![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Sep. 13th, 2018 08:18 pmI gave blood to the blood gods today, plus getting my flu shot, so my health is being aggressively optimized right now. Hopefully tomorrow I get my thyroid results back and it's fucking normal for the first time in years. And stays that way. I would really like not to have to go back on dosage roulette, which is only marginally better than medication roulette. It could be worse? It could be a lot worse, it could be something less easy to treat than low thyroid, like, oh, any mental illness ever. But I'm still going to be annoyed.
After yesterday's run on gas stations and them being out of gas because everyone was filling up ahead of the hurricane, today the boy went out to fill up and there was no one at the gas stations. Not because they were empty, either! Go figure. But we've got a full tank and a house reasonably full of food, so we'll be all right for a couple weeks if that's what it takes to get through this, say, if the gas pipeline cracks under the hurricane. This area itself will be fine apart from some rain and minor flooding in the river district which, no, I am not near vertically. Horizontally it's a couple miles away, but vertically it's also down a very steep hill. We'll be all right.
Still kind of wondering if I'm coming back to a routine, did the capoeira twice in a week, good, have been writing consistently if not as much as I'd like every day, also good. Did some watching of my various science videos. Been keeping up with Duolingo if not Memrise. But not my new languages. And not Memrise, as I said. And a part of me is feeling like a huge failure for it.
(And the more sensible part of me is staring all "Look do you know how much most people get done in a day? And then how much you try to do and then feel guilty for not doing it? Cut it out!")
Really a good portion of it is that that's the kind of routine I can maintain when nothing is going wrong. When my body isn't trying to put me into a low thyroid coma, when work isn't exploding, when I'm not preparing to go out of town for a while, when relatives aren't in dire medical straits, etc etc. And if it hasn't been one thing it's been another, for almost a year now. A good chunk of it my thyroid. I should have figured that one out earlier.
And another good-sized portion of it is I don't let go easily when it comes to ability, mental most of all. I don't let go of the idea that I should be able to do what I used to, no matter what the reality is. Ugh. What's the break point between persistent starting and self-overload?
I don't know what it is but I know 11.30 at night isn't the best time to be thinking about it. One day at a time. Starting with tomorrow, finding out my thyroid results, and then I think the goal will be more to get back to practicing the hindi and memorizing the arabic like I had been doing before everything went sideways. (It'd also help if I didn't slide into AUGH WRITING PROJECT IN FIVE DAYS MUST DO NOTHING ELSE BUT. I mean goddammit self. You portion out your writing work into schedules for a REASON.)
After yesterday's run on gas stations and them being out of gas because everyone was filling up ahead of the hurricane, today the boy went out to fill up and there was no one at the gas stations. Not because they were empty, either! Go figure. But we've got a full tank and a house reasonably full of food, so we'll be all right for a couple weeks if that's what it takes to get through this, say, if the gas pipeline cracks under the hurricane. This area itself will be fine apart from some rain and minor flooding in the river district which, no, I am not near vertically. Horizontally it's a couple miles away, but vertically it's also down a very steep hill. We'll be all right.
Still kind of wondering if I'm coming back to a routine, did the capoeira twice in a week, good, have been writing consistently if not as much as I'd like every day, also good. Did some watching of my various science videos. Been keeping up with Duolingo if not Memrise. But not my new languages. And not Memrise, as I said. And a part of me is feeling like a huge failure for it.
(And the more sensible part of me is staring all "Look do you know how much most people get done in a day? And then how much you try to do and then feel guilty for not doing it? Cut it out!")
Really a good portion of it is that that's the kind of routine I can maintain when nothing is going wrong. When my body isn't trying to put me into a low thyroid coma, when work isn't exploding, when I'm not preparing to go out of town for a while, when relatives aren't in dire medical straits, etc etc. And if it hasn't been one thing it's been another, for almost a year now. A good chunk of it my thyroid. I should have figured that one out earlier.
And another good-sized portion of it is I don't let go easily when it comes to ability, mental most of all. I don't let go of the idea that I should be able to do what I used to, no matter what the reality is. Ugh. What's the break point between persistent starting and self-overload?
I don't know what it is but I know 11.30 at night isn't the best time to be thinking about it. One day at a time. Starting with tomorrow, finding out my thyroid results, and then I think the goal will be more to get back to practicing the hindi and memorizing the arabic like I had been doing before everything went sideways. (It'd also help if I didn't slide into AUGH WRITING PROJECT IN FIVE DAYS MUST DO NOTHING ELSE BUT. I mean goddammit self. You portion out your writing work into schedules for a REASON.)