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Jul. 26th, 2016 11:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeI don't know if I would say I'm doing better today so much as I slept, I had healthy dinner (crackers and grapes, as much as I could eat on a belly full of weasels) and healthy breakfast and went for a walk, and so at least all those factors are taken care of. The threat of impending fascism is not, and so one might not say I will be entirely better until a week or so into November, at which point I will be either a lot better or a lot worse. We'll see.
And the boy and I have not fought again yet. I don't know if telling him my aunt, who I'm sure he expected to be the voice of what he thinks of as reason, wished dire and deadly things upon Trump helped him understand that yes, in fact, a lot of people other than me do see this as a life or death situation. I don't know what, if anything, will do that, but I'm going to send him a bunch of links when I'm a little calmer and see if that points things out to him.
(And then he just got home and we had a frank talk in which he pointed out that Ohio is still undecided, and that Trump doesn't have the backing of hardly any Republican candidates and no former Republican presidents, which is reassuring a little bit in the way of being true and indicative and a lot in the way of taking my fears seriously, so that's something. We also spent a moment bemoaning the lack of third party candidates. So that's doing better. Heh, he also said something about did I see where Trump had said he and Putin would be best buddies, etc, and basically take over the countries that couldn't defend themselves against Daesh, and while I hadn't seen the most recent comments to that effect I had ... well, I've seen enough from Trump for this not to surprise me at all.)
So. Okay, that's doing better. I am still, as the braintwin rightly theorized, triggered out of my damn mind. I kind of wonder if this trigger isn't based on things that have happened to me per se, but stories I grew up with, both in the Jewish racial memory sense and in the my mom and aunts directly lived in Franco's Spain and I grew up with a lot of ... not a lot of warning danger bad stories, but a lot of frank history about what happens when fascist dictators take control and so on. And I don't remember anyone saying comfortingly "but don't worry this'll never happen here." Because really, that's what everyone says before it does happen. The comforting part is that we do have systems in place that, if we're cautious and pay attention, we can prevent it from happening. (Also I don't actually know how much control Trump has over the military, although that's a whole other thing with Putin and Russia and so on and so forth. Still.)
God, I need some happier things, this is horrible. Um. I did get things done yesterday despite being knocked the hell over? Almost 6k words written in my Nano, which is good because I need to catch up like a motherfucker. I got two out of three languages done, and food was eaten. It was even mostly healthy food. So I survived yesterday and that big fight, and I'm doing good on making a good start of today. I harvested definitely an entire crockpot's worth of saucing tomatoes and I have maybe an hour's worth of work to do on the garden to get the weeds out and trim everything back again, but that's what happens when I neglect it for a week. I think also ultimately I will season the tomato sauce for eggplant parmesan and do it that way.
Work is trying to, once again, nibble me to death with ducks but I think I can manage not only to survive but also, maybe, to get some writes in. I hope. And the one guy who wanted to recruit me to write thinkpieces for exposure messaged me again all "Waiting on your reply!" Dude. I replied to you. I told you no, that 'work for us for exposure' was insulting, and to stop doing it, and that I was too busy. Kindly fuck the fuck off. I have way. Way way WAY too much shit to do to be dealing with this. Fuck oooooff do not make me write you either a thinkpiece in the style of Spider Jerusalem (funny as it would be) or a five thousand word treatise excoriating the practice of getting people to write for exposure only where half of those words are foul and socially unacceptable. Don't do it. I have other things I need to do.
(Some of those other things being to hit post on this and get back to work, so here I go.)
And the boy and I have not fought again yet. I don't know if telling him my aunt, who I'm sure he expected to be the voice of what he thinks of as reason, wished dire and deadly things upon Trump helped him understand that yes, in fact, a lot of people other than me do see this as a life or death situation. I don't know what, if anything, will do that, but I'm going to send him a bunch of links when I'm a little calmer and see if that points things out to him.
(And then he just got home and we had a frank talk in which he pointed out that Ohio is still undecided, and that Trump doesn't have the backing of hardly any Republican candidates and no former Republican presidents, which is reassuring a little bit in the way of being true and indicative and a lot in the way of taking my fears seriously, so that's something. We also spent a moment bemoaning the lack of third party candidates. So that's doing better. Heh, he also said something about did I see where Trump had said he and Putin would be best buddies, etc, and basically take over the countries that couldn't defend themselves against Daesh, and while I hadn't seen the most recent comments to that effect I had ... well, I've seen enough from Trump for this not to surprise me at all.)
So. Okay, that's doing better. I am still, as the braintwin rightly theorized, triggered out of my damn mind. I kind of wonder if this trigger isn't based on things that have happened to me per se, but stories I grew up with, both in the Jewish racial memory sense and in the my mom and aunts directly lived in Franco's Spain and I grew up with a lot of ... not a lot of warning danger bad stories, but a lot of frank history about what happens when fascist dictators take control and so on. And I don't remember anyone saying comfortingly "but don't worry this'll never happen here." Because really, that's what everyone says before it does happen. The comforting part is that we do have systems in place that, if we're cautious and pay attention, we can prevent it from happening. (Also I don't actually know how much control Trump has over the military, although that's a whole other thing with Putin and Russia and so on and so forth. Still.)
God, I need some happier things, this is horrible. Um. I did get things done yesterday despite being knocked the hell over? Almost 6k words written in my Nano, which is good because I need to catch up like a motherfucker. I got two out of three languages done, and food was eaten. It was even mostly healthy food. So I survived yesterday and that big fight, and I'm doing good on making a good start of today. I harvested definitely an entire crockpot's worth of saucing tomatoes and I have maybe an hour's worth of work to do on the garden to get the weeds out and trim everything back again, but that's what happens when I neglect it for a week. I think also ultimately I will season the tomato sauce for eggplant parmesan and do it that way.
Work is trying to, once again, nibble me to death with ducks but I think I can manage not only to survive but also, maybe, to get some writes in. I hope. And the one guy who wanted to recruit me to write thinkpieces for exposure messaged me again all "Waiting on your reply!" Dude. I replied to you. I told you no, that 'work for us for exposure' was insulting, and to stop doing it, and that I was too busy. Kindly fuck the fuck off. I have way. Way way WAY too much shit to do to be dealing with this. Fuck oooooff do not make me write you either a thinkpiece in the style of Spider Jerusalem (funny as it would be) or a five thousand word treatise excoriating the practice of getting people to write for exposure only where half of those words are foul and socially unacceptable. Don't do it. I have other things I need to do.
(Some of those other things being to hit post on this and get back to work, so here I go.)