(no subject)
Jan. 27th, 2015 02:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeThis was going to be some sort of self-castigating bit about how I spent an hour conjugating in Dothraki instead of doing physics like I should have and then I found out that the Aunt Beej has "a very treatable lymphoma." Look, I don't care how many happy pretty adjectives and descriptors you stack in front of it you said lymphoma I am going to fucking panic. I don't like this. This is not the answer I was looking for. Plus someone said blood clot and that does not reassure me either. The only good side to this, at least from where I sit, is the news did not immediately send me into The Foreboding. Maybe some foreboding but nothing yet that feels like the Foreboding. On the other hand that just means
I'm not going to say it. I'm going to sit here and do my work and stock shelves and study physics and Not Think About It.
Fuck cancer, anyway.
No, you know, right now my greatest foreboding is over physics, because I got a grade on the overview questions (that I admittedly did under time stress and general stress) much lower than my average grade while doing the work on each individual section and somehow this means I am stupid and this was a stupid idea and I will fail this course. Never mind that it's an online course I opted into because why the hell not that cost me no money and will not affect my life in any way if I opt out again, or even that they drop the lowest couple homework grades, I am stupid and doing poorly on one part of the homework means ruined forever.
I don't know, you guys. I'm betting this is because my brain is a special place and most of January 2015 has been one person stricken with cancer per week (I am not even fucking kidding) and we had a perfect storm of no paycheck and bills (thankfully survived, but if you want to buy or rec any of my writings I will not be unhappy) and it's generally been gray out, which is the absolute least of the problems of late but is not contributing to the sour mood. And I'm tired. And I have way too much shit to do, and not enough free time to do it all in.
So. This morning I did manage to get up in time to get Japanese and normal morning things done, and all that. I'm working on physics for another hour because now I'm a week behind, and then there will be writings and hopefully progress on that front. Then home, more writings, dinner, what do I have tonight. I have Arabic, that's nice and calming, especially since all I'm working on is the alphabet. Somewhere in there I may try to cram in some Immunology or Physics lecture note-taking. Or maybe not. The last thing I need is more crappy quiz grades right now. Maybe just immunology. Or reading a good book.
I'm not going to say it. I'm going to sit here and do my work and stock shelves and study physics and Not Think About It.
Fuck cancer, anyway.
No, you know, right now my greatest foreboding is over physics, because I got a grade on the overview questions (that I admittedly did under time stress and general stress) much lower than my average grade while doing the work on each individual section and somehow this means I am stupid and this was a stupid idea and I will fail this course. Never mind that it's an online course I opted into because why the hell not that cost me no money and will not affect my life in any way if I opt out again, or even that they drop the lowest couple homework grades, I am stupid and doing poorly on one part of the homework means ruined forever.
I don't know, you guys. I'm betting this is because my brain is a special place and most of January 2015 has been one person stricken with cancer per week (I am not even fucking kidding) and we had a perfect storm of no paycheck and bills (thankfully survived, but if you want to buy or rec any of my writings I will not be unhappy) and it's generally been gray out, which is the absolute least of the problems of late but is not contributing to the sour mood. And I'm tired. And I have way too much shit to do, and not enough free time to do it all in.
So. This morning I did manage to get up in time to get Japanese and normal morning things done, and all that. I'm working on physics for another hour because now I'm a week behind, and then there will be writings and hopefully progress on that front. Then home, more writings, dinner, what do I have tonight. I have Arabic, that's nice and calming, especially since all I'm working on is the alphabet. Somewhere in there I may try to cram in some Immunology or Physics lecture note-taking. Or maybe not. The last thing I need is more crappy quiz grades right now. Maybe just immunology. Or reading a good book.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-27 08:50 pm (UTC)Imma pimp somehow soon. Because reasons.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-27 09:02 pm (UTC)On the plus side I did manage to get through a couple sections of Forces in physics.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-27 09:03 pm (UTC)Go go go, Jag!
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-28 03:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-28 04:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-28 03:20 am (UTC)*offers booze*
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-28 03:38 am (UTC)