Warhead On Legs

( Gaeilge )

No, no Irish yesterday, or languages of most any kind, was busy writing and resting up as well. And panicking about writing. And resting.

So, I started watching Defiance. And I find it all right? The more I think about it the more I think it only comes across as something I like in comparison with everything else that's new right now. I still haven't seen Orphan Black, which I hear is well received. I saw DaVinci's Demons, which turned out to be one manic DaVinci, one Fbashir (seriously, he looks like and serves a similar narrative purpose to Floki on Vikings, and he's played by Bashir), and a collection of conspiring old white dudes. I have no interest in watching a collection of conspiring old white dudes when the show can't be bothered to spend enough time on any one faction to differentiate them properly. I saw Rectify, which appears to be basically the same premise as Life but with a much, much less charismatic lead even accounting for the lack of manic behavior patterns. And then there's Defiance.

The premise is intriguing. The languages that are commonly spoken that aren't English have actually been worked on by a linguist so if I start picking them apart to find copulas and commonly used nouns I might stand a chance of finding patterns, which gives me a considerable squee. (Look, you knew I was a language dork, all right? Stop looking at me like that. ;) ) Sadly, after two episodes there's a conspicuous lack of any really interesting characters. So far the ones I find the most interesting are the protagonist's adopted alien (for extra bonus culture clash!) daughter, the anti-protagonist-hero-guy whose role doesn't pigeonhole well and who is also an underworld boss and who is also played by Tony Curran so we know he's shady, and the sheriff's deputy who was the sheriff's last deputy and who is pretty damn clever and capable and not white. Which is unusual. But apart from these three characters everyone seems to be pretty stock, not that these aren't stock. It's just that they're either snarky or different enough to be intriguing to me. The dialogue is stock without being very boring with the exception of two moments in the pilot that were about "Okay, what, did they just copy paste from Rousing Speeches I Have Known?" and "Well, he was clearly killed off to make room for the hero." The alien races are intriguing without being different in any way that really grabs my interest. It's just so very... not revolutionary. Not that everything has to be, but if it comes down to I only have time to watch certain shows, that one's going to fall first. Still, Tony Curran and Stephanie Leonidas buy it some interest from me.

Right. Today's statements of intent: White Lightning, get the blog post about the serial out (EEEK) though first finishing edits on that, so I guess that's the first thing I'll do today, and then tonight I have a little over 10 minutes left on Person of Interest. Good god last week and last weekend was full of crap, and I severely overestimated my ability to do everything in a weekend. Must. Stop. That. It's not like it's the first time. I also need to check in, probably this afternoon at the usual scheduled time. This past week has just shat on everyone's schedules and states of mind, really. Tally ho? Sally forth. And all that good stuff.

( Gaeilge )

You know, I won't explain but I will leave this bit of cryptic here, it's nice to know sometimes that my estimation of fandom's opinions as compared to my opinions are right. It makes things easier. On the plus side, I got a glove knitted up last night! Almost perfectly. I now have to figure out how to get rid of that giant hole between the thumb and the rest of the fingers. So, okay, not so simple as knitting up two tubes. I may try something else and then may ask the Beej for help because, um, dignity. And stubbornness.

The bedroom looks really weird without the top bunk. Which, for those of you who don't know (which might be most of you), for the past four years or so we've been sleeping in a bunk bed because that's what I had at the time, and it was the easiest bed to move down. Well, since this bed has survived two moves and a long stay in a basement, we're finally getting rid of it. We have a fucking Tempurpedic mattress that will be delivered once we're in the house, you guys I cannot explain to you how awesome this thing is. Memory foam, though expensive as fuck for a mattress, is definitely going to be worth the indulgence right now, especially with the 25 year warranty. The rest of the furniture, at least, the things like tables and bedframes and chairs and things, can wait or can be got much cheaper secondhand, since we already have a folding table and folding chairs and things like that. But I refuse to get a mattress second-hand and I'd prefer not to get appliances second-hand. Which is less a matter of not trusting second-hand appliances and more a matter that the one reliable store went out of business when the store owners hit the age of fuckit. Also, getting new appliances gives us the top of the energy saving benefits, so, eh.

Anyway. The things you can do when you still have a chunk left over from a house down payment.

This weekend was full of entertaining blog stuff over at Murderboarding, mostly involving actual actors from the show (well, one) posting an ask to my tumblr that quoted part of the recaplysis, thereby causing our heads to explode because proof positive that at least the actors actually read this shit. And possibly the production crew, I got tweeted at by one of the co-creators of Haven. That was good for a moment or three of spaz. Still, I'll be glad when this season of Haven is over (YAY SEASON FOUR OF HAVEN GREENLIT) and Grimm is on hiatus and I can have more versatile Saturdays.

There might be more to this except I'm off to work. Self, remember to call and check at the end of the day if the gas person was there, to call after work and give them your ShowMe number and the boy's Social Control number, and don't forget to start today with Nano instead of blog stuff. Assuming that's even possible, if Flutter's not there. Ugh. Monday backlog. This is going to be fun.

( Русский язык )

Ow. Oof. And ow. Training to be a superhero is hard, yo.

This brought to you by folding crunches and push-ups back into my workout regimen. Yet again. Maybe I'll try and remember to do it two months on two months off this time or something. But I discovered something interesting and kind of fun: once I get my momentum up on parkour exercises of running up onto park benches, I can actually run over three benches almost at speed before I hit caterpillar mode and fall over myself. No, I didn't actually fall, but that's what it felt like. And at that, the biggest reason it happened was because one of the benches was really wobbly and I could feel it bowing beneath me. So possibly I'll do a different set of benches next time. Anyway, so, yeah! I'm running and jumping on benches and running more like a boss! I love it. Next up, or maybe next month, vaulting over stumps! Assuming the rain stops, because stumps are on grass, and that's way slicker in the rain than I want to run on right now.

And, also, running is kind of impeded by this blister on the back of my ankle so I haven't been doing it as much. I have no idea what's up with that or where it came from but it's irritating the shit outta me.

Okay, okay, since I'm being asked and I forgot to link it yesterday, the context for James McAvoy fucking with us. Because he is. You're welcome. At this point I think if you put him, Robert Downey Jr, and Misha Collins in a room together, their collective fandom trolling would probably cause fandom in general to wet themselves and then explode.

Anyway. Oogh. There was thunder and rain earlier this morning, but it seems to have cleared up now. I damn well forgot to cook the second steak, since there wasn't actually enough room in my skillet for both of them (since I couldn't find the steaklets) but at least it's in a marinade, so I can just do that tonight and store it. And in the meantime I have leftover radioactive steak and other stuff.

And as I get ready to go it also occurs to me. This whole parkour in the park, doing all this exercise writing all this stuff? I know writing, at least, started because it never actually occurred to me that, given several hours of free time in a day, I couldn't write 10k words. Seriously, it never crossed my mind that that was an unreasonable number of words. I wonder if part of my success at teaching myself to run and jump and leap over things, I know part of it is due to early ballet training and learning how my body moves and good physical habits, but I wonder if part of it is simply because it never occurred to me that it might be difficult or I might need someone to show me how or something. I don't know how usual or unusual this is. Or anything like that. Just. Apropos of nothing. It's interesting.

( Read more... )

If they fridge JJ on Criminal Minds I vote we send CBS a fridge with a mannequin in it. Who's with me?

I had my first... um. I don't even know what to call it. In a crazy random happenstance, almost exactly 24 hours after I get into a discussion on one LJ about fandom, fanfiction, and my fear of horribly offending or hurting someone with my fanfic, someone tags one of my fics and says "This part of this offends me." Surprisingly, this ended up being much less dramatic than I thought. First there was the startled/hurt feelings moment, then there was the okay, get a grip on yourself, let's see what this person actually wrote moment. Then there was reading the comment, thinking on it, pondering the points it made, and responding with what I hoped was a solution and an explanation of the one point that was a comment on my interpretation of the prompt. And apparently my proposed solution was fine with the person. So, woot, I guess? Yay for not having made a total ass of myself on the internet!

In all seriousness, I write these fics to be entertaining, not to espouse a point of view, and while I'll argue writing, interpretation of canon, etc till the stars burn out I don't mean to offend anyone by what I write, so it's nice to occasionally have something pointed out to me as "Hey, this part here offends me" and be given a chance to explain/fix/what have you.

Sigh. I need to stop discussing this at least for tonight, if not for tomorrow as well. It's getting really depressing and I'm starting to wonder if anyone's actually understanding me or if I'm not making myself clear. The revolution will resume tomorrow. Tonight I'm just too tired even to talk about the yarn kerfluffle that happened today.

Or, in the words of the Immortal Leary

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, and FUCK YOU!"

I can't believe you people. I can't believe the shit you read and the shit you spout. I can't believe that this is the stuff you choose to represent what you believe, or that you have this little respect for what you write. Because make no mistake, that's the message you're sending out to those of us who actually take more than two seconds to read your fic and make sure you have the appropriate amount of sex in it.

I can't believe some of you people who write non-con, bondage, kink, slash, het, yaoi, yuri, femslash, mpreg (god I hate mpreg), bdsm, yukis and semes and abusive relationship. Passive rape. Gay rape. Coercion. Emotional and physical abuse. Emotional manipulation. SHIT.

If this is how you people really live your lives, I'm scared. I'm downright terrified for the future of the human race, because God knows most of you can't be over 18, possibly over 16. If you people write, believe, think you understand the crap that spews out of your fingers, your computers, your keyboards, then oh my dear sweet Goddess you people need serious mental and sexual help. You need therapy for your next three lifetimes.

I'm not kidding. Now, I enjoy a good erotica fic as much as the next sexual critter, and yes I occasionally enjoy a good erotica between two consenting adults involving bdsm. I have some friends on the bdsm scene. I've even dabbled myself. I've done my homework. For those who like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing they like. (I can't remember what movie that's from, but I remember Maggie Smith said it) I don't even mind graphic rape WHEN IT SERVES THE STORY.

Let me repeat that.

WHEN. IT. SERVES. THE. STORY.

My god. You people. You have nothing in your stories but sex. And not just the normal kind of sex, oh no, you have to have the nasty-ass manipulative rapist kind of sex. The unhappy miserable dysfunctional appalling tear-jerking hand-staple-forehead angsty scar-you-for-the-rest-of-your-short-suicidal-life sex. And that's the kind of fanfic that gets the reviews. That's the kind of fanfic that seems to be popular. It's like romance novels, only worse. Much, much, ten times worse. It's like if romance novels were slings and arrows, these kinds of fics would be H-Bombs.

You people scare me. You people disgust me. Hell, I've written this crap before. I've written rape, I've written BDSM, I've written gay sex, I've written pure smut. But you know what? I actually take the time and have the self-respect to put some actual thought into the whole process. And I know lots of writers who do. And you know what? No one listens to them either.

So, would someone explain this to me? Explain it to me! Explain it to me! I want it explained to me now JESUS! What the hell is this formula? That you start out with a number of readers, and your readership and reviews go down the less you have sex and the less you have angst. Never mind that maybe you were trying to hook readers in with plot. Throw out character development. Forget intelligent conversation or philosophical exploration of issues. These days if you have a fic and your characters develop more than just an interest in someone's genitalia, it's considered well-written. Goddamn. How far our standards have fallen.

I'm not asking for Shakespeare here. I'm not even asking for Lady Chatterly's Lover or Justine. My god, people, the Marquis de fucking Sade had more plot and more skill than some of you. And that's saying something, I've read Justine, it's nearly as bad. But PLEASE. At least the Marquis went: Philosophy. Sex. Philosophy. Sex. Philosophy. Sex. You people write and read Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Lunch.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Afternoon tea.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.

And the one or two fics that don't have the sex, or don't write about the two or three characters that everyone gives a shit about (Aragorn and Legolas, or Henry Jekyll, or Harry Draco Hermione and Snape, or ...) IT DOESN'T GET READ! No one cares that maybe one of the elven archers who died in the siege of Helmsdeep might have had a family... or a personality. No one wants to hear about the trials and tribulations of Colin Creevy. No one likes or wants to listen to Dorian Gray's side of the story.

I'm so sick of this. I'm so very very sick and tired of people asking when my characters are going to get to the sex, or who's going to pair off with who. GROW UP! GIVE IT UP! Or at the very least talk about something other than that, and bitch about it to each other in private. I mean, damn. This one chick had the audacity to say that I was inspired by her fic. NO, LADY. Your fic is nothing like mine. YOU have your OC and your main fanfic'd character fucking like rabbits inside of fifteen chapters. *I* have about a hundred chapters planned, thirty five written, and they'll be lucky to have two kisses in the whole damn story. But you know what? They'll have had some damn good and meaningful conversations, and if they were a real life couple they'd be the one married for sixty years and your couple would be the one getting a divorce inside of six.

I know. I've watched these marriages failing. I'm watching them fail right now.

Gyah. There was this one atrocity on AdultFanFiction.net where some fanfic characters who will remain nameless to protect the poor characters were written into going off on a raping spree, which seemed to turn the supposed protagonist on, as did later being dominated herself. What the hell kind of a sick message is this sending? That we should be turned on by rape? That it's okay? Back in the day I read these books by Nancy Friday. She had a good message... rape fantasies are all well and good, but no one WANTS to be raped. Except sick and twisted fanfic characters who should rightly stay in the back of people's brains. Other people READ this shit.

You people are so crazed. And this is a recent phenomenon. This whole concentration on sex thing. I remember back in the original days of X-Files... and I mean way back, like first and second and third season (yes, I'm practically a dinosaur. Shut up.) everything was about the UST. For those of you who concentrate on sex and have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, that's Unresolved Sexual Tension. And I don't mean tying someone up naked to a bed and leaving them there. I'm talking about the good ol' fifties, lingering glances, tiny smiles, swaying hips kind of sexual tension. The kind that can be carried throughout a whole movie or story and climaxed in a kiss. No one has that kind of writing skill anymore. And even if they did, no one wants to read it.

Now, I think I've just about ranted myself out now. And I know I'm going to get flamed for this. But you know what? I no longer give a shit. If this kind of thing doesn't improve ... I'm just going to get out of the fanfic business entirely.

I'll publish my short stories, eventually my novels, and turn into the kind of writer that gets horrible bad-porn fic written about her characters.

And if I see ANY of that, I will hunt you down and prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. Not the decent fics, or even the semi-decent fics. You'll get approval. No, I'll hunt down you rape-mongers. You know who I mean.

'cause, again in the words of the Immortal Leary.

"I'm an asshole, and I'm proud of it."