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Oct. 28th, 2016 11:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeI did actually wake up on time this morning... and then it was cold and I crawled back under the covers and promptly fell asleep till almost 8 again. The root canal hit my credit card bill which makes me want to scream and sob and I am so bad with money you guys. So bad. I just. Ugh. I need to deal with the insurance people so I can get it off my credit card but I don't want to deal with the insurance people, and it's not even my entire credit card bill, the rest is me being bad with money, so imagine how much I hate myself because of that. And definitely by this point some of the weight I've gained back is useless bulk and not muscle. And I came in to work to another major wholesale order on top of the show doing a huge chunk of money in the first two hours which means it is going to be busy this weekend, which is good except so tired, you guys, I'm so goddamn tired. I turned off Twitter early because I couldn't stand to see the shitshow that is current news.
I'm going to try to post some good things here later today for my own sake if nothing else, but here is checking in to say I feel tired and hopeless and bad at everything and good at nothing today.
Better things: I did some surprisingly good gesture drawings of ravens today. Gesture drawings are, if I have this definition correctly, for directionality and movement and so on rather than accuracy to visuals? Or maybe that's a bad comparison, but the most relevant part is that they're meant to be done quickly. So I put up a stopwatch and did four minute or less drawings of ravens that I was surprised how happy with them I was. With a fude pen, so I'm still getting used to that and I might do some linework practice after, but it helps me feel better and like spending money on drawing supplies and the fude pen (yes I know it wasn't expensive but I'm having that kind of money weasels right now) was worth it. And this is something I can do, five minutes of five drawings or more in a day, to practice.
I got ten pages of editing done for the first time in a while. And I remembered that some times, some places, I really do like what I've written. Enough to push through the times I don't get it right enough in the first draft and I have to spend a second and third draft on it.
It turns out I might not be needed over the weekend except for packing up at the end of the show, which is absolutely amazing. Along with the take we're pulling in, so I can live with this. I can really get behind this.
I'm going to try to post some good things here later today for my own sake if nothing else, but here is checking in to say I feel tired and hopeless and bad at everything and good at nothing today.
Better things: I did some surprisingly good gesture drawings of ravens today. Gesture drawings are, if I have this definition correctly, for directionality and movement and so on rather than accuracy to visuals? Or maybe that's a bad comparison, but the most relevant part is that they're meant to be done quickly. So I put up a stopwatch and did four minute or less drawings of ravens that I was surprised how happy with them I was. With a fude pen, so I'm still getting used to that and I might do some linework practice after, but it helps me feel better and like spending money on drawing supplies and the fude pen (yes I know it wasn't expensive but I'm having that kind of money weasels right now) was worth it. And this is something I can do, five minutes of five drawings or more in a day, to practice.
I got ten pages of editing done for the first time in a while. And I remembered that some times, some places, I really do like what I've written. Enough to push through the times I don't get it right enough in the first draft and I have to spend a second and third draft on it.
It turns out I might not be needed over the weekend except for packing up at the end of the show, which is absolutely amazing. Along with the take we're pulling in, so I can live with this. I can really get behind this.