Warhead On Legs

( Deutsch )

So, first, an author was foolish about fantasy novel covers. Which, yes, are sort of ridiculously prettified and sexified, that's not my issue with his post. My issue is that he takes himself, not at the peak of his physical ability, puts himself in what he thinks of as the same poses as the women (women) on the covers of these books, and points out how bad he looks. Dude. Your back isn't held up, your shoulders are all scrunchy, you're not keeping your abdomen and ribs engaged, you're not properly aligning your spine, you're not keeping your hips and tailbone tucked and/or angled right, and your knees are lackadaisical. Anyone would look like crap trying to make a pose without actually doing it by engaging all of their body in the proper way. Also, I hate to break it to you, but you're a guy. Cisguys' bodies are structured differently than cisgirls'. Also, these women are supposedly in the peak of their physical prowess, or implied to be, which means they do know how to hold themselves. And finally, it's a still image. It is a single moment in time. Presumably they're not holding this pose. You wouldn't assume that a photograph cover of a novel involved one person standing there like that for several minutes, why do you assume it for a drawing?

I will say, though, that pile of foolishness did remind me that I needed to concentrate more on my exercises. So that was helpful! No, seriously, as an exercise I planted my feet along a straight line, softened my knees a bit, tucked my ass into a line under my spine, lifted my spine up to my head, dropped my shoulders and squared them and pushed my chest and ribs out a bit for the sake of being really ridiculously comic book. Then turned so that my shoulders were at perpendicular to my feet. My hips did have to turn maybe.. 25, 30 degrees? It wasn't a full 45 degree angle, I know that. And then, just for kicks, I looked over my right shoulder. And held it. And held it. And then got bored so I stopped and stretched out. Someday, if I manage to drop these few pounds or find a few ounces more of self-confidence I might actually get dressed up into my superhero costumes and do some superhero poses. Either that or I'd have to find a professional photographer willing to indulge me. Till then, I will just facedesk at people who are making no doubt well-intentioned arguments about things that, in the general, probably need to be argued. But... oh, I don't know how to say it. Not in ways that make me go "Uh, dude, that's totally possible, and the training to move your body that way is pretty damn hardcore."

That said, fantasy novel covers tend to be less egregious than comic books anyway. Comic books just defy the laws of biology and physics.

... and all that said, dammit, now I want to go home and do my yoga. Instead I suppose I will go out front and spin. Which is sort of like doing yoga, only not. Or some of this. Now this is what I'm talking about A shot from this would make a kickass fantasy novel cover.