(no subject)

[kittydesade]

I did try pulling on my black skinny jeans. They were about an inch too tight, also known as "okay I've been binging on the baked goods/fatty sweets too much" too tight (I have two kinds of binge, baked goods/candy with LOTS of sugar/flour/fat, or the kind of candy that's basically flavoring and sugar and some gelatin to hold it together. The former leads to me gaining unhealthy bulk usually around the tummy, the latter doesn't lead to bulk but does cause funky taste bud things where it gets harder to eat healthy because everything tastes blegh, and also fun [not fun] sugar highs and crashes. Slowly, I learn not to do these things.)

Anyway. So! The black skinny jeans were "Okay stop with the cookie dough already" too tight. But I also tried on my Vash the Stampede shirt which has always been a little tight and so I've worn it maybe two-three times? Fits fine. Am wearing it to work. Along with another pair of skinny jeans that fits perfectly and I probably could peel off without undoing, despite that these just came out of the dryer yesterday. I haven't weighed myself because fuck the scale anyway, and in short bodies are weird and the ways in which we measure them are stupid.

And I guess the other conclusion I should draw from this (no I am not going to stop with the cookie dough already have you met me?) is that I should continue doing my morning routine and build my exercise back up to full 45 minute sessions if I really want to become badass. Right now they're about 10-20 minute sessions because capoeira is ... kind of bad for me? In the sense that I decide four hours of intense exercise in two sessions per week is enough exercise for one week therefore I don't need to get up and allocate time for it in the mornings. No, self. If I want to be Lara Croft I need to actually use that time I allocated for exercise, for the exercise and not for laying in bed playing video games. That's another time.

Okay, the Lara Croft thing. So while the braintwin and I were discussing what the fuck how have I gained ten pounds and not changed shape much at all, she asked me how much muscle I had left to "convert" (for a not actually literal value of converting) to fat, and I guestimated, and a few minutes later in the conversation realized that even if I do get the six pack and the toned thighs, I am probably never going to lose these D+ tits. Probably DD+ tits. I will end up looking like a video game character because I will be muscle muscle tone tone muscle muscle TITS. Thus, the Lara Croft thing. Although I'd much rather be Faye Valentine.

Thus concludes the periodic bitching about my body, image, weight, size, what the fuck is going on here.

Still pissed about the alternative inhaler that my insurance will cover not working as well as the other one though.

Seeing The Nose went well! I think I... what's the stage between making a new friend and... I don't know what happened. I think the friendship leveled up! And also The Nose was fairly surreal, and also very Russian. I don't know how to explain Russian as an adjective, just that if you read Russian literature or watch Russian movies or talk to Russians a lot or any of those things, there becomes an ineffable quality that you can only define as "Russian." The Nose was Very Russian. Which is only to be expected since it was written by one and the opera was staged by them. So. But it was fun. And there was some digressing into declaiming absurdist and Shakespearean theatre in the public square. And also Beowulf. I really need to see if that awful Christophe Lambert Beowulf is available in any format I can make them watch it on, because I need to inflict that Beowulf on more people now. It is impressively bad.

Speaking of impressively bad, I have decided to go argue with the pattern lireavue's been yelling at for the past while if only to see where it fucked up and how I can create the effect/fix the stupid thing. Because it looks pretty! I just. What. Really. So I am following it direction by direction explicitly (except for the part where it says dpns because no, I am doing two circs dammit) and seeing where that takes me and where the first "wait I can't do that what the fuck" is. And then fixing that, and then going back and starting from the beginning again, I guess. Argh.

Knitting is fun. Math is fun. Knitting math is sometimes fun. This pattern is strange and irksome and I wish to untangle it.

(No word on writing projects for today yet, this may get updated as stuff happens.)

(Still definitely need a knitting icon OOH WAIT I KNOW.)

Comments

[cereta]

Weight and size are just weird, yo. People keep talling me I've lost weight, and for the most part, I havn't. I seem to have dropped my "5-9 lb fluctuation depending on stuff that doesn't really effect how my clothes fit down by 5lbs overall, and BOOM! My clothes fit differently. The jeans I would just make stay up are now much to big. and the jeans that were really snug are now just right. But I have no idea *how* I lost those five lbs, and if they're coming back, or what.

Weird.

[kittydesade]

I mean I know why our society (for a very fluid value of 'our society') fixates on women's bodies, self esteem, control, blah blah bitchcakes, fixates on bodies so much? But the more I think about it and the more I observe my own body the more irritated I get because it takes years to notice this stuff, the patterns in how it works, where you're going to end up based on the life you want to lead. And then if you have an Unexpected Health Thing, you have to do it all over again! And there's no standard thing! There are main/high probability patterns of, if you eat a lot of cookie dough your body will accumulate fatty tissue type things, but there's no standard for how much cookie dough to how much fatty tissue, where it gets placed, if it's going to stay there or be consistent, I just.

BODIES. How do they even.

[alatefeline]

>> This pattern is strange and irksome and I wish to untangle it. <<

This is an excellent emotion-thing.