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Oct. 8th, 2018 08:42 pmI'm having another one of those days where my brain seems to be telling me I have too many things to do, and in the immediate sense I do, but what I really have is decision paralysis on which to work on first. I did manage to shake out of it enough to finish a story for Patreon and then get some words written in Pilot, and I have hopes of getting some more of those synopses done. If not I should prioritize them for tomorrow because November is coming. Just like Winter.
Mary Robinette Kowal tweeted something about talking to a male friend about what women writers endure in SFF communities. Which made me think of what a friend of mine said at DragonCon, which resulted in a couple other people speaking up and saying they also thought I was a person willing to shank a man when provoked. I don't know if or why this should surprise me as much as it does, but it rather does? I do not spend, for all I talk about knives and knife laws, that much time considering the violence I might have to do if attacked. I make my plans, figure out whether or not I can arm myself (apparently I can't, see previous rant about the illegality of less than lethal weapons), and go about my life. I know that I have a habit of not sitting with my back to the door, watching my sight lines, etc etc.
The question I finally settled on asking, even if it's not entirely what I'm wondering although I think it's the closest version I've come up with so far, is who would I be if I wasn't the tiny woman who rarely gets harassed, rarely enough that I have a hard time thinking of the last time I was even catcalled. If I wasn't the person people voted Most Likely To Stab A Jackass. If I didn't put all this energy I'm not even aware of allocating into being that person. If I didn't have to, if the world was kinder to women. I have no idea who I'd be.
I don't entirely mean to say I regret who I've become over my life. But it makes me sad that this is a thing I feel like it's prudent or wise to be. Or understandable.
Ffff. Day job continues to be day job, no word on the other dye house. The boy and I may or may not be embarking on a mission of Eat Fewer Brownies And Less Red Meat And Other Things Bad For You, his doc's going to be at him soon and high blood pressure runs in his family. We can't call any offices about financial or legal stuff until tomorrow so I guess we'll be doing that tomorrow. Or I will, because he has a long day tomorrow and I will have a normal day. Life goes on, I guess.
Mary Robinette Kowal tweeted something about talking to a male friend about what women writers endure in SFF communities. Which made me think of what a friend of mine said at DragonCon, which resulted in a couple other people speaking up and saying they also thought I was a person willing to shank a man when provoked. I don't know if or why this should surprise me as much as it does, but it rather does? I do not spend, for all I talk about knives and knife laws, that much time considering the violence I might have to do if attacked. I make my plans, figure out whether or not I can arm myself (apparently I can't, see previous rant about the illegality of less than lethal weapons), and go about my life. I know that I have a habit of not sitting with my back to the door, watching my sight lines, etc etc.
The question I finally settled on asking, even if it's not entirely what I'm wondering although I think it's the closest version I've come up with so far, is who would I be if I wasn't the tiny woman who rarely gets harassed, rarely enough that I have a hard time thinking of the last time I was even catcalled. If I wasn't the person people voted Most Likely To Stab A Jackass. If I didn't put all this energy I'm not even aware of allocating into being that person. If I didn't have to, if the world was kinder to women. I have no idea who I'd be.
I don't entirely mean to say I regret who I've become over my life. But it makes me sad that this is a thing I feel like it's prudent or wise to be. Or understandable.
Ffff. Day job continues to be day job, no word on the other dye house. The boy and I may or may not be embarking on a mission of Eat Fewer Brownies And Less Red Meat And Other Things Bad For You, his doc's going to be at him soon and high blood pressure runs in his family. We can't call any offices about financial or legal stuff until tomorrow so I guess we'll be doing that tomorrow. Or I will, because he has a long day tomorrow and I will have a normal day. Life goes on, I guess.