(no subject)
Nov. 21st, 2016 10:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeI made a bread over the weekend! And another batch of pizza dough that turned out quite well if I do say so myself, although I need a better storage mechanism. But bread! Bready bready bread. I'm very glad my yeast problem was so easily solved with a little help from my friends and not something weird and horrible and me being bad at domestic and so on. I also made some pretty damn good pizza if I do say so myself.
I logged onto Twitter and saw the Nazis took over a building in the capital to do their Sieg Heil speeches and decided I couldn't for the rest of the day. At some point I do need to do the ACA survey and register my opinion on the Oversight Committee looking into conflicts of interest, and I might do that today to get it done, but I can't. I am so goddamn tired and it isn't even Day 1 yet.
I spent the better part of the weekend in a depressionesque fugue under blankets on the couch. I did get some physics done, and I made bread and pizza dough and pizza sauce and cleaned up in the kitchen a little. But mostly, fugue. I do plan on making a regular donation to the ACLU if six/twelve months go by and we haven't fallen into a deep Recession/Depression. I ought to be able to afford it then. I just. Depressionesque fugue. Is it still depression if it's situational rather than clinical? Or is it some other word that means depression caused by non-concussive trauma to the brainpan? I've read the research that says situations and crises cause injury-like effects in the brain, so what do we call that if it's neither a non-triggered/caused illness nor a physical, usually concussive trauma? I need more words.
And at this point I'm sciencing it out to avoid thinking about other things. Heh.
Oddly, I've been better about physical self care recently than I would have expected. I washed my hair with redhead shampoo that I'm sort of eking out, I put Argan Oil in it. I moisturized my feet this morning, and I've been regularly moisturizing my face. I put on makeup. I put on warm tights under my jeans. I haven't been doing that badly. I'm just extremely tired and sad and everything feels hopeless. The little voice in the back of my head sobbing I don't want to die is louder today.
I'll get through it. I'm strong. I know this. I'm just also tired and sad and scared, as per usual for the next four years. And I don't know what's going to happen. It's the uncertainty that's worst.
ETA: I will say though. I'm rather pleased to discover that my life has also prepared me to sound like a staffer on West Wing when I call an unexpectedly get through to Paul Ryan's voicemail.
I logged onto Twitter and saw the Nazis took over a building in the capital to do their Sieg Heil speeches and decided I couldn't for the rest of the day. At some point I do need to do the ACA survey and register my opinion on the Oversight Committee looking into conflicts of interest, and I might do that today to get it done, but I can't. I am so goddamn tired and it isn't even Day 1 yet.
I spent the better part of the weekend in a depressionesque fugue under blankets on the couch. I did get some physics done, and I made bread and pizza dough and pizza sauce and cleaned up in the kitchen a little. But mostly, fugue. I do plan on making a regular donation to the ACLU if six/twelve months go by and we haven't fallen into a deep Recession/Depression. I ought to be able to afford it then. I just. Depressionesque fugue. Is it still depression if it's situational rather than clinical? Or is it some other word that means depression caused by non-concussive trauma to the brainpan? I've read the research that says situations and crises cause injury-like effects in the brain, so what do we call that if it's neither a non-triggered/caused illness nor a physical, usually concussive trauma? I need more words.
And at this point I'm sciencing it out to avoid thinking about other things. Heh.
Oddly, I've been better about physical self care recently than I would have expected. I washed my hair with redhead shampoo that I'm sort of eking out, I put Argan Oil in it. I moisturized my feet this morning, and I've been regularly moisturizing my face. I put on makeup. I put on warm tights under my jeans. I haven't been doing that badly. I'm just extremely tired and sad and everything feels hopeless. The little voice in the back of my head sobbing I don't want to die is louder today.
I'll get through it. I'm strong. I know this. I'm just also tired and sad and scared, as per usual for the next four years. And I don't know what's going to happen. It's the uncertainty that's worst.
ETA: I will say though. I'm rather pleased to discover that my life has also prepared me to sound like a staffer on West Wing when I call an unexpectedly get through to Paul Ryan's voicemail.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-11-22 04:10 am (UTC)BREAD.
I poked the ACLU store because I was considering wearing my support but they claim to be sold out of many things due to overwhelming support, so I might donate to some smaller causes right now. Gotta set aside time to do research into causes that ACTUALLY DO THINGS rather than just support themselves by "raising awareness" etc.
Situational depression/anxiety can feed, worsen, or become clinical depression/anxiety. Dial up the self-care to eleven and see your doctor if things get too dark.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-11-22 05:05 pm (UTC)Everything is exhausting and horrifying. I'm still not quite at phone-activist levels because executive function fails as much as because phone anxiety, but will be getting there soon. Take care of yourself.<33333