(no subject)
Sep. 23rd, 2016 10:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeI'm thinking seriously about taking a social media hiatus until the end of time. Or at least the end of the election. If it wasn't the shooting in Tulsa (is there sexism at play in the indictment of the officer? of course! she was also indicted because she fucking murdered someone for probably racist assumptions!) it was the possibility of President Trump. If it wasn't the possibility of President Trump it was the sexist uphill battle Hillary Clinton has to fight. If it wasn't Hillary Clinton it was Chelsea Manning and all that poor woman has to fight just to stay alive right now. If it wasn't Chelsea Manning it was Voya's absolutely awful screening out of bisexual characters? I think it was. Apparently non-straight sexualities and gender identities are "adult material" and to be hidden from delicate growing teen eyes or some bullshit like that. If it wasn't that it was young women being assaulted for having a hard time in public (Britany Spears) and then coming out of it pretty all right or for simply existing in public (Gigi Hadid) and then assaulted verbally for defending herself. And on. And on. And on.
And then there was another thing that I'm sure didn't mean to come off this way but I've been yelled at either directly or tacitly by a person yelling at a group so many times this week because no good faith is ever assumed, because everyone on the internet is either fighting The Hardest Battle or having The Easiest Life and there is no middle ground, and at this point I've already had ... and I'm just tired. And feeling stupid and cowardly and sad and sorry, but I need to not be on social media anymore. Or for a while.
Apart from that? If I reduce my tiny corner of the world to what's happening in my house and in my town, it's not too bad. Capoeira will have red velvet cupcakes. I made some damn fine red velvet cupcakes, I had one last night that was one of the rejects, made of the side batter that didn't quite finish mixing, and it tasted really damn good. So that's happening. Icing to follow on Sunday right before I haul them over.
Progress is being made on writings, despite that also being one of the areas that makes me want to crawl into a corner and say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I'll go away and not be right now so I don't bother anyone (yes, this instinct is strong, and I entirely attribute it to the screaming outrage. Which, I understand why, life is outrageous right now, I just.... everything up top). But writing continues anyway, because if I don't write my mental state deteriorates even more.
(I also was up too late last night because of both cupcakes and boy coming home late and not texting me to let me know he was okay, he was just in an endless line, so.)
(Also now I have what I think are debt collectors trying to call work for a friend of the family who hasn't worked here in literally twenty years plus? And I am going to scream.)
I'm very, very tired. My state is going to hell in a handbasket, apparently according to our state congresscritter black people are outraged because white people are more successful. Yes, you read that right. It couldn't be because, I don't know, white cops are murdering black people? Bah, murder schmurder, it's the money, stupid. I just. And McCrory's utter asinine bullshit, all of it, defending a law no one wanted that fixed a non problem by creating twenty other horrific problems, and then using state money that is desperately needed by schools and other state facilities to defend it. And I can't wait to vote all these fuckers out in November but until then I have to put up with six weeks of this shit. (It's funny, though, because Asheville is over here with its "Y'all means All" signs and an underlying attitude of WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPY HORESESHIT YOU DO NOT SPEAK FOR US.)
And. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm defaulting to rolling and showing belly, which is bad because not everyone is attacking you, I promise, even if it feels that way. I'm crying at work. I think I'm going to spend the weekend either writing/working on world building, which is some heavy lifting but if I do it alone at least I can recover some that way, and cleaning the house. Because nothing says I need to exert some control and ability to fix things in my environment like frantically cleaning the house.
And I promise not to eat all 28 red velvet cupcakes that are left. Even if I kind of want to. Those are some damn tasty cupcakes.
ETA: Oh right. Now I remembered that I was going to take social media hiatuses anyway over the weekend. This is not convincing me not to, but on the plus side I was probably right to.
And then there was another thing that I'm sure didn't mean to come off this way but I've been yelled at either directly or tacitly by a person yelling at a group so many times this week because no good faith is ever assumed, because everyone on the internet is either fighting The Hardest Battle or having The Easiest Life and there is no middle ground, and at this point I've already had ... and I'm just tired. And feeling stupid and cowardly and sad and sorry, but I need to not be on social media anymore. Or for a while.
Apart from that? If I reduce my tiny corner of the world to what's happening in my house and in my town, it's not too bad. Capoeira will have red velvet cupcakes. I made some damn fine red velvet cupcakes, I had one last night that was one of the rejects, made of the side batter that didn't quite finish mixing, and it tasted really damn good. So that's happening. Icing to follow on Sunday right before I haul them over.
Progress is being made on writings, despite that also being one of the areas that makes me want to crawl into a corner and say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I'll go away and not be right now so I don't bother anyone (yes, this instinct is strong, and I entirely attribute it to the screaming outrage. Which, I understand why, life is outrageous right now, I just.... everything up top). But writing continues anyway, because if I don't write my mental state deteriorates even more.
(I also was up too late last night because of both cupcakes and boy coming home late and not texting me to let me know he was okay, he was just in an endless line, so.)
(Also now I have what I think are debt collectors trying to call work for a friend of the family who hasn't worked here in literally twenty years plus? And I am going to scream.)
I'm very, very tired. My state is going to hell in a handbasket, apparently according to our state congresscritter black people are outraged because white people are more successful. Yes, you read that right. It couldn't be because, I don't know, white cops are murdering black people? Bah, murder schmurder, it's the money, stupid. I just. And McCrory's utter asinine bullshit, all of it, defending a law no one wanted that fixed a non problem by creating twenty other horrific problems, and then using state money that is desperately needed by schools and other state facilities to defend it. And I can't wait to vote all these fuckers out in November but until then I have to put up with six weeks of this shit. (It's funny, though, because Asheville is over here with its "Y'all means All" signs and an underlying attitude of WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPY HORESESHIT YOU DO NOT SPEAK FOR US.)
And. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm defaulting to rolling and showing belly, which is bad because not everyone is attacking you, I promise, even if it feels that way. I'm crying at work. I think I'm going to spend the weekend either writing/working on world building, which is some heavy lifting but if I do it alone at least I can recover some that way, and cleaning the house. Because nothing says I need to exert some control and ability to fix things in my environment like frantically cleaning the house.
And I promise not to eat all 28 red velvet cupcakes that are left. Even if I kind of want to. Those are some damn tasty cupcakes.
ETA: Oh right. Now I remembered that I was going to take social media hiatuses anyway over the weekend. This is not convincing me not to, but on the plus side I was probably right to.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-23 05:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-23 05:55 pm (UTC)So I logged off Twitter and went perusing no-bake recipes for the summer and did some knitting rows and now I feel better? Hopefully the election goes well and we can stop walking on eggshells for a while.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-23 07:05 pm (UTC)