[Nano] Stained Glass Masquerade
Nov. 18th, 2007 11:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeThere were two missions after that. They didn't talk outside of what was necessary for the mission, at least until Ronon suggested that they have sex and get it over with. Not quite in those words, perhaps, but the implication was there. After that Sheppard seemed to relax, and Teyla took a breath and kept up her side of whatever light conversation they were having at the time.
Afterwards, though, on the balcony outside of the offices, she found him leaning against the railing and staring out at the water.
"John…" she came up next to him, and felt it stabbing at her inside when he flinched away.
"Teyla."
His voice was neutral. They hadn't made up, not really, he had just realized that being obviously angry with her would only draw attention from the others. He was still upset, and he still believed he had seen her in Michael's arms.
Which was only fair, since she had been close to him, and it had been Michael. He hadn't seen perhaps exactly what he thought he'd seen, but it had been close enough to the truth and she didn't want to fight with John about it. She also didn't want to be put into a position where she would have to agree not to see Michael again. Not when she had promised to try to come back.
"I cannot try to fix what is wrong if you will not talk to me," she tried again. She wanted him to talk to her. She wanted their friendship back, she wanted things to be back the way they had been. She wasn't sure how to explain it.
Sheppard only shook his head. "I knew there was something. You had this… look. When you came back, I knew there was something. And I still didn't see this coming." He sounded more angry at himself about that, or maybe just angry.
"I did not know who had rescued me until he came to take me back to the crash site," she said, taking a breath and trying to explain. In some way that she thought he might accept, and maybe if he was reminded that Michael had saved her life he would be less angry with the Wraith. "He kept me asleep while he healed what he could, and then he took me back on a gurney. He said only that he trusted me not to reveal his location…"
"Well, nice to know one of us can trust you."
It was over the line. Teyla drew back, hurt and angry and instantly flushed, and even Sheppard had the look of shocked uncertainty that he usually got when he had said something that went further than he meant to.
"If that is how you truly feel, then perhaps…" she started. She hoped it wasn't how he felt now, but wouldn't have put it outside of the realm of possibility. Not considering it was Michael, and their experiences with the Wraith.
Still, he interrupted her. "That's not what I meant…" Still, not quite the right thing to say.
"Then what did you mean?"
"I just meant…" He swallowed once, then sighed. One sentence had put him on the wrong side of this argument, and it was to his credit that he was at least aware of that. "I just meant that it doesn't… feel right."
Teyla turned and faced him, folding her arms over her chest. She was prepared to wait until dawn if she had to for John to figure out what he did mean and how to say it.
"You were talking to Michael. He slaughtered an entire colony. He did God knows what else on those other worlds to other people to do his Mad Scientist impression, and you're out there for a week making nice with him?"
"I was out there…" Teyla shook her head, turning to stare out at the water. Moonlight, starlight rippled over the surface. It all seemed irrelevant now. So far away.
To his credit, and perhaps because he was still hurting from what he had said earlier, Sheppard stayed silent until she had figured out how to explain what she meant. "I was trying to understand why he was there, what he was doing. Why he had saved my life and then, to all appearances, simply disappeared back into the forest. He wasn't expecting me, but he did not object to my presence, which seemed to indicate that he had nothing to hide. He certainly had no time to hide any experiments he might be conducting." At least, any that recalled to mind the experiments he performed on the Taranans.
Sheppard didn't look any happier about that. "And, what, you …"
"I talked with him. I treated him as I thought the situation warranted. I was not 'getting snuggly' with him, and I was not…" Could she even have sexual relations with him? "You don't even know if it works that way," she told him, with a rueful little smile.
"Okay, that wasn't a mental picture I wanted," he made a face. "Teyla…"
"Yes, John?"
He was still angry. She watched him struggle for words that made sense, that were calm, over and around the feelings that were stretching tight between them. She wanted to make it easier for him and didn't know how, not when reaching out to him seemed more likely to result in her getting slapped back at the moment.
"I don't like him, all right? I don't trust him. No matter what we've done to him he'd done horrible things to people who never raised a hand against him and that cannot be erased no matter how many times he saves my friend's life."
And that was soft, and there was a look about him that Teyla had seen before that she couldn't (or wouldn't) explain away. She took a breath, let it out again, and nodded. "All right."
"All right?"
Small smile. "All right." And now she did put her hand on his arm, trying to reassure him. "I have not forgotten what he did either, or what he tried to do to me. I am simply trying to give him a chance to be something other than a monster."
He gave her something like a crooked smile, but he didn't pull away. That was something, at least. "I thought you were the one who told me that Wraith are Wraith, and they can't change that."
"Perhaps," she admitted, her smile turning a little more rueful. "But Michael has always been different, at least as far as we have known him. I know of no other Wraith who would have willingly put their life at risk to benefit us, for no greater reward than the resources to leave afterwards and protect himself."
John nodded, but it was pretty clear he didn't feel the same. Saving Teyla's life had more weight to it than that, and was more recent. And even with that, he wasn't prepared to let this go yet. To let the enmity go, perhaps never. Of all people, Teyla could understand that. Even if a part of her wished it could be otherwise.
"I will see you tomorrow," she said, sliding her hand down to pat his hand once or twice. And then, deciding not to press her luck any further than it had already gone, she left.
Afterwards, though, on the balcony outside of the offices, she found him leaning against the railing and staring out at the water.
"John…" she came up next to him, and felt it stabbing at her inside when he flinched away.
"Teyla."
His voice was neutral. They hadn't made up, not really, he had just realized that being obviously angry with her would only draw attention from the others. He was still upset, and he still believed he had seen her in Michael's arms.
Which was only fair, since she had been close to him, and it had been Michael. He hadn't seen perhaps exactly what he thought he'd seen, but it had been close enough to the truth and she didn't want to fight with John about it. She also didn't want to be put into a position where she would have to agree not to see Michael again. Not when she had promised to try to come back.
"I cannot try to fix what is wrong if you will not talk to me," she tried again. She wanted him to talk to her. She wanted their friendship back, she wanted things to be back the way they had been. She wasn't sure how to explain it.
Sheppard only shook his head. "I knew there was something. You had this… look. When you came back, I knew there was something. And I still didn't see this coming." He sounded more angry at himself about that, or maybe just angry.
"I did not know who had rescued me until he came to take me back to the crash site," she said, taking a breath and trying to explain. In some way that she thought he might accept, and maybe if he was reminded that Michael had saved her life he would be less angry with the Wraith. "He kept me asleep while he healed what he could, and then he took me back on a gurney. He said only that he trusted me not to reveal his location…"
"Well, nice to know one of us can trust you."
It was over the line. Teyla drew back, hurt and angry and instantly flushed, and even Sheppard had the look of shocked uncertainty that he usually got when he had said something that went further than he meant to.
"If that is how you truly feel, then perhaps…" she started. She hoped it wasn't how he felt now, but wouldn't have put it outside of the realm of possibility. Not considering it was Michael, and their experiences with the Wraith.
Still, he interrupted her. "That's not what I meant…" Still, not quite the right thing to say.
"Then what did you mean?"
"I just meant…" He swallowed once, then sighed. One sentence had put him on the wrong side of this argument, and it was to his credit that he was at least aware of that. "I just meant that it doesn't… feel right."
Teyla turned and faced him, folding her arms over her chest. She was prepared to wait until dawn if she had to for John to figure out what he did mean and how to say it.
"You were talking to Michael. He slaughtered an entire colony. He did God knows what else on those other worlds to other people to do his Mad Scientist impression, and you're out there for a week making nice with him?"
"I was out there…" Teyla shook her head, turning to stare out at the water. Moonlight, starlight rippled over the surface. It all seemed irrelevant now. So far away.
To his credit, and perhaps because he was still hurting from what he had said earlier, Sheppard stayed silent until she had figured out how to explain what she meant. "I was trying to understand why he was there, what he was doing. Why he had saved my life and then, to all appearances, simply disappeared back into the forest. He wasn't expecting me, but he did not object to my presence, which seemed to indicate that he had nothing to hide. He certainly had no time to hide any experiments he might be conducting." At least, any that recalled to mind the experiments he performed on the Taranans.
Sheppard didn't look any happier about that. "And, what, you …"
"I talked with him. I treated him as I thought the situation warranted. I was not 'getting snuggly' with him, and I was not…" Could she even have sexual relations with him? "You don't even know if it works that way," she told him, with a rueful little smile.
"Okay, that wasn't a mental picture I wanted," he made a face. "Teyla…"
"Yes, John?"
He was still angry. She watched him struggle for words that made sense, that were calm, over and around the feelings that were stretching tight between them. She wanted to make it easier for him and didn't know how, not when reaching out to him seemed more likely to result in her getting slapped back at the moment.
"I don't like him, all right? I don't trust him. No matter what we've done to him he'd done horrible things to people who never raised a hand against him and that cannot be erased no matter how many times he saves my friend's life."
And that was soft, and there was a look about him that Teyla had seen before that she couldn't (or wouldn't) explain away. She took a breath, let it out again, and nodded. "All right."
"All right?"
Small smile. "All right." And now she did put her hand on his arm, trying to reassure him. "I have not forgotten what he did either, or what he tried to do to me. I am simply trying to give him a chance to be something other than a monster."
He gave her something like a crooked smile, but he didn't pull away. That was something, at least. "I thought you were the one who told me that Wraith are Wraith, and they can't change that."
"Perhaps," she admitted, her smile turning a little more rueful. "But Michael has always been different, at least as far as we have known him. I know of no other Wraith who would have willingly put their life at risk to benefit us, for no greater reward than the resources to leave afterwards and protect himself."
John nodded, but it was pretty clear he didn't feel the same. Saving Teyla's life had more weight to it than that, and was more recent. And even with that, he wasn't prepared to let this go yet. To let the enmity go, perhaps never. Of all people, Teyla could understand that. Even if a part of her wished it could be otherwise.
"I will see you tomorrow," she said, sliding her hand down to pat his hand once or twice. And then, deciding not to press her luck any further than it had already gone, she left.