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Sep. 17th, 2015 08:13 amOkay, my back still hurts although I did not wake up paralyzed by pain, which was a bit of a worry. But it still hurts, which is distracting me from getting much done in the way of at least Japanese, which is aggravating. The fact that I'm on unstructured lessons is not helping, I think I'd be getting more done with Japanese if I were doing some sort of word problem. Actually, maybe I should do that in a bit. Just go back and substitute nouns and write the sentences over again. Or something.
Being in pain is also not helping my impression of mentally getting better, although I don't know that that's still not true? I mean, I don't know that with everything, I'm not getting better. Clearly I'm not quite yet awake or coherent. I was reasonably good, I slept in despite my alarm going off at 6.15, which given that I went to bed early was fine, but. Slept in anyway, post-capoeira is usually pretty exhausted sleeping in extra, and I feel pretty comfortable that all that sleeping was less depression sleeping and more healing sleeping. Weight dropped over half a pound in 24 hours, too, but given that yesterday was a capoeira actually a longer capoeira session than usual I feel pretty confident that's muscle-use burnoff and not, I haven't been eating enough calories. I think. Or, well, obviously I wasn't eating enough calories to replace what I burned but that's because I was doing a disproportionate to most days amount of exercise. So that's okay at least. And I managed to eat dinner without too much of a struggle.
(No, normally I don't fuss when my weight fluctuates by half a pound or so in a day, but when I'm trying to combat loss of appetite I pay closer attention than usual.)
And all I can say is I better be better in the head before the start of October, because there's a hora (capoeira, not... yeah, that confuses me too) local to us and at that point I think I'm out of excuses not to go. At the very least it might be smaller than the others, and I can flee at any point if it gets too overwhelming. So. Um. Yeah. I'd better have my head at least closer to straight on.
And I did the scary thing. Or am in the process of doing the scary thing, I think would be more accurate, and while I'm proud of myself for doing the scary thing and seeking advice and all I'm still also terrified that the advice will be "Never write about this again, you suck, why would you do that." and sending friends and friends of friends into dysphoric fits or something. Argh. But, doing the scary thing. And in plenty of good time, too, I think, since it's only that one part now that that character's story got separated out from the main story. Too many subplots, not enough room.
Heh, that story ended up being not even the subplot of WL that had been intended for her, but a whole other thing. I can't really say I regret it, though. The subplot was awkward and clumsy. At least in terms of character arc and execution, the story feels more smooth and natural to the characters involved. Also, H is still a jackass. And this way there's a bit of background for her when she shows up as a secondary/tertiary? still not sure how much of that is going to get cut. Character in the main story. And.
And. And and. I still have a lot of work to do, I've been catching up on online classes so that's a plus. Astronomy is hella fun, even with having missed a lot of work for two lessons I can't make up because of DragonCon. I think I'll squeak out of it with a grade I'm proud of. I did go back and do the Japanese from the textbook, so that's good. I've got words to write all set up and words to edit all set up, and I'm tentatively feeling better about the day, although I'm still not sure I would survive even a glancing hit to the psyche. I guess we'll see where we go from here. I'll take the standing up and being productive (okay, curling under the blankets on the couch with knitting and online video classes and being productive) while I have it.
Being in pain is also not helping my impression of mentally getting better, although I don't know that that's still not true? I mean, I don't know that with everything, I'm not getting better. Clearly I'm not quite yet awake or coherent. I was reasonably good, I slept in despite my alarm going off at 6.15, which given that I went to bed early was fine, but. Slept in anyway, post-capoeira is usually pretty exhausted sleeping in extra, and I feel pretty comfortable that all that sleeping was less depression sleeping and more healing sleeping. Weight dropped over half a pound in 24 hours, too, but given that yesterday was a capoeira actually a longer capoeira session than usual I feel pretty confident that's muscle-use burnoff and not, I haven't been eating enough calories. I think. Or, well, obviously I wasn't eating enough calories to replace what I burned but that's because I was doing a disproportionate to most days amount of exercise. So that's okay at least. And I managed to eat dinner without too much of a struggle.
(No, normally I don't fuss when my weight fluctuates by half a pound or so in a day, but when I'm trying to combat loss of appetite I pay closer attention than usual.)
And all I can say is I better be better in the head before the start of October, because there's a hora (capoeira, not... yeah, that confuses me too) local to us and at that point I think I'm out of excuses not to go. At the very least it might be smaller than the others, and I can flee at any point if it gets too overwhelming. So. Um. Yeah. I'd better have my head at least closer to straight on.
And I did the scary thing. Or am in the process of doing the scary thing, I think would be more accurate, and while I'm proud of myself for doing the scary thing and seeking advice and all I'm still also terrified that the advice will be "Never write about this again, you suck, why would you do that." and sending friends and friends of friends into dysphoric fits or something. Argh. But, doing the scary thing. And in plenty of good time, too, I think, since it's only that one part now that that character's story got separated out from the main story. Too many subplots, not enough room.
Heh, that story ended up being not even the subplot of WL that had been intended for her, but a whole other thing. I can't really say I regret it, though. The subplot was awkward and clumsy. At least in terms of character arc and execution, the story feels more smooth and natural to the characters involved. Also, H is still a jackass. And this way there's a bit of background for her when she shows up as a secondary/tertiary? still not sure how much of that is going to get cut. Character in the main story. And.
And. And and. I still have a lot of work to do, I've been catching up on online classes so that's a plus. Astronomy is hella fun, even with having missed a lot of work for two lessons I can't make up because of DragonCon. I think I'll squeak out of it with a grade I'm proud of. I did go back and do the Japanese from the textbook, so that's good. I've got words to write all set up and words to edit all set up, and I'm tentatively feeling better about the day, although I'm still not sure I would survive even a glancing hit to the psyche. I guess we'll see where we go from here. I'll take the standing up and being productive (okay, curling under the blankets on the couch with knitting and online video classes and being productive) while I have it.