kittydesade: (to-do list)
2027-07-07 05:33 pm

[sticky entry] Sticky: Iwanna

For when I have free money, or to save up for these things:

Fyrinnae wish list 7.50 ea

BPAL at DragonCon
London
Jareth
Bastet
Antikythera
Bliss

Nyx Lippie Pairs:
Lace Detail & Nude
Honeymoon & ?
Jet Set
Foul Mouth
Little Denim Dress
Run the World


General:
Look at your Etsy wish list

Specific

You need this t-shirt in your life.
Jeans that are not simple Lands End/LL Bean
Halter Top, Blue and Black only 35
Halter Top Keyhole Front 34
ROund Halter Neck Top, several colors no red 29
Twist Asymmetric Sleeveless Blouse, Black/White only 34 UM
Cut out stretch blouse 25, various colors none olive
Scoop neck cold shoulder flutter sleeve Five colors 30
Scoop neck strappy cold shoulder sleeve 4 colors, 25 probably clearance
Cold Shoulder top at JCP, pink and black


Graphic Novels
Leaving Megalopolis
Secret Six: Friends in Low Places
Hawkeye: My Life As A Weapon
Hawkeye: LA Woman
kittydesade: (under construction (nopejr))
2017-08-23 12:17 pm

(no subject)

I've hit the stage of pre-DragonCon where my brain is going around in panicked circles screeching about everything we need to get done before, etc. Not helpful, brain. More helpful though is the fact that I've done this often enough that I have a list I can just pop my current costume details into and go. I might take some time and organize all of that tonight around watching an episode of Black Sails or two. That ought to be useful.

... no, but seriously, I'm trying to think of something to say and it's all coming out DragonCon DragonCon next week you will be traveling to DragonCon aaaaugh you're not ready. I'm not ready! I'm mostly ready. I'm working on getting the last part ready, which is the proof copies of Turing Shrugged. I had some wild lunatic plan last night to get proof copies of Starlight ready and then realized it was only in a second draft form which I feel is going to need a third draft or at least a really solid going over of the second, and proof copies actually cost money, self. Never mind the rush shipping to get it to DragonCon in time, so no. The only reason you want Starlight is so you can present it in hard copy to the muse and no. Next year if you have to. You'll have a first draft ready to PDF up and that's good enough.

I'm going to be punching myself in the brainpan a lot in the coming week, I feel.

Trying to organize my head lasts about fifteen minutes till something else pushes the overstimulation node and I fall over. I mean on the plus side I do have endless to do lists where everything is broken down into small bits? But then I have to pick one to do and finish and that requires energy that's busy elsewhere, usually busy running in circles. Argh.

If I can have this weekend to not do anything but TV watching and house cleaning it will be a fucking miracle I am very, very grateful for because right now it feels like I'm being pulled by five different forces in twenty directions to do fifty eight things and I don't have the brainpower to keep track of all of this. It'll sort of be worth it in the end, the DragonCon and writing part will, but everything else is Monday-Sunday catastrophe fallout and I am so fucking done with that.
kittydesade: by <user name="nope"> (novel idea)
2017-08-22 11:20 pm

(no subject)

And then after yesterday I get an angry email from a different aunt all how dare I ask my Mom for a new phone I can't just have expensive phones every time I want them raaaar heads rolling. Excuse the fuck out of you I did not break my phone on purpose. This is my first new phone in three years and my second in almost twenty. It is not in fact un-fucking-reasonable to call the plan holder to ask her if it's okay and check for upgrades and get the information I need to activate my new fucking phone that I paid for. And if Mom wants to reimburse me or not, that is her fucking business. I did not need that shit after the day I had fucksake everyone.

(This also has way more to do with Aunt B's current pile of problems than it does my phone usage and breakage, and I realize that, but Oh my god I did not need that right then.)

So tired. Just from the weekend and the last few days, so, so tired. I just want a few days of not having to do anything, which isn't going to happen anytime soon because writing projects (okay, those I mind less) and every other goddamn thing. At this point I think I really am going to skip capoeira so I can have another four to six hours to prep for DragonCon, although by prep I mostly mean watch TV at this point. But I'll feel less rattled if I watch TV while I capoeira rather than go to capoeira, push myself into exhaustion, get home, fall over hard, etc.

I also did realize that if I want to have proof copies for DragonCon I need to finish formatting everything TOMORROW and probably have it shipped to the damn hotel. Which is fine and all, but oh my god this was supposed to be done this weekend so I could have it shipped and get here by Friday and, well. The weekend happened. It was a bad, exhausting weekend. On the plus side if I go to bed early enough tonight (read: on time, plus sleeping through the damn night thank you Aunt B for that fit of 3am anxiety) I should have the energy to deal with it tomorrow and I have a computer that can handle Scrivener at work now, so I can fuck around with that there.

Okay. Making a to-do list for work tomorrow, and then going the fuck to sleep like a good, responsible writer. The Turing Shrugged cover art is good enough for a test proof anyway. That'll do, kitten. That'll do.
kittydesade: (eh?)
2017-08-21 11:13 am

(no subject)

I just need one long day of primal scream therapy, seriously.

I did not get half the crap I wanted to done over the weekend. First there was a sinus cold after I woke up from capoeira coma, ended up chasing cats all around the house to try and keep them from fighting and get them into separate corners. The next day wasn't bad, got some laundry done and dishes and some basic tidying started, and then my goddamn phone fell into the goddamn toilet because the goddamn cat jumped up onto the sink while I was picking stuff up. So now I definitely need a new phone. I spent most of Sunday trying to get mine to work, it kind of does? But the home button is massively non-responsive or non-functional and I think the only thing I've seen online that I haven't tried to fix it is rubbing alcohol and. Urk. Plus it's a three year old phone minimum anyway, I've been expecting it to be slowly dying. I just. This is not the time, phone.

Plus my bill for web hosting came due, which is every three years so as far as expenses go it's not an awful one? But the timing, universe. The goddamn timing. Plus the need to get a case for the new p hone and since of all things they're sending the new phone to Mom's place because she's the account holder, it'll take a while till I can get the phone and I can't be entirely sure the case will fit and. And.

Mostly I'm just very ready to go to DragonCon and not fucking worry about this for a while. And if I'm tired and stressed it'll be easily fixed with sitting in place for an hour and having a bananan. Argh.

I was bemoaning that I hadn't brought anything to work to charge up with happy happy eclipse power and then I remembered I had the fucking Badali Jewelry replica of Nenya in my fucking purse. Just walking around with that in my purse, la. We had a relatively cloud-free sky for the first part, then the clouds rolled in, then as if a divine presence commanded it there was a hole in the clouds just big enough at just the right spot for just long enough to see the thing as wholly as we were going to see. So that was very nice, very fun.

I have no comment on the Whedon thing except UGH on him. And UGH also on the people who didn't believe the women involved, or still act as though they don't. But UGH on them all the time anyway, no matter the accuser or the victim.

... we interrupt this post because apparently an elevator motor caught fire when it burnt out, so the fire department came and we had to evacuate the building and everything. So, um, that happened, and what did I just say, Universe, about dramatic stressful shit happening before DragonCon? What did I just say?

Fucksake I'm going to go home, bury myself in fake people problems and Black Sails, and I don't know what. Drink a lot of cranberry cider maybe. I have three novel projects to work on, I have Black Sails to watch, and I think that's everything and I might just put a moratorium on languages except reviewing vocab and pronunciation until after DragonCon. It's about that time of year anyway. I just. What the fuck everything.

ETA: Of course after posting this I got a call from the boy saying the car had been broken into sometime between when I left (I'd walked around the car to throw something in the trash bin) and when he got home. Because that's just what this fucking day needed.
kittydesade: a bright red queen chess piece at the head of a diagonal line of white pawns on a white background (red queen running)
2017-08-18 10:52 am

(no subject)

I am all over the place today. First the day was starting out all right, I didn't get my exercise in but that's fine, then I get in and shortly after I finish doing various crap I check Twitter and find out there's not one but two Nazi/KKK rallies scheduled for my state's capitol later today oh fun. Then I dealt with copy-pasting the text of Turing Shrugged into Scriv for formatting, okay fine, then I dithered at the very patient [personal profile] lireavue for a while over whether or not I should find advance readers, then I did, which was a much better cause for nerves than the fucking Klan but still very nervewracking!

Then I stress ate a shitton of fried food and stress-bought some makeup brushes because the cheaper ones I got are, well, one's fine and okay and that's dandy, but one that I thought was perfect for the purpose turned out after using it a couple times to be sharp and prickly and stabby and that is not what I want near my eye so, back to the drawing board. So to speak. I think I've got my full brush regiment sorted, though. It's just vaguely annoying and dithery and I probably would have put it off and just worked with the (admitted shitton of) brushes I had but a) eye poking, b) it's a very specific function, c) apparently I ported over my mini painting particularity of brushes (don't ask how many mini painting brushes I have okay) into makeup and d) eye poking.

Heh. My makeup brush kit though. Cobbled together from EcoTools, Sigma, Morphe, Ardell, um. The blue and gold ones I can never remember. It looks a mess, no aesthetics whatsoever, but look, Ecotools gives me everything except the specific size eye brushes, and they're good quality and cheap, so I'll take it for as much as I can and go ahead and cobble the rest together.

Also my makeup game today is on fucking point.

So stressed. I was going to get all kinds of shit done and then I stressed myself out, and then I wore myself out, and I did manage to get the formatting done but none of the other writing I could have done since day jobligations were light today and ARGH. I need to breathe. To be easier on myself and to remember to step away when I have to, when it gets to be too much or too close but still far enough away that I can't do anything about it. And. And and and.

I need to breathe and do capoeira exercises every time I wind myself up like this is what I need to do. Physicality helps me and right now I'm healthy enough to take advantage of that. I should remember this.

Plus side, I do have advance readers still, I'm mostly on track with both writing and con prep (barring today's working up and coming down), and everything else at least is going well. I can do this. I just need to stop freaking the fuck out over, oh, everything.
kittydesade: (morning ugh)
2017-08-17 09:25 pm

(no subject)

It's been a long damn two days. Between capoeira and then working a normalish day but having come home and done a bunch of household chores after and basically I haven't stopped moving since yesterday morning and didn't get enough sleep and I am so damn tired. I almost fell asleep over my desk. Which would have been bad since I was labeling a bunch of pointy stabby clay tools.

But at this point I'm running on boxes of nerds to stay awake long enough to finish things and get to sleep and do the nightly reminders and ugh. I should buy things off and go to bed early if I can't.

I'm also having one of those moments where I look at Turing Shrugged and think, how arrogant am I that I can decide this novel is ready for publication when a small press publishing house didn't want it? It's a stupid weasel. I had already pushed to get it to the point where I felt comfortable giving it to someone as here-it-is-a-novel whether for submission or publication or whatever. And I have a second run-through in the works just to make sure Editrix and I aren't wrong. And I have vague plans to share it around with a circle of beta readers too? So yes, self, you are not passing off a half-assed product as a finished novel, you have done your duty. So that weasel can just go piss up a rope.

I bet I know where it comes from, is I'm reading over Long Road and cringing at large chunks of it and wondering where the hell all this pretentious writing came from, especially in this book. And if I could misjudge that so hard etc etc. But I already did feel dubious about Long Road, have for every damn draft, and this one is starting off promising so I'm hopeful that it won't end up being another draft for the bin (draft four! heh) so this is not an arrogance problem. This is the luck of Turing Shrugged came out, inexplicably, mostly right. So there.

Besides, Starlight is finishing up with its second draft and I can already tell it's going to need either heavy editing so it might as well be a third draft or an entire third draft. Blergh.

Oh well. I'm still mostly on course with all my writing crap, and I can work on THAT tomorrow. After, I hope, a good night's sleep.
kittydesade: (under construction (nopejr))
2017-08-16 12:14 pm

(no subject)

After a night's sleep, not a good one but not a bad one either given that I was woken up by Murdock and Mikey having confrontations at each other, did manage to get pretty quickly back to sleep. And after that I am still bummed about being rejected but no longer I suck I am no writer I shouldn't inflict my writing on anyone. So that's good.

I'm still physically exhausted tho. Maybe I shouldn't have had that burger for lunch but I was counting on going to capoeira. Or maybe this is just running around at work so I have time to write at the end of the day, that could be it, too. Not that there was that much running around but there was enough of checking things in, putting things out on shelves, and collecting things to ship out to schools that... bleh. Other than tired I don't really feel bad, so I guess I am going and training. Damn you. Yes you are. Because you enjoy training in the midst of things, you enjoy the results of it, you enjoy knowing how to move your body to kick ass, and you're much better at getting in a hard workout around other people.

Some days. Okay, most Mondays where I have any extent of work to do. Talking myself out of skipping class is a pain in the butt. But I've been talking myself out of skipping class for, what, three years now?

TWO. Two years. Okay, then. It just feels like three years. I actually think I feel better about my progress in some areas/lack of progress in others. (read: anything to do with handstands.)

And I got 500 words written, which isn't nothing. I'm getting some pages edited. I got the cover art done, not done-done but more cover art drafts for Turing Shrugged, Malachy, and Starlight done. I should figure out a blog post to do and a Patreon post on Turing Shrugged and if I'm very very lucky I can get a scene done on Starlight, and that's more than a full day's work, self, so it's okay to be tired and want to just collapse at the end of the day. It's fine.

Oy my brain. Trying to tell me I have to get everything done immediately, pack all the costumes for DragonCon tonight and so on. I bet this is a reaction to the rejection letter. Be all the productive! Do all the things! Shut up brain or I will stab you with a q-tip. See, this is why I need to go to capoeira, just focus on kicks and evasions for a while and not all the things I should have done or should be doing.
kittydesade: (this old house)
2017-08-15 07:52 pm

(no subject)

Well. Today was once again mostly good on the personal stuff except one thing, and a complete and utter shitshow politically. I don't have the energy to get into that ridiculous destructive speech. I'm just ugh and swear words by now.

But Turing Shrugged got rejected from the second publication, which in a way I'd been hoping for because I wasn't looking forward to getting used to people not in my existing circle of trust telling me what to do with my novel? But it's still a rejection. It still hurts, it brings up all the old questions of whether or not I know what I'm doing, and I was already having "I'm a crap writer" feelings earlier today before I saw that. And now I want to put it all away and not show it to anyone and so on and so forth, and I have ... well, doubts. All kinds of exhausted doubts that are too tired to even take much hold. I don't know what to do.

My thinking brain has a plan of formatting it up, ordering a proof copy to share around the proof party of authors, maybe give a couple away, and doing the last final tweaks of this sentence here and this sentence there while I work up a marketing campaign? My first ever? I don't know what to do for that other than tweet about it and start working on my blurb copy.

I'm tired all over again, and I didn't sleep well last night, and I was tired and angry and sad before I got the damn rejection letter. And I keep thinking about the fact that I've never had a novel acceptance. Short stories some of them.

Ugh, I don't know. I'm feeling really, really sad and useless and stupid right now.
kittydesade: (rampage)
2017-08-14 10:19 am

(no subject)

I don't even know what to do with things lately. One friend of a friend had a sudden abrupt death resulting from an accident, another friend's mother went into the hospital via ambulance eleven days ago and is now also gone, another friend went into the ER Saturday morning (but thankfully did not die, and is not ... too much worse off for it?) another friend's grandfather-in-law seems to be on his way out but at least it's not the most unexpected ever, just difficult. And in short what the fucking hell can the universe step off for five days or so?

Nngh.

Now really all the DragonCon expenses have been paid for, except obviously food, so all that's left is not buying all the makeup shinies seriously self, you can take what you have to play with your girlfriends and it will be fine. Or any other shinies and so on, including research books. And sweats unless the current ones develop massive holes suddenly. Or anything else. It's fine. Really. Self. The money is for a few weeks from now and then you can go spendhappy. Oy. This is why I can't have nice checking accounts.

(No, seriously, I keep most of my money illiquid FOR EXACTLY THIS REASON. Actually I should do that more often since I have two credit cards on which to put emergency expenses and it doesn't take that long to liquify some assets to pay off/down credit cards used in emergency. Besides, investments accrue faster than savings. Usually.)

(Bless you, grandpa.)

Anyway. Argh. I've spent most of today feeling dizzy for no goddamn reason so I got very little outside of day joblingations done. And I was going to mop the floor tonight but between all the daily shit I have to do and possibly still feeling dizzy I don't know if that's going to happen either. So this has been a fun day and about all I can say for it is I didn't have to go home sick and end up feeling even more guilty because I was wasting a perfectly good half-day not doing writer work but laying on the couch staring at the television and not absorbing any of it for my panels.

I got my panel schedule! I have an MCU panel, a Black Sails and a Vikings panel which amuses the shit out of me because I've been doing a lot of historical research lately, and a Sense8 panel. So I guess I'd better rewatch it all and start taking notes on at least Sense8. Black Sails and Vikings I even mostly remember at least as far as I've seen and I haven't missed much, so that's good.
kittydesade: A delicate hand reaching up to pluck fruit from a tree (give me the fucking fruit)
2017-08-11 09:36 pm

(no subject)

Somehow I am awake, despite having been woken up by the boyfriend at god knows what hour of the morning (after five, before five forty five, I think a three was involved somewhere) and despite him then going to bed at seven so I had to tiptoe around him and not do my exercises while I got ready and despite all the aggravation this caused.

I also finished Rupert Wong Cannibal Chef, which had surprisingly little human cannibalism in it despite the title, in fact it had very few humans in it at all, a lot of gore, and a hell of a lot of fun. If you're all right with giblets flying everywhere and description thick on the page, this is a good book for you. It's also a short, quick read.

I did the thing! Which is to say I emailed the lawyer for a follow-up appointment to go over the contract and hopefully it will be the last one because not only are lawyers expensive, they are fucking nervewracking. I do seem to have cured at least, eh, a good chunk of my do not want to write? Although I've been doing fiddly shit at work and people keep interrupting me to talk at me, so I haven't gotten as much done as I could have yesterday when it was quiet as hell. But it's a start. And I feel vaguely more balanced on projects. Which is to say I have three things I'm working on, I know where they're going and what I'm doing. It's going to be okay. It could be okay, anyway. The worst it's going to be is banal.

Am having the usual body image stress leading up to DragonCon, although to be honest I'm not significantly worse off? In worse shape? Than I have been the last two years running, so I'm doing mostly all right telling those voices to shut the hell up. And I've now done capoeira both lessons in one week! For the first time in a few weeks. My ability to exercise in the morning is still middling, but I'm getting better about sneaking in 5 minutes of a yoga pose here and there at work so that's not bad.

I also need to be easier on myself in capoeira and out of it, for that matter. I can do about three sets of 8 kicks (left and right) before I'm panting so hard I have to sit down for fifteen minutes and be still. Yes, it sucks, but I need to remember that it's just a fact of my life and. Ugh.

But okay, yes. Things not going badly, things not so much getting better as getting easier? Definitely consistent writing progress is happening, which is very nice.
kittydesade: (facepalm - dean)
2017-08-10 11:25 pm

(no subject)

I'm having one of those days where I will literally do almost anything before I will sit down and write, filing, emails. Because why not. Ugh. I don't even know why or what kicked this off, but it's aggravating. I did get two book covers slapped together easy peasy (not final covers, but drafts) but writing anything is like pulling teeth. And I would know because I had my wisdom teeth pulled with only a local.

Actually I'd prefer writing to having my wisdom teeth pulled with only a local anesthetic.

I did manage to get the minimum of words written. I started a Wiki article on Nameless, I did cover art because apparently that's what I would rather do along with day jobligations than write when my brain is like this. And I didn't manage to get any damn thing done as far as new languages go today, but at least some things got done. I'll take that for a win and try again tomorrow, I guess.
kittydesade: (what about eternity)
2017-08-09 01:09 pm

(no subject)

Okay, that's cosplay for DragonCon organized. Apparently I'm doing Daenerys Stormborn, half-assed closet cosplay Planeswalker (oh god I haven't done Magic The Gathering in so long), Abby Sciuto, America Chavez. I might actually give in and get a curling iron or hair curlers for America Chavez, assuming I could ever figure out how to use either.

I finally sat my ass down while Editrix was there and got White [??sd;fjhgsdf??] figured out, and even got a tentative title of White Noise for it now that White Lightning is taken and possibly defunct anyway. Which means now I have a to-do list and order of operations and so on! And a need for cover art. Meh. Still not sure what that should be now that the title's shifted. Buuut I got all the font bundles extracted and loaded at least onto the work computer so I can work on that if it's slow during the day. And I got kind of a mock-up of cover art for Malachy upon tripping over a font that looked surprisingly nice. Hey. Now all I need is something that can superimpose a golden ratio over my cover so I can see where to put things.

(And with all of this planning and fonts arranging and then some photo editing my brain is refusing to fucking cooperate and settle down. Goddammit brain.)

(.... ahahah I never posted this yesterday okay fine you get the start of a post from yesterday)

Today I'm tired, I did manage to start off the day getting some writing done, I got my face put on and the trash out and everything. I got to sleep in because my exercise is in the evening, yay. But I'm also tired and annoyed at the various leaders who are all I WILL SEE IT DONE IN FIRE AND BLOOD no fuck you go away. And. I don't know. I'm excited about everything in my life, once again, except global politics. Fuck global politics.

A Wednesday Reads type post then, since I've been doing a lot of fiction writing because real life is awful and I don't wanna write. I'm currently reading Cassandra Khaw's Rupert Wong Cannibal Chef and just hearing the Shadowrun game playing in my head. It's awesome fun. It's also brimful of vocabulary and references that are... southeast asian? of some kind? I know it's set in Kuala Lumpur but I don't know how much of it is local and how much is imported from neighboring countries so I feel like there's a few jokes I'm missing out on. But that's around 10% of the overall jokes and references so eh. It's entirely comprehensible and hilarious. And once I finish this one and start googling, educational!

I finished Buried Heart, too, which was an excellent ending to the whole thing and Fucking Gargaron, as I'm now calling him thanks to a Twitterer Kate Elliott RT'd, got his just desserts. And mostly everyone got to be happy, and it was a rollicking good time. I read NK Jemsin's The Fifth Season and The Obelisk Gate in short/quick order which was not as much a rollicking good time and involved a lot of screaming WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKERS DO THIS TIME and so on. But I enjoy that too.

Next up will probably be the next Gods and Monsters from CKhaw, and apparently I did the Shattered Earth speed run just in time because the next one's supposed to be out soon? And then I get a choice between Updraft, Borderline/Phantom Pains, and, um. I don't know, I have a lot of shit here. I feel like if I say "A Darker Shade Of Magic" everyone's going to recommend it to me so probably I'll end up reading about apocalypse hippos instead.
kittydesade: (never deal with a dragon)
2017-08-07 11:32 am

(no subject)

Well THAT was a thing that happened.

So, Kate Elliott reblogs and tirades about a guy reviewing Cassandra Khaw's books saying there's too much gore and something to the effect of it's not ladylike she's trying to be one of the guys and trying too hard to be in the club and whatever, dude. And CKhaw's answer is basically "OKAY FINE I WILL FUCKING INCREASE THE FUCKING THING" which is automatically endearing. So I was all "Okay I'm sold where do I start on your stuff." She tells me Rupert Wong, Cannibal Chef. I go and look at it on Amazon and okay, yes, I am up for something that looks like someone rolled for random traits on a Shadowrun chargen table. Which I pretty much said to her, not expecting really anything because RPGs are still not the commonest thing, and Shadowrun somewhat less so. (Somewhat! It's not that obscure but still.) And no. The character was totally based, among other things, on a Shadowrun character she has. And then she friended me on Twitter and I friended her and that is how I made a new author friend.

She asked me to livetweet the book reading and I totally will. There will probably be much screaming.

Just about everything is set up for DragonCon except costumes, which I'm kind of "eh" about taking. But I guess I'll try things on over the weekend and see what fits, what works. I'm definitely taking the Daenerys dress if nothing else, which means I need to style the wig. Not sure if I really want to give over a weekend to finishing the Agent Carter outfit but I have the hat if I need to. I have pants and clothes for Wynonna Earp, America Chavez, and Abby Sciuto so okay I guess I am doing costumes. Right. At least America Chavez, Wynonna Earp, and Abby. and Daenerys. And that's about everyone. And I always do Abby, let's face it. Abby is my go-to.

Nngh. I have my DragonCon funds liquefied and ready and this just makes me want to buy all the shiny things ever and no, self. The money is for DragonCon, so you can have a fun DragonCon and not nickel and dime every meal. That's why it exist, which it won't if you spend it all on shinies now. Fortunately the will checks are easy but there's still that initial "EEEEEE" that's making me twitch.

Plus I've got a hair coloring appointment in a couple weeks to get my Medeous streaks in for DragonCon. Which ought to be fun. The one good side effect to slowly going gray is that I don't have to bleach my hair to get a few strands of really RED red. I'd really love it though if I could just get a damn skunk streak or two and cosplay OH SHIT. *stares at the Daenerys dress*

Ahem. So it's safe to say I'll be cosplaying at DragonCon. Albeit subtly and with freedom of movement and all. I might also see if I can get my Nyssa coat to work and if I have the rest of her costume together, except the shoulder brace. That'd certainly be easy and movement free to work on.

Oof. And I spent most of today reading when I wasn't working so absolutely no writing work got done at work so I get to cram it all in tonight yay. That was silly of me but eeehh I can't bring myself to care very much either. Good books.
kittydesade: A cup of tea sits on an open book with perhaps some poetry written in it and singing around the edges (books and cleverness)
2017-08-04 10:02 pm

(no subject)

Well, that was a day of ups and downs. Deposited all the various checks part one, which is to say Aunt flung some money my way because she's silly and I got paid because it was payday. Bought ALL OF THE DRAGONCON CRAP which was mostly the makeup case and some protein bars and things, as well as some other stuff for Bri and the matte eyeshadows I was going to get after next paycheck but eh, since I have it now might as well not wrack my nerves over shipping in time. And entered my bills in my budget so that it at least looks like I don't have all of the money. It's a three paycheck month so I'm stupid early and can wait until the indulgences clear before paying bills.

BUT right after I deposited my checks the fun of "oh shit my phone isn't getting a signal and there's no GPS it's dead I need a new phone" happened. Which I suspected happened because it's almost four years old and iPhones aren't exactly known for their durability. No, it turned out my phone's fine, it's just almost all of the state was subject to a cell outage. Okay then.

I got a blog post written, finished a chunk of Long Road and imported another chunk to go over, so writing happened. And I even got some books out of the library that may or may not be of use for some of Lifestyles, although some of it will definitely be of use. And now I need to take an inventory of my research books and figure out what I need for Long Road. Which shouldn't be much, I've only been collecting books for that for a few years now.

(Poking at bookshelves it looks like I have assorted on European/British history but only two that likely are the right era in hard copy, I do have one on Gevaudan, and I have one on the Spanish Flu/Flu Pandemic 1918 but not much on life in that era, I might have to dig around for sources there, too. And according to my outline I also need 800s to 1200s Ireland/UK and post-Civil-War Westward Expansion era .... stuff. Life stuff. So that's a bit more specific at least.)

And! And I got my languages and my physics done. For the first time in a few weeks, I had the energy, plus doing some laundry. So. Okay. I might be crawling back on track. And on the plus side I never quite lost track of my writing, just the other stuff. So. Okay. I might be ... something. Approaching stable by the time I have to leave for DragonCon, heh, but still! It's progress.
kittydesade: A delicate hand reaching up to pluck fruit from a tree (give me the fucking fruit)
2017-08-02 10:37 am

(no subject)

We've gone from the brain constantly going EKLUND EKLUND EKLUND to both untangling all the secrets of Wynonna Earp, complaining about Dolls' characterization in S2, and periodically wondering why the fuck this guy plays nothing but serial killers and formerly-humans-now-demons-returned-from-hell. I think he's been in Supernatural too. He was probably a demon. So that's... like progress?

I did, at least, progress in writing yesterday in that Long Road now has a semi-tentative outline, I started reading over Storms, and the other story for submission has a semi-tentative outline too, and more importantly a cast of characters. Starlight which I keep wanting to call Stardust because I have Rogue One in my head is continuing towards the finish even after Camp Nano, after a short period to rest my damn hands and wrists. Progress! I'm doing all right. Iiiiii....

... may not go to capoeira today if my stomach keeps knotting and churning like it is what the hell body. I swear to god if you return my lunch to sender I will replace you with a Mars Rover.

At least work is quietish. I can get things done slowly without worrying about falling over or throwing up.

... and now I'm kind of annoyed at my inability to capoeira consistently twice a week right now. And sure a lot of it is migraines or colds (probably allergies turning into colds) or today with the what the fuck did I eat but goddammit. I know capoeira is an intensive class that's hard to do when I feel off but aaaargh. I feel like a failure. I don't know if this is better or worse than going, feeling physically like crap, and feeling like a failure there, albeit a sweaty and exhausted failure. I want a body that goddamn works for at least six or seven days at a time, dammit.

Also I want to go home and take a shower. I have no idea why I feel stickier and grosser than usual. UGH today is not working as far as my physical being is concerned. And it's distracting from my more capable mental being. Goddammit Daniel Jackson stop hogging all the ascension. *sigh* I guess I get to go home and practice capoeira at fucking home then.
kittydesade: (i like the boys)
2017-08-01 11:31 am

(no subject)

I've developed a sort of Michael Eklund crush almost overnight. It's all Bobo del Ray's fault. (Wynonna Earp, for those of you who don't watch and are going "who?") And the fact that I went back over his IMDB because I knew he was in the Blood Ties show from a while back and discovered he was in every other Canadian production I've ever damn seen and promptly flipped out a bit. And then I watched a couple of them and flipped out even more. The man is very good at changing both his form and body and posture and attitude and voice to match a character and it's freaking me out. And contributing to the crush because I have a competence kink.

I made my writing schedule for August, I'm hoping it's at all realistic because of DragonCon, and I posted it on my Patreon. I don't know how to feel about this or what I'm doing. Especially regarding Long Road, which I'm at least on my fourth or fifth draft of right now and I have no idea what to do with it and am freaking a little bit out. I guess the first part is to make notes on characters, timeline, and reference books? That'd be a place to start. Also slightly freaking out about Patreon, but I guess since everyone's on the first tier except one they all know what they're getting into and it's fine? I guess?

(Brain: EKLUND EKLUND EKLUND
Me: SHUT UP OH MY GOD.)

I also have no idea what I'm doing for DragonCon as far as panels go, so that's a fun source of not so much stress I guess? as wariness. Most of the shows I signed up for are ones I've already been watching and have many notes on and some aren't aired yet so, heh, can't watch those yet! I think those are the ones most worrying me, except eh, as long as I take notes the first time I watch it. Because it's usually the first few times around that power the AND THIS AND THIS LINE REFERENCE AND SHE SAID THIS SO IT'S TOTALLY A REFERENCE TO THAT and so on and so forth.

And day job dropped a ginormous wholesale order on me yay. So I guess I can think about things but not necessarily work on them. Actually that might be a good time to think about the stupid actor until my brain shuts up. But ugh. But okay, I can finish my salad and work on the outline some more while I pick almonds out of my teeth, then do the thing, then do some reading over. Reading over this ten fifteen something year old story ahhaahhahah oh god.

(Brain: EKLUND EKLUND
Me: SHUT UUUUUUUUUP.

Norman. He was Norman in Blood Ties for those of you who watched it then. And now he's Bobo del Ray. My brain still hasn't recovered.)
kittydesade: (irksome)
2017-07-27 12:04 am

(no subject)

I don't want to go to capoeira or finish the day out at work I just want to go home and die in a ball under the covers, can I do that?

(Capoeira would probably actually be really good for me, what with the kicking and punching, but people and politics are making me so goddamn tired today. I called my Senators for the second day in a row! I never do that two days in a row! But it's been so fucking hideous lately that I did it anyway!)

Basically instead of a leisurely or even a steady but doable day at work it was endless phone calls, orders with complications, technology not working, camps staffed by people who needed help with the dye products, and other fiddly things that required my attention. And any one of these things is fine! Or two or even three, sequentially, but not concurrently for a full eight hours argh. Especially the only printer my computer was hooked up to not working. This is not helping me do anything.

I did at least manage to get about 2/3 of the day's Starlight writing written though. And I finished the summaries for Patreon and did a post draft. Put in some notes for a blog post to come. Got a buttload of day jobligations done, heh. It wasn't that bad a day. It was just very chaotic and oh my god but the kicking people in the face, or rather the not thinking about anything and just doing physical drills over and over for a couple hours, and then practicing physical routines? So theraputic for that kind of head-spinny thinky-busy day.

I had a tall glass of cider okay don't judge my lack of proper words.
kittydesade: (courtesan in training)
2017-07-25 10:24 am

(no subject)

Well there might have been a more thoughtful entry here but then the GOP basically rammed their ridiculous bills another notch through and now all I can do is scream.

(This is kind of a lie but at the time I'm doing this entry so I don't forget to do it entirely that's about 75% true.)

Better things. I picked up my copy of Buried Heart which I'm looking forward to, the third in the Court of Fives trilogy by Kate Elliott and my reward for getting my writing done today. I've got about an hour left of work so if I want to get it done before I get home/the allocated writing hour so I can have the writing hour to read in I'd better hustle my butt. But I'm looking forward to it, and that's nice.

I got my writing for yesterday done, mostly got things back on track to the synopsis, not that they'd wandered very far off to begin with. But I got back on track and got writing, wrote the requisite amount of words to get done on time which although higher than it was before my head exploded over things, is still manageable. And hopefully it will continue to be manageable until it's done, or at least until Camp Nano is done by which point I should have written enough in Starlight to let sheer momentum and goddamn you will you be over already finish it off.

I started a Patreon! Um. Go me? I don't know, I hit 'launch' and then all hell broke loose in Congress and on Twitter so I haven't really promoted it yet. I tweeted about it but I doubt anyone was listening. Now I just have to remember to, okay, no, I don't have to remember. Now I just have to feel able to and entitled to tweet about it more often. Heh.

Iiiiii what do I need to do. I need to finish my summaries of my various verses and probably make that my first Patreon post, a link to that PDF, and then ... something. Start dithering. And picking out things for people to vote on for my next month's shorter project.

I did make an appointment with the lawyer! So now that can get finished up and done, and I can start working on cover art or whatever for Malachy. Not that anything was stopping me before so I don't know why I phrased it like that, but that's how it felt. And after that and Starlight are done come Nerd Girls and Long Road, which ahahaha that'll be interesting. I already have ideas for how to fix Long Road sort of, maybe this time it'll stay fixed. Nerd Girls... I have no idea. That'll be a re-read on top of all the other re-reads I have. What fun.

Basically at this point I'm down to hiding in the fiction I write and, slightly less, fiction to consume so I don't have to deal with politics right now. But at least as a coping mechanism it's working.
kittydesade: by <user name="nope"> (novel idea)
2017-07-24 01:33 pm

(no subject)

Okay, so not only did I completely fuck up and not get to see Deutschkind and capoeira over the weekend because yes, I did get done early with my hair appointment but it was almost 90 degrees and I got overheated and winded just walking through all the tourists to the store, ugh...

... after I got home from running errands and we all were flat for most of the day, one of the damn cats (Maggie) got out and was lost for a good 24 hours before we found her again hiding in the bushes next to the house. With the fucking poison oak. So I got to retrieve her and then we all showered just in case and I get to do the washing up because still not allergic and now I'm really really behind on Starlight and haven't gotten anything done YAY.

Not yay at all.

Plus side I suppose is that writing it seems to be going smoothly anyway. I wrote 650 words in fifteen minutes, didn't get a dedicated fifteen minute period after that but did manage to get over 3k words in the workday so that was good. I can get home and work on Patreon summaries all night, and maybe some other stuff. Or maybe I finally re-integrate languages, which would be nice. Re-integrate languages, do a lot of reading and re-reading. Including some re-reading of old writing, heh. I'm still a little afraid to find out what I wrote all those years ago. But I didn't get it done over the weekend so.

And I had the brilliant idea of getting Thor to dress up as a Totoro for Halloween and fly around on a spinny top and now my drawing skills are inadequate to this proposition goddammit.

Guh. So nice to have things back to normal after the weekend. And to be progressing in ways of beauty (got my hair cut!) and brilliance (writing progress!) and so on. And with a relatively short recovery time, although ... something. It wasn't that long of a period of being worried out of my head?

Anyway. Okay. Patreon, writing, figuring all this crap out. Setting up my Patreon, which I think will only need to involve me finishing my summaries at least to get it set up tomorrow. Then I can worry about finding a place to put a poll. Or a site to host a poll at, or something.
kittydesade: Insect wings that could be from fairies, too, with dew and the edges of pink-purple flower petals. (faery wings)
2017-07-21 10:12 am

(no subject)

Well not only did I end up staying up a bit too late last night (for a night of capoeira class) I woke up at least twice in the middle of the night and didn't end up getting out of bed till 7.30. (For those keeping score at home I usually wake up around 6.30 and faff about on the phone doing language crap and silly games and get up at 7, shower and start the day). And then the boy somehow managed to lose Bat Cat TWICE, I got him back the first time and the boy lost him and got him back from the utility room in about five minutes the second time, and figured out that Bat Cat seems to think Scurry Out Of The House Proper Between The Human's Legs is a fun game. He won't actually go anywhere, he just likes to freak us out.

SIGH. Sigh everything, basically.

I got the tier levels for Patreon mostly sorted out, I got some bio stuff up there, I think the next step is to figure out the coding for the polls and Tuckerization and then

(then I forgot to finish and post this because of Chester Bennington's suicide throwing me entirely off my stride and sending me to the couch of despair and ennui for the rest of the night.)

But I did manage to wake up on time and get through the morning stuff, including doing a bunch of exercises which I haven't done in a couple of days. Though to be entirely fair Wednesday's lack of morning exercise is always because I go to capoeira class in the evening.

Having one of those days where apparently I can't say anything on Twitter without it turning into Discourse, usually involving some form of "you're wrong and this made me angry that you're wrong" so instead I ended up staying off Twitter and going through some old writing, and writing a bunch of summaries of my various worlds for Patreon. And then remembering that I'd written this thing and that thing and finding this other thing in my documents folder that I'd forgotten. And getting utterly distracted by everything.

(Note to self: this weekend you are rereading Pen Bryton and the Storms bits and the "what the shit is this?" thing to familiarize yourself, not to edit it and redo it for posting and publishing all at once.)

Blergh. I have a hair appointment, which because I'm a socially anxious idiot I forgot to say "no I can't do this at 10 I have a class" so instead of doing capoeira tomorrow I will be getting my hairs cut and then running several blocks to capoeira, so this is going to be interesting. I would skip but Deutschkind is going to be there and I haven't seen her in ages and if nothing else I can catch the last 30 or so and play games and sing songs and be ridiculous with my capoeira peeps. And then apparently there will be endless errands after.

I'm in a weird headplace such that I feel scattered because I did that stupid scheduling thing, but I have a plan to deal with it, other things are moving forward, and I'm keeping up with my writing and to some extent my languages so I don't feel entirely behind? Or out of control of things. But. I don't know, it's all very weird. I guess I'll take it though. It's not bad, just a bit left of center. Also my Patreon is almost ready and a lot less nerve-wracking to get through if it's going to be monthly, stupid Patreon and your weird inability to get a coherent explanation of how per-creation setup works. You couldn't just have it be like a Kickstarter and then when you've delivered all the tier rewards it wipes it all down and you can start another one? Ugh.