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TMI Warning: Men, feel free to skip

One month on Ortho TriCyclen? I have a 72 hour very light period.

I could really get to like this birth control pill. Just so long as that's not bad for me.

Time and doctors will tell.

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( Grr. Argh. )

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There are some good reasons for that last post. Most of which I don't feel like going into now, at least not the details. But.

I'm not spazz... no, I am spazzing out. But I'm not mood swinging. I'm upset, but I'm not angry or scared or sad, not as much as I sometimes think I would be. I'm startled. Rattled. Startled enough that it lasted all through the second half of yesterday and to today. But I'm not upset in the sense that I'm going to yell or do anything stupid. I'm just trying to stop my heart from racing after the monster jumped out from the screen. I'm freaking right out but I'm not totally freaked out. If that makes any sense.

It's weird, and it's kind of worrying because if feeling stable and yet still freaked out feels this odd, how far down did I sink before I finally got on medication that fixed it? Scary thought. Equally scary would be the thought that my moods depend on medication. Or is it just that I don't want to expend the will energy (and that'd be a lot of will, by the way) to deal with the monthly ups and downs? That's a hell of a lot of upping and downing. Bipolar disorder, perhaps, but more menstrual linked. I don't know. I don't know all the fancy words for it, I just know that with the pills I don't have my PMS mood swings. Like, at all. And really light periods! Go go gadget birth control!

Also, in other but semi related news, I actually started seeing some results in the mirror from the watching what I eat and exercise routine. Which is nice. It's not a formal diet type diet. I cut out the sweets and started eating more carefully rather than when I felt like it. Also, no late night freak out comfort snacking. But other than that, pretty much still as usual. Plus, exercise. And even if I still can't stretch like I used to, I'm seeing results. It's good.

My goal for Maui is ten books. Finished, synopsis, outline, cover letter. That way I actually can make my dream come true. I don't know how feasible it will be, but we'll try. I may have to cut out some of the fanfic writing once I get the lists and tables done. Then again, I don't do much fanfic anyway. Buh. I'm going to be a busy little girl.

Calmer, though. I feel better. Still confused, and a little startled. But better.

ETA: I have no idea how to write a 'ways you know you're reading something I write' list, so I invite you all to do it for me.

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Let's poke some bears.

I've got Prisoner of Azkaban on in the background while I get ready, wait to find out if we're going out for dinner or if I should sit in and write. And Draco just turned around and bitched at Harry which reminded me of something I really kind of dislike about HP fandom (one of many things) and why I turned into such a misanthropic bitch and dropped out of fandoms altogether.

The Cult of Draco.

Draco? Is not misunderstood. Not really. He's not a sad little lonely little lost little boy who's really just a puddle of warm goo on the inside. No. He's not even really a good person. Or a nice person. I don't care how many times you've re-read and analyzed and parsed the scene with him crying or the murder scene or whatever. He is not a nice person. Period. Full stop. End of sentence.

Draco is not your friend. Unless you're a pureblood with lineage going back to 1066 and beyond. And even then he's probably not your friend because he doesn't believe in friendship. Draco doesn't like you unless you're a pureblood or unless you acknowledge his obvious (to him) superiority. Draco is a vicious little shit who picks on those he percieves as weaker and flips out and runs like a scared little bunny rabbit when he's picked on, himself. Draco is an insecure little turd who'll do anything to get noticed and make himself feel important.

Yes, Draco has his sympathetic points. His mother probably coddled the hell out of him and turned him into the Entitlement bastard that he is today. His father, with his warped values and pureblood ethics, probably witheld any and all semblance of paternal affection unless he did everything just perfect. Didn't get an O on your paper? Disdainful snort and not talking for three days. Didn't make the Quidditch team? Icy cold ignoring. Fathers like Lucius will really warp the everliving fuck out of a kid. This is true. And Draco has no idea what a normal relationship looks like.

That doesn't make him misunderstood. It doesn't make him a nice or good person or a squishy person inside or anything but a bully and a fearful kid who's going to need years and years of intensive therapy and if he's ever going to come out of it a personable guy, some very very tolerant, patient, real friends. Not Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who dislike him with almost as much blind idiodicy as he hates them. They're just a little less passionate, hence th use of the word dislike rather than hate. Not any of the Gryffindors with the possible exception of Ginny Weasley, for various reasons. Mostly because she seems to be a little more willing to go outside the norm for what she believes in. The houses are so very, very locked in their own little... I digress.

Really? None of the Slytherins either. Draco's pretty much out of potential friends in Hogwarts, which is kind of depressing. And doesn't in the least make up for the Cult of Draco, who seems to believe that Draco's just this poor hurt fowl who only needs a little tenderness to blossom into some kind of noble, war-weary hero. Fuck that noise.

I have rants on a lot of the other characters too, but since I think I just missed half the movie, forget that. Next time I see something that reminds me of something, I'll post that one. Till then, dinner. And maybe gay cowboys.