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[personal profile] kittydesade
Title: All Grown Up
Fandom: Narnia
Characters: Susan
Word Count: 559
Rating: PG
Summary: It was so easy to grow up, and leave Narnia behind.

It was so easy, at first. She and Peter were the responsible ones, they had to take care of the younger two. Peter when he was there, she when he was not. There were all these decisions to be made, most of which had nothing whatsoever to do with a magical realm in a wardrobe full of talking animals and mythical creatures. When she did think of it, most often it was right after keeping Lucy from saying something drastic like fauns aren't really like that or that doesn't look like a unicorn at all.

Time passed. It had a habit of doing that. They grew up slowly in the mortal world, grew older. Susan learned of the mystery of boys that were not her brothers, started to discover the effects of her smiles. The world of Narnia seemed more and more distant. And as they had been the only humans there, and rulers to boot, there had been neither time nor opportunity for romance. Her second youth was a boon and a blessing.

Lucy still talked about it, of course. Edmund indulged her because he felt guilty, Peter because he had always doted on his youngest sister. It wasn't meant to be exclusionary. Didn't start out that way.

But time passed, and days and dates passed. Peter never seemed to discover girls in the same way that she had discovered boys. Oh, there were little love notes and other girls in her class were always asking her what was going on in that boy's head, but nothing ever came of it. He and Edmund and Lucy were all too fond of each other, too likely to stay inside and play some sort of card game or Let's Pretend, as she called it now. It wasn't exactly natural, but it wasn't exactly unnatural either.

She learned to laugh it off as the memories faded into distant dreams. By the time Peter was done with school and on to college Lucy had stopped talking to her about much of anything of import or interest at all. There was no use in it. They didn't understand each other, the rift springing up when they weren't looking and neither of them knew how to bridge that gap.

Edmund looked at her as a bossy older sister, a babysitter to be alternately ignored or pouted at by turns. There had been a time, she remembered, when he had behaved. When he had been good and generous, or at the very least all right. What had happened to that boy? But it was an absent-minded thought and it never occurred to her that something had happened instead to her.

Peter and Susan had long talks about family finances, Edmund and Lucy's schoolwork, and how she was getting along with Lawrence Fillmore. If there was anything missing between them, he never showed it.

When news of the train accident reached her she cried more for being alone than for her lost siblings, whom she hadn't really known since they were children. It had been so easy to let them slip away, so easy that she no longer remembered exactly how it happened. Only that by the time Lucy was a grown woman she was also a stranger, and Susan was left to stand outside the door of the home her family had grown up inside.

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