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Aug. 18th, 2020 11:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeCoding school continues apace, with regular bouts of anxiety. I'm extremely disliking these regular bouts of anxiety because once I start digging into the code, plunging my hands into it as it were, it fades. But actually getting around to it is ... not that difficult? But very hard on my blood pressure. And I'm not sure if it's because of the pressure of this being my new job/career and therefore I have a certain amount of can't-fail for this (despite the fact that, let's be honest, I'm not likely to. I might not finish it as fast as I want but I'm not likely to outright fail) or if it's the pressure of the everything. Ugh. Or both. Both is good. Or bad, in this case.
I got three items out of nine done this morning.I'm hoping to get more than that done this afternoon if the brain will stop mashing the panic button. (I did not get more done this afternoon, I did about one lab, ate lunch, and napped and it didn't help.) I did however also get my blog set up even if I don't entirely understand how I'm supposed to blog as far as tech things go. I guess that's something I should also look up on Flatiron's website but it's harder when fighting an anxiety day plus the sulky suspicion that this is not actually relevant to the tech world necessarily.
Talking it through with friends, I feel somewhat more confident that this isn't a sign that becoming a web developer would be unusually stressful, it's a sign that everything is stressful right now and I woke up at 4 in the morning with a massive adrenaline-surge panic attack for no external reason and I should both keep going and tell my limbic system it's stupid and not helping.
I feel like I should say something about the rest of my life, but it is thankfully much less exciting. Murdock the Diabetic Cat continues to do well on his medicine, although it's difficult to tell if he'll ever recover in the mobility department. Still, his energy's closer to normal and he's yelling at much more his usual voice so, yay. I have plans to do more art, and I did some writing last night after class which was probably a mistake to put it off so late but oh well. I'll...
You know what, I'm just going to leave this here with the surly stipulation that I'm pretty much writing off today, and we'll see if tomorrow is any better.
I got three items out of nine done this morning.
Talking it through with friends, I feel somewhat more confident that this isn't a sign that becoming a web developer would be unusually stressful, it's a sign that everything is stressful right now and I woke up at 4 in the morning with a massive adrenaline-surge panic attack for no external reason and I should both keep going and tell my limbic system it's stupid and not helping.
I feel like I should say something about the rest of my life, but it is thankfully much less exciting. Murdock the Diabetic Cat continues to do well on his medicine, although it's difficult to tell if he'll ever recover in the mobility department. Still, his energy's closer to normal and he's yelling at much more his usual voice so, yay. I have plans to do more art, and I did some writing last night after class which was probably a mistake to put it off so late but oh well. I'll...
You know what, I'm just going to leave this here with the surly stipulation that I'm pretty much writing off today, and we'll see if tomorrow is any better.