(no subject)

[kittydesade]

Four Shadowrunners and some dinner later and I'm feeling more like myself again. Somehow. I still could use about a month's worth of sleep and life handing out some breaks, but I'm not going to get it and I'm slowly resigning myself to the fact. In lieu of that, I'll have figures painted, which is somehow more reassuring than stories written.

Not that having stories written isn't reassuring. But I have such a hard time believing that what I write is any good or anything resembling what I wanted it to be. Minis, I can paint them. I can believe they're well painted. I can look at them and say, yes, this turned out well. Or the ones that didn't I can say, no, this didn't turn out well, into the SimpleGreen with you! And try again. It's tangible. It's staring me in the face. I can turn it over in my hands. ANd will, tomorrow, when I seal these and get high on paint fumes again.

I see we have a Genghis. I give him the StackySalute.

I know it startled some of you to see the rant of depressing a while ago. I'm sorry. That's been building for.. heh. Quite a while. And I needed to get it out. These days, for those of you who know me back when I was a lot more of a wreck, I have some constructive ways to get out all the bad stuff. Painting. Running. Writing. I'm better, healthier than I have been in a while. I still have bad days. Weeks. Months. So far, this year is still fired. But.

There were supposed to be some other lyrics with this post, but I decided not to. Petty, passive aggressive lyrics are not what I need to be posting right now. Let's have something else, something with a little more reach out and touch to it. Let's have angel trumpets and devil trombones. Let's have a celebration, not of life because life sucks right now, but of still being here. Of perseverence, and friendship, and connection. And hope, because even at the bottom, I still think I can see a glimmer of light from the top.

Watch the sunrise Say your goodbyes Off we go Some conversation No contemplation Hit the road Car overheats Jump out of my seat On the side of the highway baby Our road is long Your hold is strong Please don’t ever let go oh no I know I don’t know you But I want you so bad Everyone has a secret But can they keep it Oh no they can’t Driving fast now Don’t think I know how to go slow Where you at now I feel around There you are Cool these engines Calm these jets I ask you how hot can it get And as you wipe of beads of sweat Slowly you say "i’m not there yet!" I know I don’t know you But I want you so bad Everyone has a secret But can they keep it Oh no they can’t

I believe That when the hurting and the pain has gone We will be strong Oh yes we will be strong And I believe That if I'm crying while I write these words Is it absurd? Or am I being real I believe That if you knew just what these tears were for They would just pour Like every drop of rain That's why I believe It is too late for anyone to believe I believe that if you thought for a moment, took your time You would not resign yourself to your fate And I believe that if it's written in the stars, that's fine I can't deny that I'm a Virgo too I believe that if your bristling while you hear this song I could be wrong or have I hit a nerve ? That's why I believe it is too late for anyone to believe I believe that maybe somewhere in the darkness In the nighttime, In the storm In the casino Casino spanish eyes I believe, no I can't believe that every time you hear a new born scream You just can't see the shaping of a life The shaping of a life

ETA: The soldiers have cockplates. Protective groin triangles.

Miniatures amuse me.