(no subject)

[kittydesade]

She's gone.

We took our Michelle-kitty to the vet this morning. They were very sweet, they gave us time with her and privacy and were as kind as they could be under the circumstances. We called and left a message for the oncologist letting him know. I need to send thank you cards because they did their best.

Before was panic and worry and a lot of energy and now it's done and all the energy is drained out of me, and there's nothing left but to replenish liquids as I dissolve into a puddle at irregular intervals. I'm at work because the logistics were harsh and because I don't know if I'm ready to be at home with suddenly five cats, some of whom might run around looking for their missing sister and yelling about how wrong it all is. It is wrong. But I haven't the power to fix it.

She was one of our first cats when we moved down here eleven-plus years ago. We went to the pet store and saw the kitties up for adoption, the pet store always has some rescue or another with kitties in there. And we'd asked about one pair, because we wanted a pair, one for each of us, but that pair had a virus of some kind so they weren't there, but Mikey and Michelle were. And they were so small compared to their adult selves, they were six months old and nervous. And we decided okay, them. And we were going to do the paperwork, set up the apartment, and pick them up in a week or two and by the end of the day we were all "no, we'll just deal with it and set up the apartment around them." And the rescue people laughed and said they'd known.

She was a good girl. Didn't yowl or start fights or anything, when we picked up our third kitty off the streets she nuzzled and bathed her and they spent a lot of time snuggling, even up to a couple months ago. Whenever I opened a can I had to present it to her so she'd know I wasn't keeping her from the tuna. When we were feeding everyone their breakfast wet food treat she would stand up on her hind legs and do the meerkat thing, eventually learning the sound of us saying "meerkat". She was very picky about her food, too. We'd feed her one food for three or four days and then she'd decide she was bored with it and want something else. No other cat in our household is that picky.

I'm at work now, so it doesn't feel real. It didn't feel real when we were at the vet's, I would have sworn I could still see her breathing. I don't know how long it's going to take for reality to catch up with me. Which is strange because I keep having moments where I can't breathe and it feels like I'm unloading buckets of tears, but why would i do that if it wasn't real.

Anyway, I finally remembered to pay bills I think in time, and I made the Sephora purchase on time to get the discount (I was letting a friend use my discount), and I'm at work and have almost finished all the work tasks there are right now, so I can sit and stare into space and be broken for a little while. I know that in time this will pass and be easier. Right now I'm still firmly stuck in the bog of eternal stench.

Comments

[untonuggan]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[pameladean]

What a very good cat. I am so sorry.

P.

[lemon_badgeress]

:( farewell, thou good cat