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Dec. 4th, 2023 10:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeI am exhausted. Fulfilled, I feel productive, I actually feel a little weirdly calm? Comfortable in myself? But also goddamn exhausted. Let me explain. No, there is too much, let me sum up.
So, I filled out my bullet journal (most of the way) for the year ahead and the month of December. And somehow in the last few days I've actually been keeping up with it, recording things down, and it's having a positive reinforcement effect. So over the weekend I was thinking of ... who I want to be, except I'm already pretty happy with who I am, so maybe more how to optimize myself. And how to do it in a way that doesn't involve fixing things with buying stuff I won't wear or use, or taking on too much at one time. And I went to bed thinking, okay, tomorrow I'm going to get up and throw on some makeup and we're going to go grocery shopping, and then I'll sit down and do this work...
And that would have worked a lot better if I'd been able to get to sleep on time. I lay there going over that, telling myself stories in my head, contemplating "hmm I could knit my own vests and socks", listening to music, trying to get to sleep any which way and failing because every time I started to fall asleep my husband would start snoring, one of the cats would walk over me, or once my husband rolled over and tried to hold my hand. I don't even know if he was awake. But it woke me up, and argh.
And then of course this morning I woke up after, how many hours of sleep? Four. Four and a half hours of sleep maybe, and I did in fact throw on some makeup and went grocery shopping and did the rest of the errands and then got home and went to work and tried to finish up in time to have a nap except I also had to call the endodontist and make an appointment fora secret plan to fight inflation root canal and I didn't get ahold of anyone, so closing time at that office came around and then I decided I was going to go for a nap because clearly no one was going to call me except they did.
So I got a lot done! I feel fulfilled! I feel pretty good in that way! And I am also fucking exhausted. And I resent being this exhausted on a freaking Monday with the whole rest of the week ahead of me. Ugh.
But I am going to wrap this up and note that things are trending in the way that I want them to as far as my me is concerned, and then I am going to top up the kitty food and water bowls and go the fuck to sleep. And hope tomorrow is less chaotic.
So, I filled out my bullet journal (most of the way) for the year ahead and the month of December. And somehow in the last few days I've actually been keeping up with it, recording things down, and it's having a positive reinforcement effect. So over the weekend I was thinking of ... who I want to be, except I'm already pretty happy with who I am, so maybe more how to optimize myself. And how to do it in a way that doesn't involve fixing things with buying stuff I won't wear or use, or taking on too much at one time. And I went to bed thinking, okay, tomorrow I'm going to get up and throw on some makeup and we're going to go grocery shopping, and then I'll sit down and do this work...
And that would have worked a lot better if I'd been able to get to sleep on time. I lay there going over that, telling myself stories in my head, contemplating "hmm I could knit my own vests and socks", listening to music, trying to get to sleep any which way and failing because every time I started to fall asleep my husband would start snoring, one of the cats would walk over me, or once my husband rolled over and tried to hold my hand. I don't even know if he was awake. But it woke me up, and argh.
And then of course this morning I woke up after, how many hours of sleep? Four. Four and a half hours of sleep maybe, and I did in fact throw on some makeup and went grocery shopping and did the rest of the errands and then got home and went to work and tried to finish up in time to have a nap except I also had to call the endodontist and make an appointment for
So I got a lot done! I feel fulfilled! I feel pretty good in that way! And I am also fucking exhausted. And I resent being this exhausted on a freaking Monday with the whole rest of the week ahead of me. Ugh.
But I am going to wrap this up and note that things are trending in the way that I want them to as far as my me is concerned, and then I am going to top up the kitty food and water bowls and go the fuck to sleep. And hope tomorrow is less chaotic.