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kittydesade) wrote2020-11-30 01:04 pm
kittydesade) wrote2020-11-30 01:04 pm
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Not talking about it in public, both because it involves a whole lot of things going a certain way (they're likely to, but still) and because it involves touchy subjects but with some of what Mom's been saying over the last couple of weeks I'm hesitantly starting to think that mine and the boy's life could change a fair bit for the better within the next year. Assuming, you know, covid doesn't change it for the worse. Fucking covid.
I am le tired and also a bit le overwhelmed, which is 50% my fault and 50% also my fault. The first half is my fault for trying to take on too much with this code refactor for my project, although I did do that refactor in a copy file of the original project so if it's not ready in time to demonstrate I can just demonstrate the refactor I did and then go "and I have this mostly built up" on the other. (I do have it mostly built out, I'm hoping that it all runs tomorrow except the last thing and then the last thing runs fine too, but I was too tired to deal with the lows of code testing today by the time I was done with it.) The other half is... also my fault because I have this grand idea of HEY, I CAN GET ALL THIS CRAP DONE BY THURSDAY AND START MY NEXT PROJECT AND SPEED THROUGH THIS AT A TREMENDOUS RATE.
No, self. The other part, the other reason you've been checking in with Mom once a week is to keep her reassured that you're still into this stuff (which is very true) and making progress (which is also true even if it's not as fast as I'd like) and she will support you as long as both of those remain true so calm the fuck down. Oyyyy.
Well. Tomorrow is my project assessment for the first project, so that'll be one source of tech school stress out of the way.
I did manage to do ballet today, I did not manage to do either PT or bass? Maybe? Maybe I get that done tonight before midnight? I am going to bed at midnight, I am going to drug myself to sleep if I have to. This morning I woke up an hour before my alarm and did not effectively get back to sleep and I have felt it all day. I meant to go to bed early but checking in with Mom knocked me for six and left me a bit too hyper to calm down in time.
Still no results from the vet, which is nerve-wracking and mildly irksome. Still no covid duty for the boy, which is also nerve-wracking in its own way but also a tremendous relief. War analogies about never knowing when you'll be sent to the front go here, although I don't know how accurate those analogies are. My emotional state right now though is a bit like being pelted with both soft fluffy stuffed animals and those way-too-hard red rubber dodgeballs from 80s school gym classes. There's promising good news! There's likely bad news! it's all coming at my damn face at once! What the hell!
Feh. I can't deal with this without serious attention to maintenance, I'm gonna write for ten (or twenty), bass practice for twenty (or ten), and then take my dumb ass to sleep. Tomorrow will be what it will be. And the Mysterious Things are all next year type stuff anyway.
I am le tired and also a bit le overwhelmed, which is 50% my fault and 50% also my fault. The first half is my fault for trying to take on too much with this code refactor for my project, although I did do that refactor in a copy file of the original project so if it's not ready in time to demonstrate I can just demonstrate the refactor I did and then go "and I have this mostly built up" on the other. (I do have it mostly built out, I'm hoping that it all runs tomorrow except the last thing and then the last thing runs fine too, but I was too tired to deal with the lows of code testing today by the time I was done with it.) The other half is... also my fault because I have this grand idea of HEY, I CAN GET ALL THIS CRAP DONE BY THURSDAY AND START MY NEXT PROJECT AND SPEED THROUGH THIS AT A TREMENDOUS RATE.
No, self. The other part, the other reason you've been checking in with Mom once a week is to keep her reassured that you're still into this stuff (which is very true) and making progress (which is also true even if it's not as fast as I'd like) and she will support you as long as both of those remain true so calm the fuck down. Oyyyy.
Well. Tomorrow is my project assessment for the first project, so that'll be one source of tech school stress out of the way.
I did manage to do ballet today, I did not manage to do either PT or bass? Maybe? Maybe I get that done tonight before midnight? I am going to bed at midnight, I am going to drug myself to sleep if I have to. This morning I woke up an hour before my alarm and did not effectively get back to sleep and I have felt it all day. I meant to go to bed early but checking in with Mom knocked me for six and left me a bit too hyper to calm down in time.
Still no results from the vet, which is nerve-wracking and mildly irksome. Still no covid duty for the boy, which is also nerve-wracking in its own way but also a tremendous relief. War analogies about never knowing when you'll be sent to the front go here, although I don't know how accurate those analogies are. My emotional state right now though is a bit like being pelted with both soft fluffy stuffed animals and those way-too-hard red rubber dodgeballs from 80s school gym classes. There's promising good news! There's likely bad news! it's all coming at my damn face at once! What the hell!
Feh. I can't deal with this without serious attention to maintenance, I'm gonna write for ten (or twenty), bass practice for twenty (or ten), and then take my dumb ass to sleep. Tomorrow will be what it will be. And the Mysterious Things are all next year type stuff anyway.