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Jun. 21st, 2019 08:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeWhy isn't it Saturday yet. I want it to be Saturday. I have been promised good things happening on Saturday, dammit. I want it to be Saturday so that the good things will come to me.
(I'm probably more excited about all of this than I should be but look it's something relaxing and cheerful and not burdensome that I have to look forward to, it's been a few weeks since that happened.)
It's a weird dissonance, too. Feeling excited and happy and joyful about something I get to do on Saturday, and then reading about concentration camps for people basically of my same rough ethnicity on Twitter. Not to mention the fact that, okay, I'm half-Mexican, yes? And half-Jewish, Ashkenazi to be specific. And now the part of me that is Jewish, the part that was raised upper middle class in a government town with full awareness of my rights and responsibilities as a citizen, with financial inheritance that helped me be well off if not actually wealthy, that... is the part that's going to save my half-Mexican ass because if I'd been raised by my bio-dad's family instead of my Mom's, apart from the fact that he was a drug-dealing POS, I could well BE in one of those camps right now. So... yeah. I do not descend from Holocaust survivors, my great grands were victims of the pogroms but at some point it all sort of blurs together.
I don't know. This has been striking me a lot the past couple of days. I got home yesterday and the concentration camp helplessness was so pervasive over Twitter I spent the last few hours of the night feeling exhausted and drained and incapable of doing much of anything. I feel like I'm not doing enough. But I don't know that anything I could do would feel like doing enough except going down there and storming the gates myself.
(I'm probably more excited about all of this than I should be but look it's something relaxing and cheerful and not burdensome that I have to look forward to, it's been a few weeks since that happened.)
It's a weird dissonance, too. Feeling excited and happy and joyful about something I get to do on Saturday, and then reading about concentration camps for people basically of my same rough ethnicity on Twitter. Not to mention the fact that, okay, I'm half-Mexican, yes? And half-Jewish, Ashkenazi to be specific. And now the part of me that is Jewish, the part that was raised upper middle class in a government town with full awareness of my rights and responsibilities as a citizen, with financial inheritance that helped me be well off if not actually wealthy, that... is the part that's going to save my half-Mexican ass because if I'd been raised by my bio-dad's family instead of my Mom's, apart from the fact that he was a drug-dealing POS, I could well BE in one of those camps right now. So... yeah. I do not descend from Holocaust survivors, my great grands were victims of the pogroms but at some point it all sort of blurs together.
I don't know. This has been striking me a lot the past couple of days. I got home yesterday and the concentration camp helplessness was so pervasive over Twitter I spent the last few hours of the night feeling exhausted and drained and incapable of doing much of anything. I feel like I'm not doing enough. But I don't know that anything I could do would feel like doing enough except going down there and storming the gates myself.