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Sep. 29th, 2020 06:38 pmI think at this point we're up to Revenge of Tech School Anxiety, or possibly Tech School Anxiety Goes To Space. It's not nearly as bad as it was at first but I can tell I'm putting off starting the advanced? middling to advanced Ruby labs in preparation for my first major project. Not too badly, I skipped an hour of class block to go take a freaking nap, my evening class block starts in half an hour, but I can feel the procrastination building up in there. And am glaring at my own brain.
Mainly, I think, this is happening because it's been a hot couple of days since I did anything more strenuous than review partly because sick and partly because being unsure of class protocols and skipping ahead to SQL so I didn't do anything without the guidance of counselor. Which turned out not to be a thing at all! It's just that the timing of the touch-base meeting and the first project coincided. So I know that for future reference, but it's still been a hot minute since I did the Ruby labs, the last of which, yes, were done with tedious efficacy because although they were long many of them were things I could do. I'm telling myself that we'll go over the last few labs, I commented all my code VERY thoroughly so I'll have an idea of what I'm doing and where I'm going, and it'll be fine. I'm not sure how much I believe myself though.
Winter is Coming. Actually I may rush through finishing the Martell banner so I can start in on the Stark one as is appropriate for October and November. Fucking winter is coming. And since our washer drain hose tends to get ice chunks in it in winter so we try not to use it once it gets too much below zero, I have ordered some extra necessary clothing so in extremis (several days of really cold weather) I have necessaries to wear even if I can't do laundry. On the other hand this also means I should get more on-the-ball about doing laundry. Meh.
(Class block has technically started as I type this, but I'm taking it slow by reading the full lab and then opening some old labs to review my comments. Also reassuring myself by calculating where the hell I am roughly on the schedule since I've been jumping around all over the place: if I get to the next section next Monday I am On Time, and if I get to it the Monday AFTER I'm only a week behind which... is where I started out before the project, thanks to panic attacks and then chest colds.)
(My academic advisor, when she asked with some concern if my schedule was still good for me and I said "I'm... a week behind? a little under a week behind?" said "Oh, pfft. That's nothing. That's a rounding error.")
And I have been writing, which is very nice. I managed to get some words done in two different projects last night, I would have gotten more editing done today I think except SQL took longer than I expected so, editing tomorrow? And some drawing! I volunteered to do some ink drawings of animals for my other other other aunt (San Francisco aunt) to hand out to kids who are in school? Out of school? I don't have kids let alone kids in San Francisco so I have no idea what's going on but definitely their parents are dealing with them more than usual, so, coloring books and coloring sheets, and I have volunteered to draw some for that. I think that's what I'm going to spend a good chunk of tomorrow doing, really.
Things are going well. Things are going surprisingly well, I'm even remembering to do my nightly beauty routine with the sort of result that my skin is doing better and my hair kind of is? Too much product too little clarifying shampoo, I'll fix that tomorrow morning. My office isn't fully tidied but it's better. I definitely need a box to put my giant Game of Thrones banners project in, I don't know where I'll put that. Maybe in a plastic tub under my desk to prop my feet on. And the boy has some vacation time coming so we're going to give the house a thorough clean again. Fall cleaning instead of spring cleaning.
I feel good. I feel happy. Nervous, given the whole unemployed and studying and economy and this country thing. But in my immediate situation, happy.
Mainly, I think, this is happening because it's been a hot couple of days since I did anything more strenuous than review partly because sick and partly because being unsure of class protocols and skipping ahead to SQL so I didn't do anything without the guidance of counselor. Which turned out not to be a thing at all! It's just that the timing of the touch-base meeting and the first project coincided. So I know that for future reference, but it's still been a hot minute since I did the Ruby labs, the last of which, yes, were done with tedious efficacy because although they were long many of them were things I could do. I'm telling myself that we'll go over the last few labs, I commented all my code VERY thoroughly so I'll have an idea of what I'm doing and where I'm going, and it'll be fine. I'm not sure how much I believe myself though.
Winter is Coming. Actually I may rush through finishing the Martell banner so I can start in on the Stark one as is appropriate for October and November. Fucking winter is coming. And since our washer drain hose tends to get ice chunks in it in winter so we try not to use it once it gets too much below zero, I have ordered some extra necessary clothing so in extremis (several days of really cold weather) I have necessaries to wear even if I can't do laundry. On the other hand this also means I should get more on-the-ball about doing laundry. Meh.
(Class block has technically started as I type this, but I'm taking it slow by reading the full lab and then opening some old labs to review my comments. Also reassuring myself by calculating where the hell I am roughly on the schedule since I've been jumping around all over the place: if I get to the next section next Monday I am On Time, and if I get to it the Monday AFTER I'm only a week behind which... is where I started out before the project, thanks to panic attacks and then chest colds.)
(My academic advisor, when she asked with some concern if my schedule was still good for me and I said "I'm... a week behind? a little under a week behind?" said "Oh, pfft. That's nothing. That's a rounding error.")
And I have been writing, which is very nice. I managed to get some words done in two different projects last night, I would have gotten more editing done today I think except SQL took longer than I expected so, editing tomorrow? And some drawing! I volunteered to do some ink drawings of animals for my other other other aunt (San Francisco aunt) to hand out to kids who are in school? Out of school? I don't have kids let alone kids in San Francisco so I have no idea what's going on but definitely their parents are dealing with them more than usual, so, coloring books and coloring sheets, and I have volunteered to draw some for that. I think that's what I'm going to spend a good chunk of tomorrow doing, really.
Things are going well. Things are going surprisingly well, I'm even remembering to do my nightly beauty routine with the sort of result that my skin is doing better and my hair kind of is? Too much product too little clarifying shampoo, I'll fix that tomorrow morning. My office isn't fully tidied but it's better. I definitely need a box to put my giant Game of Thrones banners project in, I don't know where I'll put that. Maybe in a plastic tub under my desk to prop my feet on. And the boy has some vacation time coming so we're going to give the house a thorough clean again. Fall cleaning instead of spring cleaning.
I feel good. I feel happy. Nervous, given the whole unemployed and studying and economy and this country thing. But in my immediate situation, happy.