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Jul. 29th, 2019 11:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeIt's been a weekend of disappointment. I had such plans, I was going to go to class, get home, do some writing, go grocery shopping, get the entire lower half of the house fucking clean. Instead I accomplished the first two and the fourth of those, did a little bit of writing, and realized that I was having increasingly intrusive pain in my sinuses. And then I spent the rest of the weekend being horizontal in various places while my sinuses sicked all over my plans.
Add to this the fact that I woke up and realized I'd hit 200lbs, which is the direct opposite of the direction in which I want to go, and I am a very miserable me. I don't know what to do at this point. I know some of it is semi-poor eating habits but they're not that poor goddammit. The last thyroid test I had a couple of months ago was within range and fine, 2.something. No, I know what to do, I just want to scream in frustration and carve bits of myself off and some of it could well be muscle rebuilding since I've been eating (and drinking) more protein but ... *screams for several minutes*
My body doesn't feel very different. My clothes don't fit differently. But that is not a number I wanted to see fucking ever. And even though I know I'm going to weigh more if I'm putting on muscle, eating protein, remembering to exercise, and my clothes don't fit differently, and I'm still the badass I always have been no matter what the number says or what size I am it just. I'm still going to scream. And cry. And feel horrible.
I am not a happy kitty.
This is the boy's class week, so either he'll make it through class or he won't. He does seem to be doing a lot better with the hip but now he's likely got my sinus upset, which, ugh. Timing, what is with the timing. It's been about as bad a couple of days as it can have been without it being something major. A lot of small things adding up to make me feel awful.
I am taking a half day today so I get to go home and rest. And what I'm planning to do is to go home, prop myself up on the couch with a tv show and my laptop, and write a bit. If I'm very lucky I can get languages and guitar done on top of that. If I'm very very lucky I can do very, very slow yoga on top of that. And we'll see how I feel tomorrow. I don't feel as sick today as I did over the weekend but goddamn do I feel woozy and exhausted. Still. The crappy sleep didn't help either.
Add to this the fact that I woke up and realized I'd hit 200lbs, which is the direct opposite of the direction in which I want to go, and I am a very miserable me. I don't know what to do at this point. I know some of it is semi-poor eating habits but they're not that poor goddammit. The last thyroid test I had a couple of months ago was within range and fine, 2.something. No, I know what to do, I just want to scream in frustration and carve bits of myself off and some of it could well be muscle rebuilding since I've been eating (and drinking) more protein but ... *screams for several minutes*
My body doesn't feel very different. My clothes don't fit differently. But that is not a number I wanted to see fucking ever. And even though I know I'm going to weigh more if I'm putting on muscle, eating protein, remembering to exercise, and my clothes don't fit differently, and I'm still the badass I always have been no matter what the number says or what size I am it just. I'm still going to scream. And cry. And feel horrible.
I am not a happy kitty.
This is the boy's class week, so either he'll make it through class or he won't. He does seem to be doing a lot better with the hip but now he's likely got my sinus upset, which, ugh. Timing, what is with the timing. It's been about as bad a couple of days as it can have been without it being something major. A lot of small things adding up to make me feel awful.
I am taking a half day today so I get to go home and rest. And what I'm planning to do is to go home, prop myself up on the couch with a tv show and my laptop, and write a bit. If I'm very lucky I can get languages and guitar done on top of that. If I'm very very lucky I can do very, very slow yoga on top of that. And we'll see how I feel tomorrow. I don't feel as sick today as I did over the weekend but goddamn do I feel woozy and exhausted. Still. The crappy sleep didn't help either.