(no subject)

Insert usual dithering about not updating enough here.

Coding school is going... I don't know how to describe how it's going. I'm doing well, I suspect I'm moving through faster than they expected me to, and at the same time it doesn't feel fast enough. I've gotten stuck on a couple of labs now for hours at a time, it's the same problem both times roughly, and I need to look up how to do this in Ruby at some point later today probably. But other than that the labs are taking me roughly twenty minutes to try a couple of things, refine it, and do it. And some of that is definitely going too fast and not slowing down and thinking about what I'm doing, which is a habit I need to get into.

But emotionally it's a rough practice. Partly due to bad sleep most of last week (I drugged myself to sleep Monday and Tuesday night, and that's helped a lot) and partly just that this is my big transition into a new job, I want to actually transition there and get that new job and that's a lot of pressure. That I haven't been used to for, oh, almost twenty years now. And I'm a lot more settled in my life that takes, not a lot of money, but still income to maintain. So every failure feels like The End Of The World and I need to make that part quiet down, and it's a learning process. So I can't entirely say I'm enjoying the whole thing.

But I'm not not enjoying it either. When it takes twenty or thirty minutes instead of five hours to figure out the labs, I'm enjoying it. Reading things and breaking them in different ways is fun. Going back and reading over HTML, even if it took only a day to go through that entire section and do all those labs, was nice and comforting. Looking up things is fun. So there's that. I wish I could feel less frustrated and scared when things don't come easily, but I'm working on it.

I'm building my own new computer. Did I mention that? I did mention that didn't I. All the parts are here, I forgot/disregarded the need for an anti-static mat but now that's here, I could theoretically begin building it today while the boy's asleep but I'm opting instead to wait until he's up and can observe me because I really don't want to fuck up any of these variously minorly expensive to holy fuck expensive parts. In the meantime I can do art and clean a section of the office floor so we can sit down and build it together.

Not much else has been going on; I'm doing bass, I'm doing some art, I'm doing cross-stitch, I've been doing some writing. Not directed writing trying to finish a project, which has gotten stickier because if I make writing income I have to report that and probably get less unemployment as a result and that's already a fuckery, so I'm just writing and editing and stashing it until such time as I (cross fingers, knock wood, turn and curse and spit) have a regular job and income again. I'm also still going after Bash and Python on Code Academy. Not regularly, but I have aims. Mostly involving, finish the Python course on CodeAcademy and then do some of the exercises that I got off Humble Bundle. (And I just got off the zoom with my educational coach which was hilarious. She's been to my family's craft store. She has a floor loom that, yes! I know those manufacturers! That was hilarious and also yes, I am far more prepared and going far faster than the average student at this tech school so I need to just. Calm down. And breathe. And keep going.)

(And code my professional web page later because that's definitely a thing that needs to happen.)

But first, Things That Are Not Coding. Breathing. Because the aforementioned anxiety, pressure, and worry is driving me absolutely up one wall and back down again and that needs to get managed. Possibly by sitting an elephant on it.