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Oct. 19th, 2018 01:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeI don't know what the hell happened at the park today, it's possible that by the time I hit 'post' on this I'll have found out, but when we were coming in to work we passed the corner park and there was a cluster of around ten, maybe more first responders, EMTs and the like. One ambulance with lights running, two fire trucks, one guy holding an IV bag, one guy comforting some older person (or someone with bleached hair) and one guy who I could only see by head and shoulders and that was enough to tell me he was doing vigorous CPR on someone. Which does not fill me with hope, joy, or confidence.
All of this PLUS PMS, plus the exhaustion of the last three weeks, plus an already heavy workday load, and I don't want to do today. Can I not do today? Can I do 8 more hours of sleep instead?
I just want to sit down in one place for five or six hours, doodle, write, doodle some more, write some more, figure out how to doodle things that aren't bottles or gourds. Maybe I'll draw some feathers. I don't know. I'm so tired I'm almost crying from the pile of things I still have to do and that's just my day job. I'm not going to set foot outside the house this weekend. I can't, I need a weekend of not being stimulated beyond television and drawing or writing. Basically, a weekend of being stimulated from inside of my head rather than out of it.
I wish this was a more positive entry, but I am too tired for wait no. I will take it back. I am happy that bullet journal doodling has turned into me finally perceiving myself as someone who can draw, which in turn is making drawing practice considerably less in the way of heavy lifting. I haven't been doing nearly as much ... okay, being honest? I haven't been doing any drawing practice in months. Because it's terrifying, it's horrible, I'm horrible, etc. Doodling for the bullet journal broke through that, I'm sure I mentioned it earlier. And I'm glad for that. I'm glad that when I think of going home and spending a weekend doing nothing, "yay I get to doodle" is on the list of happinesses. So that's something joyful and positive.
And now I'm going to go cry myself to sleep and then have a cookie.
All of this PLUS PMS, plus the exhaustion of the last three weeks, plus an already heavy workday load, and I don't want to do today. Can I not do today? Can I do 8 more hours of sleep instead?
I just want to sit down in one place for five or six hours, doodle, write, doodle some more, write some more, figure out how to doodle things that aren't bottles or gourds. Maybe I'll draw some feathers. I don't know. I'm so tired I'm almost crying from the pile of things I still have to do and that's just my day job. I'm not going to set foot outside the house this weekend. I can't, I need a weekend of not being stimulated beyond television and drawing or writing. Basically, a weekend of being stimulated from inside of my head rather than out of it.
I wish this was a more positive entry, but I am too tired for wait no. I will take it back. I am happy that bullet journal doodling has turned into me finally perceiving myself as someone who can draw, which in turn is making drawing practice considerably less in the way of heavy lifting. I haven't been doing nearly as much ... okay, being honest? I haven't been doing any drawing practice in months. Because it's terrifying, it's horrible, I'm horrible, etc. Doodling for the bullet journal broke through that, I'm sure I mentioned it earlier. And I'm glad for that. I'm glad that when I think of going home and spending a weekend doing nothing, "yay I get to doodle" is on the list of happinesses. So that's something joyful and positive.
And now I'm going to go cry myself to sleep and then have a cookie.