kittydesade | Entries tagged with what the shit was that

Not talking about it in public, both because it involves a whole lot of things going a certain way (they're likely to, but still) and because it involves touchy subjects but with some of what Mom's been saying over the last couple of weeks I'm hesitantly starting to think that mine and the boy's life could change a fair bit for the better within the next year. Assuming, you know, covid doesn't change it for the worse. Fucking covid.

I am le tired and also a bit le overwhelmed, which is 50% my fault and 50% also my fault. The first half is my fault for trying to take on too much with this code refactor for my project, although I did do that refactor in a copy file of the original project so if it's not ready in time to demonstrate I can just demonstrate the refactor I did and then go "and I have this mostly built up" on the other. (I do have it mostly built out, I'm hoping that it all runs tomorrow except the last thing and then the last thing runs fine too, but I was too tired to deal with the lows of code testing today by the time I was done with it.) The other half is... also my fault because I have this grand idea of HEY, I CAN GET ALL THIS CRAP DONE BY THURSDAY AND START MY NEXT PROJECT AND SPEED THROUGH THIS AT A TREMENDOUS RATE.

No, self. The other part, the other reason you've been checking in with Mom once a week is to keep her reassured that you're still into this stuff (which is very true) and making progress (which is also true even if it's not as fast as I'd like) and she will support you as long as both of those remain true so calm the fuck down. Oyyyy.

Well. Tomorrow is my project assessment for the first project, so that'll be one source of tech school stress out of the way.

I did manage to do ballet today, I did not manage to do either PT or bass? Maybe? Maybe I get that done tonight before midnight? I am going to bed at midnight, I am going to drug myself to sleep if I have to. This morning I woke up an hour before my alarm and did not effectively get back to sleep and I have felt it all day. I meant to go to bed early but checking in with Mom knocked me for six and left me a bit too hyper to calm down in time.

Still no results from the vet, which is nerve-wracking and mildly irksome. Still no covid duty for the boy, which is also nerve-wracking in its own way but also a tremendous relief. War analogies about never knowing when you'll be sent to the front go here, although I don't know how accurate those analogies are. My emotional state right now though is a bit like being pelted with both soft fluffy stuffed animals and those way-too-hard red rubber dodgeballs from 80s school gym classes. There's promising good news! There's likely bad news! it's all coming at my damn face at once! What the hell!

Feh. I can't deal with this without serious attention to maintenance, I'm gonna write for ten (or twenty), bass practice for twenty (or ten), and then take my dumb ass to sleep. Tomorrow will be what it will be. And the Mysterious Things are all next year type stuff anyway.

Okay, so I'm up to page 85 for tomorrow in the Russian book, it's not so much that it's getting easier as that I have more vocab and am able to put it more into context, though I could probably use a grammar refresher at some point. So, no, I guess it is getting easier.

But what I really want to know is, What the shit is this? Is the Nazi/National Socialist (are they still the same thing?) party actually making a resurgence in Europe? Are we actually heading back to where we were less than a hundred years ago, if not in specific then in general? I knew anti-Semitism was on the rise again, which makes me want to hurl all on its own, but is this shit back too? Anyone in Europe with more current-news awareness care to tell to me a thing about this? I'm also going to go looking for German and French language articles because I haven't yet done my German/French reading practice, and I get that by reading the newspaper anyway, so.

I can't believe this shit is happening again. This has, so far quite literally, ruined my whole day. I want to go home and get really drunk now. I'm so tired. I need to find a way to stop freaking out about this, and so far I haven't been able to.

These aren't even my damn elections! I should not be this freaked out about it! Worried, yes, it's all one world, real people could get hurt, and it's worrisome, as far as I know. But I should not be on the verge of throwing up. Besides, throwing up that perfectly good hummus and chips is not going to help anyone.

I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to get through the work day however I can, and then I'm going to go home and garden and surround myself with flowers and hide until I've found my cope again. Because clearly it's wandered off somewhere and I'm too tired to chase it down.

Crossposts: http://kittydesade.livejournal.com/1178584.html

( Gaeilge )

Dear god, I finally got some sleep last night. Despite the boy waking up at fuck o'clock in the morning to leave for GenCon, apparently the only thing I did was wake up enough to hear what time he set my alarm for (I still woke up before it) and acknowledge that he was leaving and then back to sleep. That's been a while.

I found out a little more about what happened. Not a storage shed but a tiny cottage type thing? Some place where someone was living, at any rate, and everything he had burned to ash. I got a better look at it today when I went over to talk to the guy, who was sifting through the wreckage of his home. Apparently he'd gotten invited out by a friend to go watch the meteor showers, I'd guess up on a mountain, came back to find his home in flames. So he was either really unlucky that he wasn't there to put it out before it got that bad, or really really lucky that he didn't go up with it. Goddess. At any rate, yeah, he pretty much has the clothes on his back now and that's about it. We're going to look around here and see what we have to offer. Not much, but there's probably a few things left over from moving.

Today. Today today... I seem to need to finish Gods and Monsters today, which should actually get done. Things are coming together. Then I start stripping edits out of Black Ice and maybe compiling a to-do list of last things that need to be smashed together, overhauled, or clarified. In the evening, costuming and batch cooking so I don't have to do much for the rest of the week/end, probably cleaning out the fridge, too. And some setting up of the dress form and costuming. That ought to be enough to keep me busy/exhausted. Taking notes on things and Nerd Girls in the interim. Busy busy busy. How the fuck is it only Wednesday? It feels like it's been ages longer than that.

Crossposts: http://kittydesade.livejournal.com/1126354.html

( Gaeilge )

That was an interesting night. Let's not do that again.

Got a bunch of stuff done last night! I figured out Scrivener, I started to figure out Smashwords, I finished the blog post for this week and I made a good healthy dinner for the boy, who'd gotten the lawn cut. I had a ridiculous idea late into the night, and then went to bed a bit early.

And then at two in the morning the boy wakes up, moves around in the bed, and I hear "oh shit," which wakes me up more. "What's up?" says I, still half asleep and thinking he's remembered something, maybe he meant to go in for half a night's work or not sleep so late. "The neighbor's shed's on fire."

So, that happened.

Whole thing burned down to the floorboards. Upper corner of their neighboring shed caught fire. I'm not sure what they use those things for but they do use them, there's been some speculation that maybe one's a music studio? They grow things so maybe one's a drying shed. Something. But it burned. Straight down. It was a bit horrifying to look at and realize that's in my own backyard. The boy saying that if it hadn't been so wet did not help at ALL, because I've known times down here when it was likely that dry, and I would have been spraying the hell out of the back yard just to keep it wet enough to not catch fire till the fire department got here. Fortunately they got there pretty quick. Two or three engines, there's a hydrant right across the street, it got put out in 20 minutes. Then they stuck around a chunk of the night, but they were gone by morning.

I'd call off work if I could afford it, but with Dragon*Con coming up that's not going to happen. So. Today pretty much the only thing I really have to get done is finish drafting Gods and Monsters, maybe start in on the next section. I'd also like to get my sense of my web presence better organized, and figure out some sort of a plan for publishing some of these stories, but I have no idea if that's going to happen or not. Tomorrow I think I'll also do some baking of oatmeal cookies or something for the poor Eisbiebers next door. I don't know, what DO you make for "I'm sorry your shed burned down" occasions? At least no one was hurt. No one's home burned down. I think. But that was hella scary. I can only imagine how they must feel.

Crossposts: http://kittydesade.livejournal.com/1126056.html

( Gaeilge )

I have now seen Man With THe Iron Fists. I think I can safely say that was one weirdass movie. It's not exactly standard Kung Fu movie fare? At least not the kind I'm used to/prefer, not the elegant wirework or, well, Jet Li. It was written and directed by a guy from Wu-Tang Clan. And Eli Roth. So there's that. It wasn't bad. And I definitely prefer Kung Fu action Lucy Liu if I have to watch cheesy Lucy Liu at all, rather than Elementary Lucy Liu. But. Um. Huh.

I have made an appointment for girly pampering, including brow shaping, which ... I'd say I have no idea what even am I doing except I know exactly what I'm doing, it's just weird and new that I'm doing it. And a little exciting in that newness way. But there's that and a pedicure and a quick chair massage and then there will be going out for dinner and seeing Pacific Rim. So we start out with stereotypical feminine pampering and go on to dinner which may involve bleeding flesh of some kind and giant robots beating the fuck out of godzilla creatures. Because this is how my life works. Hey, if I'm going to make pretend like I'm beating the fuck out of godzilla creatures in a giant mecha I'm going to do it looking fucking fabulous.

Dentist appointment today. Do not want. Anna inbound tomorrow. Do want! Can I just skip to tomorrow? No? Bleh.