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Jan. 7th, 2016 08:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeDragon*Con finally got back to me, no guest professional status for me. Only slightly irritating since I wasn't planning on doing anything that would require it anyway, I don't think, but also kind of sad? Depressing? Egh. But at the same time it's getting me down less than I expected. Which I think, to be honest, is because I didn't expect it at all. I don't really look like a professional on paper. The weird thing is I'd had a dream about DragonCon last night, running into and hanging out with Aziz Ansari for a bit, I don't even know what that was about, and then rushing to the dealer's hall and realizing I hadn't gotten half the autographs I'd meant to or even any autographs, or done any of the things I'd meant to. Maybe that was my brain telling me this'll work out for the best?
I continue to feel moderately better, and I have entirely lost my voice. Oops. I can't speak above a whisper, everything feels immensely strained. This ought to make the day interesting considering one of my primary duties I guess simply by being the most efficient and most willing to do it (there's no logistical reason why I do apart from those) is to answer the phones. Not going to happen today! I'm not sure I can be out in the front today, I know I shouldn't have yesterday, what with the snotting and the coughing. And I didn't! Or at least not when people were there, a couple brief moments to do some things like stock a shelf or run through on my way to get my inhaler. Which was successfully got, so, yay.
Argh. Just, in very general argh. Today is starting out as a day with a bunch of generally irritating frustrations and I hope it gets better. It kind of is, the boy got up way before I did on account of having slept a good chunk the day before, and did a bunch of house chores, or got them started at least. I just. There's a part of me that's being affected by the no guest professional for you more than I thought, I guess?
But that just means I need to kick my own ass harder, work harder, get shit done and get it out here to prove nyah, see, I can do this. I am doing this. (And also yeah, maybe they did have too many writers this year. Who the hell knows.)
So. Um. Well, yes. So. So, today depending on what work looks like, I kick my own ass, finish up some Sandborn edits, write some more in Long Road I think and possibly finally post either the short piece for one of the contributions to Nano thing or... something, I'm not sure what to do with that but it's a reasonably solid piece draft. Mostly Sandborn and Long Road and try to get some progress in there if it's quiet at work still. Which hopefully it will be. And then ... yeah, I don't know then. Do the work that's in front of me and try not to let my self-confidence take too much of a hit. Which, it's funny, my mood is stable? How can my mood be so stable and detached from not even the motivation, but any kind of self-image as a professional writer? Brains are fucking weird, dude.
I also need to get my ass moving on my Justice course, and to get working on the grimoire exercises before I get too far behind, but that's a whole other ball of sticky rice. Lots to do anyway, too much to ponder what appear to be perfunctory reactions in the direction of my usual rejection automatically means I suck and am fail and am not a writer off I go to eat worms.
I continue to feel moderately better, and I have entirely lost my voice. Oops. I can't speak above a whisper, everything feels immensely strained. This ought to make the day interesting considering one of my primary duties I guess simply by being the most efficient and most willing to do it (there's no logistical reason why I do apart from those) is to answer the phones. Not going to happen today! I'm not sure I can be out in the front today, I know I shouldn't have yesterday, what with the snotting and the coughing. And I didn't! Or at least not when people were there, a couple brief moments to do some things like stock a shelf or run through on my way to get my inhaler. Which was successfully got, so, yay.
Argh. Just, in very general argh. Today is starting out as a day with a bunch of generally irritating frustrations and I hope it gets better. It kind of is, the boy got up way before I did on account of having slept a good chunk the day before, and did a bunch of house chores, or got them started at least. I just. There's a part of me that's being affected by the no guest professional for you more than I thought, I guess?
But that just means I need to kick my own ass harder, work harder, get shit done and get it out here to prove nyah, see, I can do this. I am doing this. (And also yeah, maybe they did have too many writers this year. Who the hell knows.)
So. Um. Well, yes. So. So, today depending on what work looks like, I kick my own ass, finish up some Sandborn edits, write some more in Long Road I think and possibly finally post either the short piece for one of the contributions to Nano thing or... something, I'm not sure what to do with that but it's a reasonably solid piece draft. Mostly Sandborn and Long Road and try to get some progress in there if it's quiet at work still. Which hopefully it will be. And then ... yeah, I don't know then. Do the work that's in front of me and try not to let my self-confidence take too much of a hit. Which, it's funny, my mood is stable? How can my mood be so stable and detached from not even the motivation, but any kind of self-image as a professional writer? Brains are fucking weird, dude.
I also need to get my ass moving on my Justice course, and to get working on the grimoire exercises before I get too far behind, but that's a whole other ball of sticky rice. Lots to do anyway, too much to ponder what appear to be perfunctory reactions in the direction of my usual rejection automatically means I suck and am fail and am not a writer off I go to eat worms.