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Jan. 16th, 2018 11:32 amArgh. So, now I'm better but I'm also better enough to have half a brain cell to wonder what's going to happen with Mikey-cat, and what that mass is, and how to get him properly processing foods and why he's still losing weight and throwing up and and and. He's at the oncologist getting another ultrasound and more bloodwork, which introduces the how are we going to pay for this worry. I feel like a horrible kitty mom and I'm scared for my big boy, who we literally got on the day we moved into our apartment down here. There's DW posts from back then somewhere around, I'll dig them up and link them.
The trazodone worked anyway. I slept, woke up at 2 am and freaked out because oh god it didn't work, but after about an hour of that I fell back asleep at 3 and slept till maybe 7, 7.30. The doc said that means the meds are working and stay on them until I feel like I have re-established a normal sleeping pattern. I've got two weeks worth more. We'll see how this goes. Anyway, I feel better, but, cat.
And money anxiety because being out for a whole damn week. Two weeks worth of work gone between holidays and being sick and while being a family business means I'm not going to get fired because I'm sick for a week with the flu, we run close enough to the line that sick leave is not on the table again. (Yet? I was hopeful until the Yam Sham took the office.) I have to remember that this does not mean I didn't get a small raise this year, I was breaking even last year and my expenses have not increased as a regular thing so it will eventually be fine, I just have to be careful for a month or two. But between me being sick, Mikey being sick, and every other goddamn thing.
It's been a stressful couple of weeks okay. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm scared for my kitty. I want things to be okay again and right now, and still operating on some sleep deprivation, it feels like they won't ever be. Like I'll be caught forever in this state of nervous fear of sad things happening even if it's not flat out dread of being homeless or dead or anything. Argh.
At least I get to go home tonight, sleep in my own bed, wake up and play with my makeup at my vanity, all those things. That's one happy thing in a month that started out horrible.
The trazodone worked anyway. I slept, woke up at 2 am and freaked out because oh god it didn't work, but after about an hour of that I fell back asleep at 3 and slept till maybe 7, 7.30. The doc said that means the meds are working and stay on them until I feel like I have re-established a normal sleeping pattern. I've got two weeks worth more. We'll see how this goes. Anyway, I feel better, but, cat.
And money anxiety because being out for a whole damn week. Two weeks worth of work gone between holidays and being sick and while being a family business means I'm not going to get fired because I'm sick for a week with the flu, we run close enough to the line that sick leave is not on the table again. (Yet? I was hopeful until the Yam Sham took the office.) I have to remember that this does not mean I didn't get a small raise this year, I was breaking even last year and my expenses have not increased as a regular thing so it will eventually be fine, I just have to be careful for a month or two. But between me being sick, Mikey being sick, and every other goddamn thing.
It's been a stressful couple of weeks okay. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm scared for my kitty. I want things to be okay again and right now, and still operating on some sleep deprivation, it feels like they won't ever be. Like I'll be caught forever in this state of nervous fear of sad things happening even if it's not flat out dread of being homeless or dead or anything. Argh.
At least I get to go home tonight, sleep in my own bed, wake up and play with my makeup at my vanity, all those things. That's one happy thing in a month that started out horrible.