Jan. 19th, 2017

kittydesade: (lioness)
Oh god today is ESL day. First I helped out with a Russian translation that I hope is correct and then I had an ESL person (first language unknown. or first and second. or first and second and third) on the phone for a more or less functioning conversation although I had to ask her to repeat herself a couple of times. By the end of it I was understanding her pretty well so maybe she just needed to gear up the way I need to gear up for some of my own less well known languages. I have much sympathy for that.

But now my head is spinning and I'm being tangentially inundated with Spanish and nooooo augh. Can I have one language for a while? It doesn't even have to be English although that obviously being in the US would be most convenient.

Fffugh. I came in to work with all intentions of getting a pile of things done and I got some work things done! And barely anything else because I am dragging all to hell and back. Pretty sure this is just a result of my knee deciding to take capoeira off and then me having to sweat harder than usual, but I don't care it still sucks. Now I have to be superefficient at home in sweats when all I really want to do is lie back and study all the languages and watch hot people in kung fu movies.

At this rate I might not go to the downtown march after class tomorrow, I might just go home and fall over. We'll see.

I can't tell if this is politics-related depression or period exhaustion. Ugh. Dragging myself through my daily tasks one at a time. I'm not sure if this is better or worse than lacking executive function, feeling like I'm going to fall asleep or like my legs barely have enough strength to take me to where I need to go. Probably period exhaustion, I think executive function is the first to go so's I notice when I take a hit to the psyche. And right now my executive function is working well enough for me to get through the day, it's just keeping my eyes open.

And doing the things I should be doing rather than getting dragged off to a thousand side tangents. I want to make a scrapbook along the lines that my heroine in Malachy would make for her spellbook, and I have enough markers and things but no scrapbooking supplies beyond that. (Or any idea how to make a scrapbook for that matter, that was a fad that passed me by.) I want to clean the entire house but after this weekend's capoeira I definitely won't have enough energy to do all that that I want to do. I want to go through Khan Academy and my language book collection and take endless notes, but for that I'd need like an eighteen month long stipend to cover my expenses while I do nothing but roll around in languages. That's not likely to happen either.

Soooo blegh. Bit by bit. Piece by piece, thing by thing, etc. I'll get through this, I only have three or four more days of period anyway. And four more years of the political bullshit, but I'm too wary of the uncertainty (and angry at the sheer and willful stupidity) to be either too paralyzed or too ready to despair. Uncertainty can work as much for us as against us, given that by the very nature it means it's hard to tell how fucked we are. Bit by bit. Day by day. It may be dire, but hey. Like the man said, it's not the end of the world till it's the end of the world.

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