(no subject)
Dec. 2nd, 2015 07:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeSo, the exact thing I did not need last night was to get into a fight with Murdock (I love that cat but sometimes he can be a fucking pain) and for him to bite me right in the hand so hard it turns red and swells up for an hour. And while a gibbering panic goblin runs around in the back of my brain going IT'S INFECTED YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE THAT HAND OR DIE OR BOTH the swelling has receded some, it still hurts, but it's not warm to the touch or red, so I'm going to go ahead and say the muscles are aggravated but nothing else other than the structural damage of a cat attack. And I'm going to keep an eye on it and keep working the muscle, maybe put some cold pack on it? Or hot pack? I think cold is what you do for swelling, usually it's straining for me, which is hot pack. And I don't remember what happened last time other than telling everyone NO it's fine I promise it's not infected. (And then I went to the doctor who said yeah, just aggravated, not infected, keep an eye on it. So. See, self? You're fine. Stop freaking.)
So, yeah. Much of the night was spent in an anxious headfog, I didn't get down to work on things till about 9.30 and even then most of what I got done by 10 was... a meme. And then some edits, and then some Arabic, so it wasn't all bad, but uuugh. And today is capoeira, which will involve a lot of putting a hand on the ground and supporting some of my body weight on it when mostly my hand wants to curl up and stay curled.
And. And I should answer this one email for a writing commission for the boy's brother and I don't wanna why did I open my big fat mouth, although at least the endless trickle of interactions with people I don't know well that are giving me all the anxiety has settled down to that one. And I think I may have dealt with most of the continuing shipping backlog? And we found out that Little Bit's new favorite hiding place is inside the fucking walls of the house, there's a hole in the bathroom that we've been putting off fixing because the cats didn't go in there, okay, a succession of holes. A bigger one in the wall and then where you can see some beams and brick that make up the interior of the house there's a couple bricks missing that create a hole that leads to the space between the upper level floor and lower level ceiling. And it turns out that's where she's been hiding, so now we have to drywall that annoyingass hole behind the toilet (which is the main reason we haven't done it yet, have you tried sliding a piece of drywall patch behind a goddamn toilet and around the piping?) and oh my god I don't wanna.
Stressors: cat bite on hand, skittish feral still not acclimated to being indoors and hiding in the house, exhaustion from Nanowrimo and work, endless finances fussing (the flashing more specifically this time), nagging anxiety over the kitchenaid only the finances anxiety is keeping me from getting the cover that would make me feel better about bringing it out because its station is by the door and that's ALSO where the cats have been marking lately because there's at least one new male feral running around. And. And and and. Publishing anxiety, which I got none of the prep done last night but at least I know what to do now, but it's still going to drive me fucking nuts while I do it. And. I swear I'm missing something. The rainyass weather isn't helping. The need for extra sleep isn't helping, I tried to get to bed early last night but ended up being a little ball of nerves for other reasons, I can hear the intrusive thoughts gnawing on everything, and I stayed up watching Inuyasha and knitting till after midnight when I should have gone to bed at 11. And now it's getting late and I haven't showered and I'm running late despite that I theoretically know I don't have to exercise this morning because capoeira this evening and.
Mostly I just want my brain to shut up about all the things I'm doing wrong and I can't do that because it makes me a bad person because and I can't do that because it makes me a bad person because and I can't do the other thing because it makes me a bad adult because and. Endless ands. No solutions. I just want to fucking curl up with episodes of Inuyasha and knitting for the next three days. And sleep. A lot of sleeping. Instead I get to take me and my headmice (or are they fully grown weasels yet? I have no idea) over to shower and then downstairs to study Japanese. I guess the plus side here is I do enjoy studying languages, maybe that'll calm me the hell down.
(Oh, right, the other stressor, apparently Reddit has come to my Habitica group because there's some talk of changing the name, and there's a trio of people saying "Well if people are offended or don't want to join because it has "man" in the title they should just suck it up and stop being so easily offended because otherwise we'll all turn into a society of weaklings." And. Um? Meanwhile someone else spoke up last night/this morning all "I don't care about the name but the description could use an overhaul because James Bond [the listed person to emulate] was a misogynistic piece of trash." Actual words, misogynistic piece of trash. Part of me can't wait to see the fight that starts from this one and the part of me wants to just go off and start my own other group elsewhere and part of me is all NO DO NOT SPEAK UP DO NOT BE HEARD DO NOT PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. Which. Heh. That's probably a bad sign.)
ETA: and then I realized I was out of toothpaste and cereal for breakfast and you know what? Fuck everything, I'm going to have a mug brownie for breakfast. I'm going to sit and practice my kanji. I'm going to watch Inuyasha. I'm going to remember to put in earrings and a pretty top, goddess knows how, but I'm going to do it because it'll make me feel better. I'm going to buy the 2$ book by the author whose other series I adored because yes, my budget can handle that and it's an author I like, and I deserve nice things goddammit. And when I come home tonight I don't care how much of my edits haven't gotten done, I'm going to fuck off and relax because fuck everything anyway. And possibly have another mug brownie. (More likely I'll be virtuous and have the leftover chicken curry but I'm feeling belligerent this morning.)
So, yeah. Much of the night was spent in an anxious headfog, I didn't get down to work on things till about 9.30 and even then most of what I got done by 10 was... a meme. And then some edits, and then some Arabic, so it wasn't all bad, but uuugh. And today is capoeira, which will involve a lot of putting a hand on the ground and supporting some of my body weight on it when mostly my hand wants to curl up and stay curled.
And. And I should answer this one email for a writing commission for the boy's brother and I don't wanna why did I open my big fat mouth, although at least the endless trickle of interactions with people I don't know well that are giving me all the anxiety has settled down to that one. And I think I may have dealt with most of the continuing shipping backlog? And we found out that Little Bit's new favorite hiding place is inside the fucking walls of the house, there's a hole in the bathroom that we've been putting off fixing because the cats didn't go in there, okay, a succession of holes. A bigger one in the wall and then where you can see some beams and brick that make up the interior of the house there's a couple bricks missing that create a hole that leads to the space between the upper level floor and lower level ceiling. And it turns out that's where she's been hiding, so now we have to drywall that annoyingass hole behind the toilet (which is the main reason we haven't done it yet, have you tried sliding a piece of drywall patch behind a goddamn toilet and around the piping?) and oh my god I don't wanna.
Stressors: cat bite on hand, skittish feral still not acclimated to being indoors and hiding in the house, exhaustion from Nanowrimo and work, endless finances fussing (the flashing more specifically this time), nagging anxiety over the kitchenaid only the finances anxiety is keeping me from getting the cover that would make me feel better about bringing it out because its station is by the door and that's ALSO where the cats have been marking lately because there's at least one new male feral running around. And. And and and. Publishing anxiety, which I got none of the prep done last night but at least I know what to do now, but it's still going to drive me fucking nuts while I do it. And. I swear I'm missing something. The rainyass weather isn't helping. The need for extra sleep isn't helping, I tried to get to bed early last night but ended up being a little ball of nerves for other reasons, I can hear the intrusive thoughts gnawing on everything, and I stayed up watching Inuyasha and knitting till after midnight when I should have gone to bed at 11. And now it's getting late and I haven't showered and I'm running late despite that I theoretically know I don't have to exercise this morning because capoeira this evening and.
Mostly I just want my brain to shut up about all the things I'm doing wrong and I can't do that because it makes me a bad person because and I can't do that because it makes me a bad person because and I can't do the other thing because it makes me a bad adult because and. Endless ands. No solutions. I just want to fucking curl up with episodes of Inuyasha and knitting for the next three days. And sleep. A lot of sleeping. Instead I get to take me and my headmice (or are they fully grown weasels yet? I have no idea) over to shower and then downstairs to study Japanese. I guess the plus side here is I do enjoy studying languages, maybe that'll calm me the hell down.
(Oh, right, the other stressor, apparently Reddit has come to my Habitica group because there's some talk of changing the name, and there's a trio of people saying "Well if people are offended or don't want to join because it has "man" in the title they should just suck it up and stop being so easily offended because otherwise we'll all turn into a society of weaklings." And. Um? Meanwhile someone else spoke up last night/this morning all "I don't care about the name but the description could use an overhaul because James Bond [the listed person to emulate] was a misogynistic piece of trash." Actual words, misogynistic piece of trash. Part of me can't wait to see the fight that starts from this one and the part of me wants to just go off and start my own other group elsewhere and part of me is all NO DO NOT SPEAK UP DO NOT BE HEARD DO NOT PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. Which. Heh. That's probably a bad sign.)
ETA: and then I realized I was out of toothpaste and cereal for breakfast and you know what? Fuck everything, I'm going to have a mug brownie for breakfast. I'm going to sit and practice my kanji. I'm going to watch Inuyasha. I'm going to remember to put in earrings and a pretty top, goddess knows how, but I'm going to do it because it'll make me feel better. I'm going to buy the 2$ book by the author whose other series I adored because yes, my budget can handle that and it's an author I like, and I deserve nice things goddammit. And when I come home tonight I don't care how much of my edits haven't gotten done, I'm going to fuck off and relax because fuck everything anyway. And possibly have another mug brownie. (More likely I'll be virtuous and have the leftover chicken curry but I'm feeling belligerent this morning.)
(no subject)
Date: 2015-12-02 06:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-12-02 08:02 pm (UTC)