why? But it's still aggravating, especially when the brainweedles are chewing on the wires because I'm too goddamn tired for the automatic processes to catch the thoughts before they form. Which is I think at this point what usually happens. I just. Tired. Processes degraded. Maybe early bed again tonight.

So my weekend went like this: wake up way too damn early, stretch out some, go to capoeira class. Go to work, label things until about to fall over, take the bus home except not quite, overshoot enough to hit the grocery store. Get cheese for enchiladas. Walk home (20 minutes which isn't bad in heat and sun which is), fall over on couch, stare at boyfriend when he says "I don't know how to make enchiladas help." Yes you fucking do. And the fucking recipe for the sauce is in the goddamn recipe book do it yourself while I shower. After that I got to actually collapse, and didn't do much of use till the next day.

(... no, wait, I got cupcakes frosted. I think? Or was that Friday night.)

Sunday morning! Wake up too damn early. Go pokewalking because I'm a glutton for punishment, try to get myself organized enough to hem capoeira pants before the roda. Manage to! Even manage to get some knitting done. Pack up cupcakes and apples and bananas, go to roda. Play capoeira. Hike up the damn hill on a bum knee to see the peace gardens. Hang out with people! Make friends, half of whose names you have no idea what the fuck they are. One of them is getting called Giovanni because I don't even, it was a joke that got out of hand. Catch a ride home thankfully because too tired to walk fifteen minutes. Thankfully the boyfiend has made up for being a whiny shit about enchiladas and made dinner Sunday night. Collapse. Eat a shitton of leftover cupcakes. Attempt to stay up long enough for TV, fail, die.

And then I woke up an hour after my alarm went off this morning and was all "you know what fuckit I'm staying in bed another hour."

And I'm still fucking tired.

Today is a day of getting shit done while punching brainweedles and saying 'fuck' a lot. I just hope I can get shit done.
kittydesade: (bad day)
I'm thinking seriously about taking a social media hiatus until the end of time. Or at least the end of the election. If it wasn't the shooting in Tulsa (is there sexism at play in the indictment of the officer? of course! she was also indicted because she fucking murdered someone for probably racist assumptions!) it was the possibility of President Trump. If it wasn't the possibility of President Trump it was the sexist uphill battle Hillary Clinton has to fight. If it wasn't Hillary Clinton it was Chelsea Manning and all that poor woman has to fight just to stay alive right now. If it wasn't Chelsea Manning it was Voya's absolutely awful screening out of bisexual characters? I think it was. Apparently non-straight sexualities and gender identities are "adult material" and to be hidden from delicate growing teen eyes or some bullshit like that. If it wasn't that it was young women being assaulted for having a hard time in public (Britany Spears) and then coming out of it pretty all right or for simply existing in public (Gigi Hadid) and then assaulted verbally for defending herself. And on. And on. And on.

And then there was another thing that I'm sure didn't mean to come off this way but I've been yelled at either directly or tacitly by a person yelling at a group so many times this week because no good faith is ever assumed, because everyone on the internet is either fighting The Hardest Battle or having The Easiest Life and there is no middle ground, and at this point I've already had ... and I'm just tired. And feeling stupid and cowardly and sad and sorry, but I need to not be on social media anymore. Or for a while.

Apart from that? If I reduce my tiny corner of the world to what's happening in my house and in my town, it's not too bad. Capoeira will have red velvet cupcakes. I made some damn fine red velvet cupcakes, I had one last night that was one of the rejects, made of the side batter that didn't quite finish mixing, and it tasted really damn good. So that's happening. Icing to follow on Sunday right before I haul them over.

Progress is being made on writings, despite that also being one of the areas that makes me want to crawl into a corner and say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I'll go away and not be right now so I don't bother anyone (yes, this instinct is strong, and I entirely attribute it to the screaming outrage. Which, I understand why, life is outrageous right now, I just.... everything up top). But writing continues anyway, because if I don't write my mental state deteriorates even more.

(I also was up too late last night because of both cupcakes and boy coming home late and not texting me to let me know he was okay, he was just in an endless line, so.)

(Also now I have what I think are debt collectors trying to call work for a friend of the family who hasn't worked here in literally twenty years plus? And I am going to scream.)

I'm very, very tired. My state is going to hell in a handbasket, apparently according to our state congresscritter black people are outraged because white people are more successful. Yes, you read that right. It couldn't be because, I don't know, white cops are murdering black people? Bah, murder schmurder, it's the money, stupid. I just. And McCrory's utter asinine bullshit, all of it, defending a law no one wanted that fixed a non problem by creating twenty other horrific problems, and then using state money that is desperately needed by schools and other state facilities to defend it. And I can't wait to vote all these fuckers out in November but until then I have to put up with six weeks of this shit. (It's funny, though, because Asheville is over here with its "Y'all means All" signs and an underlying attitude of WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPY HORESESHIT YOU DO NOT SPEAK FOR US.)

And. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm defaulting to rolling and showing belly, which is bad because not everyone is attacking you, I promise, even if it feels that way. I'm crying at work. I think I'm going to spend the weekend either writing/working on world building, which is some heavy lifting but if I do it alone at least I can recover some that way, and cleaning the house. Because nothing says I need to exert some control and ability to fix things in my environment like frantically cleaning the house.

And I promise not to eat all 28 red velvet cupcakes that are left. Even if I kind of want to. Those are some damn tasty cupcakes.

ETA: Oh right. Now I remembered that I was going to take social media hiatuses anyway over the weekend. This is not convincing me not to, but on the plus side I was probably right to.
kittydesade: A delicate hand reaching up to pluck fruit from a tree (give me the fucking fruit)
Day 2? Three? Of brain patch holding, so I'm going to go ahead and assume it was a combination of history factors plus the final kick of decompensation from Dragon Con. Measures have been put in place to at least start preventing this happening next year, mostly in the form of calendar reminders of "are you still tired and decompensating from DragonCon?" every weekend for a month. Especially if it's going to turn into a five day con. Holy hell.

And capoeira went well! Puck and I were both dragging some, but there was a good sized class and good energy in it. Also I'm profoundly amused because the bulk of the regular students now, pretty much all of them except one, are all women. This amuses and pleases me. And we have a local roda on Sunday which means ugh I don't get a sleeping or reading all day weekend day, but it'll be nice to really jam myself back into a proper capoeira groove. Now that I have more energy in the day I'm definitely remembering how much I enjoy it. It's just when I'm tired and crashing from DragonCon that I'm all oh god why did I even

(It helps a lot that I was on form last night and playing well. Heheheh. Need to work on my handstands though.)

I got some ideas for stories that I need to write down. Actually what I should do when I get home is work on some Wikis, I've got a lot of good world history that I need to put somewhere. I'm just getting easily distracted by knitting and in a lot of ways it's easier to just babble and worldbuild rather than sit down and put words to paper, and revise them. Well, words to word processor screen. I have lots of energy, I have loads of ideas, I'm just lacking in a slight bit of either willpower or executive function, not sure where the malfunction lies since the two bits of wiring are in close proximity. As far as I know. Grump.

So I have cupcakes to bake tonight, and either I can get started on cleaning the craft room or cleaning the office. But probably what will happen instead is cupcakes and watching TV and knitting. Which isn't the worst thing in the world either, cleaning can happen tomorrow and Saturday after capoeira and Sunday after... more capoeira. Maybe more Sunday. Maybe not. I like it when the mess is in rooms with closed doors and I can ignore it. But I shouldn't. Le sigh. So many things to do, so little time.
kittydesade: (WHACK WHACK WHACK)
As if in contrast to yesterday at work, which started dead and eventually ramped up, today everything started happening around 10 and did not stop happening until 11.30, at which point i could then process the non-immediate things. Oy.

Brain patches still seem to be holding! I don't think the frustration at my slow progress in Pokemon Go is going to go away anytime soon, but now it's properly directed at what the fuck with your XP levels and why is there no tracking system yet Niantic why you let us get used to it and then take it away. Rather than spilling all over the place and splashing on the braintwin with the issues using the stupid game as a fig leaf. I see you there, issues. You're not hiding very much are you.

(No but seriously Niantic what the fuck with your XP increases and your tracking system and where the hell did my gym go. Boo. I think I know where my gym went, but boo on the rest.)

Oogh. After this morning I'm tired and I really don't want to go to capoeira, but I've run out of reasons and even excuses not to. Plus I'm reasonably sure that being tired is more a matter of too many things happening at once and less physically tired, which means capoeira is probably ideal since it's a lot of focus and effort directed at ONE thing rather than split among several.

Mostly I just want to go home and sleep and read and knit. I'm tired of things requiring brain capacity today. I will reboot and try again tomorrow.

(No I won't, I'll get my writings done and my editings done, day job permitting, and I'll go to capoeira and I'll come home and eat cupcakes and crash. Because that's what I do. I'll just complain about being tired a lot at least for the next hour or so.)
kittydesade: (serene)
Okay, so despite forgetting bedtime again last night (though less egregiously) I did manage to sleep, to reset my brain maybe more properly this time? Plus a conversation with another friend yesterday jammed some things into hopefully a more helpful perspective long term. Definitely in the short term, except then I ended up slinging around 50lb bags of chemicals and I did not pack the lunch for that. And I hadn't restocked/restored the fridge so by the end of the day my blood sugar was crap and my nutrients more so. Go me.

Anyway. Hopefully this is a solution because I'm really, really tired of that part of my brain trying to fuck with me. I'm supposed to be stable and steady goddammit.

And all that aside, I am slowly managing to get back into routines. I got a chunk of my languages done out of textbooks yesterday, and the Japanese done by parsing anime songs which was about all I had brain for by that time but eh.

I have no idea why, I'm leaning towards a more steampunk-ish aesthetic right now, although I don't have a big enough wardrobe for options for it for every day of the week. And I still don't know why. But, sure? Which I suppose means somewhere in the later half of this week I should start hacking sleeves and collars off some of my t-shirts and maybe tailoring them around the waisticle area, and edgestitching the sleeve and collar holes, things like that. Not sure which t-shirts. I should rummage. There's got to be something fun I can do, I have fifty frillion t-shirts.

And then this weekend is putting the garden to bed, although I might try and squeeze last tomatoes out of the tomato plants. I was going to plant broccoli, but as out of habit as I've gotten with taking care of the garden I'm just going to plastic it up and wait till next year. We did get some damn good tomato sauce out of it though! And PEPPERS there were peppers. I love the peppers.

ETA: And then talking with the braintwin some untangled why normalizing it helped, through a chain of (I put this here so that I don't forget because this is going to happen next year) "this is normal, it's just that it hasn't happened very often for you in a normal, calm way" --> "this is normal but you're still exhausted and catastrophizing and your energy for this kind of thing is fucked" / "you take weeks to decompensate from DragonCon because you are ALWAYS on and it was longer than usual this year" --> "well, okay then, next year do weekly check ins to make sure your brain is not being a tool" AH-HAH. I don't exactly know, probably won't for a few weeks if this is it, but it feels right.

Also brains are stupid and I want a full refund.
kittydesade: (Default)
My head feels like a cracked eggshell this morning. I have half an idea what the fuck's going on but I really, really miss being stable. Ever. At all.

This weekend was spent getting some apparently much needed rest except that I also ended up sleeping through a lot of what I wanted to do, which is absolutely not helping the cracked eggshell feeling. I... well, mostly I feel like hammered shit. Less so physically and mostly emotionally, but wow I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I'm not sure even what to do.

So it goes.

I did manage to get proof copies ordered, Queen and Parliament is waiting on cover art and confirmation of final edits, I got some edits done in Turing Shrugged, so progress was made on that front. The house is slightly better than a pigsty although the dishes in the sink are piling up again. This is what happens when I spend a chunk of the weekend asleep and then the boy has three twelve-hour shifts in a row. But the rest of it... slowly getting picked up? Maybe? If he ever decides to actually follow through on cleaning the office, getting rid of one desk. And at some point we should probably either fix his wireless situation or run a cable into the office so he's not perched in the middle of the living room collecting a mess.

I don't know you guys. I'm not doing well. I don't have much cheerful for you today. Our cat has not taken any turns for the worse, I can't actually tell if his eye is scabbing over properly or not, but he's taking the medicine fine. He is the easiest cat to pill until and unless you put him in the kitchen, indicate that there will be food, and then say "not until you've had your medicine." Then he is an unholy terror. Because priorities.
kittydesade: (nameless is dubious)
The vet visit happened. Surgery did not happen, as the boy predicted, what did happen was that we were given steroids to hopefully shrink the tumor/fatty mass/pseudotumor/whatever the fuck it is and told to continue the antibiotics and keep the cone of shame on to hopefully let it heal. Heh. The vet tech called it a cone of horror. That fits with Mikey's face every time we come at him with it on. Poor thing's going to be a lot more accustomed to the vet given how often we stick him in, drag him to an office, and then he sits there for thirty minutes while humans talk over him and eventually stuff him back in a box and drag him back home.

And then I got donuts because if I have to be woken up in the middle of the night by the cats being unsettled by Mikey's cone, followed by getting up early to deal with vets, dammit I deserve donuts.

Since [personal profile] lireavue is a bad influence I'm starting yet another knitting project at work, because today was so frazzled and I didn't remember to bring a project in. It's just a simple kerchief, but still. Bad influence, I tell you. Still, it'll feel good if I can manage to get and stay on top of things. Then I can knit without it being almost pure stress relief.

I'm waffling back and forth on whether or not I've even done a good job keeping up with things. I've kept writing on drafts that I wanted to finish, so there's that, and I've kept up with capoeira and about half my languages. And it's been a chaotic week with Trump, flu shots, vet visits, cat worrying, and so on. But I haven't kept up with the other half of my languages and I still need to do Helix which, at this rate, will probably get done tonight and not posted until tomorrow, which is not what I wanted. And on the other hand: Trump and the resultant migraine that knocked me out from about 4pm on, flu shots, vet and cat. And. I don't even know. I think I've done pretty good at rebuilding my routines in the face of life trying to fuck me over? I also keep expecting the brainweedles to start chewing on the wires again and they haven't. Thus I keep compensating for something that isn't there. How unfuckingconsiderate of them.

But Sandborn is done. I had to actually confirm that with Editrix because it feels so weird to have it be actually done by this the, what, fourth deadline? I've set myself. Sandborn is done and if the print copy isn't quite ready at the same time as the Kindle one, so be it. The next major deadline is White Lightning, I think, which is next Samhain. I've got projects I'm working on consistently, Murderboarding is ... well, it's still there, and I'm still working on Helix. Things are progressing. I'm waiting on the Golem submissions to open, and I'm being as good a professional writer as I can be. So... yeah, no. Things aren't that bad. I can do this.

And i didn't even get as much sleep last night as I wanted!

ETA: And while she's noting it I will remind everyone that I am on Imzy and currently using it as a way to connect with other writers sometimes and as a means of keeping track specifically of what I've done writing-wise daily. So if you want to follow along you can and I'll give you the link and if you want invites I have invites, just don't expect me to be that active. I'm not that talky even with the connecting with other writers.
kittydesade: Insect wings that could be from fairies, too, with dew and the edges of pink-purple flower petals. (what care i for human hearts)
Ow. Ow ow. Ow ow ow. Yep, capoeira first day back was fun, I did more than I expected, and fucking ow jesus. Everything from the waist down hurts. Everything. And while I got the minimum amount of sleep to be function, I apparently did not get enough sleep to keep things from nibbling on the wires. Fuck off brainweedles. Your arguments are as old and tired as I feel.

This morning's absurd amount of stress did not help at all. Mostly store stuff, a whole lot of chaos that had to be untangled quickly in a very short time, but also we're taking the cat in to surgery tomorrow morning before work, and that always makes me nervous. Yes, it's a simple surgery, but something could go wrong and that means a freaked out edgy me for a while. Till whenever poor Mikey cat gets out of surgery. They're just de-bulking the fatty tumor over his eye, so likely nothing horrible's going to happen, but. Ugh.

I need a nap. Fortunately not much is going on at work now that the chaos is over with. I have writing and editing to do that the pain is distracting me from, but the day jobligations aren't much. And then I have decided that when I get home I'm going to make s'mores cupcakes, since I have most of the ingredients for that. There's only a couple things I'm missing and I can get that at the store when we stop on the way tonight.

(I'm so tired. Every time I sit down I know I'm stiffening up and it'll hurt when I get up, and then when I'm up all I want to do is sit or lay down. And this is me on painkillers.)

Actually now I kind of want to go home and knit. And mostly what I want to do is go home and sleep, and that's not going to happen either. So I guess I keep on trudging. Many writing tasks to do. Many other things to do. Many things. Just want nap. Maybe nap later. Fall down go boom tomorrow. Always a boom tomorrow.
kittydesade: A woman's face masqued with black lace (not always weak)
Well, today was going to be better, except then I was woken up at two in the fucking morning by something to do with cat shenanigans, I have no idea? I was half asleep and the boy was muttering things about the bed and the light was on and look I just want to fucking sleep through the fucking night because I have a fucking long day tomorrow, turn off the fucking light and let me sleep or tell me to go sleep in the guest room. Christ.

So today the money gremlin is screaming in my ear all day and I feel behind in everything and like nothing's getting done. Even if today marks the second day of good strong routines (Monday was a day of migraines and Trump, so.)

Ugh. I just want some sleep. And for the polls to reflect that we are a country cognizant of the fact that we have one viable candidate, two semi-viable candidates with some extremely poor ... not views, exactly. Poor preparation for the candidacy? The whole "Where's Aleppo" thing and Stein's distrust of science worries me. And then we have a walking tire fire. And yet the polls indicate that a troubling percentage of this country's population doesn't realize that you just can't fucking put this guy in office. I don't care what your social or fiscal or even political views are, the man is unfit. He is not prepared, he has no interest in getting prepared, he actively ignores what experienced advisers tell him, he is unfit.

The saving graces here may be his inability to fucking pay attention to anything for longer than five minutes or however long it annoys him, whichever is shorter, and the result that if we do get a Democratic House and Senate, he's not skilled enough to do end runs around them. I'm still terrified.

Happier things. Do I have happier things? I finally finished Skull Wars which is less like a happier thing except for the fact that more awareness means more compassion (usually) and more progress, and I'm working on Poisoned Blade, which would go a lot faster without migraines. But I am enjoying it. The store continues to do good business. Mikey's cut above his eye isn't doing so good but he's otherwise okay. (The scab is all but falling off, it was halfway falling off when I left for work today, it is gross. And the cone we have is inadequate. But we can't afford a vet visit until next week sometime. In the meantime, at least, we have antibiotics and we're keeping an eye on him as much as we can. Hopefully he doesn't go galumphing into anything again.)

(Really, this is probably the main reason I'm freaking out about money, is it's a very thin fig leaf over me freaking out about my cat.)

More happier things? I'm starting capoeira again tonight which is kind of terrifying, how out of shape have I gotten? And I really, really don't want to go, but I enjoy the effects it has and the socializing is fun so. Eh.

I think mostly I just need a couple good nights' uninterrupted fucking sleep.
kittydesade: A white feather quill laying across an open book with yellowed pages (am scribing)
Two Imitrexes and a choked down bowl of teriyaki chicken later...

(That's a lie, I'd had just enough of the imitrex to be able to eat the chicken and find it tasty, I just then collapsed for another three hours or so, woke up with a massive case of dromehead, and went back to sleep for seven more hours.)

No one died at the Trump rally down the street. I'm not being hyperbolic here, there were fistfights, a guy put his hand around the throat of another guy, and there was punching and slapping, and the police took a gun off of someone, that one I don't know if it was a Trump supporter or someone who felt threatened. Which I can't blame the person! I felt threatened too! I also feel that openly carrying a gun escalates the threat level to a ridiculous and un-useful point, but that's me. Anyway, but no one died, is the main point. And hopefully he will never come back to this area again, the disorganized useless fucker.

So, somewhat less stressed today, somewhat less fussed about money, would still like my paycheck so I can stop fussing about bills but that's in two days, it's not awful. I'm just fussing. And both the Trump rally and my flu shot are over, I don't have another doctor's appointment until January? February? I have a dentist appointment coming up ish but I think that's in October. Which ugh, okay, means I'd better put in some overtime for that but also means I don't have dental stress until October. I can work with this. And I have endless, endless amusements to keep me occupied so as long as I don't impulse-splurge on makeup or clothes or drawing supplies, I should be good.

What I should really do is get back to knitting at least somewhat. It's going to be winter soon and I should really finish some of the superwash warm things I started in April Starts so I have things with which to bundle up and go FUCK IT'S COLD WHY IS IT SO COLD. Superwash in case I spill cocoa on it, or the cat barfs.

And, you know, I have writing work I need to get done. Oh so much writing work I have to do. I managed to accidentally maybe add to it while on a migraine and drugs, that was special. Oops. (Sorry, A.)
kittydesade: (bad day)
So, there's a Trump rally downtown today, and by downtown I mean two blocks over from where I work. And right now it doesn't seem like anything's happening. Nothing I can hear from down this ways, anyway. But we're warning people who want to pick stuff up away from coming in today, if for no other reason because of parking, and I'm even more nervous than I was over DragonCon. And I was two KA-Bars worth of nervous.

There's a rumor going around that we're going to go home early, but we'll see. I'm definitely getting UPS ready early so the poor guy can just come in, pick it up, and get the hell out of town.

I've hit the post-DragonCon stage when I'm looking at my credit card and yelping. And granted most of that his hotel room and the dresses because I paid cash for almost everything else somehow, but. Still yelping. So it goes. I won't have my credit card entirely paid off by next year because I was a dumbass, but I will still have it much paid down and next year DragonCon will be MUCH easier given that I already bought next year's membership and I will have at least two roommates, probably four. Which makes the hotel easier on everyone's wallet.

Since getting back from DragonCon I've been surprisingly productive on the writing front. I actually have all my files in order on CreateSpace awaiting my proof copies, and in the meantime I might aim for Kindle release of Sandborn ... shortly. Hell. That's kind of scary. I've got one copy out to an advance reader and I don't entirely want to jump the gun or do I? I don't know. But those are almost ready. And then I've been working pretty steadily on writes and edits on the twenty other projects, two in drafts, one in edits, and I need to figure out what I'm doing with White Lightning. Organizing the story layout tonight I guess, do I finish drafting stories and then edit all of them or do I edit the ones I have drafts of and argh. Decisions.

(Probably what I should do is finish drafting at least a number of candidate stories so that I know I have some place for the drafted stories to land. But then I'm also drafting other novels and aaaargh.)

(And Helix. I need to get my ass moving on Helix again.)

And there's a general plan, a very rough plan, to knock down the chair railing off the wall in the office, sand everything down and just paint over the plaster. I have no idea how or when this will get done, but it makes me happy to have this plan. It just makes me happy to have a plan to make the office nicer looking in general. First, though, god it needs cleaned. Very, very badly.
kittydesade: (singing in the wilderness)
Dragon*Con report, hanging with friends edition

I'm not sure what to say about this so much except that hanging with friends happened, and it was glorious. [personal profile] bethany_lauren's brother is an adorable mess of curly hair and randomness. [personal profile] viridian introduced me to another friend who is a total riot in the best way, and also to a trad-published writer friend, which was deeply appreciated both in the trad-published way and in the writerly way. Shenanigans happened. Lessee.

Shenanigans like hanging out in the AmSciFiMedia room with Bethany and her brother making up even cruder, lewder, and less socially acceptable fill-in answers to their cards against humanity game. Seriously, those answers were weak. Weak weak weaksauce.

Shenanigans like descending upon High Velocity every chance we got for cheese sticks with [personal profile] viridian. Look, if you're going to suggest we hit up a restaurant for cheese sticks every chance we get, I am not going to turn this down. This practice is also what led us to be sitting next to the Dark Matter crew, so clearly we made good life choices.

We had a couple Pokeballs, which was apparently a High Velocity special that was a candy shell over ice cream? I think, and then you poured some kind of hot milk or sweetened hot milk over it and it melted and maybe there was a pokemon inside. And then a brownie underneath. It was really good and very pretty and fun to pour it over the pokeball. We didn't get any pokemon, but eh.

Bethany took me into the art show and we ended up meeting with an artist she knows who might be a potential cover artist! We shall see. I need to contact him after I recover a few more brain cells.

I hauled her brother to the Walk of Fame, too, and took him around to meet Reggie Lee and Siddig and that was also fun because both of us are fairly cultured and definitely multilingual and that entertained everybody. We had a number of meals together too, and at some point there was a truly awful joke about me minioning for Bethany on one of her panels and then me commenting "I can't minyan, I'm only one Jew." Seriously, broke the table for at least a minute.

I got to meet the Wablet! The Wablet is terribly adorable and very well behaved for a child of his age. Sweet boy. Messy boy but really what else does one expect from a one year old. I comment here because it was fucking funny watching him get his food everywhere. Pregnancy may terrify me but small children will always amuse me.

Um. I'm sure there will be more stories here as I think of them fondly, but mostly it was a lot of hanging out with friends and making trains of wandering from place to place amidst packs of people, eating way too much cheese in various forms and other things that are bad for me, and ... well, generally having fun. It was a damn good con.
kittydesade: (o captain my captain)
DragonCon highlights involving fan interactions:

* Meeting Alexander Siddig/Siddig El Fadil (look I still have problems with that) and talking to him a bit about DaVinci's Demons and saying it was beautiful history mixed with magical realism. And then immediately being asked if I was familiar with the works of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Why yes, as a matter of fact, from early childhood. He seemed startledly approving of that. And then going my design for an art based on a phrase from DaVinci's Demons and he was approving and wrote me a something for it. He was every part of every character he's played that I adore and eeeeeee.

* Meeting Reggie Lee and Sasha Roiz again and both of them remembering me from the set visit I did with [personal profile] lireavue. That was. Ulp. Sasha even said he still had that picture we gave him in his trailer. ULP. I got autographs, including a fucking hilarious one from Sasha, and then the next day I went back and got Bitsie Tulloch and David Giuntoli. Who was actually much more clever and with it and smart in person than he is on his twitter! I wonder if he'd actually gotten sleep that night. I hung around quite a bit with Reggie due to him having no line, and we talked some and he let me babble at him about Killjoys a bit and what else we're blogging. Sasha ended up giving me double autographs because he accidentally started signing one and then realized that was the one meant for [personal profile] lireavue. Adorable man. Bitsie loved my dress, which was the butterfly dress. David signed my picture "don't let sasha and reggie get you down" when I told him Sasha and Reggie could vouch for me honest I'm a nice fan. I didn't get to Jacqueline Toboni's line because I ran out of cash. :(

* Sitting down at lunch with friends one day and then the fucking cast of Dark Matter sat down next to us. Well, four of them, the actors for Six, Five, Three, and Android. I did talk to them a little, because they'd accidentally got a spinach dip accidentally meant as a second order for me (the waitstaff were absolutely slammed, because DragonCon, and I think they got confused) so since they were also confused since none of them had ordered spinach dip, I explained. And those dips are huge, I suggested extra nachos. Six's actor was all n'ah, we'll take it, so I guess they enjoyed it. I hope I didn't stare too much, I spent most of the lunch trying not to explode because once I realized who it was I couldn't un-realize it. But we didn't really talk to them. Well, I did say something else because I was emptying my bag onto the table trying to find my damn charge cable, so I saw Six staring and smiled and was all jokingly 'yes, I come overprepared.'

* Meeting Kevin Hearne was fun the first time and then a bit of a disappointment the second time because he was co-opted by fans, including one bro who hovered and made a much greater intrusion of himself than I would have (although I damn well kind of wanted to). If he'd been .... no, come to think of it, most of the authors I would have been with else are women, in which case I also damn well would have intruded for entirely other reasons.

* But Delilah Dawson did comment on my hippo, she didn't recognize Abby (who I was dressed as at the time) but I explained it and we discussed tacos briefly and then [personal profile] lireavue called me and [personal profile] bethany_lauren came by both to rescue me from the bro-ness and that was much better. And later on I met Fran Wilde and EC Myers (authors who were much more introduced as regular people because of being friends of friends) and that was pretty damn fun. And I may have also networked myself a cover artist. So. All good!
kittydesade: (affairs of dragons)
Day One of DragonCon accomplished? Having crashed yesterday at some nebulous and random point after 9.30 in the middle of a Fast and Furious movie (I have no idea which one, Vin Diesel was in it and so was Jason Statham) I woke up at 6 in the fucking morning. Ended up getting in line for pre-reg before it opened because why not, which meant of course standing in a long-ass line till 10. If I'd been smart I would have waited because at around 10.30 it started zipping. Then stood in a long-ass line for a lanyard and a membership to next year's con. THEN stood in a long-ass line... I don't even remember what was after that. So far the only long-ass line I haven't stood oh, Blood Drive. That was the other long-ass line I stood in. And the only ones I haven't stood in are for the bathroom and to eat. Miraculously, that eating one.

Let's see, what was it. Pre-reg line. Lanyard line. Back to hotel room to relax for a few minutes, then it ended up being okay, sure, I'll do the blood drive and then meet up with everyone ever, because I got in before everyone. So blood drive, Thursday, should be quick ish, right? WRONG. But I did get to stand in line beside a nice couple and we all played Pokemon, took advantage of the lures that everyone seemed to be dropping, and caught endless fucking zubats. End. Less. In the blood drive. That was hilarious.

After that it was going and dropping off a keycard for Kiki, going and meeting [personal profile] viridian and her husband and wablet, running into Kevin Hearne after that and him recognizing me and confirming our dinner date! for today!! Friday!!! (date is misleading, dinner appointment? something) and that it was after his panel and I'd meet him there!!!! and now I am feeling all kinds of unworthy and oh god I am the least charismatic ever why did I open my big fat twitter mouth. But hey. That's what con is FOR, isn't it? And then after that it was meeting [personal profile] bethany_lauren and her coterie for dinner part one at a pub, and then meeting up with people again for all the fried cheese you can stuff in your mouth, and then I decided enough was enough and I was going back to my damn hotel room. With a ridiculously large slice of cake because they have the diner here that sells those.

And that was the first day. And today I have panels and meetups and more panels and maybe a Labyrinth sing-along to which I will wear my butterfly dress because dammit I will wear that damn thing and show it off and it is goddamn gorgeous. So there.

(My phone thinks I walked 12k steps yesterday. Oh god. And today is going to be busier. Oh god. Oh god oh god.)
kittydesade: A white feather quill laying across an open book with yellowed pages (am scribing)
My focus is slightly shot, but my packing is mostly accomplished. Trying to decide if I want to bother packing soap and shampoo or if I just want to get some freaking stuff while I'm there because that way it won't leak out all over the contents of my bag, which has been known to happen. Probably the shampoo, soap, and makeup remover will get bought there. The rest can go. Argh, at some point I think I'm just going to need to write down all the things I will do tomorrow morning so I know what can and can't get packed ahead of time. Because my brain is entirely exhausted.

On the plus side, and part of the reason why my brain is entirely exhausted, I did get almost everything set up as far as printing newbetter proof copies for Black Ice and proof copies for Sandborn. Ulp. And of course it was late at night. What ended up happening was I got my proof copies finally, sulked for a few hours and then as I should have been winding down for bed, opened the box. And realized, hey. This actually looks like a book. Even the interior actually looked like a book. I did a book. So then since I'd solved the formatting problem earlier, I got all excited about maybe I could get more proof copies in a big big hurry for DragonCon (no, self) and stayed up way way too late fucking around with another formatting problem that turned up. I did manage to solve that one too, though. But now I'm running on five and a half hours of sleep and adrenaline.

Eh, I'll catch up on the bus.

I did stop doing the 'done did today' stuff, partly because my brain stopped trying to tell me that I was worthless and did nothing but also because being busy getting ready for DragonCon means I forget to post that some days. I might start up again after I recover from DragonCon. I did start an Imzy community for my writing self online, mostly I think to track progress in what I've done, what I've made, thing stuff there. Things like "Today I wrote in these two projects and edited some in this one."

Murderboarding also has an Imzy community, if anyone is interested! It is, predictably, Imzy.com/murderboarding. If I'd known Imzy was going to be a thing I would have put that on the business cards, but alas, I did not have my crystal ball that day. So. Oogh. I guess this is what I'm going to be doing while I should be doing day job work and tomorrow evening when I get in at the hotel: web presence crap. Heh.

Still, though. I feel more positive about being a writer. Having figured out the whole process of making a hard copy of my book seems to have helped, I mean, what else is there to do as far as self-pub? Distribution channels and marketing, yes, but. Eh. I don't know. I can worry about that later, and I think my web presence is sufficient so far to handle the distribution channels I have the energy to handle.

I'm having a day of Zen and I Can Handle My Shit. On five and a half hours of sleep. What is this madness.
kittydesade: Quote "I have a headache, a badge, and a gun. Behave." (headache badge gun)
And we're down to the wire, so my brain is of course tossing things at me that I should have done/haven't yet done/oh my god oh my god you suck why isn't this a thing/etc. I swear, I get about an hour of peace, maybe more if I'm doing something that requires more concentration, and then there's this high pitched "eeeeeeee" of worry that starts again. Fucksake. Anxiety. Fucking quit it. I don't even know if this could be counted as clinical anxiety or nerves, I don't care, go awaaaaaay.

Ugh. What do I have though. I have my two nifty PinupGirl tops and my pairs of pants for Peggy Carter, and my red Peggy Carter blouse, and a hat, and her sunglasses. And Abby's stuff. And America Chavez's stuff. I haven't packed underwear or everyday clothes because I'm wearing them but I'll probably toss in a load of laundry tonight and pack those because then I'll just have to have the clothes I'm wearing Tuesday. And a trash bag in the suitcase for dirty laundry, come to think of it. Maybe a handful of them. I have all my postcards and may order proof copies tonight to have at DragonCon. I have all my notes printed up for all my panels, my Deli Counter books, I have basically everything except the food in the fridge and the clothes printed up so, yeah. And I'm about as prepped as I'm going to get for panels. So screaming fire engine in my head can suck it. Seriously, the only thing I'm doing last minute this time is sewing. Well, and I need to get up a Helix post tonight so I can get 1x04 on Monday and be vaguely on time for the rest of them. But eh.

And trim my nails. I definitely need to trim my nails.

Oof. Maybe the thing of the day is to just work on cleaning off my workstation, do exercises every so often, and work on the next projects to do writingwise. Naturally, now that I've taken the time to do things properly and find a tutorial and all, the books look better as a result, which means I'm much more exciting about finishing a thing and putting it out there. I think at this point, well, ugh, okay, I know why I do this. It doesn't irritate me any less that I have to go through this process? Fear fear fear EXTRA fear because there's a new thing, so much fear that I can't stand it, I have to do the bare minimum and fling it away from me as hard as possible. And then wait for six months to a year before I can try again, or try fixing it so it's not the bare minimum. Repeat.

Although at least as far as the structure of the book goes, I might be done with new things and that cycle of fear for now. As far as promoting things go, that'll always be hard and if I end up doing some other new avenue of promotion I'll do THAT whole cycle of fear but the rest of it should be good. Maybe? I hope? I hope.

Summation: have figured out self-publishing like a grown-up. Have already figured out the write-a-novel part of it with as big leaps as I'm going to get, now it's just the improving slowly over time part, which lasts from now till I drop dead hopefully at a ripe triple digit age while out in my garden or something. Elsewise, have no idea what I'm doing. Also, DragonCon is making my brain into wet moldy apple mush. I'mma go do the thing.

(Is anyone else on my flist coming to DragonCon? Other than the ones I already know I mean. What up, folks?)

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