(no subject)

( Gaeilge )

Got a bunch of stuff done last night. Little fiddly bits, but a lot of things. Printed stuff out, pulled together documents, made lists. Made lassi. And then I got on the phone and talked to my Mom for a couple last bits of information and got yanked completely off my equilibrium.

There's a... a thing. That happens, sometimes. If you don't know all the details of your past or, hell, even if you think you do. I thought I did. I thought I knew the worst that was in my past, as far as my bio-dad, who I haven't seen since I was three or four. And then I called my Mom and got some stuff from her for an official thing, and there was a place for information about my bio-dad. I put 'unknown.' I still got off the phone with my mother with the option to contact him, because I'm going for my annual physical in a couple weeks and having a medical history would be really nice. But other than that, I don't think I want to know. And what she told me makes me even want to know less.

The shortest version, the version I feel comfortable putting out there (although it's my day to check in and I really need to unscramble this) is that she told me not to Google him because I would find some really unpleasant shit. And then she told me the gist of the unpleasant shit. And, Mom, I love you, but if you tell me don't look at this because you don't want to know and then tell me anyway? What's the point of telling me I don't want to know.

I have no idea how this affects me. Or, no, I have no idea if it affected me before I knew, because now that I know it sure's hell affects me. It makes me question a lot of shit in my life. It makes me scared. It makes me angry. It makes me want to destroy all the contact information and it makes me want to call the guy up and scream down the phone what the fuck are you? Which, according to one of my aunts, he has patched it up. And changed. And all that. So I don't know. It's just, bad shit. All of it that I found out last night. I called up my Mom to get one piece of information and got knocked completely base over apex.

Something something. Today almost everyone in the store except two people have doctor's appointments, so this is going to be one hell of a day. Expect either silence or explosions.

(no subject)

( Deutsch )

Survived my dentist appointment. Now working on surviving work. Which I guess is not as bad as it could be but I still have all the exhausted. At least I have beaucoup knitting projects to work on this weekend. So much knitting am I getting done. Apparently this is what stressed out people do. I am starting to see why.

I did have a fun thought about knitting Jayne hats. Which is to say that, since I can spin my own damn yarn, I might as well spin yarn that blends together the way the colors blend together, orange into yellow, my own damn self. It's a Jayne skein! These are the things I come up with when I'm emotionally, mentally, and kind of near physically exhausted.

Slowly working on my web page. I've got the idea of it pretty well laid out, it's just writing up all the copy and doing all the coding that's taking forever. Which is fine. It doesn't need to be up right this red hot minute. Eventually it'll be up and I'll have stuff out and so on and so forth, and it'll be good. I have to say, I'm actually liking the way it's shaping up, too. It pleases me. And working on it is fun and quasi mindless and I get to use silly things like hipster ipsum. And write placeholder topic headlines like "Blah blah blah, blah blah SCIENCE!"

I should have things to say about Alabama, Mississippi, and Kansas right now. I really should. But I don't have the energy. I leave yelling and screaming about this barefaced misogynistic lunacy to other people with more energy reserves.