(no subject)

[kittydesade]

Diese - This
Jede - Every
Welche - which
Manche - Some
Solche - Those kinds of (so ein, in the singular)

Diese Klausur ist schwer.
Jede Klausur ist schwer.
Welch Klausur hast du?
Manche Klausuren sind nicht schwer.
Solche Klausuren sind nicht interessant.

Dieses Hauptfach ist interessant.
Jedes Hauptfach ist interessant.
Welches Hauptfach machst du?
Manche Hauptfächer sind nicht interessant.
Solche Hauptfächer sind einfach.

Dieses Radio ist alt.
Jedes Radio ist einfach.
Manche Radios sind alt.

This is not working. Hmm.

Dieses Radio ist alt.
Dieses Buch ist interessant.
Diese Lampe ist heiß.
Dieser Ozean ist groß.
Diese Leute sind verruckt.
Dieses Land ist Ihr Land, Dieses Land ist meine Land

Jeder Ozean ist kalt.
Jedes Buch ist important.
Jeder Film von Christopher Nolan ist gut.
Jede Sprache ist interessant. Und schwer.
Jedes Spermium ist heilig. (What.)

Welche Lampe ist kaputt?
Welcher Film ist neu?
Welche Bücher sind von Stephen King?
Welcher Mann ist Matt?
Welches Radio ist meine?

Manche Bücher sind nicht interessant.
Manche Sprachen sind schwer.
Manche Filme sind lang.
Manche Fahhräder sind .... something. Rot?

That's probably enough grinding on that topic.


Oof. I has a tired. I also has a remarkably inane and strange commercial for public radio going on behind me. Ooh, maybe if Misha comes to Dragon*Con I can bug him about being on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.

There was some kind of organization to my thoughts, partly spurred by various circumstances lately (language brainweasels and random irritability) to think about why and how I think about my thought processes and partly spurred by discussion of people. But now I am too zoned to be organized, so you have some disorganized thoughts.

I've been to see shrinks three times in my life. One was when I was little, and it was the play with dolls and tell me about your family type of shrink. My mother had just gone through a pretty nasty divorce and I think she wanted to be sure I was okay. I still don't know whose idea that was. And I also went to something related to co-counseling, my mother had a name for it but I don't remember what it was. It was an adult-and-child thing, where the adult takes directions from the child (within reason of course) and all I remember of it was the name of the friend of my Mom's who did it with me and that I got to make a couch fort out of his pillows. He had a big couch. There were a lot of pillows. The second time was when I was in middle school, for no triggering event that I can remember. I was just desperately unhappy. I was also thirteen, fourteen. That was the only time a shrink prescribed me medication, and I didn't take it. I didn't want to alter my body chemistry even then, and my mother didn't make me. The third time was in college. There was a guy involved, it was pretty bad, some people on my flist may remember that. I went for several sessions and then things... evened out. At no point did anyone suggest more strongly than writing a prescription that I needed medication to control my moods, and most of the time I only saw a shrink for about a year.

There was another time, more recently, maybe four or five years ago, and it kind of illustrates what I'm going for here. I started having very bad mood swings. Breaking into a panicked cry for what even then I realized were very silly reasons, being upset and reacting abruptly to interactions that I felt were derogatory to me or in some way harmful. I started keeping track of these, I think I decided this at one point when I was more lucid. I realized that all the major emotional upsets happened within a week of my period. Ah-HAH. A few weeks later I made an appointment at the local planned parenthood, explained to them that while it was a little early for my annual poking and prodding I was experiencing these emotional symptoms in this pattern (plus headaches) and could I have a low-dose birth control prescription? I had been on these medications before. And lo, the emotional upheaval stopped. And hasn't really started again, although some of the physical symptoms persist in smaller doses.

There's no point to all of this, really, or at least not a strong one. Except that, self-awareness is (in my less than humble opinion, but really, who else's opinion would you be reading?) one of the best tools you can ever have to get from one state to another, from an unhealthy state to a better one, from sick to stable and stable to healthy. That goes for physically sick, mentally, or emotionally. Our bodies tell us so many things day to day, it can be hard to keep track, but just keeping in touch with your body and keeping in mind what it could mean is so, so helpful. When you're feeling slightly off, doing the checklist of, have I eaten, slept an appropriate amount, showered, and had plenty of water? When I feel energized in the morning and have a good day (unimpeded by outside forces, at least) how much have I slept? When I wake up feeling like crap, how little have I slept?

Even the more dubious ones, do I get panicky or depressed or feel like nobody loves me everybody hates me at specific times of the month? Of the day? And have patience with some of this, because you can go for two or three years before you see the pattern, well, I was hyper hyper go go go for about six weeks, then I was down and low energy and low self-esteem for eight, what happened to maybe cause that? Thanks to keeping an eye on myself and keeping my general state of being in mind, I know that I need at least forty eight hours after completing a major work of writing in which I don't write a damn thing, so my brain can recover. I know that if a major event happens to throw me for a loop, I need to be very, very careful about bipolar ... fits isn't the right word, but my emotional state goes haywire in measurable three to four hour increments and if I'm not careful and don't keep an eye on myself it can last for a lot longer than it needs to. I know that I get sharp headaches and leg cramps five days before my cycle and how long it lasts, I know that if I start writing down the same lists over and over again, or song lyrics or what have you, that something's stressing me out and activating my hypergraphia.

And mostly it just comes down to paying attention. I listen to what my body's telling me, to what the patterns of my mind are telling me, and I interpret the data. The way I interpret language patterns or ... well, almost anything, really.

Okay, lecture over. Time to get outta here.