kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
Sheppard insisted on being there when they met. She could understand the need for security, for him to make sure she was safe and Atlantis was safe, but Teyla was not all that happy about the thought of Michael's response. Neither of them liked or trusted each other. Both of them could very quickly turn this into a deadly, brief meeting.

He landed the jumper a little ways outside of the magnetic field and somehow she was able to persuade him to walk a little behind her; she still wasn't sure how she had managed that. Maybe simply the idea of all of them dying in a blaze of crossfire. Maybe she was giving him too little credit for trusting her and trusting her judgment. Which was more likely, she admitted finally to herself.

"I'll be right back," she told him, lightly touching his arm to keep him where he was. It seemed to work; he gave a curt nod and stayed back.

As long as it worked so well on Michael.

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I, er. Totally forgot to finish posting this towards the end of Nano and the chaos that has swallowed my life these past few days. I shall endeavor to finish posting it over the course of the week! So I dont' overwhelm everyone by twelve posts of large chunks of story at once.



Teyla did make it to the botanist's camp before nightfall, although it was a near thing. Major Lorne had a talk with her about security, wandering off, and all that sort of thing until she reminded him that she was a grown woman who could look after herself, and who had indeed been doing so since before the Atlantis team had shown up. Chastened, he smiled and reminded her that they worried about her, and left her to find her dinner from among the limited recipes of MREs.

It was, at least, a little more palatable with the supplements of some nuts and plants she had found. She hadn't had time to dry anything, not with all the walking she had done, but she had gathered what she could on the way back. There was a plant that was usually crushed for sweet breath or sweetening the medicines they sometimes used which Katie Brown proclaimed to be like mint "only spicier," and there were a number of nuts with flavors ranging from sweet to tart. It cheered up an otherwise bland meal, and she received a number of compliments on her gathering skills, if not her cooking.

That, she had left up to one of the botanists, a Dr. Irrizary, with a wry smile and a deprecating remark about her cooking skills. Food poisoning, yes, was a way to liven up the meal, but not quite what she had intended.

She was sitting at the center of the tents, turning her knife over and over in her hands when Katie Brown walked up. Watching the light distort her reflection on the metal, absorbed in her thoughts to the point that she didn't notice the young woman cough politely, not until she put her hand on Teyla's shoulder.

"Oh! I'm sorry…" Katie was now two steps back and a little wide-eyed. Teyla put the knife away, sheepish.

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She was hitting harder than she meant to, but because it was Ronon it was hard to tell. He threw her a questioning glance when he should have been watching his own defense and she cracked him a good solid hit to the ribs, dropping him to his knees.

"I am sorry," she apologized, with a rueful little smile and a hand extended to help him up, which he accepted. "I have been… out of sorts, today, apparently."

"I noticed," Ronon chuckled, not wincing in the slightest although she couldn't tell whether that was from bravado or because he legitimately had worse. "Something on your mind?"

"Well… yes, actually." But she was hesitant to admit it, and tried to shrug it off. "Did you want to go again, or…"

"Something dark-haired and handsome with a tendency to get into trouble?"

Teyla flushed. "Well." Um.

"Thought so."

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There were two missions after that. They didn't talk outside of what was necessary for the mission, at least until Ronon suggested that they have sex and get it over with. Not quite in those words, perhaps, but the implication was there. After that Sheppard seemed to relax, and Teyla took a breath and kept up her side of whatever light conversation they were having at the time.

Afterwards, though, on the balcony outside of the offices, she found him leaning against the railing and staring out at the water.

"John…" she came up next to him, and felt it stabbing at her inside when he flinched away.

"Teyla."

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The loneliness eased for both of them after that day, although neither of them changed their pattern of behavior. They still moved, each around the other, as though the peace between them would shatter if they stepped wrong. They still argued when the conversation strayed into an uncomfortable topic.

"I did not want to lie to you," she insisted, trying to make him believe. "Not all of us thought the experiment would be a good idea."

"But you went through with it anyway, made up everything, created this comforting cushion of a lie around me even though you knew you had no intention of letting it last."

She wasn't sure how to answer that. "We were hoping that by the time you were ready to hear…"

"You mean by the time you were ready to tell me," he interrupted, snarling.

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
He liked to spend time out of doors, Teyla realized. Even if most of it was looking up at the sky as though it would welcome him back again. Welcome him home, she thought. Three days spent in his company and although they had talked, mostly about her and life on Atlantis, there was a feeling of immense loneliness about him that never quite went away.

He didn't seem willing to talk about it, though, and she wasn't going to force the issue. Instead she talked around it, finding little things that she hoped would alleviate it, if only so that it would be less of a pressure on her mind. There were no more nightmares. She wasn't even sure he slept at night, but in the very late hours of the evening when she was lying there trying to go to sleep she was so lonely and so empty she wanted to cry, and she knew it had to come from outside of her. And there was no one else but Michael.

Little things. It started with the little things.

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Two things she noted that she would never have thought of, and wasn't sure she had wanted to know. Three things. Firstly, that Wraith needed to sleep on any sort of similar schedule to humans, although that might have simply been the human part of Michael asserting itself more aggressively after the retrovirus. Secondly, that Wraith could have nightmares at all, although again, that might simply have been his unique state.

Thirdly, that being so near to a telepathic shriek could hurt so very much.

She tried to shake him awake again. There was very little thrashing and flailing, although his mouth was open in a soundless, wordless scream. Inside his mind, at least as much as she got through the waves of terror and grief crashing through her, it was certainly worth screaming over. There was loneliness. There was fear, the known turning against him and becoming threatening and vicious. Betrayal, and heartache, and she was reminded of the entity that had taken the form of Sheppard and wreaked so much havoc on Atlantis.

Which, in turn, reminded her of the solution. Or a solution, a possible solution and perhaps it would at least enable her to get some sleep that night. She focused on the selfish part to avoid thinking about other possible motives and other feelings.

"I wish…" she started, but didn't know how she would finish the sentence.

No need for special equipment here; she closed her eyes and allowed herself to be sucked into his nightmares.

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
The first night Teyla was out there all Sheppard could think of was that she was out there on her own, in the middle of a jungle where something had clearly happened to her. Something that had upset her, enough to go back out there and try and confront whatever it was. Which, in turn, upset him. Which kept him awake at night and found him wandering through the halls looking for a distraction.

Ronon was a distraction. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah," Sheppard's mouth twisted in one of his grins that wasn't quite a grin. "Thought I'd try and walk it off."

"You and Teyla have a fight or something?"

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
He had a stash of MREs. She didn't ask where he had gotten them from. There were too many to be from the Jumper, if it had even had a store of food against some sort of emergency. She thought it had, but there were still too many of those packets, piled up almost to the ceiling in one corner of what seemed to have been a kitchen.

Not that he would have any use for a kitchen. Hyper-aware of their fragile truce, she did not ask how he was surviving.

"There's a kind of symmetry at work, here," he said, with a tiny smile. "From the way I remember your expression it's not what you would prefer to eat, but…"

"It is better than what I brought," she admitted. Trail rations and she had hoped to do some hunting or foraging, but hot meals with some regularity had been beyond what she had counted as a reasonable expectation. "Thank you."

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
[spoilers for up to 4x7 Missing]

Not the same underground complex he had brought her to the first time, but one close to it. A little further from the crash site, a little more well-maintained. She looked around, memorizing the way there. Fixing in her mind a way back, should she need to find her way out of here on her own. Although she didn't think Michael would do that, not this time. Not to her.

There were no laboratories here, or at least if there were he wasn't taking her past any of them. There wasn't much of anything. There were rooms, store-rooms, what looked like a bedroom that had been fixed up out of an office, what looked as though it had at one time been a conference or gathering room of some kind. No dining room, which she noted as strange at first and then realized why. And tried not to think about that.

He took her to what seemed to be a greenhouse extending from a cave at the other end of the small underground complex. She wasn't sure why. A compromise, perhaps? Perhaps as far from the place where he was living as they could get and still be in the same general area. Perhaps it had some significance she did not yet know of, she didn't know. She wanted to know. Nerves made her edgy inside, although she was managing quite well at keeping herself still and calm on the outside.

"You wanted to talk," he said, not looking at her, sitting on a stone bench. "What did you have to say?"

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
They stopped just outside of the coordinates of the first known encounter with the magnetic field, setting down in a clearing in the woods. Teyla picked up her pack without a word, moving slowly as she went towards the Jumper bay doors, but still moving.

"Hey…" John was leaning against the inner hull, frowning, some sort of expression on his face that suggested nervousness but that she still couldn't entirely read. "Are you sure you'll be all right for a week out there?"

Out there with Michael. That was the tricky part; she had spent longer days than simply a week in the woods by herself with little ill effect. But Michael was unpredictable and she still didn't know how he felt towards her. He hadn't killed her or fed on her when he could have, though, and that was something.

"I will be fine," she assured him, smiling. And then: "I need to do this, John."

"All right. Gimme a call if you need me."

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
Teyla's eyes opened again, and she was in the infirmary on Atlantis. She didn't remember having been picked up in another jumper, although she was not surprised to see Sheppard sprawled out and asleep in a chair by her bedside.

"Hey you," Ronon smiled at her with ill-disguised relief, pulling up another chair. She felt a little guilty for the fact that her first thought was, looking as calm as that, they must not have found any trace of Michael.

Still, she gave him an exhausted smile. "It is good to see you again," she told him, squeezing his hand when he wrapped it around hers.

"It's good to see you," he told her. "We thought..." the statement ended in a shrug, but she could finish the rest of his sentence well enough.

"I am all right." With particular emphasis on those last two words. She wasn't unharmed, but they could see that she was all right, and would recover. And that was the important part. There were four people back in the wreckage of the Jumper who would not recover.

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
When Teyla woke at last, she did not at first know where she was. The world seemed fogged over in a haze of pain and her body did not work the way it should. She tried to move, and found herself restrained. Restrained and tucked into bed.

"Hello?" Restrained was one thing, but tucked into bed implied that it was for her own good, and given the white hot jagged edge of pain that pressed against her chest and she tried to struggle against the restraints, she was inclined to both believe that her unseen captor at her best interests at heart and to agree with him. A broken collarbone, a broken rib, something.

In bits and pieces, her memory of the last few hours returned. Or at least, what she thought with the last few hours. The shuttle's survey team with two scientists and another Athosian, a magnetic anomaly that had disabled the Jumper's systems, the impending crash. The pilot warning them to brace themselves for impact. Darkness.

Suddenly it became imperative that she get out of bed. "Hello?" she called, a little more urgently. "Is anyone there?"

There was someone there. She knew someone was there, she heard the person's footsteps approaching her. But she didn't see who it was, not when they came up behind her and injected her with a sedative. In minutes she was unconscious again.
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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
Teyla sat on the edge of her bed with her head on her hands and wondered how it had all gone so terribly wrong. Or perhaps it had been set right. Michael was with his people now, and at least his life had been put back the way it should be. Of course, that still left the question of what would happen to Atlantis.

It had all been a bad idea the first place. She felt a little guilty about not having spoken up sooner, except that no one had realized what a bad idea it was, including her, when they had first started. They had all agreed it was at least worth trying, and then she had come to know Michael as a person and not as a walking nightmare. And then Michael had come to realize the nightmare he was in and they were all faced with the dilemma of what to do with Michael versus what to do about the safety of Atlantis. And now that decision had been taken out of her hands, and she did feel badly about how much relief she felt.

There was a knock at the door. She wasn't sure she was up for company. Teyla waited a moment longer, then stood and moved towards the door, opening it after a moment to catch her breath and regain her composure.

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Also known as, fanfic to write after Nano:

1. Michael (or some other humanized Wraith), for whatever reason, is frantically attempting to save someone's life via CPR. This person has... whatever, drowned, been electrocuted, what have you. CPR is not working. Michael, in a futile and not-entirely-stable attempt to revive the person, attempts to do that reverse life sucking thing that Wraith apparently can do. Only, being humanised or at least mostly humanised... can't. Person dies.

2. (Alternatively, Michael or some other humanised Wraith zigs instead of zags and actually winds up life-sucking the person rather than bringing them back to life, and the stress of it causes the person to expire. Or they reverse the life-sucky in mid... life-sucky.)

3. Sheppard/Kaylee

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
Conversation after conversation. She tried to reach him once, and was rebuffed by arguments she could not refute. What they had done was out of a need to survive, not compassion. He was so desperately unhappy, angry and alone, and she could not say that it would've been any different if they had started out with the truth.

The lies, admittedly, had not helped in the slightest. It was only a small consolation that she did not have to lie to him anymore, and instead she sat on the windowsill where they had talked in between sparring sessions and looked for his presence.

It was, most likely these troubling thoughts, that allowed him access to her mind. The wanting so badly to apologize, to make it better. His words had echoed through her mind in over her skin like a soothing embrace, as though he was pulling her into his arms and telling her he understood, and it was all right. Compassion. Whatever compassion there had been between them, there was not likely to be anymore. And as for open minds, well, hers had been open and ready for the taking.

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
She met with Dr. Heightmeyer.

"Do you not wonder where he gets his qualities from," she asked. "Which are learned from what he sees and how we treat them, and which he takes from how he was treated in his Wraith life."

Dr. Heightmeyer shook her head slightly. "I've never thought about it," she admitted. "He's assimilated quite well, actually. It's remarkable to look at him and think he was a Wraith at all."

"That is exactly what I mean, is there not any part of him that might be Wraith still? Perhaps his distress at not knowing his family, could that not come from the Wraith being a hive presence around him, and the loss of that presence."

It didn't look as though that had occurred to her. Dr. Heightmeyer frowned, and for a moment Teyla was heartened, until she saw the professional mask drop into place. Treating Teyla as a case to be talked out, not as though she was actually offering input or suggestions or just trying to talk out the thoughts that had been troubling her.

Teyla supposed, as she walked away from the doctor's office, that it was to be expected. She and Heightmeyer were certainly friendly, but they weren't exactly friends.

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
Her people had excelled in adapting what they had to hand, to make it fit into their lives. That was no less true for Wraith fighting techniques, as well as her own people's traditional stances and moves. It might have been a gamble. It likely was a gamble, but if he thought he was remembering something or had some skill at something, he might feel less idle and useless. He was already starting to show signs of restlessness.

And the fighting moves she was teaching him were not so dissimilar from Wraith moves. Moves that, even if his mind had been wiped clean, his body should remember.

"Defend…" Slow and careful. At least at first. "Defend, parry. Strike."

He was doing all right. And perhaps it was because he was doing all right, or perhaps it was because she couldn't quite forget what he was, even for a sparring session.

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kittydesade: (fandom - sga)
Word Count: 2,477

Sheppard didn't look happy about Heightmeyer's decision to turn Michael loose from the infirmary. Under the circumstances, Teyla could understand. Although their brief meeting had gone rather well by what she had envisioned, that didn't mean he wouldn't suddenly regain his memories and run loose through Atlantis. And she didn't know what he'd do then.

Still. "Do you want me to introduce him to his quarters?" It was, she realized afterwards, a strange way of putting it. Everything about this was strange; she was introducing an amnesiac former Wraith to his new identity as Lt. Michael Kenmore.

Sheppard thought about that for a moment. "Might as well, you seemed to get along with him pretty well." Not, it seemed, that Sheppard was happy about that.

Teyla nodded. "He is a stranger in what should be his home, it is not hard to imagine what he must be feeling right now." That was the wrong thing to say. Sheppard stiffened.

"He's an amnesiac Wraith. There's not much there to feel sorry for."

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