![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Sep. 28th, 2015 08:07 amI don't even know what's going on in my tiny mind right now. I woke up to the realization that I hadn't finished the lab (or even done more than one question) on the Astronomy course which was due at 6.30 this morning, never mind that I haven't paid money for the class and the grade doesn't mean anything. Suddenly my mind is seizing on the story I haven't edited yet that is still collecting edits, that is a delicate thing and I swear I'm going to fuck up on. Focusing on the roda (I keep wanting to type it hora, which is how it's pronounced and goddammit this is portuguese not hebrew) this weekend and how I'm going to fail at that and look stupid and. I'm actually pretty sure those are the only two things I'm freaking out about fucking up. Oh, the dentist visit, but that's less fuck up and more oh god I'm going to be out hundreds of dollars now. It's a cleaning you moron. There may be cavities later but at least get through the cleaning first.
And it's all in my head, too. And when I say that I mean literally, it's in my thoughts. My heart isn't racing. I'm not pacing or fidgeting, there's no surge of adrenaline, no sweat, my thoughts aren't even going in very fast circles. I'm just lying here in bed because I brought my laptop up and couldn't be bothered to get out from under the covers after a shower, doing some morning language exercises and thinking about how much I'm going to fuck everything up while I blow through my Japanese review like it's nothing. Go figure.
I'm not sure I like this brain. I think I want to exchange it for a better working one. Or store credit.
I also didn't finish the Haven episode I was working on, but that can be done easily enough possibly before the dentist visit, and then I only have two more to go to finish out season two, if we're going to do the thing where we do the S2 Christmas episode as a fond farewell. It is kind of a stand-alone anyway.
Bleh. I suppose that means I'd better get downstairs, get breakfast, and get the day started. I'm betting a lot of this is guilt in another set of clothes, guilt for spending most of the weekend reading instead of Getting Stuff Done, whatever that means. And catching up on sleep, but mostly reading. And I should have been doing XYZ instead of indulging myself? I know I have some issues with that still, I'm betting that's what this is. I was reading instead of editing the story, or practicing capoeira, never mind that I went to class and we did some exercises and had a pretty good class anyway. And editing the story while my head's still some shaky is probably not the best idea. And there's nothing wrong with taking a weekend, and the college course isn't for anything other than my own edification. So my brain can just shut the hell up about that.
And it's all in my head, too. And when I say that I mean literally, it's in my thoughts. My heart isn't racing. I'm not pacing or fidgeting, there's no surge of adrenaline, no sweat, my thoughts aren't even going in very fast circles. I'm just lying here in bed because I brought my laptop up and couldn't be bothered to get out from under the covers after a shower, doing some morning language exercises and thinking about how much I'm going to fuck everything up while I blow through my Japanese review like it's nothing. Go figure.
I'm not sure I like this brain. I think I want to exchange it for a better working one. Or store credit.
I also didn't finish the Haven episode I was working on, but that can be done easily enough possibly before the dentist visit, and then I only have two more to go to finish out season two, if we're going to do the thing where we do the S2 Christmas episode as a fond farewell. It is kind of a stand-alone anyway.
Bleh. I suppose that means I'd better get downstairs, get breakfast, and get the day started. I'm betting a lot of this is guilt in another set of clothes, guilt for spending most of the weekend reading instead of Getting Stuff Done, whatever that means. And catching up on sleep, but mostly reading. And I should have been doing XYZ instead of indulging myself? I know I have some issues with that still, I'm betting that's what this is. I was reading instead of editing the story, or practicing capoeira, never mind that I went to class and we did some exercises and had a pretty good class anyway. And editing the story while my head's still some shaky is probably not the best idea. And there's nothing wrong with taking a weekend, and the college course isn't for anything other than my own edification. So my brain can just shut the hell up about that.