kittydesade: (eh?)
I am too goddamn exhausted for anything today and somehow I have made two phone calls and sent one email because the phone call didn't work out and did some work stuff and now I have more work stuff and one more phone call to make maybe and I am so goddamn tired.

I am so tired that the brainweasels aren't even having much of an effect. I can't react to the fear of oh god I'm a hack (thank you SO MUCH professional writer with six figure contract assholes) because I'm too goddamn tired and it's just not interesting or hooked in enough. Whatever. The weasels can come back after I've had a nap and maybe an eclair or a hamburger and we'll see how responsive I am to their prodding then.

A little surprised that even in my messed up in the brainpan and sleepy state I'm sort of keeping track of everything. Sort of. I managed to fix some stuff on my web page last night, still apparently have one thing to do according to my Habitica list but whatever. And then I do have to figure out Patreon text somehow, along with outlines for the stories I'm going to write for them and then work that into my workload. Which still feels surprisingly manageable given that I'm working on Starlight and it's actually on schedule to be second drafted by the end of the month.

(If anyone has any opinions I figured out that actually my first Patreon shouldn't be one of the current novels in almost final drafts [bar copyedits and approval by editrix] but rather a set of short stories or novellas in my different universes as sort of an introduction. Only now I have to figure out how to do that and who else is doing short fiction so I have some examples.)

Buuuuut. But the work computer is going nicely, the keyboard is taking some getting used to and I think it might be mechanical? Or just really fucking loud. And capoeira is going well even if it is still just the three of us and I need to weed my damn garden still and get better about tending to that and the lawyer needs to goddamn contact me back but other than that! Life is mostly these days minor annoyances and overall the essential functions are going smooth, well, sometimes amazing. But oh my god I am so fucking sleepy right now.
kittydesade: (priestess)
Well, capoeira class was good and I felt energized and okay after doing it even with the humidity making me horribly overheat, and we mastered some new moves that I should practice shortly. And then I got home and got writes done and went on what turned out to be an entertaining twitter tirade (a fair few people RT'd what I thought was angry incoherence so okay then) and got more writes done and got to bed and woke up really sore aaaaand.

Got to work.

Heard someone banging on the doors ten minutes before open.

It turned out to be a truck delivery guy with a pallet of about 200lb 450lbs of chemicals. (I can math I swear. Nine bags of 50lb each.)

And guess who got to unload them all.

I am so goddamn tired and it's barely half an hour into work. Ugh. I can probably find the energy to write somewhere but right now all I want to do is lie down and stare at the ceiling. And not call the lawyer I really should call at some point today. Maybe around lunch. Maybe I'll just email.

I did manage to get caught up to where I should be on Starlight last night, which is good. I don't want to say it too loudly lest I scare it but I might actually finish the second draft of this novel in Camp Nanowrimo. I have to resist the urge to push my word count back up though because no. I do not need the stress of trying to meet a higher word count when it's possible the novel would be satisfied by a lower one. If I make it up to a higher word count so be it. Also you're exhausted and prone to not thinking clearly.

The retail therapy itch keeps happening but no, I don't need to get anything immediately so calm your tits and your wallet fingers, self. I mean I will need a haircut in the next couple of weeks for my bangs, and I'll get my brows styled by a professional at the same time but other than that I'm good on just about everything, I think. Besides, retail therapy is usually a sign that I'm tired and stressed.

So. Deep breaths today. I want to get some work done on Starlight and as much of that edited as possible, hide in happy pretendy fun time people, read some fiction book because I have so many I haven't been reading. Weed the garden or at least make a start of it. Get kits made at work because I've been letting that slide. Contact the lawyer, probably call him at this point. Which means checking on future appointments with the aunt. One step at a time, all of these are things I can do easily. One step at a time, and no retail therapy, no food therapy that makes you hyper and crash, no lounging therapy that makes your muscles seize up because you did a lot of exercise and now you need to stretch. Let's be healthy, self. We can take it slower and be healthy.
kittydesade: a bright red queen chess piece at the head of a diagonal line of white pawns on a white background (red queen running)
I have not entirely figured Patreon out, but I have created an account to much ulping and gotten together a list of things I should work on as my next steps, so there's that. Including picking the novel I want to put up as a thing while I work on editing it. Right now it's between Starlight and Malachy given that they're the closest to second draft just clear final edits and make a few decisions time.

Which means I'd better get my ass moving on Starlight. Heh.

Of course the moment I said that I got a follow-up you-have-advanced-to-the-next-round form letter from one of the publishing people from PitMad about Turing Shrugged, so then I wasted a couple of hours doing that in between day jobligations. I'm not sure I wasn't too aggressive in the "look here is who I am, here is what I do, allow me to delicately suggest that some of this interview process is semi-fertile horse manure and why didn't you look over the answers that I filled in on that website in the first place?" but at this point I am not sure I give a damn. If they won't take it I'll publish it my own damn self.

Ugh, and now I'm exhausted and I don't want to do capoeira, let alone catch up in the Starlight draft and argh. But capoeira will be good for me and help clear my head and give me focus, so I suppose I will do the thing and suffer the exhaustion. I have eyeshadows waiting for me at home as a treat after. (I don't know if I mentioned but I'm just assembling my own damn palette of mattes since I already have all the sparkle shadows I could possibly need.)

And I still need to poke the lawyer who hasn't gotten back to me with a time or whatever or even replied to my last email. But that can happen tomorrow now that I've re-answered all the one place's questions.

Sotired. So much donotwant.
kittydesade: (randomity (nopejr))
Okay, no nightmares last night at least. So for small favors we can be grateful. Did manage Wynonna Earp, which was awesome as per usual and full of WHAT. and UM. and FUCK. Enjoyable! This is how the braintwin and I enjoy things, but there was a lot of swearing and incredulity at the show. Also a lot of fun had.

The new work computer is finally set up and at this point the only reason the old computer is set up at all is file transfer. Which means I need to get all the paperwork cleared up so I can do all the appropriate filing and so on. That stuff gets left around anyway though. Oops. I really am awful about filing things and I need to get better about that. But NEW COMPUTER. Hopefully I won't have to upgrade from Win10 for a good fucking long time after this. The week of software fails was incredibly stressful and annoying.

Did I mention I turned in the Malachy draft? I turned in the Malachy draft. So that's done. I need to figure out when the hell I turned in the TS drafts and when I should contact these people and so on, all that information is in an email filed away somewhere so mostly I just have to look at it and set up alerts on my phone or somewhere. But blegh logistics. I need to set up a Patreon. I need to figure out how that's going to work, what works to put on it (Possibly Starlight and Malachy at this point/rate) aaand I need to redo my web page to take out Imzy and put on Patreon. Poop. Poop on Patreon. And possibly my blog. Which reminds me I should do that other blog entry now that I have a twitter audience of still around 4k. This was, what, last fall/winter that something I typed went viral and I gained 4k new followers? I had 600 to start with, very slowly climbing but 600. Then went up to 4700 and now it's down to 4300 and change so yes, I'm assuming I have a rounded up 3k of people who are not bots and at least interested enough not to stop following me. So, um. I should start blogging again. Possibly instead of clogging people's Twitter feeds.

I'm so excited about my new work computer that I'm cleaning off my home computers too. Heh. I really need to get a better backup hard drive than the clunky one I have right now, but I guess that'll be good enough for another several months. Maybe at Christmas I'll get myself a new one. And in the meantime, all my language books are off the flash drive and onto the desktop, most of the fonts are all backed up in appropriate places, god knows all my writing work is backed up in five places. I think mostly it's just figuring out where all the individual little randomass files go. Over the next few days.

Still surprisingly happy, rested, exercised, moving forward in work and writing and so on and so forth. Getting back into the habit of Habitica, heh. Slowly, very slowly. I might also install a lot of my writing programs on the computer at work, although I feel a bit guilty about installing Scrivener and Gimp and so on when I should mainly keep it for work stuff. Only a little bit. Blergh. I'll figure something out. And Patreon. I definitely need to figure Patreon out.
kittydesade: (nameless is dubious)
I have no idea what's behind the sudden spate of cat cancers and other terminal crap but someone needs to cut it the fuck out because it's not funny. At all.

I did finally finish the draft of Maybe She's Born With It (Maybe It's Malachy) on Friday, and Saturday was supposed to be the day of writing the synopsis for Starlight but that damn well didn't happen, and instead I got to spend the entire day either at a capoeira class of one or setting up the new work computer. Which was a disappointing way to spend a Saturday. But Sunday I got in pokewalking and synopsizing and cooking and not very much cleaning but the books put away and the coffee table cleaned off, which was important cleaning. So that was good.

Nngh I would like not to have woken up at 5 in the morning with nightmares. I already went to bed with a slight headache, just enough to make it difficult to concentrate which I think is just exhaustion and heat two days in a row. (First, walking from capoeira to work in ridiculous heat and humidity with a heavy bag since I had to take breakfast and all my capoeira stuff, then doing pokewalk around at the heat of the day which was my own damn fault but still.) And then I woke up at five in the morning after some really awful nightmares in which some entitled white boy was stalking me with a knife and took the responding cop's gun and shot him with it and something else where I was hiding in a room to protect a couple other people, one of whom was injured, so I couldn't just walk out and stab him although I clearly wanted to because my KA-Bar was right there. I just. Nightmares, man.

I have three computers I'm working from at work now. The main one that's still connected to everything but can't run any shipping software anymore, the laptop that runs one shipping software, the new desktop that only runs one shipping software and can't connect to everything it needs to at the same time because insufficient hardware (the hardware is on its way, it's just taking a bit). So I feel like a character in a hacker movie and I keep grabbing for the wrong mouse for the screen I'm working from. It's funny the first few times.

But mostly I'm just tired and sleepy and I want to go home and take off my pants and bra and write and sleep and read. I'm having one of those weeks where if we had universal basic income I would feel so recharged, and and since we don't I'm exhausted. I don't even dislike my job! It just doesn't recharge me nearly as well as writing and reading. Meh.
kittydesade: (fight like a girl)
This is the scene that never ends. Yes it goes on and on my friends... No, but I'm within about four scenes of finishing this book and the confrontation scene is going to be the longest and most difficult and I'm really scared to write it but I'm so close to done and aaaargh. I can feel my brain seizing on every excuse not to finish it. I hate this part.

Tomorrows going to be interesting. The more I think about it the less I want to have said yes but I really do need to do the dedicated practice, keep in the habit, and really nobody else has shown up for the last three saturdays as far as I can tell. Or further back than that. Most people haven't shown up for any classes for a couple of months now except me and the teachers, and the one who does usually comes on Wednesdays. Plus, you know how to move a body, you know how to describe a body moving to people, you'll slow it down and you'll be fine. Calm down, self.

(I will not calm down until I am at the store setting up the new computer. It's just not going to happen.)

But I will have a new computer. This makes me glad. I really might have figured out how to do the Patreon thing best for me, which also makes me glad. I have money for the lawyer and have paid bills for the month (I'm brooooooke she whined having paid all bills including credit cards and with a little bit of money left over and another paycheck coming that only mostly goes to mortgage so not that broke but still) and all in all things are going on an even keel. Which is good. I only have the one reason to be nervous.

And as of about 12.45 in the goddamn morning, powered by sunkist wedges and pizza rolls because the last chunk of a novel draft is usually powered by junk food, I finished the fucking thing! I think it might actually be 100k words by the time it's done. Oops. And now my brain very sleepily wants to go on to the fifty thousand other projects and no. Shut up brain. First we sleep. Then we do Starlight. Then once we're caught up on Starlight THEN we can figure out the fifty fucking thousand other fucking projects.

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
kittydesade: (invalid - pigeonhauer)
The arborists came to take away the cherry tree today. The whole thing was done in about an hour, which was impressively fast and efficient and kind of terrifying, but now I'm sort of wistfully sad. I like weeping cherries, when I was growing up the cherry blossom festival was a big beautiful deal and when I was a little girl I learned the Sakura Sakura song and when we found this house with its cherry blossoms I decided yes this is my house now. No more cherry blossoms anymore. :(

Or at least not until we look into getting a replacement and not for a few years after that. Also someone recommended we have a viking funeral for it, so at some point I'm going to put some blossoms or cherries that might still be on the driveway into an origami boat and set it on fire and float it down the river.

Still considering a Patreon account. I don't even know why at this point, just that a lot of people seem to be doing them and it might be a nice outlet/supplemental income? Any organization of ANY new outlet would have to wait until I'm done with Malachy and possibly Starlight, though. And I have no idea even how this works.

Buuuuuut what else. OH. Oh. Heh. This week was going to be a no capoeira week because all the teachers are out of town except I had to go in to work anyway, and they were all "Well if anyone shows up you can just teach it." THANKS GUYS. So now instead of sleeping in I'm going in to the rec center to do drills because let's face it, I really do need to get back in shape especially for DragonCon, and if anyone shows up I will somehow bash my years of Courtesan School and my dance experience and capoeira experience together to create a lesson. Sure. Why not.

Blergh. I am so close to done on the novel I can taste it, only now I've run into the problem that I feel like I'm rushing the ending even though I've about hit the 90k mark on text. And I can always fix it later, this isn't the final to be published version this is the overall turning it in to [redacted] version which smaller changes can be made after and sent in too. And. No, finish that first, self, then explore other options while you finish Starlight and White whatever the title of that is and.

My brain is very tired.
kittydesade: (et voila)
Okay so I spent... I think I spent every moment from Friday night till this morning in sort of a Must. Write. Must. Finish. fog, and I'm vaguely starting to come out of that, but hoo boy. I'm also having a cascading set of realizations, one being that I've spent so long with my head up my novel that I'm having difficulty remembering it's not my day job, and another being that I finished Turing Shrugged, I'm almost done with the second and hopefully far more cohesive draft of Malachy, I'm working on a second and much more cohesive draft of Starlight, and that leaves me with five months or so to finish either Nerd Girls or Long Road which concludes the year with four goddamn novels ready for publication what the shit.

I'm not including the anthology in this because I don't actually know what the hell is up with that or how it's going to go, first order of business is getting the final macro edit version of Malachy done and off to [redacted] and second order of business is finishing the rewrite of Starlight and then tackling Long Road, Nerd Girls, and White Lightning crap. Holy shit though.

Going back to capoeira tonight. I am so not looking forward to this after having been gone for a week and a half, but it needs to be done. Especially since it's only going to get harder the longer I'm gone and I don't think I have class this weekend. Need to double check, but I don't think I do. Which means tonight, capoeira, till next Wednesday, capoeira exercises in the mornings, yes, self, you need to, no whining or trying to get out of it. And if my goddamn lungs weren't so bad that any hint of a chest cold knocked me out I wouldn't have to be out for a week and a half grrrr. Stupid asthma.

Still having difficulty remembering that writing isn't my day job, two hours into my day job. This feels weird. I guess the plus side is if I do ever manage to transition fully into writing as a full time self-supporting job I'll be able to work it on a regular schedule. But oy.

The Fourth came and went. The fireworks started in people's yards at about 2pm and didn't fucking let up until after I passed out around midnight. The most attention the cats paid to it was lifting their heads once or twice when one got too close. I really do love having bomb-proof cats. No worrying about them, no worrying they'll escape if I go out for a walk. Hey, I even went out for a walk and then took a shower and didn't lock up Bat Cat and apparently no fights were had between him and Murdock. (Bat Cat doesn't socialize with the others very much and there's some hissing when they get too close, but so far no one but Murdock actually fights. Just a lot of PERSONAL SPACE DUDE hissing.)

I don't really see ahead to a time when we're not operating on Only Human In The House Is Asleep Lock Bat Cat In His Room principles (or if all humans are out), but I think right now for the most part the rest of the time he can probably stay out. Which means, thankfully, that as soon as I pull my head out of my immediate deadlines I can get back to cleaning and maybe plastering the office and painting and finally, FINALLY getting some damn floor to ceiling bookshelves up for my research books. I swear that would have happened two months ago if Bat Cat had been easier to integrate.

Yes, or if I hadn't picked him up in the first place but what do you take me for, not a cat person five slips away from being a cat hoarder?
kittydesade: A cup of tea sits on an open book with perhaps some poetry written in it and singing around the edges (books and cleverness)
I have no idea if I'm this exhausted because I'm still sick (or sick again?) or because the boy didn't come home till 1 last night on a night when he usually gets home at 11 and I was up fussing. I'm not sniffling nearly as much anymore but for the first couple hours I was upright there was so much yuck coming out of my face, both up from my lungs and down from my sinuses. So what the hell.

.... that was not helpful at least as far as my exhaustion goes. I had this window up to type in various thoughts as they slogged through my brainpan and then the VA worker came by to pick up the order that I was very slowly pulling together. Thankfully it was 90% pulled together but still argh. Plus side, that's done now. Minus side, I still have to fix all the fiddly bits left over from where we had to kludge some kits together and do the day's shipping in an hour ugh. Hang on.

Okay there. That wasn't so bad, was it, self? (It kind of was. I need to calm down. And periodically sort and check everything. And to breathe.)

There, entertainment lawyer has been called for the Thing, um. Wow, I was going to get so much done today and now my brain is just collapsed in a corner sobbing. Although I suppose that's because I did get quite a bit done today. Including the lawyer stuff! And he costs about what I'd hoped and not what I'd feared so that's fine. I can either cc it and pay it off quick or beg Mom for money I'm not sure which. Probably the latter because I am shameless and hyper and perfectly willing to be supported both financially and with the emotional kick of yes you are doing wonderful things I'm proud of you that being supported financially by one's family brings.

.... shit, my head is spinning a mile a minute now, really. I did manage to get most of my day jobligations done albeit not quite everything because the work system I use is still a bit kludged, but my head is really spinning now and I don't know if I'm going to calm down enough to get everything done this evening. Argh.

BUT on the plus side it's a good kind of head spinny, the things that are happening are the good kind of exciting, and in the end it'll at a minimum all be okay.
kittydesade: (what about eternity)
So, my entire past week has been thus:

Thursday: Fairly ordinary day, work isn't too busy that I can't come up with cool shit to do with my writing, get home all fired up to get to work, get dinner, sit down. Get absolutely nothing done because suddenly my head has become a mucus generator working overtime and, well, nothing getting done.

Friday: Wake up, have contracted plague. Yay. Call in sick to work. Go back to bed. Spend a lot of Saturday sleeping and Sunday being awake but resenting everything.

Monday: Having spent all of the previous night waking up every hour and a half or so, wake up wondering if I really have to go in. Call Aunt, who it turns out has also been sick. Get reminded that if we don't go in there will be one person to handle front counter, phones and mail order, and internet mail order for the first four hours of the day. Hang up, swear a lot, drag self through the morning process of getting to work. Get to work. Leave the fuck early because fuck life. (Still manage to get a fairly decent sketch of a jellyfish mermaid done though.)

Tuesday: I slept! I feel better! Things are going so much better! Get to work. Get through the day in a more or less ordinary fashion, things are too hectic to write but they're the normal kind of hectic, people need to be called about orders, substitutions, items not in stock or delayed or whatever, schools. Come three o'clock I'm ready to start printing labels to have the UPS shipping done by four.

UPS software breaks down and enters an endless loop of getting 3/4 of the way done loading and then stopping and restarting. For half a damn hour. SO FINE nothing goes out today via that way.

Wednesday: I went home fairly surly, did not capoeira because still congested in the lungs, went around and did some gardening, some assembling of things, some fine-tuning of my sugar scrub experiment, okay. Feel better. Go to work the next morning with the plan that, fine, I will ship on the UPS website and print out labels and it'll be fine. It is not fine. I get 1-2 labels printed out on the website and then something breaks and suddenly all it can print out is 1/16th size labels. I proceed to have a tiny meltdown at work because what the actual fuck is going on here I have spent the better part of a week now either with my health broken or my work systems broken. Finally, at the end of the day, figure out at least some degree of what the fuck is going on with the website labels, such that if I break it I can fix it again.

(Go home, try to do a Pokemon raid to de-stress. Fail three times even after spending Pokecoins because no one else in the fucking neighborhood can be bothered to do more than fill a fucking gym. Assholes.)

Thursday: Get to work, fire up US Post office website. Post office website breaks.

I am so fucking done with fucking everything I do not have enough fucking places to say fuck in my fucking sentences to my satisfaction I am just done. I can't even stress shop anymore, all I want to do is not be at work and instead be doing my write job that I can actually do because at least that fucking software fucking works.

I am so tired you guys. I am ready to cry at any given moment during 75% of the day. I want to scream at everyone. Nothing I touch works right and I am the most useless and I can do fucking nothing. I am so, so goddamn tired.

The one saving grace here is that out of everything, the only things that haven't broken (well, more than temporarily) are the tools I use to write. Namely my brain and hands. If I can manage it because I have hit the stage beyond being upset where everything is empty, I will get some writing done today. And that might make me feel better. It usually seems to.
kittydesade: (Default)
I slept last night. It took a double dose of melatonin (in hindsight perhaps I should take melatonin and then put down the novel so as to avoid the adrenaline rush that at least felt like it cancelled the stupid stuff out) to do it, but I slept and it was glorious and I didn't even have the hangover the next day. Also as far as the illness goes I'm down to periodic sniffles and the typical wheezing of an asthmatic. Which, ugh, but I figured that second would happen for a few days. No capoeira for me tomorrow, we all three of us are very bad about keeping me sat and not overstraining my stupid broken lungs. I'd blame my teachers not knowing what an asthmatic can't do but no, no, I'm just as bad.

BLEGH.

Fun stuff: I budget crunched and determined I did have enough to start buying Makeup Geek shadow pans on this past paycheck, which spreads them out over more paychecks which is very nice. And then I seem to have successfully made will rolls against buying more makeup brushes I really don't need, self, I don't care how stressed you are.

Although since I started this post the day has gotten increasingly faily in small but irritating ways until the UPS software I literally need to do my job blew up and now I'm just stress eating eclairs and want to buy all the makeup until I stop being too rage-y to write. HATE.

I did not so much figure out something about Long Road last night as figure out that I am not too clever to not have to do the thing the way, and so some of that should be easier when I get back to it. I also went ahead and decided that since I haven't been looking ahead at any of the stuff I already wrote for this portion of Malachy I might as well delete it all. Which I did except the last scene because I looked ahead and decided okay, that was the girls and Keith, that seems in character for the conclusion, that can stay. Everything else can go, so now I have a better idea of what I've written and how much I have yet to write and hopefully since I'm not cutting and pasting and measuring anymore, this will go a lot faster. Or it would have today if the day hadn't been full of ducks nibbling me to death.
kittydesade: (sorely fucking tested)
I'm at work. Despite still wheezing. Despite being fucking exhausted. Despite taking melatonin at a reasonable hour last night I still slept like shit and woke up every, say, hour and a half? Somewhere between every hour and every other hour. I am very displeased and would like to exchange these few days of life for a better one goddammit. Preferably one that doesn't involve having to work with plague (there's literally no one else to cover the non-front-of-store operations if Aunt and I both call out and she's sick too so I guess two sick people make one healthy one?) and doesn't involve having plague while asthmatic.

Oh shit ahahahhah the author of the novella? All Systems Red, that Kate Elliott recced to me that turned out to be amazing in a couple of ways is on DW. *waves* Ulp.

I'm so grumpy about being at work. If I could just take the damn day I could sit at home, get novel prep/rewrites done for Starlight and Malachy, Turing Shrugged is pretty well done except for cover art and promo copy holy shit, and that leaves me with editing Long Road and Nerd Girls in the back half of the year assuming working on WL throughout. But no. I have to spend my precious wheezy spoons on day jobligations because no one else is either coming in or is healthy either. GRRRRR. I resent so many things right now. Especially US politics. Not that it has anything to do with my current situation but the health care bill worry is not helping. And oh look, SCOTUS is being awful.

I spent the last three days sick. I don't have anything to report other than that I'm optimistic and cheerful about writing and irritated to pissed off about everything else. Hmm, I do have short story prompts to do, though. Maybe I'll work on those today in between staggering around my desk.
kittydesade: (hey dude)
That was definitely not allergies. She said from her vantage point of On The Couch With A Bucket Of Tissues Next To.

All right, so today's writing will only be brainstorming and wiki-making and we'll see if any of it's coherent later.

I hate being sick so much I cannot even tell you. My sinuses are trying to push my teeth out of my head.
kittydesade: (bad day)
See, self? Capoeira was fine, you did fine, yes even with getting out of breath quicker because congested and also asthmatic. They know you have asthma and can't do the same cardio. You're fine.

The irritatingest part of being me is that I want to be a superhero, so I go do the superhero training with capoeira, but I'm asthmatic which apparently not only means I can't run more than 1/8th of a mile without wheezing but also means I can't keep up when capoeira goes into major cardio mode, which then means I feel like I'm failing and suck at it, which.... well. Honestly it's a miracle I've kept up with this for a couple and a half years. Or possibly a testament to how Tauron I am.

Speaking of asthma, I am so not talking about the health care bill in any detail but I am goddamn lucky I have an out if the ACA goes away and that my asthma isn't worse than it is and that's still not touching the threats to reinstate lifetime caps and I am a tad pissed off at the people who want to murder me and those like me.

... Speaking of health care, of course the second I get home and get some food in me I get the crud that's been going around, full force and hard enough to make me woozy and not able to think. Or work. I was going to get so much done tonight fucking aaaaaaaaaargh
kittydesade: (randomity (nopejr))
I'm having weird capoeira feelings today, which is that after a disastrous game last weekend (not the entire class! Class was overall great! Just one disastrous sparring session/game [they call it a game in capoeira] that left me feeling OH MY GOD I CAN'T DO THIS) I just don't want to go back and face everyone. And by everyone I mean my two teachers who have been the only damn ones there the last few classes. And. Ugh. Anxiety is a fucker who can go die in a brainsoup of some kind. Probably exercise endorphins.

Other than that, hey, either the boy changed his mind about gardening or he did all the things he wanted to do because when I got home yesterday the only thing left to do was to strip off the bed. Which we did after pizza was consumed because of reasons and also being too tired to cook. Pizza will also be consumed tonight, since it's a capoeira night goddammit, never mind what my various weasels say.

In utterly unrelated makeup news, I decided to make my own nudes palette of only mattes because every other palette I have has half shimmer shades and look, I like these but if I want shimmer and sparkle I have literally about a hundred loose powders I can use. Okay? Okay. I figure I'll get me a bigass palette and slowly stock it with various nudes and other potentially useful mattes, muted tones or what have you, to be backgrounds to my sparkle. Because I'm getting sophisticated in my makeup looks, wot! God help me. I've been practicing with the palettes in my care package and I'm slowly getting the hang of it, I think! Very slowly. But still, enough to invest a bit more into the whole thing. If it doesn't work out I can fill the rest of the palette with contours or something. Although the shade and light palette is working out pretty damn good.

Now I just need to conquer this concept of eyeliner as it applies to how I do my eyes. Because what the hell. Also lash curling. I need to get the hang of lash curling.

Writing continues. I owe Starlight three wiki entries as of today, I need to get on that, but those should hopefully go by fast if with a lot of bracket notes. And I've been working on Malachy, and I need to contact an entertainment lawyer because actions have happened that none of you saw. That will probably happen tomorrow on account of today is a capoeira day and I barely have brain as it is. And then I need to figure out how the fuck I'm going to pay lawyer fees, son of a bitch. I forgot about that. Maybe that's what credit cards were made for, though. Argh. Stupid money. If I'm really lucky though the receptionist will listen to the situation and say "Okay that's like half an hour, the fee is $50" and I can just pay. Aaargh why does life cost money.

That's not entirely true. This isn't life this is following an aspiration the smartest way I can manage, and paying people for their time and skills that they earned with effort and time and paying money themselves, and that's all fine. I'm just also annoyed at my own life and lack of sufficient funds to do all the cool shit I really want to do. ... on second thought maybe I'll call an entertainment lawyer now. Just so I have that less of an unknown quantity in my head.

Toooo many things going on at once, and this is me trying to do too many things at once, and I should go to capoeira tonight just so I have to take a couple hours to do what's in front of me, that's physical work with a bit of brainpower for focus and tactics. I need focus and calm and that's not happening right now because too excited about the Redacted. Ugh.
kittydesade: Quote "I have a headache, a badge, and a gun. Behave." (headache badge gun)
The boy is home and apparently not only contracted poison ivy in the last few days (I am SO GLAD I have inverse poison plant allergies) but also shares my CLEAN AND FIX AND TIDY ALL THE THINGS urge. At least until he goes back to work. So apparently today I managed to get him to mop and wipe down the kitchen and he's going to walk around the front of the house and try to find all the poison ivy and poison sumac so I can get rid of it. I'm sure I've mentioned this before here? I'm apparently allergic to English ivy. Not poison ivy. I have no idea why, I'm built backwards, but it makes gardening fun and easier. And then we're also apparently going to flea-treat all the upholstery and bedding that's in the lived-in portions of the house (no cats are allowed in the guest room so that's fine) because it's that time of year again yay.

Speaking of gardens I really need to make both the bread and the bruschetta. Maybe tonight, if I get all my writing tasks done while at work. At the rate things are going I'm going to spend all my time at home either studying or doing household chores. Which isn't bad, just, eek. At least we have quick and easy or frozen food with which to make dinner.

I am a little alarmed at how optimistic I'm feeling given the consistent and pervasive and sometimes successful efforts of the current regime to destroy this country. I mean, nationally things are a shitshow, but locally and personally I actually feel pretty good. It's leading to a hell of a lot of cognitive dissonance, let me tell you.

I called my Senator and got a person. For the first time in a couple months. That might be the way to do it (after trying a couple ways that didn't work so well), send myself an email of the script and leave it in my inbox until it annoys me enough to call or the script changes, then call around lunch. Or midnight if I don't feel up to people-ing. The guy was polite but sounded frazzled and annoyed at everything, which I have some slight sympathy for given that I don't know he's a horrible person who wants the GOP agenda to go through.

(Of course now that I've planned all this for when I get home, that's when two wholesalers call and want this thing and that thing and thirty pounds of merch and seventy five pounds of merch and I don't even know what's going on today. I think I'm just going to keep moving on forward momentum and hope it all works out. At least I'll sleep well tonight.)

(Also the universe keeps sending me invitations to step into writing shit, or at least develop relationships, and it's confusing and scary.)
kittydesade: (serene)
Ooogh okay self, you can do your eyes around your exercises but the rest of your makeup you do need to sit down and do and then maybe you'll be scrambling less to get everything in the right order in the mornings? Oy. Today I had... okay less of a large amount of time than I feel like I did, but still. And I still ended up scrambling because I tripped over my makeup routine. But on the plus side I did my back PT, which I've been neglecting for way longer than I should have. I do need to write down my new makeup routine/order now though, so I don't completely forget it. Given it's new.

I am totes turning in all my credit card points for Sephora gift cards though, in the event that we get to have a girls ditch Con for Sephora hour or two at DragonCon.

I may have gone a bit nuts over the weekend. I tidied up my vanity area so all my boxes fit. Not so much all my stuff, there's a knife box with lipsticks that I need to figure out where they go, but the boxes fit is the important thing. I mopped a little over half the upstairs and 3/4 of the downstairs. Of course I swept up first. I put away a bunch of things that had been hanging out waiting to be put away, took out a bunch of trash, cleaned out the fridge, and did the usual weekend laundry/dishes. Oh, made pizza dough. I was going to make bread dough but by that time it was like 10pm. I sorted out my physics binder so that my indexes for each section were actually goddamn legible. Put away a bunch of crap on the coffee table, wiped that down. Put in the downstairs window AC unit with the help of Uncle Elf Lord.

Spring cleaning a month late? Actually probably this was more to do with having pushed deadlines all last week and weekend and then this weekend not having the boy so I could blast music while I cleaned and deciding THIS PLACE IS A PIGSTY I AM THE WORST HOUSEKEEPER EVER CLEAN ALL THE THINGS. As I do when I just get past a deadline.

Not much else of interest going on. The boy's coming back from his parents' a day late because of illness, which I had better not get dammit. And hopefully he's not coming with rifles or a giant antique lamp or any other weird shit that he's come back with in the past. I have two maj... three major projects to work on, none of which I think are line by line edits? I don't even remember what the hell I was last editing. Starlight is about to hit rewrites in a couple weeks, Malachy is in major overhauls, and The Anthology Formerly Known As White Lightning is in writes ish. So okay. Entirely doable and a lot of fun. But still not much interest just yet. Or at least not the kind of frenetic running in circles screaming my head off interest. That was last week.

(As a random point of interest though, I've been thinking ahead on Malachy and the Lifestyles girls some and I need to watch more things with Taylor Kitsch in them.)
kittydesade: (walking on sunshine)
Okay, so I didn't sleep quite as much as I meant to -- for one thing I was vicariously watching the end of Lost Girl again and for another I fell down a Babylon 5/TV Tropes rabbit hole -- but I did sleep consistently as much as my minimum and it was glorious. Apart from a brief moment of waking up to be annoyed at the heat and change the settings on the AC/fan.

My makeup skills are slowly leveling up! I managed to properly stab myself in the eye with a liner (as opposed to improperly) yesterday and I managed today to sort of do the under-eye shadow, albeit not with the proper blend of colors in the proper order because I was sleepy and in a rush and not blending anything. This is apparently why we invented color shifting eyeshadow to give us a nice multicolor look without having to apply more than one eyeshadow. STILL. Am very happy with my slowly acquired skills. Now I just need more colors of eyeliner...

And, you know, not to be a slowass at getting ready in the morning.

For the first time I feel like I don't actually need to buy anything to go to DragonCon. In part because I won't be cosplaying anything major, it's a lot harder to cosplay when you're busing to DragonCon and I already have all my pieces for all the street-clothes-with-props costumes. That said, I do think I'm going to need to buy a dedicated makeup case or at least find a suitable travel case somewhere for all the makeup I'm going to bring for cackling girlfriends time in hotel rooms. There is going to be so much cackling girlfriend time. I'm really, really looking forward to it.

Of course now that I've said that I realized wait a minute, I don't have a dragon to be Mother of Dragons with, I have a gryphon, I NEED A DRAGON WOODBABY. No, dude. No you don't. And if you do you can get one when the merch hall opens at the actual place where you are budgeting to spend absurd amounts of money, calm the fuck down.

I am looking forward to this weekend. I intend to stay at the house except for capoeira class and do nothing and see no one. I will probably do a lot of house cleaning because I tend to get inspired to do that when I'm home alone, but I might just sit and read all day. It'll be wonderful!
kittydesade: (bad day)
Well. I had every intention of getting more sleep last night. And I went to bed not necessarily early-early, but a half hour early or so.

And then the boy woke me up at 2.30 in the fucking morning, not that he meant to but I woke up, and I didn't get back to sleep till 4.30 in the goddamn morning because my brain is a fucker that likes to torment me and not let me sleep and my nervous system joined in the act with the too-sweaty-too-itchy-too-cold-in-this-one-spot shenanigans and now I'm at work, exhausted, AGAIN. YAY.

I am so goddamn tired spending $200 on makeup so I could get to Platinum status on Ulta seemed like a good idea. That is how damn tired I am. Besides, if I'm going to do that it's going to be with my girlfriends at DragonCon. At this point it's probably a good thing that I already got all the other really expensive shit I wanted. Frye Boots mostly.

I feel like there should be more to this entry but you know what? No. I'm going to go home, heat up some spaghettios, take off at least the most colorful and smeary parts of my makeup and pass out for an hour. Then I can figure out what I should be doing other than writing. Well, rewriting.
kittydesade: A stack of old, slightly tattered cloth-bound hardbacks next to a porcelain cup of tea on a saucer (quiet day of reading)
Okay, I exist again. But I am too goddamn tired to capoeira today. Partly physically from doing yardwork around everything else, mostly mentally from finishing up TS in two goddamn days with [personal profile] lireavue and getting it all submitted and filling out the world's most absurd author application on this one website and I was so punchy by the end of it. You guys. So punchy. But that's done and the Anthology Formerly Known As White Lightning got somehow bashed into place with a shitload of punchiness and drugs and now I can collapse for the next few days and just write/plan Malachy and Starlight. So that's good. Albeit oh my god I just want to sleep forever.

I did hit the point with Starlight where I realized it needs a full tear-down rebuild, which is fine. I'll do that for July Camp Nanowrimo! And because I'm lazy and don't want to keep track of everything I'll set a goal of full novel length and copy scenes into it wholesale because nyah. And it's Camp and the rules are more lax with Camp than with regular Nanowrimo. Hopefully this works out as well as the second drafts of Malachy and Turing Shrugged seem to have done.

... and now that most of the day jobligations are over I'm falling asleep at my desk, which means skipping out on capoeira was probably the right call.

I still need to do the garden weeding but it sounds like the boy got most of what was needed as far as gardening and taking plants down and all that other crap. I still have every intention of doing a massive housecleaning over the next few days while he's gone and I only have to deal with my mess. We'll see how that goes, if I can recover from this tired quickly ish. The push over the last two-three days was bad enough, but today's mass shootings hit both my home where I grew up (okay not in Alexandria but DC proper but STILL) and nearish to another branch of the family and that can't have been good for my brainpan.

So. Yeah, I think the order of operations of the day is go home, eat pizza maybe brainstorm some more for Starlight or fix some more of Malachy, do the weeding, and then sit curled up with makeup or knitting or cross-stitch or something equally relaxing and leave the internet off until the hour of nightly reminders. And go to bed early because this exhaustion is bullshit and I'm almost tired enough not to want the boy to go home but, eh, he should see his folks. But I'm so damn tired.

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