kittydesade: An open book with the top edge smouldering on fire (break my staff burn my book)
I did not cancel on capoeira, the painkillers worked. Which turned out to be a good thing because although everyone was hanging around in street clothes when I got there procrastinating starting, a new student soon appeared! New student uses I Only Know Regional! It's Super-Effective! At getting us all to do endless basic drills anyway. I got some small nudging, did the drills, we did some singing, I managed not to pass out. It was fun!

Also now that I think about it I kind of like the idea that I've become either advanced enough or familiar enough that we do the get there sit around in street clothes sharing a moment of "I don' wanna" before we get started. It doesn't help my confidence that I can help Groot teach at all, but it's fun!

I need to get better about my drawing discipline (there was a plan to do fifteen minutes of sketching every lunch that lasted for about a week) but I am at least getting better at my life model quick sketches. I was very good and did not buy the necklace I saw at Ten Thousand Villages, I looked at it and checked the price and marked it out for later and I will buy it after some time when I haven't just spent a bajillion dollars on new makeup and a few clothes. It will probably still be there in a month or two.

I also kind of want that pink unicorn essence primer, never mind that I don't use makeup primer although I plan on trying it given that I got a free sample of Tarte's, it's pink and it comes in a shiny bottle and it screams "Hello I am a lovely and powerful courtesan" or something.

... no wait, I take it back, I think it does the same thing the serum I already have does. Also at some point I need to make a list of all the shit I need to try or try to do. So far it's primer, waterline eyeliner, side by side comparison of translucent powder baking vs layering my own foundation powder over my face, and working on pressed shadow normal person eyeshadow. Actually since I need to take pictures for my tutorial tonight I might just do a side by side test of the translucent powder vs my usual powder.

My brain is so tired. And GoogleDocs is being a pain when I try to load my files. And it's cold out and I just want to curl up under blankets and sleep until the weekend or something. And instead I have writing to do, and languages, and so on. Maybe I will go to sleep early though. I woke up early thanks to the cats galumphing around like pinballs.
kittydesade: Stippled light shining through curtains onto a couch or bed bracketed by white pillows. (hideaway)
It's that kind of a day where I just don't want to go to work or capoeira not because I'm tired but because I don't want to goddamn do anything and you can't make me and nyah. So this bodes well.

... also I think the wildlife has found its way into the chimney again. Although I could be wrong, it feels like it's a bit early for swifts. (For the new or those who missed it last year, every year I have to catch at least two [or sometimes the same one twice] chimney swifts and haul them out of the chimney and out of the house before they get et by the indoor cats. They're on their own for the ferals.)

Apparently Imzy is closing? I was just getting back into the swing of using that as a thing and now it's closing? I feel sad and I feel like I have no right to feel sad given that I barely used it after the first burst, although I kept trying to. Mostly, argh. I may have to make a DW community for my girls (so far it's only girls as far as I can tell) to hang out on and chat some place that's not full of awful news. I know a bunch of us are on here anyway.

I was going to say I have no reason to cancel on capoeira but this headache keeps popping up and stabbing me in the forebrain intermittently and if it doesn't cut that shit out. Let's try painkillers first.

I'm really absurdly pleased with my new courtesan station, aka my vanity and my shelf with some books and even more makeup and face cleanser/skin pampering crap. And hair crap and pop dolls. Okay so two shelves are makeup and spa stuff and two shelves are pop dolls, books, and random other things, but still. But I love it and it's now well lit thanks to my new lamp on [personal profile] lireavue's recommendation and it's gorgeous and I love it. The only thing I don't love is that the hair stuff still needs to be sorted. But for that to happen I need to figure out what out of it I'm going to use, and how often. So. ... also my lipsticks are at the moment free standing and I need to figure out how to make them be less free standing. Some kind of 6-7 by 4-6" box I don't know, but I put the measurements here so I don't forget them. Maybe there's something nice at Ten Thousand Villages or a thrift store.

I'm still reading The Fall of Kings mainly because of not dedicating time to sit down and read it, and after that I have some Oliver Potzsch to read and after that I don't know. Probably the last Court of Fives novel. Something. I will figure it out! I like Oliver Potzsch, he's got a good sense of story and a good translator, but his books are also formulaic mystery so if you don't like the first one you don't need to wonder if you should pick up the rest.

I'm trying to figure out if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I'm firmly in the grip of a if I can't control the bad shit going on I will control my environment and my physical self fit. I mean, house cleaning and makeup binges and haircuts. Well, I haven't spent more money than I have? And I did buy some other essentials that I was going to need pretty soon, paid my bills. But on the other hand I didn't get new sweatpants that I probably should get soon. (I haven't spent all of the money but I'm down to the last bit that I'm just going to sit on I think.) I did get my boots repaired. I'm sure there's something else I should get or get serviced that I can't think of right now. And. Is this guilt for spending an absurd amount of money on makeup and clothes? I don't know. Or just wariness because this could so easily go wrong.

Upside: I have enough stored makeup to last me for fucking ever except daily stuff like foundation, the which brand I'm using is drugstore inexpensive. I still have enough knitting supplies to last me until the Mad Maxpocalypse. If I can manage to keep sitting on my anxieties and stress-buying for the parts of the year when I don't have gift money (and preferably even when I do, I successfully dropped some of the money into savings yay! albeit a small part) I should be okay. I'll just figure out other ways to control my environment and my self. Maybe exercise small targeted strength-building exercises. Or draw on myself with makeup a lot.
kittydesade: (priestess)
Oh look I'm exhausted again. Not because of lack of sleep, I think I went to sleep at eleven last night and got a good seven and a half hours. But the world. The world exhausts me. I don't want to argue with my rep over whether or not the AHCA is any good, I don't want to have the argument about the budget, any of them, I want people to stop being fucking awful.

Manchester. Goddess keep you, Manchester.

Am torn between posting my loose powder tutorial (it's been done for a couple of days) and trying to make the pictures happen and then posting it. Probably given that it's been a week I'll just post it and then make pictures happen if I can ever find my damn camera or make lighting decent or something. I did not actually expect to start writing posts that really require pictures, at a minimum, so soon. I'll roll with it. I can do this.

... Oh right, I have house shit to talk about. So one of the arborists came around yesterday and the boy talked to them since it's his turn to talk to people and since he took most of his birthday week off and is home and awake to talk to them. And I'm going to have to lose my weeping cherry tree because it's at least 70% dead. Which has me weeping let me tell you, but I left him with instructions to talk to the arborists, that one and the other ones we're going to get estimates from, about getting a new ornamental cherry tree put in. The rest is trimming the front trees since the back trees that worry me about falling over onto things are apparently fine. The front trees are going berserk over the yard, the way Arborist #1 will work is they will do two hours' worth of work on our front yard (or other designated spot) and haul away the debris, and if we cut down the alianthus and some other trees and pile it with that they'll haul that away too. And if not they'll clear those trees in with the thing.

... Hang on, someone just asked me for a thing related to the amazing long shot related to Malachy I really need a better way to talk about this. But now my pulse is skyrocketing in a good way.

Housecleaning continues at a ... reasonable pace? The boy is getting his books and games onto the upstairs shelves, which means soon I'll have more shelf space for my research books even without getting the office set up. Which isn't the worst plan ever, come to think of it, we could probably use DVD/Blu Ray shelves before we get more bookshelves. And I'm hoping to convince the boy to join me in sweeping and mopping over the next several days so we can get the whole house onto the same week for a schedule. (I try to do the mopping once a month.) Late spring cleaning?

I got some editing done, though. And some small bits of writing done, and I cleaned my vanity of all things as well as mopping the chunk of the downstairs living room that I capoeira in, so maybe now I won't be entirely repulsed by the texture. And. So there's progress on a lot of fronts. And maybe this weekend I'll get a chance to breathe. I'd like that.
kittydesade: a bright red queen chess piece at the head of a diagonal line of white pawns on a white background (red queen running)
Okay! That was a fun if exhausting weekend and now I need a weekend to recover from my weekend. Saturday was a hair appointment earlyish in the morning and getting all my split ends whacked off, my bags chopped short again (it was the longest my stylist had seen it, which I can see, it's been a rough while) and then it was off to Dave and Busters, where I got two jackpots on Kung Fu Panda, one lucky jackpot on one of those roulette games, didn't play as many throwing games as I expected because we discovered the Star Trek game where you collect chips to exchange for tickets and cards you can also exchange for tickets or keep as a set. I opted for both!

And that was a funny one. We collected a whole bunch of cards, turned them all in after much agonizing on my part, we had almost a full set and almost enough tickets to get three stuffed animals. So we went back to the Star Trek game after a few rounds of throwing things at things games and some more Kung Fu Panda, and eventually collected enough for all the stuffed animals... and then a card dropped that was the last one in the set, that we hadn't seen all day. So of course we had to stay and get it. It took about an hour. It dropped into the dispensary chute. And then it got stuck and we had to get a tech to get it out. But it was all fun and totally worth it.

And then the next day we went and spent some birthday money on a whole pile of crap at home depot including a flamethrower (okay, it's a propane torch, but when it's that big of a torch [not a flame] it's a fucking flamethrower) and a heat gun, one for weeds and one to get the damn paint off the walls. I hope. And two bucketloads of cleaning supplies, literally, and some light bulbs curtain tiebacks and? No, I think that was it. We went in for a jug of SimpleGreen and a jug of Drano and light bulbs. Oops.

Still. And I got new bras with birthday money which ugh why. Why is this a thing. Why is this a majorly expensive thing. I got four bras and it was over $100 and I may be on the leading edge of standard sizing but still inside standard sizing, which means I get to skip the Big Girl Tax which is at least 200% and why, clothing industry. Why do you suck so much.

But. Buuut something. Stuff. At some point there will be a LOOK AT ALL MY MAKEUP post of some kind. At some point there may even be a look at my pretty house post of some kind, although I think that'll wait until we've maybe heat-gunned all the paint off the goddamn paneling. (Seriously who paints perfectly fine wood paneling? If you want it lighter just sand it back and refinish it lighter. It's pine paneling. I have opinions about the shitty house flipper group that tried to flip this house last time. Assholes.)

I kind of want to spend my remaining birthday money, after I've paid off the credit card from all the things that went on sale BEFORE I got my birthday money, paying for someone to come in and clean my damn house. Except I already spent most of the weekend cleaning it with the boy and now it just seems like it'd be pointless since there's little enough to do that it can get spaced out over the week. Meh. Can I go back in time and choose to spend yesterday sleeping instead and then pay someone? Is that a thing I can do? No? No.
kittydesade: A woman's face masqued with black lace (not always weak)
So I gave it some thought (and, yes, was moved by a couple free samples that Sephora wanted to throw at me that I actually wanted, half the time they're crap I don't want) and went ahead and got the Kat Von D Shade & Light contour palate and a Marc Jacobs eyeliner that I've heard good things about to get free shipping and to try and figure out how this whole waterline business works. Apparently I will practice stabbing myself in the eye with a pencil after all! I also favorited a whole bunch of stuff there and at Ulta for later, but thankfully the stress shopping urge has gone way down. Mostly the only reason I made the Sephora order today was in case the free samples ran out of my shade of foundation. (One of the free samples was some Makeup For Ever Ultra HD foundation which.. okay sure why not. I'll try anything once. Next up is Too Faced foundation!)

I also figured out that the reason my concealer doesn't work on my redness is because it's an oil based concealer. Under a water based foundation. Oooops. In my defense I got the concealer a few months ago before I decided to change foundations and was just going to use this concealer until it ran out on me. (Although this is going to make the silicone based concealer [Shape Tape] I want to use... interesting. Hm. Fuckit, we'll just see how this goes over the next several weeks. The main thing is No Oil Based Makeup.)

I seriously was not thinking about all these factors when I was getting all makeup-y when I was a kid.

Getting some sleep and sleeping in a bit this morning seems to have gotten me through the worst of yesterday's everything. It certainly felt like every week in 2016 or worse when someone died and I spent the day recovering from getting socked in the psyche and then five days later repeat. But I didn't listen to Audioslave or Soundgarden so his music attaches no real importance to me except awareness of his general importance? But... argh, I don't know. I have no idea what happened but sleep seems to have reset that.

Weekend! BIRTHDAY WEEKEND. And Dave and Busters and my last-ish makeup order should come today and I get my hair done did tomorrow and I'm going to get myself a pastry today just because I can goddammit. I'm actually more excited about this than I have been in a couple birthdays? Or maybe I'm just more excited than I have been about anything in a while which is also always possible. Heh. But mostly, Dave and Busters and taking a weekend off from having to do anything! Which probably means I'm going to end up cleaning and doing shit anyway. Knowing me.

And stuff got gardened yesterday, which is to say planting and weeding happened, and today I need to finally jesus plant the seeds I froze weeks ago. Although at least I documented when I did it so I have an idea of how long they've been frozen. And they'll have been defrosted for 24 hours, note to self. The peppers and tomatoes aren't growing as I might wish, but they're not dying either. Just small.

I definitely feel better today. I feel happy and energetic. Where the hell did this come from.
kittydesade: Insect wings that could be from fairies, too, with dew and the edges of pink-purple flower petals. (what care i for human hearts)
I'm here, I swear. I've just been really mentally tired these last couple of days for whatever reason (I blame the political shenanigans) and Dreamwidth check-ins come after writes and edits. And apparently the energy just wasn't there.

I'm not sure the energy is there today either but hey guys, I exist! I'm here. I'm doing okay, just tiring easily these days.

Still makeup obsessed. I finally found a decent foundation that, while full coverage and therefore will take some getting used to, goes all the way from my winter face to my summer face. Or from Hades to Olympus as I've started calling it along the lines of being the Judeo-Mexican Persephone. Alternately, I could be one of those season-changing fae who goes from Winter Queen to Summer Queen only instead of personalities it's just my face. (And arms and anywhere else that the sun hits.) (I discovered today when using the new foundation that the sun has not hit my chest and upper arms enough so that's going to have to get fixed with some gardening and/or reading.) But yeah, new foundation, lovely foundation, it was hilarious painting quadrants of my face and pointing at them and sending pictures to the braintwin. The conversation ensued something like:

"Where's my bare sk-- ah, there it is!"
"I can science the shit out of my makeup I have CONTROL SAMPLES!"
"You DO."

I may be very bad middling at applying makeup depending on what type it is (badass at loose powder eyeshadow, just figured out loose powder blush a few weeks ago) but I can science the shit out of this stuff. And okay, yes, I've gotten better about applying foundation, the blush is fine, I think at this point it's mostly the eyeliner. Either my expectations or my execution is off, and I'm not sure which. I might try to experiment with some looks to see what goes best with the loose powder shadows. Because I am not turning loose of the vivid color and massive sparkle anytime soon.

I found out last night that Puck is moving off to New York to be with his girlfriend. Which. That was kind of a surprise! He's lived here all his life, which I guessed but last night had confirmed, and it's been just me and him and Groot in capoeira for the last several weeks, and I have no idea what even is going to happen now. I was just starting to get into a goddamn groove! And I like him! He's a bit... well, he's a lot mountain boy, which makes sense to me I promise, but he's a sweetie too. And. And. And. Why do all my nice friends move AWAY.

I've ran out of fun new makeup youtubers to watch, boo. But now I need to find fashion vloggers. I have no idea how to do that. Hmm. But the plus side is I still and now have a whole lot better of what the girls' house looks like, how their work goes, etc etc. And I'm running up against the part where it all has to be rewritten to accommodate some major underlying changes augh. That's going to be heavy lifting.

I'm so sleepy though. I don't want to do heavy brain lifting. I want to sleep. I don't even want to garden when I get home although I really should get shit moving. Meh. And assemble my lamp which has been in my bedroom for about a week, that's how tired I've been. I got a new lamp for my vanity and my being a good courtesan and I haven't even set it up yet. Meh. Not anhedonia, just meh tired all of the sleep too much news blergh. Oh well. Maybe today I'll do some of that "hey instead of following the trainwreck on Twitter for an hour I could be reading! Or drawing!" thing. (I could also be writing/editing, but that's work and in that self-dialogue I replace it with a play activity.)
kittydesade: (not all of wisdom brings joy)
Been discussing makeup and things with various people and starting to wonder if I should do a tutorial or tips and tricks or something on using loose powder eyeshadows because holy hell the learning curve. I started getting loose powder shadows a while ago, only recently started using them consistently a year and a half ago when I discovered pixie epoxy. I think it was a year and a half ago? I know it really kicked into overdrive with the loss of David Bowie. :( But then, there's a learning curve. A definite learning curve, so. Yeah.

It can go with my fashion blogging of the apocalypse plan. I finally did start enacting that plan. I have no idea how it'll go but here it is?

I am terrifyingly makeup obsessed right now. I can't even begin to describe. I just want to go home and play around with the new toys. I'm in that phase of it where I have new colored pencils or new sketching pencils or a new software program for writing and I want to do nothing but fuck around with it forever and ever. It's a bit weird because this is just within the last year and a half, but then I remind myself who I idolized as a kid and it all makes sense now.

(David Bowie. For the new to this journal. It was David Bowie.)

It's really funny in a not at all funny way because there's the glee of new hobby or newly refreshed hobby pushing me to buy all the things, and then there's the stress of everything that's going on in this country (oh dear god the story about the Russians) pushing me to stress buy all the things and make a little pile of them, a fort where everything is beautiful and sparkly and nothing hurts. And I think I've mostly stomped on that well enough for now but ow my brain. My stupid brain.

But we are going to Dave and Buster's on the weekend, so that'll be fun. I need to get a haircut at some point hopefully before then but maybe not, so oh well, my own dumb fault for leaving it till the last minute. I'm probably going to chicken out of getting my brows waxed mostly because I have no idea if it's a good idea or not. But I'll have hopefully a fresh haircut and shiny makeup and a fun time stuffing my face with burger and throwing balls at clowns. And that's all what I want in a birthday really.
kittydesade: (fight like a girl)
Well the morning was starting off with the dulled despair of no Congress is never going to impeach the Tangerine Mussolini and then I found a picture of Dominic Purcell doing a yogurt commercial encaptioned something about keeping a full tummy without ruining din-din. And now I'm hearing that in Heat Wave's voice and it will never get out of my head. But it's much funnier.

I swear when I started editing this thing I was on page 1 of 100, now I'm on page 84 of 117. It didn't come out of nowhere, I know that I added a bunch of scenes and a bunch of words but moving my own goalposts? If that's the right phrase, even for a good cause doesn't feel that much better. Plus side I did probably get ten pages of edits done today even with adding in a chunk of text. Which I should probably count the bigger chunks towards my words today oops. And then I progressed more on other writes for other upcoming projects!

Beeeeh on the one hand my makeup test product things came! And Nyx is totally my price point but on the other hand there's still a part of me that wants to look like a supermodel or those youtube girls and clearly that must mean I should use those products that start at around $30/bottle. Bad brain, no cookie. You will try the Nyx ones and then after you're not paying a credit card bill every month, maybe you can put some of that towards makeup. Until then calm thy vanity. Why do I even have that lever.

Ooh, and it's finally raining, which means my garden has been watered whether or not the boy remembered to do so. Yay. Actually at this point it's probably drenched.
kittydesade: (sister salvation)
I want to tell so many people this morning that they have forgotten the faces of their fathers. I should probably stay away from politics and Twitter and stay more with the Dark Tower. Not that I will, but I should.

On the other hand Elf Lord showed up and said something about Rosenstein and Guildencrantz and I about died and then tweeted it, as one does. So at least we'll all have something to amuse us as the political apocalypse takes place all around.

Still slowly getting my routines back under me, which is to say I got Hindi done but not Arabic, and my minimum words done in a story I need to progress but didn't go over, and did my minimum edits but didn't do much more. I didn't get nearly as much exercise as I needed to done this morning, although I did get a suggestion from a friend to control the groggy from the melatonin some! Hopefully. (The secret is apparently that melatonin typically comes in overlarge doses, apparently.) I did get some drawing practice in, in which I got a successful five minute life sketch done and cheered and danced and was all "I am an artist!" and then got a somewhat less successful five minute life sketch done and was all "I SUCK." Fortunately by now I'm more used to this from writing so it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to.

I don't know. Ugh. I should resign myself to not actually getting more than a couple of days in which I check off EVERY ticky box, given how many ticky boxes there are. I should focus on keeping moving forward. Sometimes it's hard, though.

But I got two nice shinies today, the makeup I ordered from Shiro out of the Fullmetal collection plus a free sample baggie of That Man Is Playing Galaga. Which name just flat out amuses me. I may wear that tomorrow. And two dresses, the Hot Topic galaxy cold shoulder dress in a size down because the size I got, while it fits, is indeed slightly loose on me and if I tone up any more it's going to be more loose, and then the Totoro dress by Her Universe because I've been coveting that for months. And it's my birthday, precious, and I wants it. And then the rest of my birthday presents should come over the next day or two, and hopefully next week Dave and Busters. If the boy wants to, anyway.
kittydesade: (Default)
So, yes, many alarming things happened yesterday. The thing that alarms me most is the bit about the Census director resigning, which, urk. Especially in light of stated intents the last thing we all need right now is the GOP fucking with the Census. Which determines voting districts. Heh. But then there is also the firing of the FBI director who, while there was cause, probably should not have been terminated in the midst of investigating the man who terminated him. Or at least could have been fired but the termination to take effect after the investigation, would have been the more reasonable way to do it. And yes, I saw that a journalist was arrested, which alarms me the least because journalists have been arrested for asking inconvenient questions since we've had journalists. Sean Spicer hiding from the White House Press Corps takes some of the THEY'RE GOING TO ROUND UP ALL THE JOURNALISTS out of it.

Along with every other body issue although I seem to have enough ammo to beat the brainweasels back, I seem to be going through periods of eating everything in sight. Or at least it feels that way. It might just be that I'm not spacing out meals well enough, or it might be the exercise I've been more careful about doing. I don't even know though. It's weird. But at least generally it involves eating healthy stuff like canteloupe and rice stir fry dinners or relatively benign stuff like popcorn.

Plus side, I did take the melatonin last night at the proper time and therefore did not give myself a sleep hangover today. Heh. That was not my best idea ever, but both that and a friend's knowing reaction confirms that the melatonin is what's giving me the vivid fucked up dreams. Well, mostly just vivid. The fucked up ness is, they're fucked up in ways that suggests it's just my normal imagination.

Waking up, rolling over and doing some edits before I got out of bed except to pee was definitely the right call anyway. I managed to get a good number of pages edited and then at work I managed to get some words written, which means I don't have to deal with that when I'm tired and zonked after capoeira yay! After capoeira there can be pizza and watching physics videos and makeup videos and not much bloody else. Fun stuff. Contemplating magnetic lashes.
kittydesade: (facepalm - dean)
I seem to be having that day where I'm sort of inverse stress buying, which is to say looking at a coupon for in this case Nyx makeup and thinking "oh, that's handy, there were a couple foundations and a lip pencil I want to try" and then my brain goes NO YOU HAVE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ALREADY YOU ARE FRIVOLOUS AND DO NOT NEED MORE MAKEUP BECAUSE YOU ARE A BAD WOMAN.

But it was birht-- FRIVOLOUS
But I budg-- WASTEFUL
But there were cou-- BAD ADULT

Fuck you brain, I have budgeted carefully for my various purchases, all but one was bought because it was on sale and I had birthday money, I have been keeping track so I don't spend outside of my birthday money, I have birthday money left and I haven't even received all of it yet and yet I have to justify myself to myself and aaaaaargh. Argh. Aargh argh argh argh aaargh. Shut up brain or I will stab you with a q-tip.

Other than that at least things seem to be going well. She said, right before the Comey story broke and everything freaking exploded. Oy.
kittydesade: (boots not finery)
I really need to remember that when I keep up with Habitica and check five or six times a day, just quickly glancing at my phone, I get more done just because the back of my brain isn't constantly going "hey you should do this regular thing. Hey what about this. Hey."

I'm also just plain waiting for something else to come up, quite possibly a false flag "terrorist attack," to distract from this latest development with Ze Russians. Waiting. There were White House? Capitol Hill? Sources this morning saying that the White House was calling Senators begging them not to let Sally Yates testify. And then there was the threatening comments from the idiot's twitter account and, yeah. This just will not stop being messy.

The most likely homophobe brigade ... is there a general catch-all term for "people who are afraid of the non-cis non-straight"? I feel like homophobic doesn't really cut it and neither does transphobic but... anyway, they were talking at Gail Simone today which meant that I saw the ones she chose to reply to mostly with variations on "... you seem ... nice...." and it was fine, this happens a lot, but it also got me irritated. In a vein of, look fuckers, just because you get uncomfortable seeing anything outside this very narrow box doesn't mean the rest of us wouldn't love to be acknowledged as being fellow sentient fucking feeling fucking beings in fiction every now and again. I just. Why. Why do you insist on stripping out all the humanity from everything.

Grrr. This is still bothering me hours later. Grr I say. Also grr because I saw a picture and recipe link for macaroni and cheese float by on my tumblr dash and now I want macaroni and cheese. GRR.

I did get almost ten pages edited at work! I might even have this finished with first pass edits by the end of the month like I said I would. Of course I'm on the easy part right now, the part between sections where I have to rewrite entire damn scenes and reintroduce scenes and figure out what the fuck is going on. Although oddly, watching Wynonna Earp should help with that now that I think about it.

I started watching Wynonna Earp. It's amazing. I am now rewatching it, one day after I binged it in an entire day. I fucking love this show. I love the women in it. And apparently I get to cosplay Wynonna when I get to DragonCon, with a Willa to match. This is going to be hilarious fun.
kittydesade: (do what's impossible)
And now I'm tired again. Despite getting a fair amount done yesterday and a good deal of sleep. Tired. Mainly of Republicans. I'll figure out something suitably eloquent and angry to say later but right now the thought of even sending them a message through ResistBot or something makes me exhausted.

More positive things. My pacing is about on course for the novel to turn out timewise the way I want it to. I was pretty sure the pacing would work out all right, but you never know. So far it seems to be working out well. I'm editing without too much brainspace problem, there are always the small problems of where did I put that note or floor plan or what the hell is the word for the thing when someone's doing the thing. But I'm still feeling pretty good about it. And I need to bust my ass on the other two projects, as per usual.

The Backerkit for the Hobo Coins kickstarter arrived, and I filled that out and soon I will have all of the prettiest, most badass i Ching coins out there. Look, my Mom used to throw i Ching, somehow that stuck with me.

Some of my birthday money arrived, so I'm flush again. It's less exciting than it was when I had a whole list of "I'm going to buy this and this and these other things!" and then everything went on sale and suddenly my budget and timing was all topsy turvy. But it's nice to be flush and have money to throw at people for fun stuff like cats and spa nights.

I'm having some problems with body-hate and so on but I'm reassuring myself that I can do more pushups than a couple of weeks ago, back to what used to be usual. As long as I'm building muscle and stamina, I can point to myself and say look, this is a kickass body with, okay, a few bumps and dings (stupid lungs) but it kicks serious ass, and that's not nothing.
kittydesade: (Default)
So many things I want to say I want to do right now, so many Secret Service people who will come knocking on my door if I do. I did fax my Rep with ResistBot because I'm too mad to speak right now and may have obliquely called my Senator a mass-murdering fuckhead. Not at all sorry.

And then a thing happened that shot my focus in the other direction, that I'm not sure I'm supposed to talk about in public right now? It has to do with my books and my writing and Malachy and it could be a very good thing, at the very least it's a very encouraging thing. So.... yeah. Life, man. Don't talk to me about life.

(No, it was sent to me from a private Twitter account so better not I guess.)

A lot of the smaller routines of study are falling by the wayside this week (physics, Memrise) and I'll probably get them back just in time for the weekend to hit, but at least I've been hitting the major ones. Arabic and Hindi study is slowly coming back, and I'm getting back to writing and edits. And now that I've got an outside imposed deadline date for the Malachy edits maybe that'll light a fire under my ass, since Camp Nano clearly didn't. I need to do cover art for Malachy and finish the last story in White Lighting. (I need the world to stop being utter shit so I can focus.)

The world will, of course, not stop being utter shit so I can focus. So I guess I get to make use of my stubborn and learn to push through and where my limits are in this shitty new world. Whee.
kittydesade: A small stack of books tied together with string, a blue book is the top book with a card with a blue heart on top. (always something to be read)
Not gonna lie, my entire brain right now is THE TOWER THE TOWER THE TOWER THE TOWER THE TOWER THE TOWER THE TOWER IS HERE and probably will be for at least the rest of the day.

The Dark Tower trailer dropped, in case anyone cares about that sort of thing.

It may be possible to overstate how much of an influence this book series had on my life but I'm not sure how. It has probably had the second biggest influence on my creative life in my life (the first, obv, goes to David Bowie, may his memory be a blessing). But the Dark Tower. Oh my Tower. I have recited so many of its rhymes and sayings. I have said Thankee Sai since I first saw it written. I have had a love-hate relationship with Marten and Walter and Randall Flagg (or all three at once since they're kind of the same person) for decades. Literal decades.

I don't know how I'm going to focus on anything today. I'm amazed I've gotten any day jobligations done. I'm going to be hitting up the Dark Tower tags on all the sites from now till ever. And I need to reread this series now.

Oh right, I was also going to do a Wednesday Reads since I'm back on fiction for the first time in a couple months. Over the last week I devoured two Caitlin O'Connell books by Delilah Devlin and while I didn't regret the couple bucks I paid for them... I can't really recommend them? They're competent, but also kind of choppy and I spent half the time yelling at the protagonists and a quarter of the time rolling my eyes at them.

On the other hand I also read two Annis Bell Lady Jane mysteries and while they didn't give me any great complexity, they were very quick reads, this does not in the least detract from the enjoyment! It's a very nice early-middle Victorian mystery read, the main characters were all enjoyable, the plots weren't too obvious nor were the villains, and it was an enjoyable day and a half and I will probably read the rest of them when they come out, if there is to be a rest.

Next up is Ken Liu's Grace of Kings and hopefully finishing early enough that I can get The Wall of Storms which is on the $2 sale on Kindle this month. Wheeeee fiction! I'd forgotten what it was like to just charge through a fiction book.
kittydesade: (nameless is dubious)
The only problem with working on Malachy is that the body dsyphoria? hate? the usual omg I'm so fat bullshit kicks in because the character in question is a fashion blogger and sometime store model. And ugh. On the plus side it's not nearly as strong as it usually is either because fiction I am working on and therefore my brain has to be active in other areas, taking away from the self-castigation, or because I actually am more fit right now than I have been in some time. Toned in general and fit in stamina. Go go regular exercise and practice.

(I can tell I'm more toned because despite weighing a handful of pounds over what my last minimum average was, my measurements haven't fucking changed significantly. Go fucking figure. Well, no, they've dropped back to around what they were at my last minimum average weight. So I don't even know how bodies work anymore but I'm going to assume more weight/same measurements = more density = more muscle so, eh, sure.)


I need to watch the American Gods pilot somehow. I'm torn between a few options, but the laziest of them is wait until it's all aired and then binge it in the free week of Starz. Ponder. Meh. But it did remind me of how much I loved Deadwood, so that's not nothing. Go on, guess what I'm rewatching.

On the one hand, two of the household cats are getting more used to Bat Cat, to the point where if he's out and walking around we don't even have to keep an eye on them. On the other hand, Little Bit REALLY doesn't like Bat Cat, but Bat Cat REALLY wants to play with Little Bit. SIGH. Also we still need to get him to the vet even if to all appearances he is healthy. I also think Cassius is putting on a bit of weight again, so... hell if I know what's wrong with him, although I'm keeping his age estimate revised upwards given the gray in his coat. Silver, really.

... I don't have much of anything else for you guys. I had a reasonably productive day? Apart from edits, which are still crawling at a snail's pace mainly because they're mostly writes, double-check to make sure how I wrote this out earlier, writes some more. Strike out a couple of things, split open that paragraph into two, and write three more pages. It'll be a better book for it but oh my god braining it takes twice as long as "this sentence doesn't work oh there it goes okay then" and catching a few unclarities and grammar errors.

(... I need an icon for this project. Hmm.)
kittydesade: A delicate hand reaching up to pluck fruit from a tree (give me the fucking fruit)
I am in fact so tired and punchy that in the course of typing out a tweet to inform people that I had changed my twitter icon I ended up composing yet another William Carlos Williams parody. Because of reasons and exhaustion.

The exhaustion is, really, my own dumbass fault. I went to class Saturday morning and we had an energetic class albeit me being the only student, and then I went home and finished the weed-whacking the boy had done after mowing the front lawn, and then we dragged ourselves out for food and plant and soil buying, and then we hauled everything in and I took a damn nap, which was good. But then I spent a chunk of the evening planting. and then I spent a huge chunk of Sunday planting, shoveling dirt, hauling pots, more planting. THEN, because that wasn't enough, I decided that since the chicken was about to go off I should cut up and cook all five pounds of it. THEN I stayed up reading a book that wasn't actually worth it.

There's a somewhat fucked up but amusing trend going on where I have this list of things I intend to buy for my birthday and these fuckers keep having sales before I get my birthday money. I mean I can pull it from my tax returns, yes, but that's not what it was meant to be! And now it's fucking with my head. Though I suppose the plus side here is I'm paying less for shit I would have gotten anyway. In some cases $100 less. Look, if I can't splurge on myself on my birthdays or Christmas... etc.

One of the aunts brought down from the mountain some Jerusalem artichokes, which I accepted not knowing what they actually are: apparently they are tubers and neither artichokes nor from Jerusalem. (And now all I can hear is Mike Myers.) I'm going to try sneaking them into some beef and onion stir fry and see how that works. Beef and green bean? Something. It wants a hearty flavor I think. I don't know. I've never had one.

I'm falling asleep at my desk. Nevertheless, I will attempt to actually get shit done. And then go to bed early because fucksake, self. Sleep is necessary for functionality.
kittydesade: Stippled light shining through curtains onto a couch or bed bracketed by white pillows. (hideaway)
Aaaarrgh everything today has been chaotic and too much going on in too little time and aaaaargh. Also for whatever reason I had a dream last night where it was winter and icy and we were driving slow to work and everything was normal until a bus turned to go down a hill and skidded off the street and into a pedestrian. Which was followed shortly thereafter by a car just flat-out running over a person in the road. There was a fair amount of graphic blood thing. I have a vivid imagination and I wish it would quit picking on me.

The news, as it turns out, is not making me any less tired. Not that I really expected it to but people are rightfully freaking out about half a dozen things and some of them have descended into hopelessness and it's dragging me along with.

My boots are coming tomorrow? That's a happy thing, right? I'm trying to determine if I can get away with boots-OTK socks-shorts or skirt-cami-button down or jacket or if that'll just make me feel uncomfortable. Or if it depends on the clothes and how well they fit, which might also be true. Time will tell I guess.

And apparently I'm taking this week off. I haven't been doing any of my usual things, writing, editing, anything. The evening reminders. I'm exhausted, and I feel fairly guilty for not getting anything done and annoyed at feeling so exhausted, but I can't say it isn't good just to go to work and come home and play stupid games and relax. I don't know. Everything is so goddamn exhausting these days. I resent the hell out of it. I hope I can get back to routines next week. Or maybe get some started on them tomorrow.
kittydesade: (boots not finery)
Well, I was considerably less cranky after I got home and napped for maybe an hour ish, although the boy had left for work by then. I get the impression he thought I was actually mad at him instead of just in pain and cranky because in addition to the milk i asked him to bring home he brought two chocolate chip muffins. Awww! And I did go ahead and get the Fryes with my tax refund given that I was planning on and budgeting for the expenditure anyway, and this does save me some of that money.

But since I wasn't planning on spending it for another month the schedule shift and change in what my bank balances look like as a result is really fucking with my head. Ugh.

Plus side the boot resoling place near to me, I have figured out where it is, it's both on the bus line and near a used bookstore, and it may be vaguely possible that they will resole boots while you wait. So that's very nice. I can get my boots fixed hopefully after I get my new boots and browse the used bookstore in the meantime!

... also argh now I want to spend the rest of my refund on clothes and makeup and no, self. We don't get to do that. We have a list of things we are buying with our refund and birthday money and going on a mad shopping spree is not on it. Stop watching the youtube videos and start getting back to edits.

(With a brief stop at well now I really am glad I got that sale because it apparently ends today at 9pm PST oops.)

I continue to be slightly worried about Cassius, who has dropped a significant amount of weight in the last couple months but whose personality is otherwise unchanged. And he seems to be moving better, so maybe it was the cold snap? I don't even know anymore, I'm just worried about him because he's back to having the lean and hungry look for which he was originally named. Fortunately he's not entirely skin and bones and I know he does have access to food, he comes to the food bowl every day and Barton's reasonably good about not crowding him away from it.

The boy's still making noises about finding someone who will take Bat Cat out of our household, but I really do think that unless we put him up with Furever Friends we're rather stuck with him. Which I honestly don't mind, except for Murdock's tendencies to decide he's an affront to everything. Ridiculous combative cat. But Murdock took wonderfully to Little Bit, so I guess it's just male territoriality. Meh.
kittydesade: (PRO-CRAS-TI-NATE)
I'm exhausted and the part of my brain that has any direction at all wants to keep revamping my wardrobe and I'm too goddamn tired and in pain to figure out how the fuck to even begin doing that and ugh.

Having looked at the list I had put in my Courtesan School document of basics (or what people consider as basics) I think the only thing I need anymore is a somber dress for somber occasions like funerals or something, just to keep in my wardrobe that can double as a LBD, I already have a couple of formal dresses that I'm comfortable in and are simple enough to probably always be in fashion but I might get a pastel one, and then a string of pearls and a trenchcoat and that's it for staples. So it's mostly whatever I feel like my look is missing. Which to be fair isn't much? I have a nice range of colors in jeans, I kind of want more colors of jeans in bootcut rather than skinny but since I'm eyeballing some tall laceup boots which only really work with skinny jeans I'll take what I've got. I've got a nice range of supercute tops, I could use some more with cap sleeves but also, I'll take what I've got and keep an eye out for sales.

Basically it amounts to keep an eye out for sales, double check that camis and button downs will look as good on me as I think they will and then get a bigger range of cami tops, and that's about it for fashion updating in my wardrobe. Ooh, although I could also go with the double gold cuff bracelets for the fashionable Iron Man look. I've also come to the conclusion that I am at the moment just slightly too wide to get away with blazer-and-tshirt although I'm still contemplating. How does a curvy person make that work? Or is it more bolero jacket and t-shirt? Ooh, that could have promise as a Tony Stark chic thing.

Also while I was contemplating this I ended up hitting up the Frye website and the boots that I want are on sale. $100 off. I hate them all and now I have to figure out whether or not the sale will last until I get my birthday money. Because if it will I'll just hold off, but if it won't there goes my tax refund that I'd meant to put on my CC. Which also cuts down the things I meant to buy with my birthday money by about over half, but still. I was not prepared for this! But $100 Frye boots. Which generally start at 250 and only get more absurd from there. (On the other hand they're also supposed to last for 40+ years, which is why I bothered in the first place. I can live with getting my boots resoled every 18 months for $10 rather than paying $50+ every couple years for entirely new shoes.)

Yeah, these are all the things I think about when I don't want to think about everything else that's going on in the world. Or how hungry and in pain I am and how much I want to just go out with the boy for dinner only he can't because he has to leave for work in an hour and a half. (Dude, there's twenty restaurants between my work and home that can get us dinner in that time, wake up.)

Going to try to get everything in my day to day list done today but suddenly all I want to do is curl up under the covers and read and eat ice cream. I'm in a very "so there nyah" mood right now. I blame a day and a half of stabbing back pain. (Yes it's better, I'm going to do my exercises tonight, hopefully I won't have to take 1000mg of naproxen sodium tomorrow too.)


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