Apr. 20th, 2017

kittydesade: (morning ugh)
So, normally with capoeira I'm careful. I build muscles slowly outside of class, and I try not to push it in class, I stop when I get out of breath, I stop when I lose focus, etc. Which leads me to feel like I'm lazy, like I'm not working as hard as I could be, all kinds of fun self-recriminating thought patterns.

Well, last night I pushed it. And I can't even begin to tell you what a dumbass idea THAT was. I went into a full-on asthma attack with chest pain and little black spots and not being able to get a full breath and adrenaline and panic and. Yes, I sat down, I did my rescue inhaler. It was the last 20 minutes of class and we were skipping the music so I didn't feel too bad about missing it all. But damn. This is why I need to remember that no, I can't actually do what most people in my class can do, my body doesn't work that way. Whether it means I'm disabled or not, whatever, I physically cannot push that hard. It's not just me being lazy. My body will shut that shit down, as the idiot congressman said.

Speaking of idiot Congressmen oh dear god. Someone I know and generally like on Twitter said something about not understanding the flak Bernie gets and first I went off (politely! calmly) about what Bernie has and hasn't done, and then I went off on a general tirade about how this is why politicians don't do shit to change anything, and then I went off on a mini "I'm sorry you guys, I grew up with this and I still really hate it." And then I started getting snarky about the Chaffetz thing and I have spent the last two hours in full on cranky DC ex-pat mode. Wow.

And I'm tired, too, which is mostly probably my own damn fault for getting worked up when all I had for breakfast was 2/3 of a bowl of grits and chevre, and then once I realized it all I followed it up with was 2 mini butterfingers till lunch. At which point yes, I am now eating.

So many things I need to do when I get home, but until then at least it's quiet enough that I should be able to get almost everything else done by then. So many things I want to do or clean this weekend but I think I'm going to make myself sweep and mop only because oh dear god I need a weekend where nothing whatsoever happens. (Sweeping and mopping is self defense because cat allergies.) I'm pretty much just dragging myself through until spa night. So, so damn tired. I blame the last two weekends being chockablock full of activity, either day jobbing or gardening, and maybe if I actually get a weekend it'll be easier.

I mean, the plus side here is I did get a good hour and a half worth of capoeira that I could do, even if those last ten minutes pushed me over to fall down town. I finally found shark week so maybe now I'll stop carrying around an extra five pounds of water in the hold of this fleet I seem to be launching with my tits. (PMS is stupid why do we have it.) I'm doing all right in other areas, and I'm more physically tired than emotionally tired because of yesterday's being stupid and some of this morning's stupid, which makes it feel like I've been tired foreeeeeever. And I'm not actually. I'm fairly healthy and doing well. But I just want a damn nap.

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