(no subject)
Sep. 22nd, 2015 10:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeOkay. So I'm not entirely sure what happened last night. The sequence of events looks something like, went home (stopping by Trader Joe's), heated a microwave pasta meal for dinner, ate, went and napped for an hour, woke up, rolled over, napped for another hour. Woke up, attempted to do things with a fairly pounding headache, decided not to and played Diablo and read instead. Went to bed around 11.30? 11? after a mug of Hot Leaf Juice. Like I said, I don't get the tea experience, I get the hot leaf juice experience. The tea in question was a Tadin Seven Blossoms thing, which had some valerian, which was me attempting to take a step between can't fucking sleep and drugged to the gills sleep. And it sort of worked? I didn't get knocked the fuck out but I did sleep well enough to actually feel rested when I woke up about 10-20 minutes ahead of my alarm.
So. More rested. And apparently not enough to not have the headache, but at least it's more manageable with some sleep. I've been orderecommended to also talk to my doctor about some sort of in case of emergency take this anti-anxiety reset button medication. Which, I don't think this past year's been as hellish as that last one? Or rather, I don't feel like I need it often enough to take it as a prescription rather than an OTC type thing. If I have an itch, I buy cortisone cream, if I have a fucked up Thursday, I ... well, that kind of thing. But anti-anxiety reset buttons aren't OTC. So I guess I'm more grumbling at the whole medical system than at the idea of going to the doctor.
(Or possibly I'm resisting the idea that my neuroatypicality has extended beyond what birth control can handle. That's always possible. It doesn't feel like, given the past year's been better than the one before it up to DragonCon and after is when things went straight to hell, that that's the case? But... fuck. *handsfling* I have no idea and now is still the wrong time to be wondering. Am I weaseling and whining? I'm weaseling.)
Apart from lovely brain chemistry reset pills, I do intend to have my hot leaf juice over the course of the coming week so that I might actually be able to get some decent sleep without the fucked up dreams that usually come with *Quil. I don't actually normally mind the fucked up dreams! But when the last week's been as horrible and full of death as it has been, no.
ETA: And, really, self, debating this is stupid until you've had a week under you that is not a) full of brain patterns even you recognize as being triggered and depressed, etc or b) full of up-close and personal pet death, thus, even more triggered and depressed. Your current level of functionality is not your average level of functionality in the present, it's been a fucking stressful two weeks, remember? Good. Oy. Also if any doctor is going to be fine with prescribing reset buttons in a ten pill pack for a just in case, it'll be yours. calm the hell down.
Other things! Oooother things. There's not much in the way of other things, as I haven't yet gotten back into a good working groove. Hoping to start that today. Inexplicably all my favorite black clicky pens have vanished into the aether, save one. I looked in all the bags I took to and from DragonCon (I think? There's still the ginormous WeLoveFine bag) and no pens, I looked around my desk at work, no pens. Aggravating. So, next paycheck I get to buy more me-oriented writing pens. And no, they're not horribly expensive, but they're over $1/pen even in bulk, which is irritating. And also why I normally keep an eye on them. Poo. Did find my pencils though. Which are equally finicky and expensive.
Okay, here, so you all can stare at me and be all "no wonder you're flailing, it's okay to put some things down you know," a list of things I intend to pick back up: Writing a story for WL. Editing all stories in WL, including the main ~50k word novella. Editing the Sandborn novel. Taking my American Government class. Taking my Astronomy class. Taking my Terrorism/Counter terrorism class. Studying Arabic, Hindi, and Japanese. Doing capoeira. Reading random fiction books. Reading Between Silk and Cyanide. Knitting as the fancy strikes me. Plus the three or four other online classes I have coming up in the rest of the year. (Astronomy finishes in 3-4 weeks, though.) I'm sure I'm missing something here, but I can't think of what it is. This is why I write this shit down.
So. More rested. And apparently not enough to not have the headache, but at least it's more manageable with some sleep. I've been orderecommended to also talk to my doctor about some sort of in case of emergency take this anti-anxiety reset button medication. Which, I don't think this past year's been as hellish as that last one? Or rather, I don't feel like I need it often enough to take it as a prescription rather than an OTC type thing. If I have an itch, I buy cortisone cream, if I have a fucked up Thursday, I ... well, that kind of thing. But anti-anxiety reset buttons aren't OTC. So I guess I'm more grumbling at the whole medical system than at the idea of going to the doctor.
(Or possibly I'm resisting the idea that my neuroatypicality has extended beyond what birth control can handle. That's always possible. It doesn't feel like, given the past year's been better than the one before it up to DragonCon and after is when things went straight to hell, that that's the case? But... fuck. *handsfling* I have no idea and now is still the wrong time to be wondering. Am I weaseling and whining? I'm weaseling.)
Apart from lovely brain chemistry reset pills, I do intend to have my hot leaf juice over the course of the coming week so that I might actually be able to get some decent sleep without the fucked up dreams that usually come with *Quil. I don't actually normally mind the fucked up dreams! But when the last week's been as horrible and full of death as it has been, no.
ETA: And, really, self, debating this is stupid until you've had a week under you that is not a) full of brain patterns even you recognize as being triggered and depressed, etc or b) full of up-close and personal pet death, thus, even more triggered and depressed. Your current level of functionality is not your average level of functionality in the present, it's been a fucking stressful two weeks, remember? Good. Oy. Also if any doctor is going to be fine with prescribing reset buttons in a ten pill pack for a just in case, it'll be yours. calm the hell down.
Other things! Oooother things. There's not much in the way of other things, as I haven't yet gotten back into a good working groove. Hoping to start that today. Inexplicably all my favorite black clicky pens have vanished into the aether, save one. I looked in all the bags I took to and from DragonCon (I think? There's still the ginormous WeLoveFine bag) and no pens, I looked around my desk at work, no pens. Aggravating. So, next paycheck I get to buy more me-oriented writing pens. And no, they're not horribly expensive, but they're over $1/pen even in bulk, which is irritating. And also why I normally keep an eye on them. Poo. Did find my pencils though. Which are equally finicky and expensive.
Okay, here, so you all can stare at me and be all "no wonder you're flailing, it's okay to put some things down you know," a list of things I intend to pick back up: Writing a story for WL. Editing all stories in WL, including the main ~50k word novella. Editing the Sandborn novel. Taking my American Government class. Taking my Astronomy class. Taking my Terrorism/Counter terrorism class. Studying Arabic, Hindi, and Japanese. Doing capoeira. Reading random fiction books. Reading Between Silk and Cyanide. Knitting as the fancy strikes me. Plus the three or four other online classes I have coming up in the rest of the year. (Astronomy finishes in 3-4 weeks, though.) I'm sure I'm missing something here, but I can't think of what it is. This is why I write this shit down.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-09-22 04:56 pm (UTC)AND THAT IS, AS USUAL, A DAMN IMPRESSIVE LIST.