![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jan. 13th, 2014 12:21 pm( Gaeilge )
Finally did this around lunchtime because so far my day has been, get up, groan at the hour because last night was spent waking up every 2-3 hours, go downstairs, put clean clothes in bathroom and get ready for shower, stare at shower, declare fuck this I am going back to bed for as long as I possibly can, taking forever to fall back asleep, finally getting up and getting ready for work and everything again, feeling pretty good about the day only to get into the car and my aunt to tell me that my grandpa's not doing good and they're talking palliative care and how-much-time.
So at the moment I'm pretty much running on one task at a time and counting the hours till I can go home and pass out again. Which, heh. Once again highlights the extent to which I've trained myself, one task at a time seems unbearably slow and frustrating. But at the moment I just don't have the energy. I have a dull ache between my temples, my nose is both healing from being broken or whatever it was and stuffy/dripping, and I got shit for sleep last night. I mean, I knew from the time that someone used the 'C' word in connection with Grandpa that this wouldn't be a happy ending, but I deal a lot better with that shit on more sleep.
(I am looking into plane tickets home in February. I'm betting on it won't be that long now.)
I'm just really tired. Sad and tired, not mind-shakingly flailingly upset? Grandpa's 85-mumble. Ish. 86? Grandma's been gone for sixteen years. After that there was Roz for a bit, and she's gone now too. This isn't a surprise. But I'm tired. And I'm sad. And in a way he's been more on my mind, with the economy (Grandpa explained a lot of the kinds of things people talk about now to me when I was 10 or younger, when I was too young to really understand, but I still remember some of it) and with Russia (Grandpa was one of the World Bank advisors during and I think a bit after perestroika) and just. With things in general. And I'm sad. And I'm tired, and I just want not to have any obligations for a while. Which isn't going to happen.
So, one thing at a time. Making sure I get plenty of rest time. Blocking out chunks of time on the calendar. By the time I finish and post this I'll have done Russian down to wherever I get down to (almost the bottom of page 28 as it turns out, the next paragraph is pretty long into page 29). I can make it through this. Just need to be a little patient with myself, and hopefully everyone around will be patient with me. Hell, hopefully tomorrow I'll get a good night's sleep, and the night after that, and everything will stop resembling a damn Michael Bay movie.
Finally did this around lunchtime because so far my day has been, get up, groan at the hour because last night was spent waking up every 2-3 hours, go downstairs, put clean clothes in bathroom and get ready for shower, stare at shower, declare fuck this I am going back to bed for as long as I possibly can, taking forever to fall back asleep, finally getting up and getting ready for work and everything again, feeling pretty good about the day only to get into the car and my aunt to tell me that my grandpa's not doing good and they're talking palliative care and how-much-time.
So at the moment I'm pretty much running on one task at a time and counting the hours till I can go home and pass out again. Which, heh. Once again highlights the extent to which I've trained myself, one task at a time seems unbearably slow and frustrating. But at the moment I just don't have the energy. I have a dull ache between my temples, my nose is both healing from being broken or whatever it was and stuffy/dripping, and I got shit for sleep last night. I mean, I knew from the time that someone used the 'C' word in connection with Grandpa that this wouldn't be a happy ending, but I deal a lot better with that shit on more sleep.
(I am looking into plane tickets home in February. I'm betting on it won't be that long now.)
I'm just really tired. Sad and tired, not mind-shakingly flailingly upset? Grandpa's 85-mumble. Ish. 86? Grandma's been gone for sixteen years. After that there was Roz for a bit, and she's gone now too. This isn't a surprise. But I'm tired. And I'm sad. And in a way he's been more on my mind, with the economy (Grandpa explained a lot of the kinds of things people talk about now to me when I was 10 or younger, when I was too young to really understand, but I still remember some of it) and with Russia (Grandpa was one of the World Bank advisors during and I think a bit after perestroika) and just. With things in general. And I'm sad. And I'm tired, and I just want not to have any obligations for a while. Which isn't going to happen.
So, one thing at a time. Making sure I get plenty of rest time. Blocking out chunks of time on the calendar. By the time I finish and post this I'll have done Russian down to wherever I get down to (almost the bottom of page 28 as it turns out, the next paragraph is pretty long into page 29). I can make it through this. Just need to be a little patient with myself, and hopefully everyone around will be patient with me. Hell, hopefully tomorrow I'll get a good night's sleep, and the night after that, and everything will stop resembling a damn Michael Bay movie.