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Nov. 11th, 2020 09:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeI am goddamn exhausted. I don't know what brought this on or if there's a point at which I should be worried. I keep saying I have a fascism hangover, and I'm pretty sure that's what it is, decompensation from election stress and the stress of the past four years a bit and everything else. But I am really, really sick of being tired.
I had plans for today. Grand plans. I accomplished exactly two? of them? I got some dishes done and I reconnected with an old friend, so that was excellent. But I also slept in way more than I meant to on account of being woken up at 6am by the boy coming home all "I got to go to the ER tonight! :D :D" My happy half-asleep ass though he meant he'd been floated down there, as you do when you're working in an understaffed hospital and you're used to getting floated around. But no. He was there as a patient, owing to a sudden bout of high blood pressure? It was not a heart attack, they checked and they checked him out for other symptoms and they prescribed him the same blood pressure medication (ACE-inhibitor) that I'm on and sent him home early, and so he woke me up at six in the goddamn morning. And we sat up talking for an hour or so while he showered and got ready for sleep, and I did manage to get back to sleep but I feel like it's thrown off my entire groove. And no, I am not throwing him out the window.
Hi! It's been a hot minute hasn't it? Not much has developed except that I'm a little further along in my course than I was, and the election week ish coincided with Sephora's biannual (I think? They had three one year. Was it this year? Last year? Who knows.) sale and the result was that I did a fair amount of crit damage to my credit card and there is a growing pile on my sink of makeup and skin care products. I'm building myself a little mental fort out of them and if the boy has to go back onto the covid ward I'm just going to paint myself in colors and glitter and pretend I'm a heroine in some punk movie. Because I am so over this pandemic. I am over worrying about the boy, I'm over worrying about the boy being force-fed a vaccine that's not ready because he's a health care worker, I'm over all of it.
I'm still staying home of course, but I'm also very, very over it.
I'm amusing myself in between all my other hobbies by keeping a journal of my skin care experiments, though. A week and a half ago by now, I guess, I finally dragged myself bodily up by the scruff or something and put together a skin care routine with all the products I had and half-used before the last few months stomped all over my energy. I've been taking photos! Every Friday, and keeping notes and doing it all scientific and stuff. That's part of the ginormous makeup/skincare order is more sample flavors or scents to try and a couple other options to swap in and out of my routine and see if they're better. I'm also remembering to do my makeup in the mornings, and I've semi-figured out lashes, and that's helping some. Now I just have to remember that exercise makes me feel better and so does playing guitar. It's a process? Step by step? All those things I tell other people and myself but don't always hold onto.
Anyway. Mostly just checking in, and also scared a bit about what happens tomorrow when I have my project review (that I should have scheduled a couple weeks ago but whoops, and also this entire year has been a bit fucky) and how that's going to go. I'm... yeah. I've never done this before, I don't know what the hell it's going to be like, I'm a bit panicked. So I'm definitely putting on a face of makeup and if I can remember (and have time, we have some prescriptions to pick up tomorrow and other errands) practicing the guitar some, and I guess I'll just get through it. I've worked with the guy who's doing it a couple of times, and I know he's pretty nice, so that'll help.
I had plans for today. Grand plans. I accomplished exactly two? of them? I got some dishes done and I reconnected with an old friend, so that was excellent. But I also slept in way more than I meant to on account of being woken up at 6am by the boy coming home all "I got to go to the ER tonight! :D :D" My happy half-asleep ass though he meant he'd been floated down there, as you do when you're working in an understaffed hospital and you're used to getting floated around. But no. He was there as a patient, owing to a sudden bout of high blood pressure? It was not a heart attack, they checked and they checked him out for other symptoms and they prescribed him the same blood pressure medication (ACE-inhibitor) that I'm on and sent him home early, and so he woke me up at six in the goddamn morning. And we sat up talking for an hour or so while he showered and got ready for sleep, and I did manage to get back to sleep but I feel like it's thrown off my entire groove. And no, I am not throwing him out the window.
Hi! It's been a hot minute hasn't it? Not much has developed except that I'm a little further along in my course than I was, and the election week ish coincided with Sephora's biannual (I think? They had three one year. Was it this year? Last year? Who knows.) sale and the result was that I did a fair amount of crit damage to my credit card and there is a growing pile on my sink of makeup and skin care products. I'm building myself a little mental fort out of them and if the boy has to go back onto the covid ward I'm just going to paint myself in colors and glitter and pretend I'm a heroine in some punk movie. Because I am so over this pandemic. I am over worrying about the boy, I'm over worrying about the boy being force-fed a vaccine that's not ready because he's a health care worker, I'm over all of it.
I'm still staying home of course, but I'm also very, very over it.
I'm amusing myself in between all my other hobbies by keeping a journal of my skin care experiments, though. A week and a half ago by now, I guess, I finally dragged myself bodily up by the scruff or something and put together a skin care routine with all the products I had and half-used before the last few months stomped all over my energy. I've been taking photos! Every Friday, and keeping notes and doing it all scientific and stuff. That's part of the ginormous makeup/skincare order is more sample flavors or scents to try and a couple other options to swap in and out of my routine and see if they're better. I'm also remembering to do my makeup in the mornings, and I've semi-figured out lashes, and that's helping some. Now I just have to remember that exercise makes me feel better and so does playing guitar. It's a process? Step by step? All those things I tell other people and myself but don't always hold onto.
Anyway. Mostly just checking in, and also scared a bit about what happens tomorrow when I have my project review (that I should have scheduled a couple weeks ago but whoops, and also this entire year has been a bit fucky) and how that's going to go. I'm... yeah. I've never done this before, I don't know what the hell it's going to be like, I'm a bit panicked. So I'm definitely putting on a face of makeup and if I can remember (and have time, we have some prescriptions to pick up tomorrow and other errands) practicing the guitar some, and I guess I'll just get through it. I've worked with the guy who's doing it a couple of times, and I know he's pretty nice, so that'll help.