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Jan. 22nd, 2019 04:42 pmWords cannot describe how stressed I am about the shutdown, the boy's paycheck, my Mom's paycheck which she hasn't been receiving, all of it. Every time I see a 'Mitch McConnell blocks yet another attempt to reopen the government' headline I want to throw up. And that's just the aspect of current events that most immediately and directly affects me. I can't even begin to guess what's coming down the pipe, or how others are feeling about what's already here, the Trans Ban being today's oh for fucksake moment.
(I did call Mom today, because it's also been her birthday recently, and she seems like she's doing all right. I'm still going to fuss.)
I'm just stressed. I'm stressed about work and money. I'm stressed about paying for my damn fillings even though I know I need them and should just do the damn thing and put it on the or even schedule it a month at a time (no fuck you I want my damn bookshelves first and then I'll take care of my teeth) (yes I realize that's absurd), I'm stressed about will the boy have a job in September that pays him, I'm stressed about my country being an entire shitshow, I'm stressed about climate change and monarch butterflies. I'm stressed. And it's cold and my office is colder and I haven't gotten a space heater for it yet (apparently that my brain will let me spend a small amount of money on because it's office stuff) and it's deeply uncomfortable to work in it even though I desperately want to. Stressed.
I need to get to work writing things but today's been particularly busy day job wise and when I get home no doubt all I'm going to want to do is curl up under blankets and shop for more music I'm not going to buy for months on end. That's what I do when I'm watching a new series, I go "ooh I like that song", look up what it is, add it to a digital music cart, and then don't buy it until months later. Though to be fair that's because most of them are single songs from $.99 to $1.29 and buying one or two at a time isn't pointless exactly but it's easy to do that every couple of days and end up spending fifty bucks a month on music. And when I do it all at once after months, I have a better idea what I'm spending.
I should also get started on my self promotion. On Twitter if nowhere else. There, I did two things of self promotion. Maybe next week I'll get creative and shill some books. Mine and other people's. But it's hard to find value in my writing when I'm this stressed, and I know some of it is PMS, but more than usual it's also outside stuff because, well. You see this everything I'm pointing at? And. Argh.
(I think the PMS isn't making me feel like everything's terrible so much as it is eroding my ability to cope with the everything being terrible. Still argh.)
But I did figure out the last piece of the puzzle for my upcoming novel drafts, and discovered an awesome piece of girl gang history in the bargain. That's fun. Plus I remembered in plenty of time to renew my library books. Maybe that's what I'll do, make word count writing just in the novel I'm currently drafting real quick and then take endless notes on the upcoming novel draft in my library books. That seems like a thing that will remove sources of "why aren't you doing this you irresponsible person who thinks she's a writer" stress. I mean I always have those and most of the time they're dismissable with some self-adjusting, but ... but. Something. I don't know. I'm tired. And freaking out. How many times can I say 'stress' in one post? WE SHALL SEE.
(I did call Mom today, because it's also been her birthday recently, and she seems like she's doing all right. I'm still going to fuss.)
I'm just stressed. I'm stressed about work and money. I'm stressed about paying for my damn fillings even though I know I need them and should just do the damn thing and put it on the or even schedule it a month at a time (no fuck you I want my damn bookshelves first and then I'll take care of my teeth) (yes I realize that's absurd), I'm stressed about will the boy have a job in September that pays him, I'm stressed about my country being an entire shitshow, I'm stressed about climate change and monarch butterflies. I'm stressed. And it's cold and my office is colder and I haven't gotten a space heater for it yet (apparently that my brain will let me spend a small amount of money on because it's office stuff) and it's deeply uncomfortable to work in it even though I desperately want to. Stressed.
I need to get to work writing things but today's been particularly busy day job wise and when I get home no doubt all I'm going to want to do is curl up under blankets and shop for more music I'm not going to buy for months on end. That's what I do when I'm watching a new series, I go "ooh I like that song", look up what it is, add it to a digital music cart, and then don't buy it until months later. Though to be fair that's because most of them are single songs from $.99 to $1.29 and buying one or two at a time isn't pointless exactly but it's easy to do that every couple of days and end up spending fifty bucks a month on music. And when I do it all at once after months, I have a better idea what I'm spending.
I should also get started on my self promotion. On Twitter if nowhere else. There, I did two things of self promotion. Maybe next week I'll get creative and shill some books. Mine and other people's. But it's hard to find value in my writing when I'm this stressed, and I know some of it is PMS, but more than usual it's also outside stuff because, well. You see this everything I'm pointing at? And. Argh.
(I think the PMS isn't making me feel like everything's terrible so much as it is eroding my ability to cope with the everything being terrible. Still argh.)
But I did figure out the last piece of the puzzle for my upcoming novel drafts, and discovered an awesome piece of girl gang history in the bargain. That's fun. Plus I remembered in plenty of time to renew my library books. Maybe that's what I'll do, make word count writing just in the novel I'm currently drafting real quick and then take endless notes on the upcoming novel draft in my library books. That seems like a thing that will remove sources of "why aren't you doing this you irresponsible person who thinks she's a writer" stress. I mean I always have those and most of the time they're dismissable with some self-adjusting, but ... but. Something. I don't know. I'm tired. And freaking out. How many times can I say 'stress' in one post? WE SHALL SEE.