(no subject)
Aug. 24th, 2016 11:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeHaving another moment of what the fuck happened last night, how and why am I making friends with published authors, what's going on. And with that comes the inevitable resentment, how can I make friends with published authors and it's not getting me anywhere? (Hint: Because you're not asking or submitting, dumbass. Because you're working on self-publication, because you're afraid of rejection and not asking or even promoting the stuff you have done, because you're dithering at the edge of the pool sticking a few toes in the water or even hanging out at the shallow end with your legs in the water and shouting to the people happily splashing on the other side.)
ugh.
I ordered proof copies of Black Ice to get here early enough that I can hopefully fix things and then order copies to arrive at the hotel in time to pass them out at DragonCon. I do not actually have a good excuse for not doing this in the months before, I'm just fucking terrified of having to read through a paper copy of my book to make sure it's error free. I think this might be the thing I would be most indebted to a publishing company for today. Reading my own paper copies of things makes me want to throw up from nerves and self-hatred. I still haven't read the Deli Counter anthology for this exact reason.
Oh, there's digital proof copies! Oh, of course it's fucked up. Fuuuuuuuuu
No, breathe self. This is not the end of the world. You can fix this at rapid speed and efficiently now, tonight, or if absolutely necessary you can just hand out postcards at DragonCon and fix it when you get home. It's fine. Breathe.
(I really just want to cry now. My entire writing non-career is a scrambled mess of nerves and half-assing things.)
Anyway.
The good news is both my petticoat and tops and the original dress I'd ordered (this DragonCon is a study both in NOT half-assing it and not spending money you don't have to because you half-assed it oy) will be here today, which just leaves the aforementioned postcards to pack and take. And, obviously, day clothes. I think I've also figured out the other thing, which is to say I'll pack the books in my large suitcase with clothes because they squish, pack my daybag in a carry-on that I can take onto the bus with me hopefully and all the fragile stuff I don't want squished by books, which, since I'm not taking any fragile costume parts this year, shouldn't be very much. And that ought to be fine. I keep saying I'm going to pack things up, and I might tonight if I'm not inducing panic with CreateSpace, but I really do think that'll work.
Hell, most of DragonCon ought to be fun and work well if I can stop utterly panicking over my books. I don't know what it is that makes me do this going haywire in my head. I'm fine because I have a staggering ability to put things off and out of my head until I have to deal with them, and then I'm a sobbing wreck? No, that part I understand, it's the fact that it's at its absolute worst when I'm writing, which I should have learned better by now and I never do. Stressss. So much stress. I need to stop stressing. I need to breathe. All I can think is how I want to be at home with Scrivener right now making this work. Soon, self. In time.
At least the plus side here is, if I get through this, that might break the barrier a bit to publishing anything else novel length either in digital or in dead tree form.
ETA: HAH I FOUND YOU. I FOUND THE FUCKING DIRE BRAINWEASEL CAUSING ALL OF THIS NOW GET IN THE DAMN POKEBALL BEFORE I SQUISH YOU.
ugh.
I ordered proof copies of Black Ice to get here early enough that I can hopefully fix things and then order copies to arrive at the hotel in time to pass them out at DragonCon. I do not actually have a good excuse for not doing this in the months before, I'm just fucking terrified of having to read through a paper copy of my book to make sure it's error free. I think this might be the thing I would be most indebted to a publishing company for today. Reading my own paper copies of things makes me want to throw up from nerves and self-hatred. I still haven't read the Deli Counter anthology for this exact reason.
Oh, there's digital proof copies! Oh, of course it's fucked up. Fuuuuuuuuu
No, breathe self. This is not the end of the world. You can fix this at rapid speed and efficiently now, tonight, or if absolutely necessary you can just hand out postcards at DragonCon and fix it when you get home. It's fine. Breathe.
(I really just want to cry now. My entire writing non-career is a scrambled mess of nerves and half-assing things.)
Anyway.
The good news is both my petticoat and tops and the original dress I'd ordered (this DragonCon is a study both in NOT half-assing it and not spending money you don't have to because you half-assed it oy) will be here today, which just leaves the aforementioned postcards to pack and take. And, obviously, day clothes. I think I've also figured out the other thing, which is to say I'll pack the books in my large suitcase with clothes because they squish, pack my daybag in a carry-on that I can take onto the bus with me hopefully and all the fragile stuff I don't want squished by books, which, since I'm not taking any fragile costume parts this year, shouldn't be very much. And that ought to be fine. I keep saying I'm going to pack things up, and I might tonight if I'm not inducing panic with CreateSpace, but I really do think that'll work.
Hell, most of DragonCon ought to be fun and work well if I can stop utterly panicking over my books. I don't know what it is that makes me do this going haywire in my head. I'm fine because I have a staggering ability to put things off and out of my head until I have to deal with them, and then I'm a sobbing wreck? No, that part I understand, it's the fact that it's at its absolute worst when I'm writing, which I should have learned better by now and I never do. Stressss. So much stress. I need to stop stressing. I need to breathe. All I can think is how I want to be at home with Scrivener right now making this work. Soon, self. In time.
At least the plus side here is, if I get through this, that might break the barrier a bit to publishing anything else novel length either in digital or in dead tree form.
ETA: HAH I FOUND YOU. I FOUND THE FUCKING DIRE BRAINWEASEL CAUSING ALL OF THIS NOW GET IN THE DAMN POKEBALL BEFORE I SQUISH YOU.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-24 04:49 pm (UTC)And it will be fun. And if you need to cry, well, that's all right, too.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-24 06:38 pm (UTC)... now that I type it out like that I wonder if that's what it is. Huh.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-24 06:41 pm (UTC)Ffff. Adding this to the fact that it's fiddly, I can imagine how it's not the most favorite thing in the world... at all...
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-24 06:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-24 06:48 pm (UTC)-crosses fingers- Good. Wooords and naming names.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-25 02:36 am (UTC)