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Jul. 30th, 2010 09:28 pm( Cheetara boots! )
So, I can walk again. Stiffly, lurching, and it feels like one side of my body is higher than the other which might be the long-quiet scoliosis if it's even present (I'll have to ask the doctor about that on Monday) or it might just be some muscles in my back are unknotting more quickly than others. The worst part about this is the constant fear every time I move, now, that the pain will come back and I'll go crashing and yelping to the ground again. It doesn't help me untense. And it's not something... I can cope, eventually, most likely, with certainty in some change of my physical state. I have to, at least, with the inevitability of time as does everyone else. I don't yet have mechanisms to cope with this. It's irritating.
Other news. I have my Cheetara boots! I don't know if I have anything else of my costume because I haven't been at work in three days, which is really getting to me. But I have my boots, and they look awesome and they are going to be comfortable as anything fur-lined would be in Atlanta when it's this hot, and I'll be able to walk around them in the con all day. Which is important. My Silk Spectre boots are not so awesome. I have room in my boot box that I should be able to stuff my leotard in it, and... yeah. Everything is coming together. Except my physical state of being. Which I'm working on. Apart from being scared of having torn something important, I'm really annoyed that this is interrupting my exercise routine somewhat. Yes, it's a stupid thing to be annoyed by, but it's annoying me all the same.
Languages have been completely disrupted. Possibly by my inability to sit still, due to being reminded every twenty minutes to get up and keep moving. Hopefully I can pick that routine back up on Monday. Eating routine is still holding steady, somehow. Despite the fact that first having my mouth abused and then doing something horrible to my back completely made me turn into a five year old and want comfort and indulgence. I guess I want to be a superheroine more. Which is progress. Being a superheroine also means eating healthy.
I'm not even sure what to do about this weekend's plans. Wig hunting is happening tomorrow, I think. Or at least, that's the plan. I don't know in what state I'll wake up tomorrow, but if I can get both wig hunting and pattern cut out done tomorrow, that ought to be enough tasks to take up my spoons in addition to the normal business of the day.
And maybe I can get the house in some semblance of order. That'd be nice. I miss having a clean house. I miss having routines, and a lot of things. I feel very adrift, I think, without my routines. Which is understandable, that's why we have them, but still. It's one thing to knwo it and another thing to have your routines completely wrecked by forces out of your control. I feel empowered with my routines. And now that I don't have them I feel out of shape and useless. Although not fat, which is also an improvement over my usual self-esteem issues.
Anyway. For now, getting up every twenty minutes, writing. Puttering around. Cleaning up a bit. If I keep tidying while I walk around and get that exercise, maybe I'll accomplish some things that'll make me feel better.
Don't get me wrong, I don't actually feel that bad, it's just a certain offness that's hanging around the more I spend time hanging around the house being an invalid for one reason or another, doped up on meds and unable to focus. Don't much like it.
So, I can walk again. Stiffly, lurching, and it feels like one side of my body is higher than the other which might be the long-quiet scoliosis if it's even present (I'll have to ask the doctor about that on Monday) or it might just be some muscles in my back are unknotting more quickly than others. The worst part about this is the constant fear every time I move, now, that the pain will come back and I'll go crashing and yelping to the ground again. It doesn't help me untense. And it's not something... I can cope, eventually, most likely, with certainty in some change of my physical state. I have to, at least, with the inevitability of time as does everyone else. I don't yet have mechanisms to cope with this. It's irritating.
Other news. I have my Cheetara boots! I don't know if I have anything else of my costume because I haven't been at work in three days, which is really getting to me. But I have my boots, and they look awesome and they are going to be comfortable as anything fur-lined would be in Atlanta when it's this hot, and I'll be able to walk around them in the con all day. Which is important. My Silk Spectre boots are not so awesome. I have room in my boot box that I should be able to stuff my leotard in it, and... yeah. Everything is coming together. Except my physical state of being. Which I'm working on. Apart from being scared of having torn something important, I'm really annoyed that this is interrupting my exercise routine somewhat. Yes, it's a stupid thing to be annoyed by, but it's annoying me all the same.
Languages have been completely disrupted. Possibly by my inability to sit still, due to being reminded every twenty minutes to get up and keep moving. Hopefully I can pick that routine back up on Monday. Eating routine is still holding steady, somehow. Despite the fact that first having my mouth abused and then doing something horrible to my back completely made me turn into a five year old and want comfort and indulgence. I guess I want to be a superheroine more. Which is progress. Being a superheroine also means eating healthy.
I'm not even sure what to do about this weekend's plans. Wig hunting is happening tomorrow, I think. Or at least, that's the plan. I don't know in what state I'll wake up tomorrow, but if I can get both wig hunting and pattern cut out done tomorrow, that ought to be enough tasks to take up my spoons in addition to the normal business of the day.
And maybe I can get the house in some semblance of order. That'd be nice. I miss having a clean house. I miss having routines, and a lot of things. I feel very adrift, I think, without my routines. Which is understandable, that's why we have them, but still. It's one thing to knwo it and another thing to have your routines completely wrecked by forces out of your control. I feel empowered with my routines. And now that I don't have them I feel out of shape and useless. Although not fat, which is also an improvement over my usual self-esteem issues.
Anyway. For now, getting up every twenty minutes, writing. Puttering around. Cleaning up a bit. If I keep tidying while I walk around and get that exercise, maybe I'll accomplish some things that'll make me feel better.
Don't get me wrong, I don't actually feel that bad, it's just a certain offness that's hanging around the more I spend time hanging around the house being an invalid for one reason or another, doped up on meds and unable to focus. Don't much like it.