Babble babble bitch bitch

[kittydesade]

Awake. Been awake for a little while, but actually settling down and feeling like I might be productive now. Except I need a shower first. Did the topic response for this week for Sam. On time, my god, the world might end.

I want a lot of things. Sale brochures in the newspaper make me think of this, today. I want a digital camera. I want the Return of the King box set with the snow-globe type statue in. I want one of those hard-case suitcase briefcase type thingies to put minis in. I want a new mp3 player.

Less materialistically, I want a job where I don't have to work any more hours but that will still pay me enough to actually pay rent and bills and college loans on an apartment. I want a car where I'm not constantly afraid of the transmission falling out. I want to be courageous and productive and actually send out half the stories I say I'm going to. I want to actually finish the goddamn novels.

I could. Well, I could do most of the latter. I just. Mmph. I don't know what's stopping me, these days. Fear on the writing bit, utter disdain on the job bit. I have a permanent part-time job, and I could go full-time if I wanted, eventually. I just don't want to. There's something about sitting on the phones for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and taking orders from people with more money than brains that just makes me want to bite. So, clearly, I need to become a famous, published writer. (eighteen, twenty months tops? hah. I cling to your faith in me.) Because at least that would enable me to do what I love for a living. And not have to deal with stupid people.

Right. My goal for today is to print out five stories so I can mail them out tomorrow. Considering how many finished stories I have kicking around on my hard drive this should not be hard. I even have a form query letter to put in with each story. This should not bother me nearly as much as it does. Argh. I kick my own ass.

... I do. Really. Goddammit, I am better than this. I am stronger, faster, smarter than this. I write well. I write fast, and if 90% of everything you write is shit, then I still write fast because cranking out 10,000 words per day means you've got at least 1,000 good words in there somewhere. Means you've got a novel in three months. I've been published in magazines before. I've got worlds spinning in my head that no one's ever dreamed of. I have friends. Hell, I have fans, dammit. There is no reason I cannot do this.

Come on, girl. Shower, put on some of that inspirational music you like. KMFDM, of course. You're a super-hero, demi-god. Because you are. You are goddess of all your worlds, and until the music stops you will keep going. Because you can do this.


Right. Showertime. Then hanging out in the living room writing and tagging comments time.