[fic] Ambiguity
Oct. 14th, 2007 09:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittydesadeTitle: Ambiguity
Fandom: The Covenant
Characters: Reid, Pogue, Caleb
Word Count: 1,330
Rating: PG
Summary: Caleb and Pogue's first fight, kind of. Communication is good, peoples.
It wasn't that they were fighting. He didn't know what it was, wasn't sure what to call the great silences and awkward moments that seemed to spring up between them in the last 24 hours. He was pretty sure he had said something wrong. That, at least, he was pretty sure of.
The only problem was, he wasn't sure what it was. And the silences and awkward moments were starting to pile up into something almost too big to deal with.
Pogue sat crosslegged on the couch, failing to focus on his English homework. He already knew how to write, this was just a requirement course, something everybody had to go through. It didn't mean anything. His inability to complete the work didn't mean anything either. It certainly didn't mean that he was afraid of losing Caleb. It just meant that he was distracted. The pencil tapped in an increasingly frantic rhythm against the edge of the book, until it went flying across the room and almost hit Reid in the head.
"Hey!"
"Sorry," he mumbled.
Reid snorted, tossing the pencil back at him and coming into the room. "You're doing homework before 10. Must be important."
"Yeah," he said, not paying attention anymore.
Reid waited a whole three minutes before flopping down on the couch next to Pogue and elbowing him in the side. "Either that or you're just avoiding Caleb again," he decided, which made Pogue sit up straighter and look at him space with wide, startled eyes. "What, you didn't think we'd noticed?"
"Um," he said.
"What the hell is going on between you two?" Reid asked, frowning. "You've both been acting strange ever since that one party at Lowell."
Pogue's head hit the back of the couch with a thump as it came crashing back in on him. It hadn't been any one thing, but they had been partying, and Reid had been drinking, and then Caleb had started in on the free beer and Pogue had said something, he didn't remember what. Caleb, already on edge because of all the people and all the noise and all the stimulation all around him, and snapped something back. Pogue had gotten defensive, and at the end of five minutes to two of them had retreated to opposite corners of the building. Tyler had ended up talking to Caleb simply because Reid and Caleb got along like moths and flames.
"I don't know, man," he said, eyes closed and trying not to remember any more than he already was. It made him flush bright red just remembering. Never mind thinking about how he was going to fix it, which was probably the next thing Reid wanted to talk about. "It's nothing."
"The hell it isn't," Reid said, poking him in the ribs again. "Do you know, I don't think I've ever seen you two fight?"
"Doesn't mean we are going to."
"Yeah, but," he shook his head, "I don't know, man, one day you two were fine, the next thing either of us know neither of you two are really speaking to each other. It's kind of worrying us."
Pogue stared. It wasn't like Reid to admit to being worried about anything, not when it came to human emotions. Reid was your typical guy, all macho and straightforward, never talking about his feelings if he could help it. If he was talking about being worried, and, even if he hadn't come right out and asked it, implying that he thought Pogue and Caleb should talk, maybe they should. Maybe. Maybe that was what he meant?
It was all this vague talking around and about things that was killing him, he decided. Stepping around each other like they were fragile, like what they had was easily broken. Which was ridiculous. They were brothers in a fraternity that had extended back beyond their parents' parents, back at least 400 years and probably even earlier than the colonies. They weren't going to break, not from something so stupid as a fight at a party.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
Reid just looked at him, confused. "Right about what?"
"Nothing."
Caleb seemed to be avoiding the room for most of the evening, but eventually he did make his way back to their dorm. Pogue was waiting for him, still in jeans and a T-shirt, sitting crosslegged on the bed and stuffing things back into his backpack.
"Hey."
"Hey."
This was always the hardest part. Not deciding to talk but figuring out what the hell he was going to say. It was easier to talk in vague terms and ambiguities. It was a lot harder to come out and say, for example, I'm worried about you even though you haven't done anything for me to worry about yet.
"I'm worried about you," he started, and Caleb had the predictable reaction of hurling his backpack to the floor and turning away.
"Look, I'm not doing anything." He wasn't yelling, at least. Not yet. "I haven't been using, I haven't been drinking, I haven't been…"
"I know," he said, holding his hands up at first and then reaching out to Caleb. "Let me finish, okay?" Not yelling, not even raising his voice. Just reaching out to the other boy, who didn't look at him, but didn't pull away either.
"Okay," he said quietly.
Pogue laced his fingers through Caleb's. "I was worried about you. You haven't been out really partying since before Chase, even at all the birthday parties. I guess I've gotten used you hanging back, not hanging out. I saw you drinking, what was it, your third beer? Maybe I got a little freaked."
Slowly, Caleb began to relax. His shoulders slumped a little, his fingers tightened around Pogue's.
"I'm sorry I started worrying about you even though you haven't given me any reason to worry yet." It all came out in a rush of words, one long exhale and hoping Caleb understood. And yet, he couldn't quite bring himself to look at him. Not and see the hurt or anger or upset on his face.
This time, though, it was Caleb who touched his cheek. It was Caleb who tipped his head up to look at him, fingers brushing back through his hair.
"It's okay," he murmured. "I know I haven't exactly given you any kind of reason to trust me…"
Which was exactly where Pogue interrupted him, not sure where he was going with that sentence and very sure that he didn't want to know what the end was. "It's not about trusting you or not, okay?" And then he stopped, thinking how that sounded. "Okay, maybe it was about that a little, but that's not what I meant."
Caleb kind of smiled. "That's not what I meant either, okay? I mean, I know I was acting a little out of character. I know I didn't exactly warn you that I was trying to get back to normal, whatever that means."
Pogue kind of smiled. "Normal, at least for you, at least as far as we've seen, does not include four beers in one night. At least not in public."
"I know," Caleb said, with a sort of a shy smile and a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm trying something new?"
They were going to be okay. Pogue felt himself sink to the bed with relief. It was all going to be okay. "Yeah, well, warn us next time you decide to turn into a normal person?" He laughed, too.
"Are you casting aspersions on my normality?" Caleb asked, working his face into something resembling a scowl, except for the whole trying not to laugh part. Pogue just made a face at him and tugged him into his arms.
"I'll cast aspersions on whatever part of you I want," he said, playfully growling as he ducked his head into his neck and started nuzzling. "Rarr."
Caleb's arms closed tightly around him, warm and solid and safe. Everything was going to be all right.
Fandom: The Covenant
Characters: Reid, Pogue, Caleb
Word Count: 1,330
Rating: PG
Summary: Caleb and Pogue's first fight, kind of. Communication is good, peoples.
It wasn't that they were fighting. He didn't know what it was, wasn't sure what to call the great silences and awkward moments that seemed to spring up between them in the last 24 hours. He was pretty sure he had said something wrong. That, at least, he was pretty sure of.
The only problem was, he wasn't sure what it was. And the silences and awkward moments were starting to pile up into something almost too big to deal with.
Pogue sat crosslegged on the couch, failing to focus on his English homework. He already knew how to write, this was just a requirement course, something everybody had to go through. It didn't mean anything. His inability to complete the work didn't mean anything either. It certainly didn't mean that he was afraid of losing Caleb. It just meant that he was distracted. The pencil tapped in an increasingly frantic rhythm against the edge of the book, until it went flying across the room and almost hit Reid in the head.
"Hey!"
"Sorry," he mumbled.
Reid snorted, tossing the pencil back at him and coming into the room. "You're doing homework before 10. Must be important."
"Yeah," he said, not paying attention anymore.
Reid waited a whole three minutes before flopping down on the couch next to Pogue and elbowing him in the side. "Either that or you're just avoiding Caleb again," he decided, which made Pogue sit up straighter and look at him space with wide, startled eyes. "What, you didn't think we'd noticed?"
"Um," he said.
"What the hell is going on between you two?" Reid asked, frowning. "You've both been acting strange ever since that one party at Lowell."
Pogue's head hit the back of the couch with a thump as it came crashing back in on him. It hadn't been any one thing, but they had been partying, and Reid had been drinking, and then Caleb had started in on the free beer and Pogue had said something, he didn't remember what. Caleb, already on edge because of all the people and all the noise and all the stimulation all around him, and snapped something back. Pogue had gotten defensive, and at the end of five minutes to two of them had retreated to opposite corners of the building. Tyler had ended up talking to Caleb simply because Reid and Caleb got along like moths and flames.
"I don't know, man," he said, eyes closed and trying not to remember any more than he already was. It made him flush bright red just remembering. Never mind thinking about how he was going to fix it, which was probably the next thing Reid wanted to talk about. "It's nothing."
"The hell it isn't," Reid said, poking him in the ribs again. "Do you know, I don't think I've ever seen you two fight?"
"Doesn't mean we are going to."
"Yeah, but," he shook his head, "I don't know, man, one day you two were fine, the next thing either of us know neither of you two are really speaking to each other. It's kind of worrying us."
Pogue stared. It wasn't like Reid to admit to being worried about anything, not when it came to human emotions. Reid was your typical guy, all macho and straightforward, never talking about his feelings if he could help it. If he was talking about being worried, and, even if he hadn't come right out and asked it, implying that he thought Pogue and Caleb should talk, maybe they should. Maybe. Maybe that was what he meant?
It was all this vague talking around and about things that was killing him, he decided. Stepping around each other like they were fragile, like what they had was easily broken. Which was ridiculous. They were brothers in a fraternity that had extended back beyond their parents' parents, back at least 400 years and probably even earlier than the colonies. They weren't going to break, not from something so stupid as a fight at a party.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
Reid just looked at him, confused. "Right about what?"
"Nothing."
Caleb seemed to be avoiding the room for most of the evening, but eventually he did make his way back to their dorm. Pogue was waiting for him, still in jeans and a T-shirt, sitting crosslegged on the bed and stuffing things back into his backpack.
"Hey."
"Hey."
This was always the hardest part. Not deciding to talk but figuring out what the hell he was going to say. It was easier to talk in vague terms and ambiguities. It was a lot harder to come out and say, for example, I'm worried about you even though you haven't done anything for me to worry about yet.
"I'm worried about you," he started, and Caleb had the predictable reaction of hurling his backpack to the floor and turning away.
"Look, I'm not doing anything." He wasn't yelling, at least. Not yet. "I haven't been using, I haven't been drinking, I haven't been…"
"I know," he said, holding his hands up at first and then reaching out to Caleb. "Let me finish, okay?" Not yelling, not even raising his voice. Just reaching out to the other boy, who didn't look at him, but didn't pull away either.
"Okay," he said quietly.
Pogue laced his fingers through Caleb's. "I was worried about you. You haven't been out really partying since before Chase, even at all the birthday parties. I guess I've gotten used you hanging back, not hanging out. I saw you drinking, what was it, your third beer? Maybe I got a little freaked."
Slowly, Caleb began to relax. His shoulders slumped a little, his fingers tightened around Pogue's.
"I'm sorry I started worrying about you even though you haven't given me any reason to worry yet." It all came out in a rush of words, one long exhale and hoping Caleb understood. And yet, he couldn't quite bring himself to look at him. Not and see the hurt or anger or upset on his face.
This time, though, it was Caleb who touched his cheek. It was Caleb who tipped his head up to look at him, fingers brushing back through his hair.
"It's okay," he murmured. "I know I haven't exactly given you any kind of reason to trust me…"
Which was exactly where Pogue interrupted him, not sure where he was going with that sentence and very sure that he didn't want to know what the end was. "It's not about trusting you or not, okay?" And then he stopped, thinking how that sounded. "Okay, maybe it was about that a little, but that's not what I meant."
Caleb kind of smiled. "That's not what I meant either, okay? I mean, I know I was acting a little out of character. I know I didn't exactly warn you that I was trying to get back to normal, whatever that means."
Pogue kind of smiled. "Normal, at least for you, at least as far as we've seen, does not include four beers in one night. At least not in public."
"I know," Caleb said, with a sort of a shy smile and a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm trying something new?"
They were going to be okay. Pogue felt himself sink to the bed with relief. It was all going to be okay. "Yeah, well, warn us next time you decide to turn into a normal person?" He laughed, too.
"Are you casting aspersions on my normality?" Caleb asked, working his face into something resembling a scowl, except for the whole trying not to laugh part. Pogue just made a face at him and tugged him into his arms.
"I'll cast aspersions on whatever part of you I want," he said, playfully growling as he ducked his head into his neck and started nuzzling. "Rarr."
Caleb's arms closed tightly around him, warm and solid and safe. Everything was going to be all right.